ONLY IN AMERICA > >(NOTHING IS FUNNIER THAN THE TRUTH) > > > >1. Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an > > ambulance. > > > > 2. Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a > >skating rink. > > > > 3. Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the > >back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy > >cigarettes at the front. > > > > 4. Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large > > fries, and a diet coke. > > > > 5. Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain > > the pens to the counters. > > > > 6. Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the > >driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. > > > > 7. Only in America do we use answering machines to screen calls > > and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we > > didn't want to talk to in the first place. > > > > 8. Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in > >packages of eight. > > > > 9. Only in America do we use the word "politics" to describe the > > process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning many and "tics" meaning > > bloodsucking creatures. > > > >10. Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille > >lettering. > > > >In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through > >stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: > > > >1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". > > > >2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. > > Details inside". > > > >3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." > > > >4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." > > > >5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not > > turn upside down". > > > >6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after > > heating". > > > >7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body" > > > >8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or > > operate machinery after taking this medication". > > > >9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". > > > >10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use > > only". > > > >11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other > > use". > > > >12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". > > > >13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open > > packet, eat nuts." > > > >14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not > > enable you to fly". > > > >15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your > > hands or genitals". > > > >GOOD GRIEF!! > > > > >

-- john leake (natlivent@pcpros.net), August 31, 2000

Answers

I heard the same thing once, except it was 'only in Canada'. Maybe Canadians and Americans are more alike than we think :o)

-- Abigail F. (treeoflife@sws.nb.ca), August 31, 2000.

Kinda makes you wonder exactly what kind of society we are living in, huh?

-- Green (ratdogs10@yahoo.com), August 31, 2000.

Thanks for the laugh John! ~~Tracy~~

-- Tracy Jo Neff (tntneff@ifriendly.com), August 31, 2000.

I wouldn't stop there John,

There should be warning or instruction labels posted at the entrances to all Federal and state legislatures. Such as.....

"WARNING: Entering this building does not automatically guarentee that you know what you are doing or that you are working in the best interests of the people."

or at the speaker's podium...

"Make sure your brain is engaged before opening your mouth"

(:raig

-- Craig Miller (CMiller@ssd.com), August 31, 2000.

Fun, John! Although I have never considered stopping my chain saw with my genitals, I have frequently considered it with Despicable Bill's! Nonetheless, why are there so many annoying >>>>>>>s in your post? GL!

-- Brad (Homefixer@SacoRiver.net), August 31, 2000.

I had a good laugh , but the sad point is most of these labels went on the products because some idiot already tried it and sued them .

-- Patty Gamble (fodfarms@slic.com), August 31, 2000.

John, Thanks, now everyone will know why I prefer axes and handsaws (no chains to stop). Heard on Paul Harvey that the new federal warning stickers for wheel barrows says "Not intended for highway use". Guess they must have seen some country boys coming home from a beer joint with a designated driver.

-- Jay Blair (jayblair678@yahoo.com), August 31, 2000.

Darn it Jay, wish you wouldn't have told me that. Just when I was gettin good at passing cars! :)

-- Annie (mistletoe@earthlink.net), August 31, 2000.

I have a book of these labels and warnings that I bought after picking it up in a bookstore and laughing so hard that I was crying too much to finish reading in situ, as I normally do. After sagging against a bookshelf and gulping air for a few moments, I managed to regain enough composure to check out and get home before collapsing with it on my bed. Too funny. Too sad, also, thinking about all those folks who stopped their chainsaws with their genitalia. I call it survival of the fittest and consider these warnings to be the finest evidence of evolution available today. Just my HO.

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), September 01, 2000.

and THIS is why I moved to Italy!!!

-- kelly (kellytree@hotmail.com), September 05, 2000.