A burglar is going thru a house, when he hears a voice call out, "Jesus is going to get you for that." He looks around, doesn't see anyone, and continues filling his bag. Again he hears the voice,"Jesus doesn't like theives, Jesus is gonna get you." He looks up to see a parrot. He asks,"What's your name?" to which the parrot replies "Moses." "What kind of idiot names a parrot Moses?" The bird replies," The same idiot that names a Rottweiller Jesus."

-- John D. in Pa. (mrmopar@penn.com), October 09, 2000

Answers

Good one, our minister will love it.

-- Jay Blair (jayblair678@yahoo.com), October 09, 2000.

Jay: Here's another one for your minister (just about the only clean one I know)

This minister is driving the church bus when he sees three boys sitting on the curb. He pulls over and asks the first one if he wants to go to Heaven. He said, "Oh yes." Same reply from the second. However, the third said no. Minister said, "What, do you mean when you die you don't want to go to Heaven?" The boy replied, "Sure, when I die, I thought you were getting up a busload now."

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), October 09, 2000.

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past. The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8 year old went to see him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the Clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boys' face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that, the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said "What Happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

-- Annie (mistletoe@earthlink.net), October 09, 2000.

A couple had a son who was one problem after another. After getting kicked out of public school, they enrolled him in several private schools with the same results. Out of desperation they enrolled him in a Catholic boarding school. When they were allowed to visit they were amazed at the turn-around in their son. Straight A's and his teachers raved about how behaved and adjusted he was. The father took the boy off and asked him what happened. He said, "The first morning I was here I had to go to something called Mass. When I looked up I saw this kid they had nailed to a cross. I don't know what he did, but I'm not about to take any chances."

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), October 10, 2000.

A woman goes into the hospital for minor surgery. While she is under anesthesia, she sees a vision of God. She asks,"God, am I dead?" He says, "No, you have 42 more years to live!" When she wakes up, she remembers the vision and is very happy about this news. While she is in the hospital, she decides to have a face-lift, tummy-tuck, breast implants, liposuction, and gets her hair dyed. She leaves the hospital and soon after gets hit by a Mack truck. She then sees God, and says, "God, why am I dead? You said I had 42 more years to live!" God throws his hands up and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you!"

-- Cathy Horn (hrnofplnty@webtv.net), October 10, 2000.

A cop on his beat saw a young boy trying desparately trying to ring a door bell. He got out of his car and walked up to the little boy. "Can I help you young man?" The cop asked. "Sure," the little boy answered. So the cop rang the door bell. "What do we do now?" the cop asked. "RUN!" the little boy said as he flew off the porch.

-- Terri Miller (tchr4hm@juno.com), October 14, 2000.