I know some of my readers are starting college right about now... how's it going with YOU?

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2000

Answers

I'm leaving a week from today. I can't wait.

-dan

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2000

Long time reader, first time poster. (ha, ha, I crack me up.) I'm a sophmore this year, but my college experience was pretty from from your average going off to uni and living in a dorm situation. I had already been living in an apartment and just started taking classes at the semi-local JC. Doing the same thing this year. I'm applying for a junior transfer to Cal this November, but I suspect that'll be just about the same kind of experience since I'll have already been in college for two years. With the junior college I'm kind of in denial that I even go there and I'm totally detached..I don't even know any of the other students there except the ones I knew prior to going (which is a whopping total of three, one of whom I've never actually seen at the school)...it kind of allows me to actually use school for education, strangely enough. So, um, yeah. :D Classes sta

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2000

It's okay. I thought this year would be pretty bad, but today I met some of the coolest people and totally clicked with them, which is awesome. We musical theater geeks seem to flock together :-) Too bad they live in a residence area 10 minutes walking (quickly) away. I am going to try to move into that area anyway, because my hall is mostly upperclassmen *sigh*. But otherwise, I kind of like it here.

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2000

Ah, the old fogey's point of view (this is my 24th birthday, making me 2 years out of college, even though I am employed at one....).

Reading your/Katie's entry from move-in day at ISU is extremely evocative for me. I recognize my own insecurities and experiences in it. This is my "sage" advice (sorry for the length)....

1. Even though many people may seem vapid (e.g. Abercrombie & Fitch, drinking at frat parties, tanned & pretty, disliking current events and CNN), it's absolutely ESSENTIAL that you give them the benefit of the doubt, especially during the orientation period. EVERYONE is trying to come off as cool, party-hardy, and completely not "dorky." Even though you might hate them on principle, you must SOCIALIZE with everyone this first week (or however long your college/uni gives you for orientation). Despite the fact that people more "intelligent" than your high school classmates SHOULD be inhabiting your site of higher education, the fact is that there are some people who must be weeded out, and you will experience a social stratification similar to high school AT FIRST (this will end if you follow my instructions!).

1(a). You are in the orientation party phase. You may be pressured to drink. If it is physically possible for you, please attempt to ingest as much alcohol (regardless of the cheapness and nastiness of the keg beer) as possible in order to become more relaxed. You should not worry about underage drinking laws (comfort yourself with the fact that the drinking age in Europe, where your supposedly more intellectual and sophisticated self belongs, is a mere 18 years of age) and social integrity (drinking itself is not inherently evil and stupid -- the teenagers who do it might generally be, but you are much more sophisticated and able to use the euphoric effects to better intellectual advantage). You must do this so that the other freshmen see that you are a normal teenager who is interested in fun, despite your interest in current events, CNN, and other matters of intellectual curiosity. Relax, those seemingly disparate goals can, in fact, coexist....

If you perform step 2(a) succesfully, the other students who are looking to have fun but also have brainy discussions will seek you out and you'll be fine. Yeah, even if they're A&F, T&P. Don't rule them out for just those reasons.

2(b). You have tried alcohol (most likely the insipid flat keggish beer mentioned above) and don't like it. Okay, I understand that, since that shit is terrible. Try the grain alcohol-fueled punch. It's much better. Follow the steps outlined in step 2(a).

2(c). You gag at the mere mention of the watered-down frat house keg beer, as well as alcoholic drinks of other varieties. That's okay, since alcohol is NOT the answer to social acceptance (believe it or not). Attend the orientation-period parties but politely refuse all drink offers. As long as you keep socially and conversationally calm, this will not matter. Even though you will meet many drunken fools, there will be a few individuals who will be coherently intelligent and/ or forgiveably interesting even while drunk, and especially afterward. THAT'S FINE. Someone who drinks is not inherently evil, etc. etc. You will very well meet people who like to drink to get drunk/comfortable/ secure, and who are intelligent poeple who will have many other, more significant things in common with you. That's why it's so important to still attend these gatherings. If you sit out now, people will automatically (with or without sufficient grounds) believe you to be socially inhibited and retarded, and will not consider you a potential friend for the remainder of your four years at the college/university, regardless of your later social blooming/security or their later sobriety.

This scenario may seem very harsh. "Why the hell would I even want the friendship of those superficial freshmen drunks anyway???" I'll tell you why: Because EVERYONE (even you, you must admit) is superficially judgmental, especially during the first week of college where you might normally feel misanthropic, but feel even more so as well as scared and insecure outside of the home you previously wished to escape. So, many of those people will seek to "fit in" during that initial period by drinking, and some of them will later find that it isn't what they were interested in doing. They'll chalk it up to youthful abandon (as is a convenient excuse at this time in their lives, no harm in that) and end up evolving into other college/uni "types." And those will be the people with whom you'll forge lifelong friendships. It's a lot harder to do that when you don't meet them until a senior seminar, once all of you have reached that high intellectual plateau but also have forged social situations which are unalterable. The best, most lasting friendships are made in the beginning, when you all make the same idiotic mistakes together -- not only do you bond over said mistakes, but also you gain many reasons to laugh together for years to come.

2(d). You forsake my wisdom and refuse to participate in those drunken gatherings during first semester. Fine. In that case, don't expect to just end up being with some "kindred spirits." Either they've explored their psyches enough to follow steps 2(a), 2(b), or 2(c), or they are, like you, sulking in their dorm rooms in early December. You have to ACTIVELY (extremely) seek them out. Join any and all organizations you might not be initially attracted to, but which are sufficiently intellectual to not be considered jockish, sororitish, or vapid. I certainly wouldn't suggest the Young Republicans Club, but anything else that requires any modicum of independent thought and/or creativity and independence. Do not discriminate (i.e., "I hated the people in that Lebanon HS club.") -- take it all in and eliminate the bad ones no less than a semester later. That way you find the organizations you're truly interested in, while also retaining any potential friends/ acquaintances who might associate with an organization that isn't you particular cup of tea, but who may otherwise be perfectably befriendable.

