KIDS' BIBLE STORIES

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.) Enjoy!

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

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-- Julie Froelich (firefly1@nnex.net), January 11, 2001

Answers

Oh, Julie, I never laughed so hard! Thanks for getting my day off with a hearty laugh. Kids are so funny!!!

-- Annie (mistletoe@earthlink.net), January 11, 2001.

Thats funny Julie! Thanks

-- john leake (natlivent@pcpros.net), January 11, 2001.

absolutely hysterical!!

-- Earthmama (earthmama48@yahoo.com), January 11, 2001.

You have to watch what you teach your kids. My two year old daughter has been watching Veggie Tales and the Beginner's Bible series. The other day a little ball dropped out of one of her games and rolled under the couch. I asked her where it had gone. She responded, "To the Promised Land."

-- Lori in SE Ohio (klnprice@yahoo.com), January 11, 2001.