Have you put childish things behind you? When? Was there a particular event or circumstance that divided the child from the adult? Or has the perpetual infantilization of popular culture kept you from being the grown-up you feel you ought to be?

(I think to be a proper adult you have to be able to wear a hat without it being an ironic statement - and I'm not talking about a backwards baseball cap.)

-- Nicholas E. Grinder (me@impolex.demon.co.uk), July 05, 2000

Answers

Hard to point to a specific moment -- somewhere after marriage and before buying a house. Realizing how much school debt I was in after getting my law degree woke me up to how unchildlike I am. So did negotiating a big settlement on the phone between appearances at court in another case and realizing that (i) I would lose my job if anything went wrong either with the settlement or the court hearings and (ii) that there was NO ONE to turn to for advice on how to do either of them right. Also, realizing that I am at fault for very blameworthy things that really hurt other people permanently, so that I no longer wake up feeling fresh in the mornings. Waking up with a start and a rush of guilty adrenaline is a purely post-childhood experience. None of these moments were much fun, actually, now that I look at it.

Oh -- and the hat. I started wearing a big furry Russian trooper's hat to work in the winter of 1995 (I lived in Greenwich Village at the time, so it wasn't all that far out as headgear went). Don't know if that counts toward adulthood. Probably too pleasant.

-- Tom Dean (tsd@ogk.com), July 05, 2000.

The day I heard myself saying, "God, I can't stand the music kids these days listen to."

-- Lucy Huntzinger (huntzinger@mindspring.com), July 06, 2000.

Hum. I know how to be an adult -- to be responsible for myself, pay the bills on time, go the the doctor and dentist when necessary, take care of other people, do the right thing at work and meet all the deadlines, etc. I've done that since 1990, when my mother lost her job and I was suddenly responsible for two other adults on a secretary's salary (if you want to mark a turning point).

However, I don't have a house and mortgage, car, children or the other accoutrements that modern society says adults should have. Does that make me a child?

I do know that I differ from what society considers "adulthood" in significant ways. There's the lack of material responsibility mentioned above. I still like childish things -- riding my bike, making stuff with Lego, snowball fights, tickling and giggling, cooking up outlandish imaginary stories in my head. I like to play, and I do it whenever I get the chance. I don't seem to have the same gravitas that is expected of adults, nor do I feel the need for same. As long as I meet my responsibilities (which in my mind is the sign of true adulthood), the rest of the time is my own, and it's spent doing thoroughly undignified things.

As for hats, I've worn them all my life without a hint of irony, and with more than a dash of flair. Then again, that could just be me.

MMF

-- Melanie Miller Fletcher (xanadu1@ibm.net), July 06, 2000.

Chalk me up in the "no mortgage, no car, no kids" category of notgonnagrowupnohow protestations. Still freaking out about having taken on the responsibility of another cat. But I think working at a high school last year really made me realize that, well, I'm now the person that sixteen-year-olds come to for advice.

I wish I could claim that this Fulbright scholarship made me grow up. Certainly I'm far more aware of the world and my place in it, after having spent nearly ten months in eastern Europe. But being paid to keep a journal (which is essentially what it's come down to) isn't really heavy responsibility.

Hat: fedora. Always has been. Recently bought a black wool hat of that style. Will wear it as soon as this freaking 40+ degree heat wave (100+ farenheit) passes on.

-- Dorothy Rothschild (dorothyr@spies.com), July 10, 2000.

i think i became an adult about 3 weeks ago when i started my first full time (but still freelance) job. i'm making a lot of money. which is good. i don't have much free time. which is bad. this catapults me to the top of my field. which is good. a lot people know who i am and constantly ask me stupid, pain in the ass questions about my work. which is bad. i get to write for a living. which is good. i have neither the time nor the energy to update my journal. which sucks.

nevertheless, i stil feel like a child. i don't quite get what all these adults are up to - mortgages, car payments, pta meetings, golf, etc. - and i doubt that i ever will.

- s.

-- s. - - http://sona.diaryland.com (sankalpa66@hotmail.com), July 15, 2000.

I think I've always felt like an adult, since maybe nine or ten... yet I am still quite reputed to engage in "childish" behavior quite frequently. Is the real question "when did you begin feeling old?" That for me is easy...it's when my son's friends discovered I was once a close friend of a now famous celeb and they remarked, "he's that old?"

-- tori (toritoo@aol.com), July 16, 2000.

Like tori i have felt like an adult since i was about 9 or 10. No reflection on my parents, but i never really enjoyed childhood because children have so little control over where they live and how they spend their days. Sometimes other kids really suck and you can't get away from them. Also the clothes were truly awful and the music was what was on the radio. I was thrilled to move into my own tiny slummy apartment at 17. I felt relieved when the state declared me legally responsible for my own actions at age 18. This made it easier to rent apartments.

As for hats, where i live you have to wear them or the skin on your ears will freeze and fall off in ugly patches. I usually go for some type of wool beret that can be pulled down for extra protection or perched at a jaunty angle for a sad attempt at stylishness on a warmer day. It never completely works though. I enjoy the chance to go hatless in the summer.

-- SallyHewson (sallyhewson@sympatico.ca), July 17, 2000.