I'm amazed that there hasn't been an outpouring of encouraging words and Godly counsel posted on the website for the sister who posted about her husband being bound in pornography. She posted "Pornography" on 9/17/00. She specifically apologized for not leaving her true email address but, would be watching the board for what I believe she, her husband, & family needs...prayer, encouragement, & Godly counsel. It isn't right to reach out to your brothers & sisters in Christ and not receive an encouraging word.

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2000

Answers

It is rather strange that the AME Today pundants would rather talk about the goodness of the Lord than give a WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO THE SISTER. Many are called but few are chosen. So Angela thank you for encouraging the sister. Sometimes it is hard for us as men to encourage a sister because we are in the same situation and identifies with the pastor. I am sure that that will get a response from Jeryl. The Bible says many are called but few are chosen.The called are those whom the king invited to the wedding feast and the chosen are those who accepted the invitation. The King invited many guest to the feast but only a few, if any, of those who were actually invited came to it. The feast is a parable of the gospel and the blessings which it holds out to believers. The invitation to believe the gospel and enjoy its blessings goes out to all who hear it. But if all receive the call, not all respond to it. Those who do respond show by the very fact that they are chosen. Effectual calling is the work of the Holy Spirit, whereby convincing us of our sin and misery, enlightening our minds in the knowledge of Christ, and renewing our wills, he doth persuade and enable us to embrace Jesus Christ, freely offered to us in the gospels. Paul says that it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God but the doers of the law who will be justified and it is those who live according to the spirit in whom the just requirement of the law is fulfilled. Many of us are called to a ministry of beauty and when the ugly rears it head we are at alost for words. God derives honor from every good work that is done to honor him and to bless the lives of others. The sister is living with frustration and not one minister is willing to reach out to her. Perhaps we do not see the AME Today as an outreach ministry but as a political tool that can be used to better the church. How sad. It also reminds me of the parable of the good samaritan. The invitation has been extended, now let us wait and see who will respond.

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2000

It is rather strange that the AME Today pundits would rather talk about the goodness of the Lord than give a WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO THE SISTER. Actually, the pundits would very much like to give the sister some encouragement, but for such a personal matter, I, for one, would have preferred (and had actually written) a private response. Unfortunately, it was not a valid e-mail address.

Many are called but few are chosen. Indeed. I am neither "called nor chosen" in the ministerial sense, just a lay child of the king.

So Angela thank you for encouraging the sister. Agreed.

Sometimes it is hard for us as men to encourage a sister because we are in the same situation and identifies with the pastor. I am sure that that will get a response from Jerryl. Well, since I'm called out... I think the reason it is hard for men in general to respond is two-fold. one, men tend to be more "rational" than emotional in their communication, and communication extends more from information exchange than from personal or inward expression. Two, not all men are equipped to handle some of the very deep issues involved in this particular case, and therefore shy away from it. Of a truth, Angela's points are quite valid - it is a matter of family needs, prayer, and encouragement. We are not all so gifted in the "encouragement" arena, but there are those who are praying for the family in our prayer closets.

The Bible says many are called but few are chosen. See above.

Effectual calling is the work of the Holy Spirit, whereby convincing us of our sin and misery, enlightening our minds in the knowledge of Christ, and renewing our wills, he doth persuade and enable us to embrace Jesus Christ, freely offered to us in the gospels. And He gives diverse gifts, by the same spirit. If ministering to such pain in public is not my gift, should I speak up anyway simply because I am a man?

Many of us are called to a ministry of beauty and when the ugly rears it head we are at alost for words. Som,etimes the ugly is so complex that simple solutions are not enough. Some ugly requires time for healing.

The sister is living with frustration and not one minister is willing to reach out to her. I think that's rather unfair. The nature of the frustration adnd misery is such that no trained Pastoral Counselor would explore her options in such a public forum.

Perhaps we do not see the AME Today as an outreach ministry but as a political tool that can be used to better the church. It's too new to tell. Perhaps it can outreach, but I thought it was originally a "news" organ. Now if we would like, I'm sure it could evolve into a "full gospel" instrument, if Rev. Fisher so permits.

