**spew warning**

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT

Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation,under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare "Today" show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lay back and let Bush get away with this --------."

"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."

God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot." "Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.

Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2000

Answers

ROTFLMAO!!!!! Where was this? (I checked The Onion -- and got sidetracked for a bit -- but it wasn't there.)

"...a friggin' idiot..." -- apparently, God is from Brooklyn ;-)

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2000

Cherri, that's wonderful. Where did that come from?

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

"wonderful"???

Errington, there's a reason you don't get much respect around here.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

Carlos, I'm not saying I agree with the political philosophy, but if you can't see that that item is very funny, you have the sense of humor of an earthworm.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

I recieved it in an email

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

But did God clear this appearance with Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson first?

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

Hell, the gods of the Old Testament haven't smitten anyone for ages. I'm sure the ghost of Brandon Tartikoff has their ears about the potential in televising the event. I smell pay-per-view.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000