Hello Squishites. I need some help. I am going to be meeting my boyfriend's daughter for the first time this weekend. We have been together for a little over 6 months now so this is pretty important to me. She lives in another state and is almost 10 years old.

I wanted to get her a little something to say "Hi, Welcome to Texas, I hope we can be friends", but I don't know anything about what she likes. Does anyone have any suggestions? What do 10 year olds like besides the Backstreet Boys?

This is kind of on the same lines, but a coworker is having a party for her 9 year old daughter's first communion, and I don't know what kind of gift is appropriate for that.

Suggestions welcome! You guys always have great ideas, thanks!

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Answers

Do you live in TX? If you live near the larger cities, I would highly recommend James Avery Craftsman (jewelry shop based in TX) as a fairly inexpensive solution to both of your problems. They have some beautiful things and I know younger girls love the stuff. The sterling silver charms range from under $10 to more than $20, depending on the style and design.

If your boyfriend's daughter has a favorite hobby or something along those lines, there's a charm to fit almost any interest. Maybe you could purchase a TX charm for her to commemorate her trip here! James Avery offers a beautiful religious pieces, too ... at my Communion and Confirmation, I received beautiful sterling silver dove and cross charms, respectively. Necklaces and bracelets to put the charms on vary in price, but are fairly affordable, too. You could always go to another store to get one of those or offer the charm on its on.

Hope that helps! Best of luck!

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Oh, oh! About two months ago (so this could be completely worthless and outdated) gel pens and black pads of paper to write on them with were all the rage in the pre-pubescent set. They come in lovely metallic colours, and the black paper pads do look totally keen.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I like both of those ideas. You cannot go wrong with a sparkly pen! Actually, the James Avery idea is nice but perhaps a little formal for a first meeting. (You can wait until she's 16 to give her something by which to remember you always.) Now's the time for the cool junk.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

My girls spend most of their money on bead sets or braiding sets to make ankle bracelets, fake tattoos and press-on nails, sparkly lipglosses or body glitter, and BOP magazine.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

For the girl making communion, I would suggest a book of Bible stories, or go with the charm thing, like get the one that's her Saint's name (eg, St Francis of Assisi). When I made my first communion I was in undated with large bulky gifts like Bibles and a frightening realistic cross. For your boyfriend's daughter, remember something fun that's not too personal that will make her hate you for replacing her mom. Children can be funny that way. The kits sound good, I would go with t

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

That's a really tough age... she could still be playin' with dolls, but she could also be buying CDs, sneaking out to put on makeup and momentarily tryin' her first smoke...

Don't be too serious about it, if she's gonna be grouchy about meeting you, she'll decide you're trying to bribe her, and hate what you get her on site.

I think I would go with a collection of fun, frivolous "girl" things like sparkle or scratch-'n'-sniff nail polish (in blue, or purple), some scented lip-gloss (Bonne Belle lip smackers are popular with hip pre-teens in Canada), a little, cool purse and maybe a crafty book from the "klutz" series... beading, or hair-wraps or friendship bracelets... (Don't try to do the craft with her, though, unless she asks...)

If you're absolutely stuck, browse through a couple of teen magazines, and see what all the older kids are in to... and go with their suggestions...

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Milk pens--they're kinda stylin' and girls that age love 'em. They go really well with the black paper that someone mentioned.

Stay cool with the potential stepdaughter. If she's anything like my 10 year old potential stepdaughter, she will very nicely say that her mother bought her something similiar a few weeks ago when that item was popular but thank you very much, then she will go home and make a point of showing her mother what her father's girlfriend bought for her and isn't it nice, so that she will get more cool stuff out of her mother. :)

Good luck!

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

To Megan: Yes, I live in Houston. I actually had thought of a charm or starting a charm bracelet for her. I have one myself and I even thought of getting a Texas one for her. But I don't know how responsible she is, she might lose it.

I like the other ideas too! Keep em coming! I like the idea of filling a gift bag with some sparkly pens and hair stuff (she does have long hair).

I'm not trying to bribe her. I just want to make her feel welcome and be friends. I don't have any experience with kids so it's going to be weird.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

What is a milk pen? I must be getting old.

So basically if it's glitter and/or sticks on the body, they like it. LOL

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I would just take her to the Galleria (since you live in Houston), give her twenty dollars and take her to a store and say "pick what you'd like out." I am 15 and I think it works better that way when adults do that to me. There is a really cool store in the galleria, I think its called "As seen on TV" where she can get tons of cool toys and gadgets thats sure to leave a lasting impression. Good Luck.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Joy, when my mother started dating, her dates would occasionally bring me gifts. Most of them I just trashed or forgot about, but the one I remembered the most was this absolutely gorgeous, oversized book of nursery rhymes (I was six). So I would suggest a very nice book -- perhaps since she's 10, you could get her one she could make her own. Maybe an "All About Me" type book, or a blank journal that she could fill up. Something that looks special and unique that she'd want to take care of.

