Do you ever find yourself thinking of that one person...missing their voice/laugh/smile/company, pondering the what ifs, wondering how they are now, etc?

-- Anonymous, July 09, 2000

Answers

For some reason, my ex has been on my mind lately. I don't know why, the last time I saw him was 3 years ago. We spent a weekend together and he completely got on my nerves (I don't mind 10-years-olds, as long as they're in 10-year-old bodies). My mind is playing tricks on me, only remembering the parts of him I liked. I'm probably just bored.

I've since learned to pick grown ups, but I do find myself feeling wistful for the innocent, fun, spontaneous times we shared in the early days. I'm getting all verklempt.

-- Anonymous, July 09, 2000

Funny you should ask this right now. Next week, I'm invited to a party by some old friends I haven't really talked to for the better part of ten years. Should be interesting.

-- Anonymous, July 09, 2000

Umm...let's see...yeah. My ex-girlfriend Tricia. She was a hoochie I've come to realize. My best friend Kim told me that she was using me, and I didn't want to believe it, because I wanted to find something better in Tricia. But I realized that she probably would've wanted me to have sex with her if the relationship kept going any further (I still haven't kissed anyone yet, it SUCKS ASS) so one time, she ended it, but we put it back on. Kim reminded me over and over again that Tricia goes out and has sex and has been pregnant before. I still didn't want to believe it. One day, Tricia didn't sit with me, and, like, 20 people told me that Tricia was sitting with this other guy and they were pretty damn lovey dovey. Kim totally called her over there, and I blasted her. She's all, "Let me have other male friends!" So I said, "I do!" Several people came over and got my back, because she kept saying she wasn't doing that, but I couldn't deal with it, so I just dumped her in front of all her friends. Later, I was to learn that Tricia had been cheating on me while we were going out. Kim is still my best friend because I realized that it was going on and needed to stop it. She moved to a lower part of our state, South Carolina, at Christmastime, and I haven't seen her since. Damn. I was in the 7th grade when that soap opera was going on, but it was BAD! I've called her a few times, but it's been almost a year, plus I have forgotten her phone number. She failed the 7th grade, and I'm hoping she fails it twice, just so I'll have my revenge. Anyway, I do wonder what's going on with her. We were still friends when she left, but I was the third in her long line of boyfriends. I wonder if she's still out having sex, I wonder if she's gotten pregnant. Last time I talked to her, she was all, "I still have feelings for you", but I couldn't deal with it. Anyway, I wonder if she's gotten on drugs like my other ex, Nikki, who moved to TN. Oh, well. My relationships never last long AT ALL. That's my goal next year, because dammit, I want a LONG LASTING GIRLFRIEND!

-- Anonymous, July 09, 2000

The guy that I dumped my husband for.

Even though it was almost three years ago, I think about this guy a lot. We were so damn in love, but he had one of those things... damn... what was it... geez... What is that word... Oh! Yeah. A Wife. He had a wife.

So, I dumped him when Jake (Hubby Guy) started acting interested again, and as they say, the rest is history. I'm very happily married, but I think about him a lot. And miss him still. Lame.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

His name is Jay.

We were very dear friends in college, confidants.

He chased me for a while, I wasn't into him. Later, I chased him, he wasn't into me.

Last May ('99), we had the "what should have been" talk (after a few drinks of course).

In June, I moved to Seattle.

We spoke briefly in August, he told me he had gotten engaged.

Got an invite to the wedding in Sept., I cried.

He had a small ceremony in Oct. ('99). I did not attend.

I missed the opportunity. I still miss him a lot, but I realize if he were "the one," he would be with me today.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

yep. many a time. I mostly think about carlos and wonder how he's doing. he moved the summer after my sophmore year in high school to florida. it has been about 3= years since we've seen each other. the last time I spoke to him [on the phone] was december 27, 1999. it has been quite awhile and I miss him. I wonder if he finally graduated [he failed way back when] or if he slacked off again or if he's moving back here since he discussed it last summer...wanting to move back here after he graduates. here being houston.

hmmm......I had a dream about him a few days ago and he kissed the back of my head. I wonder what that's symbolic of? heh. oh well. if we meet again it will be nice and if not, I'll have to learn to let go and regret. heh.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Sure, I think of them, but I don't *miss* them. I always wonder what they're up to, and wonder if they wonder what I'm up to. One particular ex - Chris (we didn't really date though - I was taking a break from my long-time relationship, we're married now) seems to have dropped off the face of the earth - none of my friends know where he is. We've all sent him wedding invitations, and he's never sent an RSVP or a card or anything. Chris is a Pisces like me (we shared the same birthday), and knew just how to push all my buttons, and hurt my feelings pretty badly a few times (this was after the summer we "dated"). Nevertheless, he was an incredible dresser and smelled amazing, he was a great ballroom dancer and really good illusionist (never watch David Copperfield with an illusionist - you'll quickly be disillusioned), and if he's grown up, I would like to talk to him sometime. But I won't be surprised if we never cross paths again.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

When I was dumped at the age of 21 by my best friend, I thought I'd love him forever. I last saw him at my sister's wedding in October 1998, accompanied by my now-husband. I laughed my head off.

