I AM TODDLER HEAR ME ROAR!

If it is on,I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it is solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown to the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers,they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, walls, or table. If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is a stroller, I must under no circumstances ride in it without protest. I must push it instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper,it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it is food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it's a Mommy, it must be hugged.
I am a toddler!

-- Joy Froelich (dragnfly@chorus.net), November 02, 2000

Answers

Oops, forgot to mention, this is making the email rounds -- I didn't write it! Sounds to me like a preview of teenage years . . . . .

-- Joy Froelich (dragnfly@chorus.net), November 02, 2000.

Thanks Joy, my daughter called yesterday and asked if it were possible to skip my granddaughter's terrible 2's. I've printed this for her. It really describes toddlers well.

-- Cheryl (bramblecottage@hotmail.com), November 02, 2000.

On second thought, I think I will print this onto real nice card stock and frame it for Christmas! Thanks

-- Cheryl (bramblecottage@hotmail.com), November 02, 2000.

With one just leaving toddler years and another just starting I can say: It's all true!!:)

-- Epona (staceyb@myway.com), November 02, 2000.

If its a toilet it must be flushed..repeatedly!!!! If its a dog it must be kissed with a wide open mouth. Yes toddlers are on quite a voyage of discovery.

-- Alison in NS (aproteau@istar.ca), November 08, 2000.