A Texas charm from James Avery is a nice idea, too. I'm 26 and still add things to my charm bracelet. Maybe you could get one started for her, and she could take it from there. It would perhaps instill some responsibility, and she'd take greater care of it than just a single ring or pendant.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I think a charm bracelet is a great idea for the communion gift, however--and I don't want to scare you, Joy, but I feel I must warn you--your boyfriend's sweet little girl may not be particularly delighted that another woman is moving in on her precious daddy time.

I'd stick to the bag full of (teen-oriented) trinkets, for now. You can go shopping together when you're more comfortable with each other. (Show her a shop or two you think would do the trick, but don't suggest anything specific: the idea is to give her access to something "cool" that she wouldn't likely get from Mom or Dad).

From a sweet, little bitch who's been there, the top 5 "will you be my friend?" gift-giving rules:

1. Be casual. Offer up the gift like it's no big deal.

2. Don't give me something a little kid (like, an 8-year-old) would play with. I'm not an 8-year-old. I'm almost 10. I'm almost a teenager, yo. And teenagers are almost adults, so treat me like one.

3. Don't give me something you cherished when you were a girl. That's dumb.

4. Don't give me something valuable... I'll lose it/wreck it just to spite you.

5. Don't expect a really positive reaction... Even if I think it's great, I'll probably just shrug and offer up a begrudging "thanks".

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

oh wow.
well here is my two cents. my mom dated when i was young... a lot and the men brought me gifts to win me over.. lots of them. i saw them as bribes and immediately did my best to become the demon spawn to them. so as someone said before, don't make it look like you TRIED. milk pens and black paper are excellent. they sell them at accessory stores and the like. they are cool and not expensive so you won't step on anyone's toes, yet it is still a good gift.

i must say though, your bf must be quite fond of you because for me, six months is really too soon to know if this is a person who will be in your life for a while and imho involving the children isn't always wise. i am a single mom, have been for a few years and none of the men have met my daughter ....

they usually start to lose my affection around month 6 or 7 then they are gone. i am sure this isn't the case with your bf though. i am just kind of a flake. i have made it pretty clear to my ex that he is not to have his women meet my daughter and he agrees.

here is the rub though... a few of them have bought gifts for my daughter for him to give to her from them. he doesn't tell them who they are from, but *I* know about it and it pisses me off to NO end! so what you DON'T want to do is piss off the ex gf or wife or whatever she is.. bottom line is she is the kid's mom and as much as you may not be trying to take over, she will see it in another light. you, the nice, friendly, just trying to get along new girlfriend will be seen as a threat. trust me, she will think you are trying to buy her daughters affections and it just isn't going to go over well for you.

so don't be too extravagant. you will be better off in the long run. but what the hell do *I* know. im just some jealous petty mom.

*caitlyn

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Well, my daughter's 11, and in the past few months, she's gone through American Girl stuff (you should see the shrine... creepy), stilts, stuff to begin styling her hair, stuffed animals... huh. It's all stuff. Probably a coincidence. Anyway, she's been working her way through The Lost Mind of Dr. Brain on the computer, making homemade popsicles, learning to play the recorder, weaving, woodworking (you probably don't want to buy her any power tools, though)...

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

Since everyone seems to be concerned about me stepping on an ex's toes or having some kind of competition with the girl's mom, I wanted to clarify so you will know there is no such problem.

The child was born out of a casual sex-only relationship. The mother of the child wasn't a wife, not even a girlfriend. She told my BF he could be involved or not. Of course he did and he has a great relationship with his daughter. They lived close to each other until a year ago when he moved to TX. Both the mom and dad went on to marry others (although BF is obviously divorced now, her loss is my gain).

So there isn't any "Oh you evil woman, you're keeping my parents apart and if it wasn't for you they would get back together", kind of thing.

I agree with whoever said 6 months was pretty early to be meeting her. That is why I am going to be pretty scarce while she is here, although I will meet her. I have already told BF I won't be doing every friggin activity with them. He lives 30 yards away from me, so it would be weird for me not to see them at all for a week. But I don't want to infringe on her "Dad Time".

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

Good for you! Her "Dad time" will be very important to both of them. I keep trying to convince my boyfriend that I don't need to be in on each and every activity with him and his kids--I think they need the space. But whenever I *don't* go, his daughter always asks where I am about 300 times, so it's a no win situation. It's nice to be wanted, but I know that there's quite a bit of manipulation going on.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

I gotta say--ask the boyfriend what his daughter likes. When I was 10 I was reading adult science fiction. Had some wanna-be family member given me dolls or makeup or "frivolous girl things" they would have been out the door as far as I was concerned. Of course, not everyone is as persnickety as me, but do check to make sure it's not totally off-base.

That said, I think I would have liked the glittery pens, so obviously that's a universal attractor. Um, unless she'd rather have a soccer ball. Then I can't help.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

Hey - get her some black stationary, a sparkly milk pen and some stamps. She can write letters to her friends and tell them how cool you are. And throw in some teen-girl magazines with Justin from *NSync on the cover. Please, how could that go wrong?

I am a counselor at a week-long camp every summer and the girls (10-11 yrs) only, ONLY want to talk about boys. And nailpolish. But really, boys.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2000