Team Selection BBSPCL Season 3

Hopefully most of you are already familiar with the concept behind this game. Every member of the League gets to pick a squad of NUFC Greats (and hangers-on) (or even Maric) which will comprise 5 points-worth of players from each of the nine categories:

Goalkeepers
Left sided Defenders
Central Defenders
Right sided Defenders
Left sided Midfielders
Central Midfielders
Right sided Midfielders
Centre Forwards
Jokers

Please note: this means five points in EACH category, not in total. Your squad size will depend on whether you sign lots of cheap players or fewer, more expensive players - aka the "Kenny or Kevin" dilemma.

Example:

You are offered 5 points from:
Shearer = 4 points
Ferdinand = 2 Points
Ketsbaia = 2 Points
Robinson = 1 Point

The only legal selections are:
1) Shearer & Robinson
2) Ferdinand, Ketsbaia & Robinson

I will randomly draw an NUFC game from the last 5 seasons and points will be awarded to teams for their players who make an appearance. Games can only be drawn once. Every NUFC League and Cup game from home and Europe can be drawn except for the following for which the data is not available:

All Cup games 1995/6
Charidee Shield 1996/7 (not that it'll be missed)
UEFA Cup 1996/7

The Rules

The teams will be drawn against each other according to a fixture list I will publish. The points will be compared and a scoreline deduced from a comparison of the points scored to the average achieved by the teams on that day.

Example:The teams average 12 points. 2 teams drawn against each other each score 8 points, they will be awarded a 0-0 draw. Two other teams attain 16 and 14, this will become a 3-2 win to the team with 16. 12 against 12 will most likely be 1-1. Teams must be a whole 2 points better than their opponent to get a win (ie a whole player better)

Of course, the League Chairman's word is final, and Taggartliness will be leaned on heavily with points deductions or even expulsion from the League.

Points will be awarded as follows:

Home Team = 2 (home advantage)
Player starts = 2
Player on as sub = 1
Striker scores goal = 2 (per goal)
Midfielder scores goal = 3 (per goal)
Defender scores goal = 4 (per goal)
Sub scores = double applicable rate
Goalie keeps clean sheet = 2
Goalies also have the goal difference of the match added to their score (i.e. Srnicek would receive 9 points for Howay 5-0 - 2 + 2 + 5; Shaka would get 1 point for appearing in a 4-3 loss: 2 + -1)
Player receives yellow = -1
Player receives red = -2
Joker receives 5 for appearing
The chairman will award extra Magpie points for particularly legendary feats and to right wrongs (e.g. Rob Lee would have scored at Old Trafford without Solskjaer's cheating, so he would get the 3 points for scoring).

Players who pick up 3 yellows or one red will be banned for one match - this means that the next time they are drawn they will receive no points.

Goal Keepers

Player	Points
Given	3
Harper	2
Hislop	2
Srnicek	3

Left Backs

Player	Points
Beresford	3
Elliott	2
Hughes	2
Pearce	2
Pistone	3

Centre Backs

Player	Points
Albert	2
Dabizas	3
Goma	1
Helder	1
Howey	2
Marcelino	1
Peacock	2

Right Backs

Player	Points
Barton	3
Charvet	2
Griffin	2
Watson	3

Left Midfielders

Player	Points
Domi	2
Gallacher	2
Ginola	2
Glass	1
Maric	1

Central Midfielders

Player	Points
Barnes	1
Batty	2
Beardsley	2
Clark	2
Hamann	1
Lee	4
McClen	1
Speed	3

Right Midfielders

Player	Points
Dyer	2
Fox	1
Georgiades	1
Gillespie	3
Solano	3

Strikers

Player	Points
Andersson	1
Asprilla	2
Dalglish	1
Ferdinand	2
Ferguson	2
Ketsbaia	2
Kitson	1
Robinson	1
Shearer	4
Tomasson	1

Jokers

Player	Points
Beharrall	5
Brady	5
Dumas	5
Guivarc'h	5
Hottiger	5
Karelse	5
Saha	5
Sellars	5
Serrant	5
Wright	5

Please e-mail me with your selections at as soon as possible and certainly by Monday 26 June. Everyone who has already taken part keeps their place in the league they reached, and new players will form a third division to the league.