I miss elements of people - when I was with the aforementioned guy, for example, I was really young and carefree, and we had great fun together. But I'm totally relieved I ended up with my husband and not any of my exes.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Every day. I miss Tom every day, and it's been nearly four years. We had a very short, very intense, and very messed up relationship back in the summer of 1996. I had been orphaned a year, and my life was in shambles. I guess he wanted to be the hero. He always will be to me. His parents hated me. A lot. We tried fighting the odds to be together, but it became too much for him. It wasn't just his parents, but his identical twin brother (I think I was dating Tom, coulda been the other one, who knows?). Some things you just can't fight, and there's a bond between identical twins that even all the powers of the great and mighty Wendy cannot break. And I didn't want to. Being with me hurt him, and I understand his reasons for leaving. I always wish him well. But I can't let a day go by without giving thanks for having known him. Every breath I take is a tribute to him, because he saved my life that summer. Saved it from the ultimately destructive forces of my sorrowful self. And then he was gone. He was the angel that the Gods placed on my shoulder, and when his work was done, he went away. I will love him till the day I die (of natural causes).

I have loved others since. I refuse to waste my life on "what could have been". What was, was exactly what should have been.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Like Jackie said, I sometimes miss aspects of a person, but I rarely sit down to have a good long cry about "what might have been."

Take Joe, for instance. Man, he was fun. He could always make me laugh, and even after we broke up, we remained friends (even though it took about a year for me to stop bitterly bringing up his new girlfriend every time I saw him). He would come over to my house and wake me up in the morning by getting really close to my face and whispering "Hey, hey, hey" over and over again. We would go visit his grandma and she'd clasp her hands and tsk-tsk over what a shame it was that we didn't stay together. Anytime he was in trouble, I was the first person he would call.

Until he met Becky. They live together now, and as far as I can tell, they're going to get married and have about sixteen kids. I like Becky, don't get me wrong, but once he met her he completely forgot I existed. C'est la vie.

One guy I had a crush on a few years ago, but never really dated... Ron... he's married, with a little boy, living in some remote corner of Indiana - God only knows where. Ron was hilarious, too... a bit of a pipe dreamer, but a good guy to talk to nonetheless. Made a few bad choices - robbing a video store wasn't his finest hour - but all around a very sweet guy. Really.

Then there was David. David and I met on a BBS when I had just turned 15 and he was about 16. We were complete opposites - I was, by definition, a "prep," he was a Kurt-Cobain worshipping "grunge" - but we ignored the stares and the comments and we were most definitely in love with each other. We had fun, we were silly, we were everything that high school sweethearts should be. Long story short, pressure from our families and friends ("You two aren't right for each other," that sort of bullshit) tore us apart 4 years ago on July 4.

David's married now... to a scary, scary girl who thinks she's a witch or some shit... she's already had one kid and I hear another one's on the way... David's supporting this entire operation on a Radio Shack salary. We still talk every once in a while, and it's strange - whenever we do, I start talking exactly like him - same hand motions, same facial expressions, same vocal inflection... I guess I'll always miss him and a part of me will always smile when I think about our "boyfriend-girlfriend" days, but I know that David was a temporary thing, put in front of me to teach me not to be some damn superficial. It worked, too.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I only had one boyfriend that I wouldve dropped everything for, sophomore year of college. Dating Mike was like dating a dream. I was high on him all the time, I think because we met online and he lived in Michigan and we only saw one another one time. The rest of it was sweet longing and imagination and torture, letters and emails and phone calls and denying the inevitability of our demise. I look at Mikes beautiful picture now and Im sad that I dont know him at all. I only knew him then, very intensely, during our ten- month bubble. I know he played guitar and was fiercely protective of his younger siblings and that he liked to play basketball and he had never seen the ocean before he came to visit me. He had pretty blue eyes and baby soft skin and he looked like a hot jock but he was nervous as a fawn in bed. I was looking forward to a lifetime of firsts with Mike. But we dont talk anymore. What for? I cant visit him in Michigan and hang out with him. We cant be friends; I want to marry him every time I hear his voice or think about his hands or remember what it used to feel like laying next to him watching Pulp Fiction. Even though it wasnt a real relationship in the traditional sense, Mike taught me everything I know about love.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Out of the few who got away, it's only Alain I still think about. It's no accident that he's also the one who loved me best. I know I made the right decision to break up with him, but sometimes I also feel like I haven't really let him go

A certain look or a gesture of a stranger can flood me with memories of him. Then it starts me thinking about him. I don't know what it is between us, a certain irresistible.  I know I shouldn't care, but I can't help but think about what he could be doing or thinking, if he's all right. Does he spend too much time on the computer? Does he still sleep way too late? Sometimes, not very often, I'm thinking it's not right that I am not part of his life now.