How sad. It also reminds me of the parable of the good samaritan. The invitation has been extended, now let us wait and see who will respond. When the samaritan encountered the wounded man, he attended to him personally, not for the show of all those walking down the street.

Funny, I thought talking about the goodness of the Lord would be a word of encouragement. Hmmmm.

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2000

Angela & Dean-- Your comments on this topic are greatly appreciated. Our emotionally distressed sister should be encouraged given the allegation of sexual infidelity in her home. Nonetheless, I am having some diffculty understanding why folks are being chastised for not responding on this matter. Your combined comments imply that "more" published encouragement is needed and/or the dearth of encouragement signals a dereliction of Christian duty. Are you able to ascertain the number of AME subscribers who have prayed for her but chose to do it in another venue? What is more important the quantity or the quality of encouragement she is receiving in this difficult time? I've seen members of this forum respond to death and environmental disaster with outpouring and swiftness. Our sister concludes her original note by saying, "please help". This I interpreted as meaning she is seeking professional help for this particular problem. My opinion about pornography or any other type of peccadilloes is not that of a trained therapist. I'm not big on group or public therapy I prefer a tet-a-tet when dealing with sensitive issues such as this. But, I'm willing to follow Dean's suggestion and come forth with a "male perspective" on this topic. I too tried the private email but it was unsuccessful. If she is reading this thread just email me her number and I will call for encouragement not "prying into private matters". I will even call her on my "dime" even if it is long-distance. All she has to do is leave a day and time when such conversation is best for her schedule. The bottom line is that our Sister is broken and she is seeking wholeness in her life. There is no "one" correct way to help her achieve the goal of wholeness.

-- Anonymous, September 22, 2000

I'm not suggesting that anyone post for "show". The sister in her posting already acknowledged that she had given the wrong email address, but would be WATCHING the board for what I assumed she was looking for...encouraging words & prayer. I expect that the saints would also be praying in their prayer closets. If she is led to speak to any of us, our email addresses are readily available to her.

-- Anonymous, September 22, 2000

Dear Angela, I wanted you to know that I have responded to the sister that wrote the post. Like Bill and others I would have preferred to respond privately. I am new to this discussion board but what I have quickly learned is that there usually a quick response to questions. I have found members of the board responding to me privately, and even calling me at home, when I have shared a concern. When someone does not give an accurate email, there is only a limited amount of support that can be given. Perhaps the sister can open a free account such as hotmail, juno, usa etc. That way she can view her mail in privacy.I have also found in domestic issues, that it is best to try to get the couple to sit down together and discuss what is going on. Perhaps with all the prayers being sent to her family an opportunity will present itself for professional intervention. I think it important for us on this discussion board not to offer advice without getting all the facts and talking to the person. Many of us are Pastors on this board and would never respond to someone writing us a letter by giving them a pat answer. We would try to open a relationship with that person to help them decide on a course of action. I am very proud of the answers and prayers given to this sister. I also feel very strongly that this board is also a ministry. The situation that the sister is describing has gone on for a while, by posting on this board. There is now spiritual intervention, because of our prayers. Angela, do not think that we do not care for we do! God has his hand on this. Rev. Denise Rogers

-- Anonymous, September 22, 2000

It is also my earnest prayer that the Holy Spirit will use whatever means He seem fit to bring about correction and restoration to our brother, as well as your marriage.  God has equipped the body with saints full of discernment, wisdom, and the training needed to help you through this attack of flesh and the enemy. 

    As most of us know, standard email is not secure from end to end.  It requires strong encryption capable of guarding against would be 'hackers' who would intercept sensitive email.  Businesses have used these services for exchanging documents and other communiquis for some time and they are also available, free, for you and I.  Check out hushmail for completely private mailings.  Also, when setting up your account, you are able to keep your identity unknown, even in the headings of sent mail.  I hope this will in some way make communication easier and safer.  I almost forgot, both parties must have an account for this.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2000