> Mid-life is when the growth of the hair on our > legs slows down. This gives us plenty of > time to care for our newly acquired > mustache. > > Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, > we have wingspans, we are no longer > women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying > squirrels in drag. > > Mid-life has hit when you stand naked in front > of the mirror and can see your rear end > without turning around. > > Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you > don't bounce back. It's more like splat! > > Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm > young lovely in a tube top and scream, > "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire > fell, and those things will too"! > > Mid-life is when you realize that if you were a > dog, you would need a control top flea collar. > > Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you > realize you are now so old, you have to pay > someone to look at you naked. > > You know you are getting old when you go > for a mammogram and you realize it is the > only time someone will ask you to appear > topless in a film. > > Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws > you curves and that you're now sitting on > your biggest ones. > > Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. > You look at your latte-swilling, beeper- > wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For > this I have stretch marks?" > > Mid-life is when your memory really starts to > go: the only thing you still retain is water. > > The good news about mid-life is that the > glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad > news is that it won't be long before your > teeth are floating in it. > > You know you've crossed the mid-life > threshold when you're in the grocery store > and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway > to Heaven" in the produce department. > > Mid-life is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake > now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more > red and blue lines than an accurately scaled > map of the state of Missouri). > > Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself > and your chins follow suit. > > You become more reflective in mid-life. You > start pondering the "big" questions: What is > life, why am I here and how much Healthy > Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no > longer a healthy choice?

-- Bonnie (josabo1@juno.com), January 18, 2001

Answers

Oh, yes.

-- melina b. (goatgalmjb1@hotmail.com), January 18, 2001.

Amen

-- Judi (ddecaro@snet.net), January 18, 2001.

I about laughed my crows-feet off! Thanks for the funny!!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 18, 2001.

Who's been peeking! That is a fantastic piece of truth.

-- Cordy (ckaylegian@aol.com), January 18, 2001.

I forgot what I was going to say!

-- sharon wt (wildflower@ekyol.com), January 18, 2001.

I printed it out for Lynn. She gave me a cold stare, then smiled and told me to get offline so she can call her mother. Later, signing off :>)

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), January 18, 2001.

So true!!! So true!!!

-- Debbie T in N.C. (rdtyner@mindspring.com), January 18, 2001.

Don't know if I ought to laugh or cry!!

-- (trigger@mcn.net), January 18, 2001.

Ouchie!

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), January 18, 2001.

I gotta get a printer! That was hysterical!

-- Cathy in NY (hrnofplnty@yahoo.com), January 18, 2001.

I feel so "at home"!

-- Ardie from WI (a6203@hotmail.com), January 18, 2001.

Perfect! I am howling! But just think, in compensation, you can cop an attitude, and nobody is going to challenge you on it!!! Thanks for the wonderful laughs.

-- sheepish (WA) (rborgo@gte.net), January 18, 2001.

Loved it Bonnie! You're right Sheepish, now we got something we can blame things for...yea! Was getting tired of always using PMS as an excuse.

-- Annie (mistletoe@earthlink.net), January 18, 2001.

Thanks for the chuckles, Bonnie! Have to print this out and send it to my sister in laws! Jan

-- Jan in CO (Janice12@aol.com), January 19, 2001.

LOL bonnie some old man might still think your a cute young thing. :)

-- george darby (windwillow@fuse.net), January 19, 2001.

Us young guys still think you are all beautiful! GL!

-- Brad (homefixer@SacoRiver.net), January 22, 2001.

Ok girls! All together now......BLUSH!!!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 24, 2001.

This was really funny and even though I have not posted here before I have checked out this sight daily for the fantastic information and the laughs that are included. This is one I just had to say Thank You to to the person who posted it as I really needed a good laugh for today. Thanks Again. Normaj3

-- norma jenn (normaj3@countrylife.net), January 24, 2001.