So, tell us about the one that got away. Did you ever follow up on that initial meeting? Harboring any regrets?

-- Sara Astruc (astruc@astruc.com), August 07, 2000

Answers

I'm curious, Sara. If you could go back, would you have stopped that day on the street and spoken with Jack? Not that regrets are worth too much consideration. . .

-- Ami (ami@terragon.com), August 07, 2000.

I don't know. Even after he was more than a block away, I knew where he worked so I could have gone after him. I looked awful, though, and I was in this horribly defeated state of mind, so I couldn't really see past that.

I do wish I had called him after Arthur and I broke up the first time. And I wish I had called him after I read about his father's death in the New York Times. Still, there was always the possiblity that he hands out cards like candy and he wouldn't remember me.

-- Sara Astruc (astruc@astruc.com), August 07, 2000.

So, Sara, will you look him up when you get to New York again..?!

-- Susan (sjinkins@excite.com), August 07, 2000.

I don't think so. I haven't talked to him since we met 7 years ago. I don't even know if he remembers me. I don't know if he's married or single or what. It's just a nice memory.

If I did call him, what could I possibly say? "Hi, this is Sara Astruc. We met seven years ago. Wanna get some coffee?"

But if I did see him on the street again, I would re-introduce myself.

-- Sara Astruc (astruc@astruc.com), August 07, 2000.

Oh, yes I followed up. I REALLY followed up. Six years ago I went out with a wonderfully kind, handsome, generous man. We only went on one date and then the next day he was leaving to go down to Florida to help rebuild hurricane houses, he told me he would call me when he returned. He did call, but in that short time I had taken up with a very bad boy, a mean abusive (though I didn't know it at the time)man who I would spend a very tumultuous 5 years with, marry and then divorce. One night not long ago I am sleeping, it is just the very beginning of spring, a cool perfect sleeping night, and I dream. I dream of this man's voice, clear and strong and a feeling that was so strong it could not be pushed aside made it's way to the front of my brain to get in touch with him anyway I could. I did- I wrote a small card to him telling him of my dream. Why he was only a few small towns away, single, building houses and waiting for me I guess. It's been a fairy tale ever since, a love story like you wouldn't believe. I am moving into his house in two weeks and we are delirious with happiness. the end.

-- Nancey (ndinardi@athm.org), August 08, 2000.

Sara, I think your idea is perfect! You can use the excuse that you just moved back into town, looking up old friends, blah blah blah. I'm guessing you know just exactly what to say and how to say it. And if it doesn't work out....well, it would make a great journal entry :-)

-- Susan (sjinkins@excite.com), August 08, 2000.

The thread of this discussion seems to have drifted away from the question. Actually, it looks as if only one person actually answered it. Can I see a show of hands from everyone who wants to see Sara contact this guy when she gets back to New York?

Shucks, Sara. Go for it. What's the worst that could possibly happen? Carpe Meridian... :)

-- Alex (huemera@cgu.edu), August 08, 2000.

Christian Sullivan (his real name). The one that most certainly got away.

I was a senior and he was a junior in college. He was handsome and sweet & great in bed. There was something about this guy that was different, he had qualities that I haven't seen since.

We met at a bar, he was sitting next to at one of those benches that goes along the back of some places. You know the ones where you're sitting on the same seat but you're at different tables? Ok, so my friends jumped up and started dancing at our table, I got up to join them and turned and there he was sitting beside me. I sat down and we started talking and fell into a sort of weird parallel universe for 2 months. We came up for air and he broke it off, quickly, suddenly and for me, very painfully. Weeks past and I called him, he said he just didn't feel it was a good time for him to be in such a serious relationship, ok.

Skip ahead 7 months. I was graduating and having one last fling at that same bar with my friends. I looked up and there he was. He stood up and walked over. I can still see his face and his frat-boy hat on his head, then he was taking my hand, he led me out onto the dance floor. We didn't speak, just danced. Later we seeked out a quiet table and talked for a bit. He told me that he was really falling in love with me and that it scared him, I was crying when I told him that I had been falling for him too. We left it at that. I said my goodbyes he told me to have a very happy life, I promised I would.

I moved to Dallas 2 days later and a year later I met my husband. I'm now a happily married homemaker with a 10 month old baby, but I tell you what... sometimes, when I'm awake late at night, I think of Christian and I wonder what might have been. It doesn't make me love my husband any less but I still have to wonder.