In some quiet moments, a keen, acute sense of wanting to talk to him and see how he is hits me. I don't know why, all I know is that when it happens, I can't help it.

 

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Think of them? Yes. In a good way? No.

I'm completely happy with the man I married, none of my ex's (and there were plenty of them) can hold a candle to him.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I have the ocassional thought about "Man, what would have happened if we hadn't broken up...?" It's much like when you speculate in passing what it would feel like to touch your finger to that glowing halogen light bulb even though there's a warning label not to or when you wonder what might've happened if, when that guy ran a red light and hit you, you'd been a foot further in the intersection... it merely provides a kind of contrast to one's present situation.

The Husband-Type Man is ten thousand times more amazing than either of my Exes/Whys. I can honestly say I miss nothing about them.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Oy, did I pine for the one who got away. For at least 2 or 3 years after we broke up he was the one that I still got tingly thinking about.

I was 17 and working at a drug store when I met him. I looked up from emptying the trash and there was this GUY. He was tall, skinny, wearing a motorcycle jacket and some weird leather hat that I remember thinking was an ill-conceived nod to Great White. But even with the tragic hat, he was beautiful. Dark hair, green eyes, and he was smiling at me like I was catnip or something. We stared at each other for almost a full minute before he came in to talk to me. Of course he walked around the store just to play it cool. And when he finally veered away from the candy and the cigarettes to come talk to me, I could barely look at him. He asked me what I did for fun and I gave him some smart ass answer, which came out as a mumble. I think I told him that I was into arson and the statistics of emerging 3rd world nations. He continued to look down at me, and demanded softly that I give him a serious answer. Did I mention his voice? One of the best things about him--honeyed granite, raspy, shiver inducing. So I gave him a serious answer, and looked at him. And he was still beautiful. I gave him my number, but we only managed to have one date, and one 20 minute long kiss. We "dated" by phone for most of a year, and eventualy he dumped me because I wasn't able to visit him when I said I was. I didn't visit because I was scared shitless. If I had, I was afraid that the desire I felt for him while kissing him goodbye would overwhelm me and I'd wind up pregnant and stuck in Maine. He was an extremely talented guitarist and he wanted to pursue that.I wanted to graduate from college before moving anywhere, especially Maine.

Afterwards, I dated alot of guys but three years later I called him and the old feelings were rekindled. Ha. Two weeks before I was to visit him, he wrote and told me not to come. I had non refundable tickets, so I paid the $75 to change the destination and went to see my half brothers and half sister instead. Two years after that, I had a dream about him standing in my doorway asking for my help. I called him and he was a wreck about some girl who was needing her space. I smiled inwardly about that, but I gave him some advice and the girl was then frantic to have him back. Of course he had already gotten back together with an ex-girlfriend from the dim past, by the time she came around. I'm still really fond of him, though I've lost track of him. I called him when I got engaged, and he said he thought we should see each other again, maybe he could come to the wedding. I snorted and told him that would never happen, but that I'd give him a call when my ex-boyfriend archive website was up. When the site was finished, I called the his mom's number, the one that I'd been calling on and off for 10 years. It was disconnected, with no forwarding number. I think I've found her, but I'm curiously reluctant to forward the URL to her. I loved him, but I've been over him a long time.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Actually, I wondered about my boyfriend in juniour high for a long time.

We split up in the eight grade because he had moved away for year, and when he came back, he found a smoking, foul-talking, mohawked, mascaraed lolita who took his hand and put it up her shirt, where his usually more benign girlfriend had once been standing waiting for him to make a move in silence. And his Orthodox family weren't real impressed either. I sloughed it off, but over the years, I did wonder.

Then, when I was in my early twenties, I got a call from him at work. He was a lawyer for the states attourney and said he had thought of me, and wanted to know if we could have dinner. Wow. Cool. Great. That's what I said and thought.

Before.

He shows up. He's gorgeous, always was, in a very tall Matthew Broderick sort of way, not in the more effeminate vein that I tended to go for once I grew out of my mohawk. But he's certainly nice to look at, even though he's wearing a suit. He kisses my cheek, he brings me flowers, he takes me out to an upscale restaurant downtown. I'm thinking he was expecting a Girl.