This original take on the Fantasy Football concept is still copyrighted by yours truly and I hope you all enjoy taking part for a third glorious season.

Softie :-)

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2000

Answers

Oops! I meant please e-mail me at: softie02@hotmail.com as I have more space there. Thanks.

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2000

p.s. Don't forget to name your team and ground. Those who have made it already will doubtless wish to namecheck their sponsors too :-)

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2000

Mornin` Softie - another busy night at the computer?! Don`t know where you find the time! But keep it up, you`re doing a great job! I shall be making my selection this morning!(:o)

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2000

Just sent mine off....I expect great things from this team!!!

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2000

As a virgin Corinthian, my first team application is in.

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2000

Roll up, roll up: plenty more room on top.

-- Anonymous, June 18, 2000

Plug, plug, plug or glug, glug, glug.

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2000

You let us know if theres any problems with any of the applications sent in so far?

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2000

No worries Gav, Superstitious FC have become founder members of Division 2, Notionless League.

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2000

Mucho's Gracias....

The board assure me that I have their full backing until after the first game at least...

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2000

E Mail just sent......after three.....one two three.....

we're are top of the league say we are top of the league.....we're are top of the league say we are top of the league.....we're are top of the league say we are top of the league.....we're are top of the league say we are top of the league.....we're are top of the league say we are top of the league

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2000

Selection on its way. I've had to change my keepers as they only turned up for 7 games last season!

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Just sent mine off, only minor tinkering from last year's plucky bunch, cruelly demoted thanks to the latter-day bias of the so-called randomiser. I'll keep the same team and stadium name, ta, and welcome sponsorship from sharecrash.com, the internet company specialising in helping you lose your money by investing in inernet companies.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Ooh! Do they have a prospectus, I'm a sucker for hard-sell...:-)

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

I've sent mine and in a moment of Dalglish-style madness have dropped Big Al and drafted in Pam. Oops.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

its all right for you.....I'm expecting great things of the apostrophe.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

TIWY

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

***** PRESS RELEASE ***** PRESS RELEASE *****

Reuters comment: Latest team pick news, mysteriously leaked to the press by person(s) unknown late last night. Source of the leaked document believed to be Softie's battered Gladstone Bag of Tricks (and holes):

CLUB: Jessie's High Pants (newly sponsored by Dibley's Draft Excluders). MANAGER: Loony Toon to keep the job of manager - for now at least. STADIUM: After the successes of our inaugural season, rotund Chairman of Jessie's High Pants, the esteemed Mr. F.A.T. B'stard, has gerously funded our move from T'Moor to our splendid new premises named T'PaddyField. We anticipate significantly improved home advantage this coming season, given the unparalleled preparation of the club's pre-season tour in which we faced amateur champions Norfolk Fens Royal Navy (Deep-Sea Diving Club).

Ends

TEAM PICK:

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

First timer just posted off a team.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Tre, that'll mean that your in the same league as me :)) shame i'm no longer interested in Yelli cos we could've used our matches as deciders on who won her ;))

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Team submitted. I'm hoping to last more than 3 games before getting the sack this year. My chairman has offered me his full support!

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Team details are on their way. Looking to improve by just one place - likelyhood is the tinkering will result in a desperate plunge in form, just like when Asprilla arrived. Allegedly. If you listen to the press.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Over half the places are now filled. Still have about 6 places for newbies and a few from each of the other divisions yet to resubmit their selections.

