BBS Premier Corinthian League

Team	Manager	Ground	Sponsor
Athletico Backworth	Jonno	Stadium of Glory (Colliery Row, Backworth)	Sam Harvey Independent Traders
Barton's Samba	Barton	Wancap Stadium	Ralgex
Beardo United	Beardo	South Park	Chocolate Salty Balls
Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	SMB	Gill Ingham Park	None
Brewery Droopers United	Windy	Trophyless Park	Viagra
Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx	HMP Barlinnie Stadium	Pennant's Super
MacBeth's Marauders	MacBeth	Dunsinane Dip	Vanish
MinesaS&N Academicals	muzzainoz	Wankdorf Stadium	None
Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	Cathedral Of Cultured Kinetics	Marshall
Proper Lard Unathletic	Tony Green jnr	Jerry Garcia Memorial Ground, Balti House, 'Hands On' massage parlour and trout farm	Weightwatchers
Steph's Superstars	Steph	Strawbeery Park	Kodak
Toon Goons	Ciara	St Bobby Robson's Park	Airmiles
Dabizas Pleazas	PeteT	Toumba Hell Hole	Abbey-normal Brains
Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	St Arskikas Park	Swann Hunter
Woodstock County	Cliff	Hicliff-a-Venue	Greenalls
Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	Bashley Bombsite	FHM

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Team	Manager	Ground	Sponsor
Baxter Basics	Baxter	St Winifred's Choir Park	Werthers Originals
Blaydon Racers	Geordie	Parc de Pints	Tits'R'Us
Chevy's Choppers	Chevy	The Theatre of Drams	Anusol (We keep it tight at the back!)
Dudley Boys	Hayley	Dudley Welfare	None
Howdon Harriers	Softie	The Broon Bowl	Kings Taxis
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew	Sumbrites Park	Yo-Yo
ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK	MOTD (Men on the Dole) Stadium	Mr Buyright
Jessie's High Pants	Loony Toon	T'PaddyField	Dibley's Draft Excluders
Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	Hoggs Bog	Ginsters
Quantum Mechanicals	True	????? Park Avenue	Dragone's 1s3d specials
Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	Central Park	Remmington
Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	Worbackyard	None
Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy	Bovril Park	Edinburgh Wool Mill
The Gallowgate	Kegsy	Seijin James' Koen	The Strawberry
The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	Stade de Cyberspace	Pedigree Chum
Screacher's Creatures	Screacher	Jasp's Market	New Snowball Claret

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Team	Manager	Ground	Sponsor
Ceptic	TSM	Stadium of Silence	Group 4
Superstitious FC	Gav	The Victory Ground	Big Jugs Monthly
Shilbottle WMC	Gus	The Village Green	Tooheys
Doomed United	Dougal	Pity Me Ground (Co Durham)	Valium
Preston Big End	clarky	Prejudice Park	Preparation H
FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom	Ron Manager Memorial Ground	Cheesy Peas
Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo	Stanley Stadium	Open University
Bewildered De Builders	De Builder	De Built Park	BEAVER
Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill	The Colliery Welfare of Light	Mystic Meg (She's seen it aal before!)
Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	World of Leather	Rothmans Football Yearbook
SS Enterprise	Elliot	Hogwarts	Heinz
The Entertainers	Kevin Keegan	Optimism Arena	Fairy Dust
Sexy Boys	Ruud Gullit	Arrogance Arena	Barclays
Real Seghill	Juano	Seghill Rec	The Blake Arms
Unaccountable Wild-elf Bottles	Josh	Jam Nasties Park	Who needs them?
FC Forget-Me-Nots	Robby Bobson	Langley Park	Robbie's Incontinence Pants

And the first fixtures will be played tomorrow!

Fixtures: Match 1

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Ath B'Worth	Vs	Min Acad
Bart Smba	Vs	Pil Conv
Brdo Utd	Vs	PLU
Bor C'cach	Vs	Steph Sup
Brwy Drp	Vs	Toon Gns
Dabz Plz	Vs	W'end OB
Dunc Dis	Vs	W'stck Co
Macs Mar	Vs	Yell Yobs

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bax Bscs	Vs	JHP
Blydn Rac	Vs	PPP
Car Utd Rev	Vs	Qutm Mech
Chev Chop	Vs	R Zargsy
Cor Smrt Cas	Vs	Screach Cr
Ddly Boys	Vs	Spayne
How Hrs	Vs	The G'gate
ITKHWB	Vs	The St War

BBS Notionless League Division 2

BDB	Vs	R S'hill
Ceptic	Vs	Sexy Boys
Dmd Utd	Vs	SWMC
DAB(B)T	Vs	SS E'prise
FC F-M-N	Vs	Super' FC
FC JfGP	Vs	The E'ners
G'erai	Vs	TGS
Prest BE	Vs	UWB

The excitement is tangible...:-)

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Answers

Nomination for the most creative team name - "Gallowgateaserai"
Just love it. Well done to the Washington Wonder - get back in that cupboard!

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Real Seghill have been forced to play their opening match away from home due to the stadium at Seghill Rec still undergoing frantic last minute preparations for the new season. A jumper is still required for a goalpost at one end and clearing up the cow pats from the playing area may take several more days.