-- Kerri (eslove@att.net), August 09, 2000.

The best part about this forum is getting to read other's people's stories. It's like a journal-within-a-journal.

Anyway.

I can't see calling him. Since he and Candy broke up, and Arthur and I broke up, I have no way of doing recon, and there is no way I'd call him without at least knowing if he had married in the past seven years. Even I have limits as to my ballsiness.

I'm chickening out on this one. I called Robin after his divorce. That was my balls quotient for at least two years.

It does occur to me, thought, that my parents' apartment is just blocks away from his office, but in New York City, the sheer density of people means we have about a snowball's chance in hell of bumping into each other again.

And speaking of Robin, he's suddenly popped back into my life again. It's funny, how we are with each other. The leash is oh so long, but neither one of us seems to be able to let go.

-- Sara Astruc (astruc@astruc.com), August 10, 2000.

If I did call him, what could I possibly say?

What about, "Hi Jack, Sara here. Seven years ago you gave me this beautiful vellum card, and it's not a business card, and for seven years I've been trying to figure out, why did Jack give me this card? And I finally gave up trying to figure it out, so I thought I'd call you and ask why, and then it hit me: Hey! Maybe Jack wanted me to call him! I'm so smart. So here I am! Tee-hee! Bye!"

Good luck, Sara! Hope that helps.

-- matt (pms485@hotmail.com), August 10, 2000.

Sara -

Being one of your oldest and dearest friends I have every confidence that the "Nancy Drew" in you will investigate this situation upon your arrival to NYC. If you would like some help with this, I will be more than happy to be your sidekick( what was the sidekicks name in the Nancy Drew series?)because, as you know, I love that kinda stuff!!!!

-- Lucia (mylula@aol.com), August 10, 2000.

Luc-

Maybe we should should just march up and down the block by his office during lunchtime!

By the way, darling, I'm stuck here for an extra day or two, but I should be home one week from Saturday. Miss you!!!

Matt: I like your answer the best. Damn. I wish I had kept the card. But Matt, as a guy, why would he give me his card if he was with Candace and I was with Arthur? I wonder if there's jerk potential here.

He didn't feel like a jerk at the time. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was just manners or whatever.

-- Sara Astruc (astruc@astruc.com), August 10, 2000.

manners schmanners, I think that you will run into him anyway no matter what you choose to do. He probably gave you the card because he felt the same exact thing that you felt. Chemistry (or whatever you want to call that gravitational pull) is weird that way. I think that you should definately call him, who knows the possibility that exists? I told my my Mother when I had that dream, heard that voice and the first thing she said was "Don't do it, he could be married, engaged, kids, whatever, you will humiliate yourself in the worst way". I decided to take the leap of faith, faith within myself that what we felt for each other all those years ago in that tiny little frame of time was still going to be there. And it was, and has only grown in strength enormous amounts. Hey, I'm not one to believe in mystical things, voices and destiny hocus pocus, but I do think that the world works in strange ways that I will never be able to understand. I mean really, what was that voice I heard, so clear and deep? And now this.... Call him. Just tell him you've been very busy and are just getting back to him now.

-- Nancey (ndinardi@athm.org), August 10, 2000.

Poodle -

He gave you the card because, when you spend $200 on an engraver's die for a calling card, and another $250 on the cards themselves, you end up giving them to absolutely everyone you ever meet *that you have any interest in*.

And he must have had interest - because then, after you get the damned things, and then you carry them around with you in a little ostrich leather case from Hermes that set you back another $500 you begin to analyze who that you meet is, and isn't worthy of one of the damned things. At this point, between the die, and the engraving, and the case, and the cab fare, you have spent a thousand dollars on them. Now, they only go to people you really like. No one else is worthy.

Truly, there is nothing worse than using a social card with someone who doesn't know what a social card is, and so when someone gives you one, it is almost a compliment. It says, "You are the kind of person that makes spending that thousand dollars worth it." It is like a little secret code. You were judged Worthy.

Don't call him. But definately find out where he works, and run into him on the street outside of his office, or track him down at a charity event.

(Do I sound bitter? Just because I have a full set of engraver's dies - in my MAIDEN name? Grrr.)

-- Kristin (kristin@sperare.com), August 10, 2000.

This forum is closed! Visit ThreeWay Action to post!

-- Sara Astruc (astruc@astruc.com), September 10, 2000.