Sorry for the delay folks, a bit distracted:

Match Number 27

25 March 2000 at Anfield. We lost 2-1 to the Liverpool diving team. Camara and Heskey disgraced themselves with an embarrassing display of gravity-fatigue. Camara scored an unstoppable (to Given) shot before Shearer equalized. Jamie poxy Redknapp came on as a late substitute to score with an unmarked header: Speed seemingly culpable in failing to cover his man. Bobby was not even faintly impressed and kept the Lads behind for a half hour bollocking.

Points Given 1 Hughes 2 Dabizas 2 Howey 2 Goma 1 (unfairly booked for a Liverpool pirouette) Domi 1 (sub) Barton 2 Speed 2 Lee 2 Gallacher 1 (sub) Dyer 2 Ferguson 2 Shearer 4 (goal)

Results: Match 27

BBS Premier Corinthian League

HTIN?	0-6	Ath B'worth
Min Acad	2-1	Brdo Utd
Bar Samba	1-2	Brwry Drp Utd
Bor C'bch	3-0	Mac Mar
Toon Trag	2-2	Pil Con
W'stck Co	0-0	TFKASS
Steph Sup	4-6	T Goons
ITKHWB	1-0	W'end OB

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Dunc's D's	1-0	Bax Bas
JHP	1-0	Ceptic
Bla Rac	0-2	Dud Boys
Che Chop	3-1	How Har
G'gate	0-2	PPP
Y Yobs	3-4	Q Mech
PLU	2-1	Spayne
Real Z	3-1	TSW

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	CAthletico Backworth	21	2	4	64	25	39	65
2	Brewery Droopers United	17	2	8	53	34	19	53
3	Steph's Superstars	17	1	9	56	38	18	52
4	MinesaS&N Academicals	16	3	8	57	34	23	51
5	MacBeth's Marauders	15	2	10	48	44	4	47
6	Toon Tragedy	15	1	11	47	35	12	46
7	Beardo United	15	0	12	50	42	8	45
8	Pilgrim's Converts	12	5	10	56	48	8	41
9	Wallsend Old Boys	12	4	11	40	40	0	40
10	Toon Goons	12	1	14	41	49	-8	37
11	Woodstock County	11	1	15	38	52	-14	34
12	Barton's Samba	10	1	16	39	43	-4	31
13	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	8	3	16	34	50	-16	27
14	How Toon is Now?	8	0	19	23	63	-40	24
15	The ITK Heaton World Beaters	7	1	19	25	49	-24	22
16	TFKASS	5	3	19	26	54	-28	18

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	CProper Lard Unathletic	22	1	4	70	30	40	67
2	Duncan's Disorderlies	18	1	8	50	30	20	55
3	Howdon Harriers	15	3	9	50	32	18	48
4	Jessie's High Pants	16	0	11	54	45	9	48
5	The Stellar Warriors	15	1	11	54	49	5	46
6	Yelli's Yobs	15	0	12	64	51	13	45
7	Real Zaragossy	14	1	12	58	49	9	43
8	Quantum Mechanicals	13	4	10	52	43	9	43
9	Pete's Porkie Pies	13	0	14	25	42	-17	39
10	Spayne	12	0	15	42	47	-5	36
11	Chevy's Choppers	10	3	14	49	51	-2	33
12	Baxter Basics	10	2	15	43	55	-12	32
13	The Gallowgate	9	3	15	23	42	-19	30
14	Blaydon Racers	9	1	17	31	48	-17	28
15	Dudley Boys	8	1	18	28	55	-27	25
16	Ceptic	5	3	19	23	46	-23	18

As you can see, these latest results ensure that we can present the League trophies to Athletico Backworth and Proper Lard Unathletic respectively. Open top bus rides around the bbs are expected during the week. The next round of games to decide who else goes up, and who goes down, are as follows:

Fixtures: Match 28

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Ath B'worth	Vs	Brdo Utd
Bar Samba	Vs	Bor C'bch
Brwry Drp Utd	Vs	Mac Mar
HTIN?	Vs	Min Acad
Pil Con	Vs	TFKASS
Steph Sup	Vs	ITKHWB
T Goons	Vs	W'end OB
Toon Trag	Vs	W'stck Co

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bax Bas	Vs	Ceptic
Bla Rac	Vs	Che Chop
Dud Boys	Vs	How Har
Dunc's D's	Vs	JHP
PPP	Vs	Q Mech
PLU	Vs	Real Z
Spayne	Vs	TSW
G'gate	Vs	Y Yobs

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

Answers

The mid-season break has obvioulsy done my lads some good.....a 1-0 win against the Wallsend Old Boys......now can I do a Bradford and win the last three games and stave off relegation...........

