A few weeks ago a friend told me that she thought she had seen my husband coming out of a pornography shop. I assured her it could not have been my husband. I forgot about it for a while and then one day while cleaning up I found a pornography card in his pocket. I did not think much of it again because I felt that maybe it was just a card that I was reading too much into. Then a few days ago I found a receipt from a pornography shop between his papers. I immediately called the shop and asked them what the item # stood for. The person replied that it was buying credits to view tapes in the backroom. I was so disgusted. I have not spoken to my husbnand one word because I feel so betrayed and not only that but I feel that if he is doing that behind my back he might even be picking up women and having sex with them. We have been married for thirteen years and we have two children. Whenever he goes out he never tells me where he is going and when I ask he tells me it is none of my business. He never plans or spend any quality time with me and the children. I feel like leaving him. A very good friend of mine that I Talk to has offered me a house to live in if I want to however, because he is a male I feel that it will not be the feasible thing to do. I am sorry for putting in the incorrect e-mail address but I will be reading. I feel so bad because my marriage I feel has truly been a fake one and I do not know this man who I am married to. He is a pastor. Excellent preacher. I am so disgusted. The other thing that bothers me is that I am starting to watch his interaction with our daughter because I feel that pornography can mess up your mind and make you do things that you thought you were not capable of. In my heart I believe that men who is into pornography is capable of sexual misconduct. Please help me.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 2000

Answers

I take it that your husband is an AME pastor? If so than there is some hope. First thing you do is pray to God for strength and courage for you to be a WOMAN. Get yourself togather. Take a close inventory of your relationship and contribution to your family. Are you the wife and mother that God joined to this man 13 years ago? I really donot think that watching pornography leads to child abuse. As a young man,I would look,rent and buy the same type of stuff. I never felt abusive. A lot of wasted time and money. But all of that time and thought should have been spent on God. I was delivered from it because I knew that everytime I watched, guess who was watching to; My Elder Brother Jesus Christ. Jesus is watching your husbands, His displine wasting his time. For your family sake seek God like you never have before. Your family needs you to be strong now. God will lead you once you are ready. God wants the family to be whole not one here another there. So keep strong and get stronger in God and "Let Jesus Fix It for Your Family"

-- Anonymous, September 18, 2000

"LET"--

Seek the Lord in prayer. It doesn't matter if your husband is an AME pastor or not, he is need of deliverance. He should be sat down from his charge until He walks in that deliverance. Bind strongholds and plead the blood of Jesus! "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican." Matt 18:15-17

Praying for you!

--Angela

-- Anonymous, September 20, 2000

My sister, I am praying for you. I hope you saw my post to your heartfelt plea. I pray the the Lord would deliver your husband. I pray that would God strengthen you & make your marriage what He ordained the relationship to be. There is nothing that goes on in your life that the Lord is not in control of else He can not be God. I encourage you to fast & seek the Lord in prayer. Be the wife God has called you to be. Bind & cast throughout your entire home! Every entrance, exit, property lines. Pray that the Holy Spirit overshadow & continually fill you. Plead the blood of Jesus over everything that concerns you. Pray for God to move on the heart of your husband. Praise the Lord!! No matter what. He is still worthy to be praised in good or bad times. And remember Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

God Bless you! Still praying,

Angela

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2000

Hang on in there my sister. I use to be into pornography too, but God delivered me completely. Sometimes we as men do not realise how blessed we are with good wives until it is too late. I hope your husband will allow the Holy ghost to renew his mind, body and spirit. I am at work now but I will post a response again with the name of a very good book that your husband should read. Continue to pray for him.

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2000

Very simply, our prayers are with you. Hold fast to the knowledge that his condition need not be his conclusion, and that your marriage can once again be the vibrant bond you started 13 years ago. Take comfort in the sweet embrace of the Lord, who can wipe away all your tears. We pray for healing in your situation.

-- Anonymous, September 21, 2000

Dear Sister in Christ, I have been praying for you and your family since your initial post. And I am sure there are many others who are also praying. You are not alone! Besides being a minister, I am also a therapist and have counseled many individuals and families with problems of addiction, teen problems, marital problems etc. There is never a simple answer. So I will not offer one on this discussion board. There is a lot going on besides the "pornography" issue that seems to be impacting negatively on your marriage. I would like to suggest you speak to a trusted professional such as a therapist, doctor etc. You deserve to have someone sit with you face to face and help you figure things out. Take it one day at a time. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your pain. I am sure there are others who read this board who may be in similar predictments. By sharing, you only have half the load to carry. I will continue to pray for your family. Rev. Denise Rogers

-- Anonymous, September 22, 2000

Sister LET:

Like others I've been hesitant to reply to your post because your personal relationship to your husband is so complex. I understand your desire to post anonymously, and frankly, I encourage you to remain anonymous.

I will be accused by some of being "pro-porn", but here goes anyway:

Your reference to him picking up women for sex, as well as the suggestion that he may be an incestuous pedophile seems a pretty far reach based on what you have said. In my humble opinion, take a deep breath, resist the tempatation to draw conclusions, and talk to your husband. Keep an open mind as to where that discussion may lead you. If that fails, then professional counseling is an option.

You are in my prayers as well, my sister.

-- Anonymous, September 22, 2000

If what you say is true, run don't walk to his supervisor (presiding elder, bishop, secular employer) so that he can get the help that he needs. Blessings

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2000

Dear sister: It is very difficult and damaging to know what your husband has been doing. There may be a sexual void he feels that needs to be addressed. This is not to say that you are the problem, but somewhere there is some sexual repression that expresses itself through the pornography. The other thing is as others have mentioned, spiritual. Demons control porn and those who are consumers and participants. Therefore one must pray against the stronghold and offer the affection of the Holy Spirit and yourself to fill the void. YOu don't any room for the spirit's return. As a young man who has been a consumer of porn, I know that it is a difficult bondage to escape and a strong yoke to destroy, but with the aid of the Holy Spirit, fasting and prayer, and most of the ever loving hand of God and family, deliverance can and will come. You are in our prayers but mostly your husband because the mandate is upon him to lead the family in righteousness and to be the priest of the family . Therefore I pray for your strength to overcome the pain that has brought about.

-- Anonymous, October 12, 2000

Dear LET I can feel your pain and I know your situation is not helped by others trying to convince you that you are lacking and so that is why your husband has been seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Trust me daughter, you are not at fault. He has been attacked by a spirit and he need deliverance. I know you don't trust him right now and I truly understand, but trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge the Lord in all your ways and He will direct you as to what is the proper course of action. I don't think you should openly expose him, that will be too devastating for your entire family. Just lean on the Lord and seek answers in the bible and God will give you a sure word for your situtation. Please feel free to contact me at vessel_heuses@hotmal.com. God bless you and let Jesus fix it for you.

-- Anonymous, November 21, 2000