Failure to meet the Monday deadline will result in expulsion from the league and teams shuttling upwards to fill the gaps starting with relegated clubs last season and then going by dates teams were submitted. I shall publish the teams entered so far this evening.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

You means it's possible I could get promoted without ever having kicked a ball?.....you must be affiliated to UEFA!!! ;))

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Duncan's Disorderlies will continue to ply their trade at the HMP Barlinnie Stadium, which has been refurbished in the close season in conjunction with the new team sponsors, Pennant's Super. The new stadium has improved electrified fencing, more coppers with guns and no women are allowed in. The captive audience of 30,000 per seat can look forward to spending a great deal of time here, though the chairman has expressed some concern over travel plans for away games.

The new team kit will have a 'puke' motif, revamping the previous season's shit brown and bringing it into the 21st century. The shirts will also feature the Pennant's Super logo of a half-empty can of beer superimposed on a bag of chips nestling in a pool of blood and fag ash.

As a deal to fans, the club will be issueing free tattoo vouchers to anyone buying the full team kit. Simply present your voucher to that bloke with a squint and no lips and you will qualify for a hand-tooled scrotal tattoo of Duncan Ferguson.

Howay the lads.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Pres Relea

I cant aford a ful 1.

A new team in the lge, their own manager cant remembr their name, will start the season Not only w/o a sponser but w/o shirts. They r so shrt of funds they will play in skins with numbrs boot polished onto their backs.

When a spnsr is found a full pres rleas wil b made.

Ther mngr gus is so poor he cant even aford a capital letr 4 his name.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Yet another funny coloured pill for Gus today by the looks of things ;)))

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

How man, gus man!

My team has already baggsied skins as our away kit!

If you're competing in the Notionless 1 then we'll have a bit of a colour clash. I've just received sponsorship from a breast implant manufacturer who's logo is a pair of nipples.... hence the "skins" away top.

Details:
Team: Blaydon Racers
Stadium: Parc de Pints
Manager: Geordie (back by popular demand!)
Sponsor: Tits'R'Us
Home kit: shirts
Away kit: skins


-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

There may well be problems if I cannot find a club or shirt sponser.

Our Home ground is the Shilbottle Welfare. So you can see the difficulty my club is in.

We may have to borrow your home kit when you come to play us!!!

Make sure you pack them.

I have it on good authority, well from a well known Taxi driver around here, that a willing mug is in negotiations with ther club as we speak.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Dear Loony Toon,

I feel it is my duty to warn you in my capacity as League Manager that the Team Pick you posted above is deficient in certain key areas:

You have clearly chosen to dispense with naming a joker, which is understandable, however, to discontinue with the time-honoured tradition of fielding a goalkeeper is perhaps a little rash. The complete absence of defenders may conceivably inconvenience your progression in the league as will your non-existent midfield. However, I must protest at your failure to include any forwards in your lineup: all NUFC fans can see the value in the 0-0-11 formation but 0-0-0 is simply unacceptable.

Unless this situation is remedied by Monday afternoon, I shall have no choice but to allocate a team to you which will almost certainly include Maric. :-)

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

What's all this about managers and sponsers and strips and things ? I'm far too busy to bother about incidentals like that. As club owner, I expect every player signed by Gallowgataserai to make whatever arrangements are necessary to attend wherever and whenever we play - and particularly at our magnificent 300 year old stadium at the Miners Welfare of Light.

If any of my players ever come to me with any of these new fangled ideas, heads will roll. I will not have my team taking leaves out of the books of johnny-come-latelies like the French, the Dutch, the Portuguese and the Spanish, or any other second rate nondescript middle European holiday resort tinpot dictatorship you care to mention.

It's our game. We invented it and we'll continue to play it as it's always been played. Winning is meaningless. Playing to a certain standard regardless of the result is the be-all and end-all of why the good lord saw fit to grace the world with the glorious game of Association Football, courtesy of the enlightened favoured few like myself.

If a side can't lose with good grace, it's players shouldn't be allowed the privelege of representing philanthropists like me at an international level, in what I consider to be meaningless competition, which might give foreigners ideas above their station.

Each time I allow players to appear at an international level, my executive in charge of training, Mr William Pit, finds it increasingly difficult to break them of disgusting foreign playing techniques, which achieve nothing other than to leave with an overwhelming sense of inferiority. I repeat, winning will never come first.

