Letter From Employer Thankfully Omits Balls-Copying Incident

© 2000

SAN FRANCISCO-- Randall Konerko, a 39-year-old database administrator looking for a new job in the field, was relieved to learn Monday that a letter of recommendation from his former employer makes no reference to the Dec. 11 balls-copying incident that led to his dismissal. "Whew, that's a relief," said Konerko after an interview with Luminant Worldwide. "I was sure Mr. Alland would mention that whole thing, but, mercifully, he didn't." Konerko has made a promise to himself never to engage in testicular Xeroxing, even if it's 2 a.m. and the office seems empty.

-- Anonymous, December 20, 2000

Answers

You seem to have forgotten something more up your alley:

Communists Now Least Threatening Group In U.S. WASHINGTON, DC-- According to a report released Tuesday by the Pentagon, Communists rank last on a list of 238 threats to national security. "Communists may now safely be ignored," Secretary of Defense William Cohen said. "The Red Menace has been surpassed by militia groups, religious extremists, ecoterrorists, cybercriminals, Hollywood producers, and angry drivers." Other groups deemed more threatening than Communists include rap-metal bands (#96), escaped zoo animals (#202), and Belgians (#237).

-- Anonymous, December 20, 2000

You seem to have forgotten something more up your alley:

How would you know? You never had balls to begin with...

-- Anonymous, December 21, 2000