I came across this interesting data today that highly suggests that indeed, Santa Claus is a woman.

8. No way a guy could pull off a warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social event like Christmas all by himself.

7. A male Santa would get lost in a snowstorm somewhere and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

6. A guy would not be caught dead in that red velvet suit.

5. Men do not know how to properly pack bags.

4. Men do not answer their mail.

3. Santa cannot be a guy because.......being responsible for Christmas requires a commitment.

2. Hanging out with elves is too threatening to a sense of masuclinity.

And the #1 line of data suggesting that Santa Claus is a woman is.....if Santa was a man the 8 reindeer would all be gutted and strapped to the back bumper of the sleigh!!

What do you all say concerning this evidence??

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2000

Answers

John....

I thought that was a part of the definition of "liberal woman"....i.e., angry women that can't get dates.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

Mark....

That's a "Femi-Nazi."

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

#1....there really was a Santa Claus...aka "St. Nick"....and what he actually did (as far as his goodness was concerned) is pretty close to reality with the "legend" Santa Claus. Granted it's been embellished somewhat....but the core historicity....is there.

#2.....if your kids can't tell the difference in the way you live your life for Christ as opposed to "having some fun at Christmas".....you got more problems than just whether or not to tell your kids about Santa Claus.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

Leave it to Link to turn a "joke thread".....into a deep and serious discussion of the merits of the "Santa Claus fable."

Your logic simply doesn't follow.....Christains throughout the ages have played along with the fun at Christmas and managed to raise smart, mature, Bible believing, faith walking Christians.

Link.....my man.....you simply got too much time on your hands wherever it is you are at.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2000

You're probably right Danny.

Why else would there be stockings hung everywhere on Christmas morning? You know a woman's propensity for hanging the wet nylons from every protruding object.....;~)

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2000

This would also explain why "Grandma got run over by a reindeer".

You know how women drivers are......... :~)

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2000

Must be true, Mark...

... not only does she run down pedestrians, but she keeps missing the driveway and lands up on the rooftop (click, click, click).

(:raig

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2000

or maybe Santa doesn't exist, he's only what they tell to Christian kids to make them behave...

-- Anonymous, December 13, 2000

If Santa is a woman, the song "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus" becomes really disturbing. (yech!)

Unless, of course, you're a liberal ...

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

Gee, Jennie, you sure must be a bitter woman, to even use a humor thread to attack us...

By the way ... let me be the first to wish you the happiest of Hannukah seasons. :-)

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

Danny,

I thought that was angry, UGLY, women that couldn't get dates.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

I stand corrected.

I sure to not want to be guilty of calling the wrong woman "ugly"

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2000

Well,

Someone sent me the definitive answer on this topic:

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe Santa's a she.

Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.  Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there.

First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended.  Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.  Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

-Men can't pack a bag.

-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.

-Men don't answer their mail.

-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

-Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

-Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

-Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:

-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.

-Cupid flies around exposing himself and carrying weapons.(sounds like the annual Preacher/Elder Hog Hunt)

-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.

But not St. Nicolas - not a chance.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

My mother didn't tellme there was a Santa Claus because she didn't want to lie to me. Ic an respect her for that. I can't think of a single time my mother lied that I know of.

I talked to my mother about this issue of not teaching kids there is a Santa Claus. She has this fuzzy memory. She can't remember if this happened with my older sister or if she heard the story somewhere. Whoever it was, when the mother told the daughter there was no Santa Claus, she said 'Is Jesus real?'

Think about it. Santa is this mythological semi-omniscient being who can do all sorts of miraculous things. If you teach your children about Santa, and then tell about the miracles performed through Christ, and prophets like Moses and Elijah, how can they tell the difference? Doesn't telling them about Santa Claus undermine your credibility.

I saw an episode of the Simpsons about a month ago, the first one in years probably. This is Indonesia, and they showed a Christmas episode. Bart knelt down by his bed and prayed to Santa Claus about his presents.

Teaching your kids about the tooth fairy- that is another thing. Aren't fairies the type of beings a Celtic sorcerer might interact with? Is it wise to teech kids that magical beings give them candy, and that there is a man named Santa Claus who is immortal who has miraculous powers who knows all about them?

I was just thinking of something. You know, a lot of kids, when they realize their parents aren't perfect, get bitter and go through a period of rebellion in their teenage years. I didn't go through that stage. i went thorugh my teen years, but I didn't rebel against my parents. I was studying the scriptures- I think that had a lot to do with it. but I hand' tbeen disappointed with my parents a few years eariler having my world shattered by finding out there was no Santa Claus. Hmmm- a connection between parents teaching that ther eis a Santa Claus and teen rebellion. Maybe the psychologists could put that one right up there with the toilet training theory. :)

Seriously, though, does anyone else think it is wrong to lie to their kids about Santa Claus?

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2000

It seems like Christians have a double standard. If missionaries go to a foreign country and see aspects of a culture tainted by paganism, some of them have those aspects of the culture eradicated from the Christian groups. Take Mongolia for example. Do you know what a libation was in ancient Greece? The Greeks would pour out a bit of wine when they drank as an offering to the gods. The Mongolians do something similar, tossing part of their liquid out of their drinks- for example, spilling some milk before they drink it. This is done as an offering to Buddah or some pagan deity.

I read in a missions magazine where amissionary suggested the Mongolians be taught to spill out some milk or whatever in Jesus name. That idea disgusted me.

In Ambon, where Christians are now being slaughtered, many of the Christianized people there have still held on to black magic. many Christian missionaries are quick to tell people to give up witchcraft, offering food to ancestors, and other pagan aspects of culture here in Indonesia.

many American Christians would object to Christianizing pagan customs, but when it comes to things in their own culture that don't fit with Christianity, they don't see anything wrong with it.

My mother told me there was a man named Nicolas who gave away gifts, and that that was the root of the story of Santa Claus. But they didn't make me believe a lot of stories that were not true, about reindeer flying around, a fat with near god-like powers being able to go down every chimney in the world overnight. They taught me that all this stuff about Santa Claus was make-believe.

If you lie to your kids about stuff like that, what kind of witness for Christ is it? Sure, your kids will see how you live out yoru Christian life, and they will eventually find out that you avhe lied to them.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2000

Throughout the ages? Do you realize that our current version of Santa Claus isn't that old? I think it's less than 200 years old. The Dutch may have done something similiar with Sinter Klaas, but it hasn't been a universal custom for parents to lie to their children saying that Saint Nick was going to come down their chimney for hundreds of years in most 'Christianized' areas.

Danny, it just sounds to me like you don't want to consider this partof your own culture in light of the Gospel. It is easy to tell a Chrsitian in a pagan culture where they offer sacrifices to idols, drink blood, do witchcraft, and try to contact the dead that he can't participate in certain cultural activities. But when it comes to ones own culture- well that is another matter.

If everyone does it, it must be okay? If everyone lies to their kids, it must be okay to lie to your own kids?

A lot of people around here seem to have trouble letting go of going to witchdoctors when they get in a jam because it's a part of their culture. Some people even offer food to dead relatives. Could that be wrong? After all, people have been doing that for centuries? The thing is,there are plenty of things that are deeply engrained in culture that are not right. Is it okay for parents to sprinkle babies and call that baptism? That is older than the idea that Santa comes down the chimney.

I don't have any problems with fun at Christmas time. I had plenty of fun at Christmas as a kid. But my parents told me that the Satna Claus legends were make-believe.

Maybe you don't take this issue seriously, but every part of our lives is to be subject to Christ, including raising kids, wouldn't you agree?

-- Anonymous, December 19, 2000