What is your response to a pastor becoming involve with a member-marries the member and destroys the church family? If there is a romantic interest should they be in that church or remove themselves so the church will not become effective of the behavior of the (supposely) leader of that church? What are the views of the A.M.E. Church in this type of situation and should they allow themselves to mix their leadership with their personalship?

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2000

Answers

You really did not provide enough information for us to assess the situation. However, a pastor should never become romantically involved with a member of his/her charge. That of itself should not destroy the church family.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2000

Perhaps due to a lack of information I'm somewhat perplexed about the severity of the "problem" referenced above. Many workplaces today enforce so-called "non-fraternization" rules which create moratoriums on inter-office romance, dating and conjugal visits during the work day. At face-value it appears that the romantic liaison is nothing more than boy meets girl, chemistry is established and a love connection is established. The pastoral decision to marry a member may be unwise but should it be prohibited? If the Discipline doesn't directly address the issue of fraternization and impose sanctions I think de facto moratoriums seeking to regulate the behavior will be fruitless. I know of many colleagues in the academy who decided to marry their graduate students. This too was probably unwise [I chose not to incidentally] but how can you regulate the libido? Why should ministers be restricted to finding their soul mate in the congregation she/he leads? Doesn't Scripture exhort that it is better to marry than to burn anyway?? I never would have thought that in one week I would be responding to 2 questions dealing with prurient matters. I guess believers must always be ready.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2000

Many years ago, as a single man, I was sent to a charge with instructions from the bishop's wife that perhaps I could find a wife there. Praise the Lord that I had the good sense to not get involved with any of the members of that church. The problem is this: Not all relationships end in marriage and living happily ever after. What do you do if the relationship does not work out? Blessings!

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2000