And I was just starting to feel better -

Finally - big sigh off relief, now I can relax! - got all of my "sending out" gifts done and nearly wrapped (it was then the 16th) when hubby got a call informing him that the big boss was shutting down the site for the next week (not likely) and was laid off (ie fired). The real reason (in our educated and probably accurate opinions) is more than likely that the supervisor can't afford to pay Thom and also keep up with his crack-whore girlfriend and all of his topless bar outings., let alone his big screen TV payments, etc, ad nausuem. Several times he has had to borrow money to pay Thom on the Monday after pay day, and on this last job they ran out of caulking and Sir Doofus didn't have any money to buy more.

So now, 1 1/2 weeks before Christmas, the sole breadwinner is out of work and if none is found soon, my (very small) stipend from Americorp (that was going into the bank to pay off a small loan and to save up for a downpayment on a homestead) may have to cover everything (not likely!).

Any plans of actually doing anything for Christmas at all will depend on whether I can make any $ by returning to my old job when I get off for my holiday "vacation" after this week, money which was supposed to pay for this years taxes, and maybe a little fun. Thank goodness for my bonus, $50 worth of gift certs. to Kroger.

This sucks so badly that I'm stressed to the max. Don't even know if I can afford to buy materials to make gifts, let alone buy anything, for dear hubby. And only a few days to figure out what to make and do for the holidays based on this new situation. Thank goodness the rent was already paid.

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), December 17, 2000

Answers

How about writting your husband a heart felt poem or a letter of thanks? You could also do that for others on your list.If you take plain paper and wet it down then wash it w/ watercolor paint you get a real neat effect. I wish you the best,remember its not what you give as long as it comes from the heart!

-- renee oneill{md.} (oneillsr@home.com), December 17, 2000.

Hi, Soni, I am sorry to here of your holiday woes. I read in an earlier post that you are close to me ( I think.) Where in NC are you? Good luck with everything--our prayers are with you!

-- Debbie T in N.C. (rdtyner@mindspring.com), December 17, 2000.

Tell hubby to get down to the unemployment office and sign up ASAP. He has to put in a "waiting week" before he starts to get benefits, it helps to get it out of the way the first time, its hard enough to go one week without pay much less more. His employer has paid for this, it's not taking from the government or getting handouts. My husband gets laid off every year about this time, lasts off and on until spring. Without the unemployment checks we'd be up a creek. Also, discuss putting Christmas celebrations for you and your husband off until things pick back up. Christmas isn't about a date on the calendar. He's probably feeling the same stresses that you are, it might be a relief for him, too.

-- Julie (julieamc@excite.com), December 17, 2000.

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. I can relate to being unable to get the gifts you want to: I'm behind on payments for two credit cards, have no gifts for hubby, and probably won't get any money in the next week (I do daycare part time, but the kids stay with a cousin during vacations). Nothing is worse than not being able to relieve someone else's stress and it seems like we're always kicked while we're down. I hope it all works out for you and we get to hear about your new homestead. Don't give up hope! I'm sure everyone here is going to be sending you prayers and/or energies.

-- Epona (crystalepona2000@yahoo.com), December 17, 2000.

I am sure your dh will understand if doesn't get any presents - Rennee's idea of a poem or a love letter is probably the best gift you can give him. He probably is not feeling to great , getting laid off (even if it is not his fault!!)- Christmas isn't only about presents ..... just tell him how much you love him and have faith in him.

(Of course that is easily said, but I can definitly understand your frustrations)

-- kelly (kellytree@hotmail.com), December 18, 2000.

Soni, I have been where you are & also had/ bad health & also had a bubby broken up from an accident-----we have always found no matter how bad we felt we had it----you only have to look around you & there is someone else who has it worse than you do!!!!!

Our family found /we have helped others when we didn't have------ sure made us feel better about what we did have to be thankful about!!!!

We used the last of the money we had (one year)& drove to help out where they were serveing meals to the homeless/ kind of put our life in perspective!!!!

I was sooo sick I could hardly stand up & hubby was in a wheel chair/ but it sure made us thankful we were alive & able to help others!!!!!

As I said/ when you feel like you have it bad---look around you & help some one who has less than you do---as there always is some one who has it worse than you do--it will help all of you to feel better!!! Help someone else out & do it in honor of your hubby or the other ones that you can't afford to buy for!!! Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), December 18, 2000.

It sounds like your husband is in the construction trade. Is there a city within a reasonable commuting distance with a booming economy to where he could quickly find work until something local can be found? For example, he could probably find work in Nashville, TN within hours. Do you have relative in such an area he could stay with during the week and come home on weekends? Any relatives in Florida? While you would be apart, at least there is money coming in.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), December 18, 2000.

Soni, Steve works construction too and I know exactly where you are comming from. 2 Christmas's ago he had to go to SC to work for 2 weeks, it was a little scarey for me, having him gone, but I did just fine. The problem with unemployment here is that they pay you based on what you made this time last year. If the boss took out taxes you might get some, but not much. Not enough to live on. I'm sure your husband can find something ASAP. Don't let 2 weeks go by cuz then you are in worse trouble than now. And usually they hold a weeks check anyway.

What I do is sell things. Anything. It's just stuff, and it's better to be able to pay the bills and not worry and or ruin your credit. The important thing is you are together as a family, and love each other.

-- Cindy in Ky (solidrockranch@msn.com), December 18, 2000.

Hi Soni, I work in construction so....been there,done that and bought the tee shirt.It all passes and some of the closest Christmases Ann and I have had were the ones where there was only enough money to get a few small gifts for the kids. One thing hubby needs to do is find a better company to work for. There are some out there.The building industry is booming now so perhaps he can find a better job.Working away from home for a while may be the answer.My prayers will be with you both.

