I have a slightly ridiculous situation on my hands and since I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone I know about this, I thought I'd ask here since you all seem to give good answers.

I met a boy a couple of weeks ago, through a relative, and although we didn't talk much I felt like there was really something there. I don't think I'll ever see him again, but I've been thinking about him alot and I've sort of convinced myself I should call him. I got bored and decided to play detective and look him up, and I've found what I think is his number. So the question is, will he completely freak out if I call and is this kind of behaviour a cause for concern?

Maybe I just have too much time on my hands.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

Answers

Yes he probably will, yes it probably is, and yes you probably do. :)

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

why would that make you a stalker? Just call him. You only live once, you might as well make it count. It could turn out to be nothing, but then again it could be fantastic and he could feel the same way, but afraid that HE would seem like a stalker if he called you. I ask you this-- if you might never see him again, what do you really have to lose?

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

He'll at least be flattered.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

it depends a little on how hard his number was to find. I mean, if it's unlisted and you don't know anyone he knows and you had to follow him around and read his mail or something, then I would say relax. but if you have mutual friends/acquaintances, then it could be fine. I'd just be really, really chill and relaxed and humorous on teh phone, if i did call.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

I don't know, I've been accused of stalking one too many times to advise this. Even guys who have given me their number freaked out when I called (hey, I waited the "I'm not a stalker" week and more). This has been true even for one has-been rock star who shame remain nameless who called and wrote me long emails all the time. If the guy wants to freak out, he'll find a reason.

Conversely, if he's a good human being and not the sort mentioned above who get off on the attention they get for crying "stalker" (seems to give them some sort of weird victim cred), he will be flattered. The guys who were I *did* go over the top with were not the ones who called me a stalker...another band ended up being my closest friends and one boyfriend lasted on and off for years. I did way more freaky stuff over him than just a phone call, but that's because, as you said, there was a connection here.

I'd say the best bet is going through that relative. That way, you can express your interest and they can pass along your number (or get his for you, so there won't be the awkward, "How'd you get my number" issue), if he's interested. If he's not, it just shall not be spoken of again.

Take it from a stalker...

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

Hey, that's how my girlfriend and I started going out. We met a couple times through friends, and there was something there, but I was way too shy to hit on her or call her. Eventually, she tracked down my number through a mutual friend and called me. We've been going out now for 2 years and we live together.

I think I speak for shy guys everywhere when i say, go ahead and call him. If he doesn't respond favorably, and you keep calling, THEN you're a stalker.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

I'd suggest reversing the circumstances. A guy meets you via a relative and you for whatever reason don't ask for his number when you meet him. If he got your number the same way you did and called you up out of the blue to talk, would you be squicked and fearful or flattered and happy?

Remember, it's VAGUELY possible that he won't remember who you are at first, too. Would you be okay with someone you weren't sure you remembered calling you? If so, then call.

All in all, if it is natural and normal for you to call, then trust that being yourself is a good plan and follow through. If he doesn't like you when you're being natural and normal (for you), then he's not someone you'd hit it off with long-term anyway, I bet.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

I know I'd be flattered as hell if someone went to that much trouble to look me up.

Something similar happened to me last summer. A theatre girl I'd seen around up at school (ah, those were the days before graduation) wrote me an e-mail because she couldn't find anyone who had my phone number. She just wanted to invite me over because she'd seen in me various productions and wanted to get to know me. I was so flattered I still have the e-mail.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

You only live once, chica. What do you have to lose?

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

It's just a friggin' phone number. Anybody that can be found by using "People Search" on Yahoo! really has no right to feel invaded by a phone call. Telemarketers get called plenty of names, but "stalker" is not one of them, and you're calling for a much nicer reason. As long as you're not planning on standing on his front lawn and peering in the window while dialing the number from a cell phone, I would say you have nothing to worry about, and if he DOES call you a stalker for that, that's his problem, not yours.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

Thankyou, everyone. Valuable advice. :) I will call him. And if he sounds scared and asks "Where did you get this number?", well then, I guess he's just not my kinda guy.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000