He drinks too much, because he wants to stay one drink ahead of me. I am Irish-Italian and have the alchohol capacity of a small army. He is not and does not.

He refuses to let me drive. I grip the dash all the way back to my apartment and chant under my breath to keep from screaming. We get back, I say he can come in when he asks against my better judgement, and his tongue is down my throat before I can put my coat down. As I'm trying to fend him off, he passes out. Cold.

He remains on my floor for the next 72 hours (no, I am not kidding) in a state of mostly-asleep-occassionally-awake in which the awake part entails him reaching out to grope my ass, asking for coffee which I make and he never drinks, and waxing poetic about junior high. At the end of the seventy-two hour period I have left the house three times to go hide in the dollar-theater and see The Last of the Mohicans Repeatedly, because it was all that was playing. After the third viewing, I mustered up all the energy my small person could, picked him up under the arms, dragged him out through the lobby, into his car, and shut the door.

A day later, after ignoring the doorbell, the car was gone. He called a few weeks later to ask if we could go out again. Really.

I think the wondering part is better. I prefer wondering to finding out. usually they get away for a good reason, methinks.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Bob. Or, at least thats what I'll call him. We had one hell of a relationship from the beginning. We went through hell & back together more than a few times. He was there for me when my friends weren't. He was there for me when even my parents weren't. My parents loved him too. I would come home from work & Bob would be asleep on the couch & dad would be asleep in his chair. My mom would take Bob out shopping with her. Sometimes, I wondered who he was dating. I loved him to death. I think I still do. That sick little part inside you that wonders what he is doing every time there is a blank spot in your mind. I miss him. A lot. I still talk to him once in awhile. We can go months & months without talking, and when we do .. its like no time has passed. We broke up because he moved back east. That sick little part of me mentioned above still believes that if he hadn't moved, we would still be together. That sick little part also likes to think that we will be together again. I've dated many men (read: losers) since him, and I've managed to stop comparing them to him, but sometimes I stop & ask myself if I would dump current man for Bob if he came back, and most of the time, the answer is yes. I can't explain my love for him, and I only have one friend that understands it. She makes me call him if I bring him up.. she says if he is on my mind, there is a reason for it. and I do .. and I fall in love all over again. I would never trade what I have learned since him for the time we've been apart. We have both grown up more than either of us ever imagined. We are good together. Oh man.. I think I'm going to have to pull out that box of old letters.. ::sigh:: .. Sorry to get sappy on you .. Hoping Bob never really is the one that got away.. Kat

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

see, my friends and i over the past year "broke up" (much like we were dating) in about march. not to sound like a poor victim, but i was pretty much dumped. i made up with a few of them by the time i left school in may, but not all. anyway, being the tight group of friends that we were, we of course had lots of inside jokes etc. everytime i hear a certain song on the radio that either reminds me of a particular person or reminds me of a funny situation involving the song, i'll laugh, then growl at myself for laughing, then start getting angry again over the whole long mess, and then think to myself "damnit... i thought we agreed never to think about them again!" arrrgg. i usually get angry all over again whenever i think about it, but as time goes by, i get less and less angry. of course, this anger helps to fuel my workouts. or ranting sessions. or barbaric yawps. it still bugs me that it bothers me, though. fuck'em.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

yah. i wrote an entry about it.
My Own Fierce Self


-- Anonymous, July 16, 2000

Blanche, can you post the address for your ex-boyfriend archive site?

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2000

yes.

her name was Jodi. 12 years ago.

I can honestly say it was Love At First Sight. It _really_ was.

We had a desperate, passionate relationship. There was some other guy, though. He had more money, was a 'safer' choice, I guess.

She married him, instead of me.

The last time I saw her, she had her beautiful baby daughter with her, and I thought to myself, "That should have been my little girl she's holding."

this is making me sad just thinking about it. so i try not to.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000

Damn the web.

I have been wondering exactly this same thing about several of my ex- girlfriends, and I was okay with wondering so long as I didn't know anything about what had happened. Through the wonders of modern technology, I've managed to find out that they've grown, matured, become extremely successful, and even more beautiful than they were twenty years ago.

One, I was in an on-again-off-again relationship which lasted for a couple years; during one of the off periods, she met and married somebody. Another, I worked with for a couple years and during that time I probably spent more time with her than I did with my wife. She doesn't really count as an ex-girlfriend, but in a weird masochistic way I'd like it if she was. She's married now to a successful programmer, and they're thinking of breeding some (no doubt) beautiful children.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2000