Manager Juano exuded confidence last night as he gave a press conference to the Motoring correspondent of The Blyth News (the sports editor was attending the Athletico Backworth Press conference).

"I intend to take this club to it's rightful place which is the Premiership" he snapped. We have a good deal of friendly rivalry with near neighbours Athletico Backworth but we intend to get up there and stuff the scumbags" he added diplomatically.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

The spreadsheet is ready and the PC's are ready to go!

Statto

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Ho ho.....first up, three points off the Stella Warriors....Promotion here we come....I can feel it in my water.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Tremendous draw, firsy game agaisnt Softies lost. My XI are looking forward to playing his 21 and the random number generator. Oh yes 3 points in the bag. Unfortunately the bag's Softies and I don't think he's going to give it to me.....

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Dougal, as my sponsers are withdrawing support, our away strip is the same as our home one, skins. (It also reduces laundry costs) A deal with new sponsers is almost ready to be announced, however, I fear not before the opening game.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Come on me Superstitious boys!! let's show that incontinent old fart what it's all about!!!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

eek what a dirty first up fixture that posses the grime of the Colliery workers against the gunk on the Gutter Snipes.

Good luck Pit Bill. You'll need it. heheheheheheheh

;-)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Hmmm PPP eh? We lost 1-0 to them twice last season. It'll be interesting to see how my new signings and fitness regime work over the early part of the season.

I expect to be challenging for a playoff slot this season.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Sensational news! TWO managers up before the FA at their Byron Avenue headquarters in Willington Quay before a ball's even been kicked.

Pilgrim for openly admitting to shadowing the competition with a spreadsheet - gasp! Surely a hanging offence for showing so little grasp on reality?
Kegsy for impuning the good name of the manager of Howdon Harriers by suggesting that he would let his position as League Chairman affect his honesty (I've cancelled that cheque and I'm sending the boys round!) :-)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

You're a hard man Softie! (Eh?)

In Mitigation the spreadsheet only covers the Converts and player stats. It's not a league table. :o))

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Hmmmm! Well be warned, first sign of a trembling lip, any sentence that begins something like, "Shouldn't Solano have scored 3 points..." will be met with withering scorn and will result in the docking of points :-)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Softie,

I was merely suggesting that due to your tactical nous you would have selected a massive squad of 21 players whereas I would have selected just 11. I appologise completely to the FA and do not believe that just because you are chairman and manager there could be any conflicts of interest. I mean a home game in the first fixture was justluck of the draw.

I also believe I shouldn't be reported to the FA as it can all be clearly explained as a typo like all of my posts.

That's right forget the previous excuse this is much better, I meant to ype 11 but the numbers 2 and 1 are so very close together and it was dark and I wasn't wearing my glasses......

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Don`t count your chickens ITK! We mean to start the season with style!!!(:o)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

The Viagra's stacked high, and the team's got a solid look about it this season. Although we've severed links with the Brewery, there's still an underlying feeling that they are the spiritual heart of the club, as can be evidenced by the extensive bar facilities at the training ground. Although the runners up place might have seemed to some like it was another failure to win anything, it was in fact a deliberate policy in order to avoid having to change the name of the ground. well, that's what we told the supporters anyway, and they seemed to accept it. They said that if we wanted to keep the stadium trophyless, then we wouldn't mind it being empty either.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

A complaint has been made to the league about intimidation by fans of Athletico Backworth of MinesaS&N Academicals . As the Academicals team Ford Transit drew into Colliery Lane on their way to the match they were greeted with a sign saying "Welcome to Hell" and several fierce looking individuals lining their route.

The local policeman shrugged and said "That sign has always been there - it's nothing to do with the football - and - I'm sorry I can't do anything about the appearance of the locals." The police also pointed out that their known Backworth "Hard Lads" were all over at Seghill "Kicking the sh*t out of those b*ggers".

However to reassure the Academicals, a police presence is to be maintained around the stadium just as soon as PC Smeaton can repair the puncture on his bike.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Come off it Scratchy! We know that Carlisle United Revisited is just a new name for the relegated TFKASS from last season. Whatever nom de guerre your lot are using we are ready.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Well, I've been looking forward to meeting up with Young Kev Herrod for a while now and our first game of the season against his Superstitious FC will bring us together at last. I might have guessed that he'd have a 'tit' in his team but where he gets the 'super' from makes me wonder.
Ever since he doubted my ability to last the pace I have proved him wrong. You would do well to remember that. Life isn't just one party after another though I have to admit I've probably had more parties than Emma Nicholson. You know, my boys have come a long way and you'd do well to remember that. Don't forget the not to be forgotten FC Forget-Me-Nots. Forget us at your persil.
Well, let me tell you this young laddie. This seasoning will be no exception. Your trip to Langley Park will memorable so don't forget it. Just remember what Robby's Incontinence Pants (RIP) are for. They're for people who p**s all over the others.
Can anybody remind me who's in my tean? I seem to have mislaid the bed-sheet.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Following the threat of violence at Athletico's opening match, I have been in touch with the league headquarters at Willington Quay to ask them to send a representative.

Softie apparently said "I can't be arsked" (I think that's what he said). "We are very busy fixing the random number generator". When I replied that we didn't realise it was broken Softie replied "It isn't" and hung up.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000