A professional man in Sydney invested in a small seaside property for the family's holiday enjoyment. All went well for a while but one day a neighbour asked him how things were. "Not too bad" he replied "but you know I am getting really tired as every time we come down here I spend the first three days cutting the grass while the rest of the family enjoy the beach". His neighbour told him not to worry, what he should do is get about five sheep to eat the grass, this he did and all went well for several months. Finally his neighbour told him the sheep needed shearing. Back in the city the man looked through the Yellow Pages to find a sheap shearer, finally found "Cobbers Tonsorial Services For The Agrarian Sector". He phoned Cobber who advised him that things were very busy and if he had more than 20,000 sheep he would have to wait a week or so, "Not that many" he said, "OK" said the shearer "just how many do you have?". "What? You mean all together?", "Yep", "Five" he replied. "Righteo" said the shearer "what are their names?"

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), January 09, 2001

Answers

uuuuhhhh, is it just me, or am I suffering from another "blonde moment"? At the risk of sounding a bit daft, I don't get it...

-- Judi (ddecaro@snet.net), January 09, 2001.

Ooooooooohhhhhh, I GET IT... (sly smile) - you naughty boy, you - shoulda rated it pg-13.... ;-}

-- Judi (ddecaro@snet.net), January 09, 2001.

Hmmm...Judi,I thought of that rumored 'sheepherder habit' too,but then thought that new to the country city folk would name their animals,where a old herder would just have them.

So John,clue us in.We have a different gravitational pull here,so our brains aren't on the same frequency,evidently.

Ask him what pawpaws taste like.I'm taking notes,John,my favorite nephew is headed for Melborne to grad school in July,so he'll probably need helpful cultural hints.

Hey,Sheepish,get over here.We're in need of interpretive services on sheep herding!

And I don't have a single blond gene anywhere in my family tree. OK,Ken,I know-I'll go ahead and say it for you. It's just that troublesome xx chromasome acting up.

-- sharon wt (wildflower@ekyol.com), January 09, 2001.

Oh dear! what have I done? I can't imagine where you all are getting those bizzare ideas! :-)

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), January 10, 2001.

Judi, I hope your nephew has a great time in Australia, I am sure he will, in fact if I could not live in New Zealand then Australia would be my second choice. You might have seen a bit of australian culture in the Olympic opening and closing ceremonies. There was a cultural briefing sheet published for Americans attending the Olympics but unfortunately it was written to amuse Australians rather than inform Americans! I expect the 'humour' in it would have been even harder to understand than my innocent sheep joke.

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), January 10, 2001.

OK, sorry, that was Sharon's nephew.

Paw paw, are a bit hard to describe, maybe like a sweeter, fruiter, version of pumpkin flesh. Especially good with the neat lime juice.

(Can I use a word like flesh without people getting the wrong idea?)

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), January 10, 2001.

Good story.

My sheep all have names, but I don't remember them after I name them! Actually, the first few years I named them and I remember those names. The next years I named them and started changing their names anyway (Daisy became "Peanut" because she is small and looks like one, etc.) Then I sort of gave up. Mostly their names are "come sheep" and they all answer to it. Ear tags and actually their baaaas help me keep track of the ones that look alike.

My husband gets razzed about having sheep all the time. Sheesh...

-- sheepish (WA) (rborgo@gte.net), January 10, 2001.

Dear John,

The only sheep jokes I'd heard before were based on kiwis, Scots, and occasionally variations on those themes with "Tasmanian" substituted. This one actually sounds like Australian (or NZ, or maybe even basic farmer, and definitely shearer) humour. Good one.

For those who might not know, Australian shearers have a dry sense of humour which could dessicate deserts. And New Zealand shearers may not have the same sense of humour, but they've managed to (substitute your own verb) the Australian shearing industry. And why not? They've got a lot more sheep per head, and they're used to being masterful with them.

Don't get me wrong - New Zealand is a nice little country. Only problem I have with it is that my former wife came from there - and didn't go back. I still get on well with the out-laws, though.

Paw Paw: read papaya. Not my favourite fruit, but it is edible, and what other fruit tree would be giving a full yield in the second year of growth?

Melbourne: quite a pleasant city. Planned, rather than "just growed". Incredible "sibling rivalry" with Sydney. Only city in Australia with four seasons - every day. If you don't like the climate, wait a couple of hours - it'll change. Temperatures average lower than Sydney, but have more really high temperature days (say upwards of 40° Celsius, or 105° Fahrenheit). Centred around the Yarra River - the "river which runs upside down" (because it's so muddy it looks like the river bed is on top). I could reasonably happily live there - lot of parkland and open space. There's a good chance one of my sons WILL be living there some time this year - he's conducting a long- distance romance at the moment, and losing patience with the distance bit of it. Melbourne doesn't have the spectacular scenery Sydney does, but still there are lots of scenic areas within easy reach. Both cities are multi-cultural, but Sydney more Asian, and Melbourne more European. Both have incredibly diverse cuisine at reasonable prices. Both are too big, but that's just by my standards - Sydney about 4½ million, Melbourne about 3.

-- Don Armstrong (darmst@yahoo.com.au), January 10, 2001.

Hi Don.

Trans-Tasman migration is all very well, in fact it is said to improve the average IQ of both countries!

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), January 10, 2001.

Pretty good old boy:)

Do you know why shepards where button down jeans? Cause their sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

-- hillbilly (internethillbilly@hotmail.com), January 10, 2001.

The farmers around here have recently discovered two new uses for sheep - meat and wool.

-- Anonymous (aka Sam in W.Va.) (turnip55a@yahoo.com), January 13, 2001.