-- JT Sessions (gone2seed@hotmail.com), December 18, 2000.

I can understand how all of this makes you sad, but maybe it's time to rethink Christmas a little. My husband and I haven't exchanged gifts for the last 3 years, and even though I went back to work in November, unexpected dentist bills for one of the kids has just wrecked what we had planned for Christmas. If you are lucky your house is warm, your table can have something special on it, even if it's just fresh bread or a cake, and most important, you have each other. Your husband is probably just as stressed as you are - not to get too racy here, but a little imagination can make the day special - I think that this year, I'm going to give my good husband a candle to unwrap - to be used when I join him in the bath (which we luckily got put in this year...). Remember - it's the thought that counts.

-- Anne Tower (bbill@wtvl.net), December 18, 2000.

Soni, I know how ya feel. It really isn't about presents for people, it's about a gift from God. I also know that isn't the most popular view today, keeping that in mind, one of my best Christmases we didn't have any money, but we did have some food...we wrapped the food we would be making for Christmas dinner in aluminum foil and did it up all peretty set it under the branch we took off a pine in the lakefront park and slowly and deliciously unwrapped our dinner to be. It was fun and fulfilled the ritual we wanted.

Things will work out, just keep focusing on the good things!

-- Doreen (animalwaitress@excite.com), December 19, 2000.

I've been poor and better off at different times. One thing I've learned is everything passes. Try to relax and enjoy the season as best you can. Worrying only makes you feel worse. Smile even if you don't feel like it and laugh like a hyena when you get the bills out of the mailbox. Put up a tree and cuddle up in bed. In a few years you'll be telling stories about the good ole bad ole days.

-- Linda Al-Sangar (alsangal@brentwood-tn.org), December 19, 2000.

Soni, take a deep breath, exhale. Now look in the mirror and say..."That's all;it's over" Now apply your energy to create a more positive outcome. (Advice of Zig Ziglar) George Walther says say to yourself "I'm going to bounce back" instead of I'm going under. Try to think of setbacks as temporary conditions, not terminal disasters.

Soni give your hubby a "all night session of passionate lovemaking" heck he won't remember its Christmas...LOL And if he does he'll be "grateful" :o)

-- Kenneth in N.C. (wizardsplace13@hotmail.com), December 19, 2000.

Soni! I've been where you're at right now. It hasn't been all that long ago that we had no income/job or any savings. The future looked bleak and dismal. All thoughts were negative it seemed with no way out. Physical condition was bad-unable to work and no offers of a job that was easier that I could do. After the heart thing-I decided I wasn't gonna "sink" but rather "sing". Thats been almost 4 years ago and I haven't looked back. Each day has enough evils and problems of its own and I REFUSE to succumb to those negative forces on our lives. Look up-there are better days ahead. Thanks for talkin to all us--the rest of your family. hoot. Luke 6:31

-- hoot (hoot@pcinetwork.com), December 19, 2000.

Sorry for griping about everything - I feel better now. It just sorta crashed down on me all at once. No doubt had a lot to do with the stress of trying to get the family's gifts out - there I was ready for a leisurely break to make gifts for hubby, and then KAPOW!!!. Even if I have money to get supplies, I'll be pretty busy working that second "emergency" job and will have to carefully budget my time to get anything done.

Thank you all for your help and advice. The possibility of there being unemployment benefits is vertually nil. Hubby was paid in cash each week for his hours. We'll see, but I doubt it. Debbie, I live in the Fuquay Varina area. How about you?

I'm over the worst of the shock now. Going back to work helped me put it in perspective a bit. After all, I've helped put 4 families into houses that they own for the first time (and just in time for Christmas, at that), and what goes around does (eventually, I hope) come around! At the very least, I'm helping somebody have a good Christmas holiday and that's worth something.

Thom can find work around here, it was just that it's 2 weeks til Christmas and that really blows. I really don't want him to spend the week before the holiday desperately looking for work that will probably be shut down that week anyway. A lot of places have a two week hold back in any case and getting a job now won't help the holiday problems. He's going to see if he can sell off some of his old movie videos to his dad, who feels the need to own one of everything, if only for the bragging rights. It could at least cover the immediate bills and give us some breathing room. Thom's a real hustler when he needs to be, I just really wanted us to relax over the next two weeks.

Anyway, I'm okay-ish now. Thanks guys, you're the greatest!

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), December 19, 2000.

That's good, Soni. We've had a go round too this week with all this ice and snow. Tuesday roads to Louisville were too icy, not enough sand, and Wednesday other guys radiator froze half way up and had to come back again. So the guys missed two days work allready this week, last week 1 day because of U-Joint, which they put on outside in the freeeezing cold. I am praying hard that this cold weather leaves us, it's a long way up to work for them, and one day missed is 80.00 after taxes. We'll keep praying for you too.

-- Cindy in Ky (solidrockranch@msn.com), December 21, 2000.

I know exactly what you are feeling with it being the Christmas season and now the burden of the financial stresses!!! Gosh too well do I know that! But it is true that all things happen for a reason-God has a plan for us and I have a feeling that His Hand is controlling the seemingly dilemma...just trust HIM to carry your family through this..."this,too,shall pass" Good things do happen to good people... I think that by voicing your concerns here in the forum you have opened the door to an excellent support group!!! In the short few days that I have been following these posts I already feel a strong sense of bonding...perhaps the great tips on saving money and stretching your food/staples will be an absolute life-saver. My thoughts are with you!!!

-- Tammy S.South in Western KY (w-feather40@webtv.net), December 23, 2000.

Hi Tammy! Where are you in Western Kentucky? I'm close to Elizabethtown. I have a good friend Kim that is near Madisonville. I met her online too. She has Border Collies like I do.

-- Cindy in Ky (solidrockranch@msn.com), December 24, 2000.