2(e). You are willing/wishing to fraternize with people during the initial orientation period, but you cannot stomach alcohol and you're too shy/anxious to even attempt social interaction. Okay, I understand your plight. But you'll have to fake it. Faking will lead to real ability at some point, as long as you're willing to try (and fail a few times) and attempt to learn from your mistakes and improve. In this case, you will be a little slower than 2(c) or 2(d), but ahead of 2(f). Hang in there, it won't be as bad as all that.

2(f). You foolishly disregarded all of my advice. Fine. Then expect to spend most of first semester holed up in your room, homesick for a place you previously had never wanted to return to. You're sending multiple e-mails daily to a boyfriend you don't see more than a few times each semester. Second semester you manage to find a semi-kindred spirit, but you don't spend much time with him/her because s/he is also spending most of his/her time corresponding with a so-called "hometown honey." Freshman year is wasted. Unfortunately, you will probably only make a few additional friends before you graduate a semester early (due to your extreme dissatisfaction with the institution, which will cause you to take extra courses each semester, further compounding your ostracization from any normal social life, even among well-adjusted intellectuals), spend most of your nights studying, only to end up in a loveless suburban relationship or a socially unrewarding/unrelenting fast track to graduate school and total intellectual oblivion.

These may seem to be dire sets of destiny. But you CAN reach intellectual peak while enjoying a stimulating social life (stimulating as compared to your own personal standards).

You will be satisfied with your college/uni experience by following steps 2(a), 2(b), 2(c), 2(d)or even 2(e), with sufficient effort. The main thing is to completely disregard people's images/perceptions/ actions/intentions those first one or two semesters, and get yourself out there. It will shape the perceptions of the people who will matter (or to whom you wish you mattered) two and three years down the line, just because EVERYONE is insecure and looking to impress (except for the truly uninteresting and socially inept) at the beginning.

This may seem to be insensitive advice. All I'm saying is that it works -- from my own experience as well as others', even people who I didn't think would make it through the strenuous social stratifcation of our school (private and intellectual, but quite party-oriented -- the worst combination).

I write this to impart knowledge I wish I had six years ago.... Good luck! This probably sounds stupid, but I am convinced (as a similarly misanthropic formerly 18-year-old girl) that it works.

-- Anonymous, August 20, 2000

this is my second year, and so far it's alright. my roommate is a freshman and doesn't know the ropes. she's sort of looking to impress, which is unnecessary--i think she's pretty neat and she's going to learn a lot this year.

my first year was horrible. i had three roommates first semester, and none the next. my first roommate lasted a few days, and she was in a sorority. she was pretty cool, though. however, one of our suitemates knew her and wanted to switch with me. so i did, and my second roommate was a post-goth (?) "massage therapist." she was actually really nice, but we had some boundary problems. after two months, she packed up with her internet boyfriend of two weeks and moved to new orleans. my third roommate was a black panther who was also nice. i got rather sick and she would run errands for me and such. however, she decided to steal my credit card when she left school in early january before i returned. i moved back in against the advice of the doctors who diagnosed me with mononucleosis, and i almost died from a kidney infection i developed in february. because of those events, i'm beginning this semester on academic probation.

and, believe it or not, i had a good time.

-- Anonymous, August 21, 2000

it's hell week for me--i leave this coming sunday and i've got packing out the ass...but i'm reluctantly optimistic...

-- Anonymous, August 21, 2000

I'll have to say Jenny's advice is excellent. I went to college a generation ago, but I doubt that things have changed that much. Unfortunately, out of ignorance I did not take the path that Jenny has laid out, and did indeed suffer the consequences she predicts. I was a social nonentity who had no earthly idea how to change my situation. It was not until my LATE twenties that I was able to enter into a satisfying social life, and that was too long to wait. I was able to change even then because I found another woman who was willing to be my mentor in shaking up my social life.

Had there been someone like Jenny to offer me practical, meaningful advice instead of silly platitudes, life would have been much easier much earlier.

Heed her well, Katie! You may well ignore her advice and, with a lot of luck, have no undesirable consequences from it at all. But without that luck you may find yourself floundering for more years than you'd like to.

-- Anonymous, August 22, 2000

Hang in there, Katie. It gets better. But I do also agree with Jenny. I hate to break it to you, but you aren't at Harvard or Yale or some Ivy League campus where everyone is intellectual. (or trying to be) A large public university is a fun, diverse social experience so just lighten up and enjoy yourself and forget the delusions you had about talking about literature on a grassy knoll with some great looking guy wearing glasses. Go to a party and give people a chance. You may be surprised about how much fun you have. :-)

-- Anonymous, August 22, 2000

and even if you are at harvard or yale or some other ivy league college also doesn't necessarily mean you are going to be surrounded by intellectuals - there are things called legacies, remember? i am going to school this fall as a freshman at U Penn - and the only other person i have met who is going to that school is a complete ditz. she is actually going to be in their elitist undergraduate business program (wharton, anyone?), however, she writes me emails littered with 'u r so kewliez, hehe!' and in person likes to spout inane conversation revolving either about boys or shopping (hehe!) while insisting i double date with her and her 25-something boyfriend. i think that, regardless of the school you go to, there will always be a social stratification system.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2000