I look forward to the coming season with renewed optimism that the glorious sport we all know and love will remain as purely English as it has always been.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

The situation so far. Asterisks denote teams that haven't been returned yet....come on you lot, move with a purpose now!!!

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Team	Manager	Ground	Sponsor
Athletico Backworth	Jonno	Stadium of Glory (Colliery Row, Backworth)
Barton's Samba	Barton	Wancap Stadium	Ralgex
Beardo United	Beardo	South Park	Chocolate Salty Balls
Borussia Canwehaveourballbach*	SMB	Gill Ingham Park
Brewery Droopers United	Windy	Trophyless Park	Viagra
Duncan's Disorderlies	Dunx	HMP Barlinnie Stadium	Pennant's Super
MacBeth's Marauders*	MacBeth	Dunsinane Dip
MinesaS&N Academicals*	muzzainoz	Wankdorf Stadium
Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	Cathedral Of Cultured Kinetics	Marshall
Proper Lard Unathletic*	Tony Green jnr	Jerry Garcia Memorial Ground
Steph's Superstars	Steph	Strawbeery Park	Kodak
Toon Goons	Ciara	St Bobby Robson's Park	Airmiles
Toon Tragedy*	PeteT	Parthenon
Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	St Arskikas Park	Swann Hunter
Woodstock County	Cliff	Hicliff-a-Venue	Greenalls
Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	Bashley Bombsite	FHM

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Team	Manager	Ground	Sponsor
Baxter Basics	Baxter	St Winifred's Choir Park	Werthers Originals
Blaydon Racers	Geordie	Parc de Pints	Tits'R'Us
Chevy's Choppers	Chevy	The Theatre of Drams	Anusol (We keep it tight at the back!)
Dudley Boys*	Hayley	Dudley Welfare
Howdon Harriers	Softie	The Broon Bowl	Kings Taxis
Corinthian Smart-Casuals	The Geordie Jew	Sumbrites Park	Yo-Yo
ITK Heaton World Beaters	ITK	MOTD (Men on the Dole) Stadium	Mr Buyright
Jessie's High Pants*	Loony Toon	T'Moor
Pete's Porkie Pies	Pete in Canada	Hoggs Bog	Ginsters
Quantum Mechanicals*	True	????? Park Avenue
Real Zaragossy	Dr Bill	Central Park
Spayne	Kevin Koogan (Garcie)	Worbackyard
Carlisle United Revisited	Scratchy	Bovril Park	Edinburgh Wool Mill
The Gallowgate	Kegsy	Seijin James' Koen	The Strawberry
The Stellar Warriors	Galaxy	Stade de Cyberspace	Pedigree Chum
Screacher's Creatures	Screacher

BBS Notionless League Division 2

Team	Manager	Ground	Sponsor
Ceptic	TSM	Stadium of Silence	Group 4
Superstitious FC	Gav	The Victory Ground	Big Jugs Monthly
Shilbottle WMC	Gus	The Village Green	Tooheys
Doomed United	Dougal	Pity Me Ground (Co Durham)	Valium
Preston Big End	clarky	Prejudice Park	Preparation H
FC Jumpers for Goal Posts	Tom	Ron Manager Memorial Ground	Cheesy Peas
Douglas All Boys (B) Team	Gibbo	Stanley Stadium	Open University
Bewildered De Builders	De Builder	De Built Park	Wimpey
Gallowgateaserai	Pit Bill	The Colliery Welfare of Light	Mystic Meg (She's seen it aal before!)
Toon Gutter Snipes	Tre	World of Leather	Rothmans Football Yearbook

6 places still up for grabs folks!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

LOL!! Brilliant sponsors, especially in Div 2!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Dear Softie,

Just boxing canny, me old marra :@)

Clearly if I had posted up my complete team pick then you would have been inundated with emails from people merely cutting and pasting my scintillating, winning selection - Geordie the Greek, Andrea, John Dahl & The Apostrophe (still waiting to happen). Ooooops. Well, it's out of the bag now.

