Talk about job interviews....ones you've applied for, or ones you've given. --Al

-- Al Schroeder (al.schroeder@nashville.com), July 14, 2000

Answers

The last time I had a job interview was 1963, when I went to work for the Department of Physics at UC Berkeley. All jobs I've held since then were jobs I just kind of "fell into" by being in the right place at the right time.

God and financial planning willing, I will never have to have another job interview.

-- Bev Sykes (basykes@dcn.davis.ca.us), July 14, 2000.

True story:

About 8 years ago, I was the manager of a check-cashing business. We were hiring cashiers for a new store that I had just taken over. One of the applicants, who was rather cocky and all-so-sure of himself and his chances of being hired, decided to get on my good side by sharing with me the following details of his private life:

1. he and his wife liked to make love at least 3 times a night 2. living in a thin-walled apartment, this drives their next door neighbor crazy 3. not crazy as in mad, but crazy as in horny 4. they often hear a hum of an electrical device start and finish with their 3 nightly romps 5. one time, the batteries of the device must have run out at a bad time, and the neighbor was so distraught that she threw it against their common wall...and it went through the wall 6. this didn't stop them from continuing 7. which made the neighbor more upset, as she was now able to stick her entire head into their bedroom...screaming at them to stop and return her now very still battery device

mind you, through out this whole diatribe, which began with the simple question on my part: "do you live nearby" "oh yes, at this terrible apartments where the walls are then...you see, we know they are thin because......."

I just sat there in stunned silence.

His final words, when I stated that I would call him if he got the position was:

"oh, I know you'll call. I can feel it."

Dude.

Bob www.geocities.com/and_if_I_die

-- Bob (and_if_I_die@hotmail.com), July 14, 2000.

I recently went to a conference where I interviewed with about 20 institutions - 7-8 places a day for four days. I thought I was going to keel over from the exhaustion.

But it worked. I have a job that I got through the conference.

And NEVER had to tell the story about how the CEILINGS in apartment complexes gave away lots of racy info about tenants above, who liked to get it on at 3 am...

In their squeaky bed...

With a louder-than-average couple...

Woke me up clear outta sleep every time.

-- Lis (lis_beth76@yahoo.com), July 14, 2000.

Here is a true story:

Me: Hello, thanks for coming over for the interview this afternoon. I have a meeting with another group of graphic design artists in two hours so we need to keep this fairly short although I am sure that neither of us will be rushed. So, tell me more about you.

Interview Person: I'm Craig and I have had previous experience as an artist for a local internet service provider around here. I used to spend quite a bit of time making graphics and building websites both for work and at home. I have two personal websites: one about my family and a pornographic site with my wife and I. If you'd like to see examples of my work I can provide you the addresses for the two sites that I maintain.

Me: Uh, no thanks. That won't be necessary. Let's move on. What education have you received in the field of this job that you are interviewing for?

Interview Person: I took one course of graphic design at a local college but I wasn't good, man, cause I failed. But I know how to design a damn good site from personal experience. I taught myself everything that I know.

Me: Sir, as you know, this job requires committment and skill. If you are lacking in those areas -- which it seems that you are by your attitude and your direct nature -- then why did you bother coming over here for an interview?

Interview Person: 'Cause my ex-woman took me to court and now I have to pay for our kid. Damn woman is taking me to the cleaners, man.

Me: That's nice.

Interview Person: I have a wealth of ideas to bring to your business. I have a desire to work. So much so that I went out last night and bought a briefcase so that I could put my papers in there and all of those confidential documents that you would give me. Dude, I was thinking that I could come into work at 10:00 AM and work until 12:00 PM, take an hour lunch break and maybe work another hour or so and then go home cause I have to take the kid to get this nasty rash cleared up on his arm. S'ok, right, man?

Me: First of all, I'm not a "man." Second, you are not getting this job. I'd like to hire someone who could at least tell two genders apart from each other.

I love being a 19-year-old small business owner. The young age thing seems to create an environment where people think that they can take advantage of me and also credit me with a lack of intelligence. I am obviously fairly intelligent (yeah, I know... I'm running the risk of patting myself on the back here) since I *do* own my own business without the help of anyone, financial or otherwise. I love work. *Laughs*

-- Meghan (meghlcl@aol.com), July 14, 2000.

I'll tell you about an interview I had when I was young - but you won't believe it.

I had just graduated and applied for a position as a financial analyst with a very successful company. Even though I knew the owner to be somewhat of a "wild & crazy" guy, I went to the interview with hopeful expectations.

During the interview with the Business Manager, the owner walked in with a poodle. The poodle was carrying a small oxygen pack on it's back, and the oxygen tubes ran from the tank to the dog's nose. The owner handed the dog over to the Business Manager and walked out.

I gave a quizzical look. The Business Manager explained that one of my duties would be to do an impromptu "babysitting" of little Peaches, when required. All the employees were to assist when the boss needed someone to watch the dog. It wasn't to be left alone.

That wasn't so bad. I could do that. I could anaylze financial data and make decisions with Peaches sitting on my lap, or under my feet. Yep. I was up to it!

Then the Business Manager turned and looked out the window. The big window that looked out upon Thor. Everybody knew about Thor. Families would come from miles around to watch Thor. They could buy a burger and frosty rootbeer right next to Thor's cage! Thor was a tiger - a huge, restless tiger that paced his cage and roared at the scent of burgers on the grill.

All the employees were expected to feed Thor. Take their turn. Walk over to the freezer, fill the wheelbarrow with a load of meat, and throw it between the bars to Thor.

I needed a job that day, but I didn't Need THAT job. I would never balance figures while at the same time balancing Peaches. I would never wish my aim was better, as Thor snatched meat from my hands......

Years later I would change my profession. But I'll never forget "other duties, as assigned", at the Wild & Crazy Guy Company.

-- Planet Earth (imagine@industrial-ideas.com), July 17, 2000.