Nah...I don't think so either!

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

Steph.....sweetie pie....lovey duck.....kissy kissy.....any chance of a you fielding a weekend team for the next game!

Kissy kissy......lovey lovey....sweetie.....

God it's bliddy sickening what I will stoop to isn't it (;0)

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

Obviously the mid-season break didn`t help the Southern min-league! Bring on the next ones - I`ve got to get some more points between me and the young `n!(:o)

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

Who needs defence, as long as we can score more goals than the other guys?! :-)

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

There'll be dancing in the streets of Athletico tonight.

The bunting had been raised in anticipation for some days now. Backworth has held it's breath during the impromptu mid-season break, coming surprisingly after a punishing schedule of some 25 or so matches in 6 weeks. But at last, after last night's results the title is now on it's way to Backworth. There were scenes of wild celebration in the Backworth street yesterday but it was not ever thus.

Before the season began there was much talk of financial collapse with last year's laundry and electricity bills unpaid. Then along came Sir Jonno to bankroll the club with hundreds of Tescos Clubcard Points and the corner was turned. The Stadium of Glory (Colliery Row, Backworth) nestling picturesquely amid the pit heap, the brick factory, and the colliery has been redeveloped and now has a capacity of 100 spectators ("all seated if they sit on the grass" quipped Sir Jonno), ten times the average gate for the club last season. Glory hunters are travelling from far and wide to see them, some from as far afield as Seaton Delaval, Seghill and Annitsford. Sir Jonno's dream of fielding 11 Backworth lads has not yet been realised but he spoke defiantly from his Whitley Bay chalet yesterday. "Backworth? Where's that? Oh yes, I've got a shop there - we're building a business. As for the football club we intend to turn it into a sporting Mecca for the people of Backworth and beyond - I can see it now - The Backworth Sporting Club - a bit like Barcelona. We've already added crib and dominoes teams and intend to branch out further - possibly a whist drive might pull in the locals."

Many attribute the club's success to the appointment of their legendary manager, plucked by Sir Jonno out of retirement from Whitley Bay where he had confessed to tiring of the daily round of crazy-golf. Known only as "The Messiah" the greying supremo has inspired the club to undreamed of heights despite having been absent for long periods when England play. It is apparently written into his contract that he can have a few days off to see the game whenever England are playing.

"I'd love it - just love it if we beat Steph's Superstars to the title" he said in an extraordinary emotional outburst before last night's deciding matches. Friends say he has been overworking lately - "Five or six matches a week makes it a very demanding schedule" said one. It is rumoured that unless Sir Jonno can stump up yet more funds to bring in imported talent from Cramlington and Blyth, "The Messiah" has threatened to move on.

Big Al Mower, Backworth's record #15 signing, a former shot-firer at Seghill pit, but now a feared striker for the Athletico maestros, and their eloquent skipper, said last night, "As Shakespeare himself might have said, the lads have worked hard for this all season. We've fought and we've battled, we've ground out results when we weren't playing well, this will prove a few people wrong. Ou sont les neiges d'antan? Whether it is better to endure the slings and arrows of outrageous - whats that? McDonalds? No thanks - I never touch them - it's chicken and beans for me" Athletico's charismatic directors, Fred Hall and Douglas Shepherd were celebrating with the fan last night as well. "We have built this club up to be one of the leading clubs in South East Northumberland said Doug. We are at the top and we are staying here. Fred and I intend to take a 2 day break in Marbella, then we will come back and appoint a top flight manager - probably Kenny Dalglish. Nothing can stop us now"

It is hard to see how they could be wrong.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2000

A cut out and keep there Jonno; thanks mate, that was hilarious! :-)

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2000

Oh fer fug's sake. :@(

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Don't be so downhearted Dan, at least you got to see some silverware this season...even if it was presented to your opponents on your own patch after a 6-0 stuffing. Hmmm. On second thoughts, I wouldn't be best pleased either :-)

Still, 9 points on offer and everything to play for. Besides, the promotion hopefuls still haven't brib...ahem, had their grounds cleared as suitable for the top flight yet.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000