Seriously though, hopefully by now you've received what I mailed to your hotmail address ? Let me know if you haven't and I'll send it off again.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

No team arrived yet Loony, mind, it's a long way to come!

softie02@hotmail.com

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Yo-yo?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Dan, if you didn't specify a sponsor you had one foisted on you...feel free to change it. I thought you would be expecting to go straight back up again this season: or are you 'walking the dog'?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Softie,

I am pleased to announce significant new sponsorship deal which ends the alliance with Wimpey. I would like to thank Wimpey for their support over the last couple of hours and would wish them weel in their future endeavours.

However, the board have decided that the club needs a bigger name which projects a better image to the supporters. It was often said that Wimpey would undermine the gritty and determined attitude that will be shown by the Bewildered De Builders, during the coming season.

So without further ado the board are delighted to announce BEAVER as the sponsors for the coming season. BEAVER CONSTRUCTION: Good Damn Builders!!

Any questions from the floor?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

De Builder,
So is there any truth in the rumour that you have entered into a joint sponsorship deal with the off-road division of Nissan?

I believe your shirts are to be emblazoned with the legend: 'Beaver Patrol'

Can you shed any light on this? :-)

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Beaver eh? I've seen cracks appear in some of their work. Are you at all worried that this deal could cause splits to appear in your team?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Rumours like this can only serve to undermine the partnership we have built with BEAVER. A mutual appreciation has developed and I must put these and other damaging rumours to bed. In the past two hours we have been linked with a few companies but I hereby quash these supposed alliances, with the following companies.

Swedish Energy Firm, Eager, so no EAGER BEAVER Swiss Youghurt Firm, Mmm Nice! so no MMM NICE BEAVER UK Crisps, Monster Munch, so no MONSTER BEAVER MUNCH

Plain and simple BEAVER is the one for us!

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Still smells a bit fishy to me...

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Geordie,

They are a tight unit built on excellent foundations and their potential for the future is enormous. The potential expansion and forays into new markets make us proud to be assiciated with BEAVER.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Softie,

Hey come on these guys are a wholesome clean living outfit. Nothing fishy about this BEAVER. Proud of their reputation for safety and welfare of their structures occupants.

The marketing guys make sure that they are industry leaders and sooner rather than later BEAVER will appear in every town in the country. Offering to the masses a service that is Insur'mountable'!

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

De Builder, It's nice to see you giving BEAVER a plug. I'm sure that's a lot better than throwing in the towel at this stage. Keep it up and I'm sure your partnership will flourish.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

If Dunx deems it necessary to pull this particular thread he could find himself with a nasty surprise on his hands...

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

I'm sure we could thrash this one for ages (!) but as I've said on another thread I am bound for the Golden City this afternoon. So I'm afraid I'll have to withdraw and let you guys carry on. Oh dear!

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Fair enough De B, we shouldn't question your choice of sponsor. I'm sure you simply saw an opening and went for it.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

TEAM: After much deliberation, trying to remember where I'd left the pin, the team known as Screacher's Creatures have been entered into the BBSPCL Turd Division with high hopes of promotion in their first season back in the bog time. STADIUM: With this in mind, Screacher's Creatures have moved to their new, porpoise-build stadium Jasp's Market. MANAGER: Screacher with a backroom staff of Kevin Keegan (tactical assistance), Kenny Dalglish (fine-tuning) and Ruud Gullit (responsible for team spirit). SPONSOR: After their tremendous success in Euro 2000, we are pleased to have attracted sponsorship for the forthcoming season from the Nationwide BS who are providing the mortgage facilities for our new stadium. KIT MANUFACTURER: In order to provide plenty of opportunities for old jokes, we have secured the services of Airfix as kit manufacturer. TOPICAL NOTE: Following the comments of Alan Sugar-Daddy, I have limited my squad to 7 Johnnies and 11 Brits in an attempt to help out the British Nationwide Party in their quest for International success. If the League Chairman would care to ammend the rules in line with the old European regulations, I will happily arrange for black market British passports for any of my players who fail to meet the required status. MAGNANIMOUS GESTURE:To help all those less fortunate teams with inadequate stadia, Screacher's Creatures have volunteered to play all their games at Jasp's Market on the understanding that all such matches shall be regarded as home games.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

