this morning my grandmother died at 700am,we knew it was coming but still sadness is in the air. a few things happened at the hospital that maybe others can learn from.....she had a dnr order, we left for a few hours and came to find her hoocked up to oxygen and sugar water,we then needed to get a doctors order to have it removed they {the staff doctors} said it fell under their idea of comfort not the dnr order. she died 2 hours later. do not leave anyone who can not comunicate alone.

the next few days are going to be very long. she was a catholic and i know she would love to have a few prayers said for her. thank you.

-- renee oneill (oneillsr@home.com), September 17, 2000

Answers

You have my sympathy. I have buried all my grandparents and my parents and understand the heaviness of heart. You are never prepared for it, and their deaths chance your life forever. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

-- Green (ratdogs10@yahoo.com), September 17, 2000.

Very sorry for the loss of your grandmother.It may be of little consolation but to live with God is far better than any life we can experience while with these bodies. Especially when our bodies are worn out.

You are certainly right about "DNR's" and "do not leave anyone alone who cannot communicate alone". Father died this past December after years of Alzheimers. While we thought he was being made comfortable to die he was actually being whisked away for repeated NMR's, CAT scans and other tests that were unexplainably frightening tortures for him. Such horrors made him terribly agitated, resulting in strap- downs, which made him sicker and to lose weight, which resulted in more tests.

Glad your grandmother was a beleiver. The sadness for the loss will linger but the sadness is really for those of us still here. Grandmother will no longer be sad.

-- charles (clb@watervalley.net), September 17, 2000.

Renee: Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. We've lost ours too, and only have my parents living now. I comfort myself by knowing that they are always with us,in our hearts, and memories. Keep your grandmother's love alive for yourself and your family by remembering her often, thinking and talking about her, the things she did, loved and said. God Bless, Jan

-- Jan in Colorado (Janice12@aol.com), September 17, 2000.

Renee:

My heart goes out to you. Basically the same thing happened to my mother, who died last December 28th at 86. She also had a DNR order. She got to the point where she refused to eat or drink. Doctor tried a feeding tube into her stomach but she would pull it out after a couple of days. Finally the decision was made to let her go. The nursing staff on their own decided to try to squirt some water in her mouth, which she swallowed. Then they tried some mashed food (baby food) and she took that. She still died about two weeks later. I really don't blame the nursing home staff as they were doing what they felt was best to comfort her. I will say they took outstanding care of her. Even though she was in a semi-coma state for her last five or so years, they still got her up every morning, bathed her, dressed her in clean clothing (not just a bathrobe) and let her putter around as best she could in a wheelchair.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), September 17, 2000.

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my 55 year old mother to breast cancer in February. She died at home with Bill, her 30 year companion at her side. He was able to make sure she had the pain relief she needed and no one interfered with her death. (It was interesting thought that hospice care routinely asked her if Bill, myself or my sister treated her well, if we fed her, if we hit her!). I would recommend this method to anyone who has the option, Mom died as she wished and that helps me deal with the unfairness of her death

-- Dianne (yankeeterrier@hotmail.com), September 17, 2000.

Renee, I understand your sadness at this time. In the last years I have buried my father, mother and husband. It is so important that their last wishes are carried out. Every time my mother went from the nursing home to the hospital, I had to file another DNR order. It kept me very busy just seeing that her wishes (made when her mind was still clear) were carried out. Thank heaven we can draw comfort from our belief in the Hereafter.

-- Cheryl Cox (bramblecottage@hotmail.com), September 17, 2000.

This hits close to home last month we buried my mother-in-law .Take comfort in she is at piece .You have been there for her and she loves and appreciates you for that .She is at rest and happy and would not want you to be sad .Rejoice in the time you had together .

-- Patty Gamble (fodfarms@slic.com), September 17, 2000.

Renee, so sorry to hear about your loss. However, your grandmother is in the best hands for eternity. No more pain, suffering, or anything bad, only praise and rejoicing for eternity with the Lord. Take care.

-- Michael W. Smith (kirklbb@penn.com), September 17, 2000.

Renee,

I am sorry to hear about your loss.....grandparents are the special people in our childhood and adult lifes. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Suzanne Wilson

-- Suzanne Wilson (mtsuz@hotmail.com), September 17, 2000.

Renee, I'm so sorry for your loss and for all of you who are grieving and have grieved for loved ones lost. Yesterday morning my Dad died after a long battle with cancer. You are not alone.

-- Peg (NW WI) (wildwoodfarms@hushmail.com), September 17, 2000.

Renee, & Peg my heart felt sympathy to you both! Peg, we moved back to this area in 1989 to care for my Dad who was dyeing of cancer. It was time/ I will always be glad we gave up our lifestyle & moved & to be there for him! Before my Dad died we began care for my Mother-in- law who had Alzheimers, she died a few years latier. You are in my thoughts & prayers! Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), September 17, 2000.

Renee & Peg, I am very sorry for your loss. May God Bless you and keep you during this very difficult time. You will both be in our prayers! Wendy

-- Wendy@GraceAcres (wjl7@hotmail.com), September 17, 2000.

Renee and Peg, My Prayers are on the way. Its nice to have friends to lean on through these difficult times...Best wishes to you guys and both of your families....Carrie in Wis

-- Carrie Wehler (carriew@ticon.net), September 18, 2000.

Renee and Peg, So sorry about your losses...Death is a strong reminder to all of us that life here on Earth is not our final destination. Whether we are ready or not, when our time comes, we must leave this place. My prayers are with you during this sad time.

-- Liz Rhein (merhein@shentel.net), September 18, 2000.

I am sorry to hear of your loss,we think not a loved one gone when thay go to another room.

-- kathy h (saddlebronc@msn.com), September 19, 2000.

So sorry to hear of your losses. I hope you both keep your loved ones alive in your hearts and remember the good times. Gerbil

-- Gerbil (ima_gerbil@hotmail.com), September 19, 2000.

Our sympathies are with you. Think not that she passed away, instead, she traveled on, touching your heart, leaving the print of love as she embarked on her journey. My grandfather lhas been gone 25 years and I never feel him in my past, but in my future, just over the next hill, waiting for me to catch up after stopping to look at the beauties of the world or a passing freight train, just as he taught me. You try looking for the things your grandmother taught you and you wil find she is always there with you .

-- Jay Blair (jayblair678@yahoo.com), September 21, 2000.

Renee, if I can bring some small comfort to your heart, they do not evacuate this earth, as long as we remember their kindness. And they were kind.

-- I stand still (sohere@iam.com), September 23, 2000.