Screacher you got friggin relegated? Keep it warm down there, I'll be joining you soon as I've placed Georgiadis in my starting XI for this season. I like the combination of Kenny and Gullit aboard as specialist advisors, is it OK with you if I consult with them in their spare time?

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

How about a few pre-season friendly matches while we're waiting Softie?

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

softie Tried twice to get my squad to you today (and Elliots) Keep coming back to me. Could be time for a new homing pigeon? If you don't hear from me later today, I'm struggling to get there.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

NEW SPONSORSHIP DEAL

I just received notification from the Nationwide BS. It seems they aren't happy to be associated with a team of potential winners and have withdrawn their sponsorship.

Undeterred, I have negotiated a better deal allowing me more funds to strengthen my squad. As a result of this new deal, I am very pissed pleased to announce that for the forthcoming season, Screacher's Creatures will proudly carry the famous logo of New Snowball Claret. It's "The Dog's" I tell you and may well "influence" my team selections in future.

Brown and out.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

TGJ and Elliot can rest assured that both team picks were delivered safely.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

There are still 3 places left for new teams in the expanded competition. Since teams in this league get the chance to play for the exclusive Kings' Taxis of Howdon Coffee Mug, I would have thought you'd be breaking down the door :-)

Seriously folks, anyone shillying and shallying, stop your dallying and get a teampick in. What about you Jay, you were threatening to take part at one point weren't you? Come on!

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2000

Dear Mr Souwester, If you are still short of numbers, I will gladly help out. I have a pretty good track record in managing teams and I would like to think I can be successful again. You know me. I come from a humble background. I like to help out the local community and if I can use my OAP tokens at Dukes Taxis I will be very, very pleased to join in.

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2000

Dear Robby Bobson, we would be delighted if you graced our league with your experience :-)

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2000

Douglas All Boys B team are having to move to a new stadium, after a tall sign was noticed behind the jumpers away to the Hall end. It read "No Ball Games Allowed!"

Planning has been approved, and work by Dandara has quickly got underway to contruct an impressive 70 seater stadium on some of the surrounding green belt area, known as the Gooseneck, behind the powerstation. The club are intending use 'Gooseneck' as the new name for the stadium, subject to approval by local residents.

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2000

Softie

I've just sent something - hope it gets there in time.

Josh

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2000

Softie

Have attempted to despatch team pick (yet again). No idea what the techy problem is.

If it doesn't reach you this time, I'll just have to book a month off work and hand deliver to you via banana boat.

Please advise.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

It's just not reaching me Loony: post it on here and everyone else must promise not to look! Either that or I'll give you as close to your last choce as possible.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Panic over Loony, a very tired pigeon just landed on the window-sill.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Well praise the lord.

Do me a favour will you Softie - coo at it a couple of times, pat it on the bum and send it right back. I'm getting hungry down here.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2000

Have done Loony, and I've filled his little message cannister with some mixed herbs, a pich of salt and a liberal sprinkling of ground pepper.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

***** PRESS RELEASE *****

ATTENTION SOFTIE.

Rueters - 6:30pm AEST.

By T.M. Guiness

The board of Toon Gutter Snipes have formerly announced the renaming of their stadium to "Twaddle Down Ditch" after signing a new lucrative sponsorship deal with "TeamTwaddle", the internet based football news service. At the press conference, held at Toon Gutter Snipes' new training facility, 'Refuse Park', manager Tre said that he was 'delighted with the new sponsorship deal, as part of the deal allows me a first hand view of all proposed trades between other BBS Premier & Notionless league teams'.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000