How do you feel about online relationships?

(Greg just wants to know if you'd approve of his woman! --Katie)

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Answers

It all depends how often the people involved see one another. If it's only every other week for like, 12 hours at a time, it's kinda like visiting a zoo. It would be hard to maintain a healthy relationship with all that pressure.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

almost four years ago i met my current boyfriend in an AOL chat room. He was in Chicago, I was here in New Orleans. Long story short - November 98 he moved in with me.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

the internet is actually a choice place to meet someone because it allows you to fall for what's really important--his/her mind.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

That's true.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Nicely put punky. Because it's true. This time they see the true inside of your soul rather than basing you on physical attraction. I've met my current boyfriend also online on IRC about two years ago. I've never looked back. I fell in love with his personality and then his looks.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

I would have to say online relationships are wonderful, isn't that right Greg.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

The falling in love part isn't the problem. Most people can easily fall in love online, because there are no real-life attributes to become annoyed with (for example, it's easier to have free-flowing conversations via ICQ than it is in person) and there are no physical imperfections one has to look past.

But maintaining an online relationship seems like pretty hard work, unless both parties are financially stable enough to make frequent plane ticket purchases, or are "ready" to move closer. Even then, though, it seems weird, unfun, and risky to skip the casual dating, like calling ol' lovergirl at midnight and arranging an impromptu rendez-vous. Not that getting serious isn't good: It is, if one's monogamous partner is available more often than not. Otherwise, it would seem an awfully lonely road to take. Spontaneously going out to lunch a couple of times a week beats text-based conversations and long-distance charges anyday.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

I met my boyfriend online over 3 years ago. We were just friends at first, but then we started talking more frequently. I had done the online thing before and, frankly, it turned out really, REALLY, bad. So I was really cautious about it when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He promised he would come meet and visit me, which he did (although he admitted to me later that he was just saying that--he didn't really know if it was possible) about a month after I said yes. We only lived 3= hours apart. And we've been together ever since. Of course this past year I went up to college by him and I don't consider it an "online relationship" anymore.

I will never again go through the hell of an online relationship though. Not seeing someone SUCKS! I give much credit to those who do it.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

Online relationships seem so cute for other people, but (and I speak from personal experience, believe me) they're Bad with a capital 'B' for me. But then again, I tend to repel guys automatically in real life anyway...

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

aah, I just got to this question and I must say, that I do like the idea since most people who I see in real life everyday never takes the time to talk to me because of my demeanor. I usually walk with my eyes towards the ground so it looks like I don't want to be bothered and I never look at someone when I talk...well, most likely not.

online, people can see me for who I really am and get to know all about me which others tend to miss since they don't take the time. I've tried talking with people first, too and some even roll their eyes at me!! online people are most likely friendly when I start up a chat. I've met many good friends and I must say I've fallen in love more than once and I don't regret it even when things didn't work out.

it's better to believe there is someone out there who cares about you and you have a chance of seeing someday than being alone with no one at all anywhere. aah, I sure sound depressing with that comment. and so it goes...

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

If it makes you happy, then go for it.

Just don't hurt others/yourself in the process.. I've seen it happen all too often.

But no matter what distance, it's always nice to have someone to hold or to have someone to actually hang out with.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

If you're both really committed to making it work, then I don't see why it shouldn't. I think the problem comes if one person is less sure about the whole online thing and starts looking for companionship elsewhere. I've never been in the situation myself though, so I probably don't know what on earth I'm talking about.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

Continuing the trend of people who met their boyfriend/girlfriends online...well yeah I did meet my boyfriend in a chat room. 3 years ago or something, we went out once and it bombed (he's sort of across the Atlantic ocean). This past Christmas we decided to give it another go, we met in April and all's well. So basically I think it depends on if the people involved can handle the possibility of only seeing each other once every few months or even longer. It depends on wha tyou're looking for in a relationship, I can't say it's good or bad for everybody.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

That's another thing I don't really understand. How does being online better represent the real you? It's a little too idealistic for me. Your looks ARE part of you. I don't think you can seperate the physical and mental parts of a person. It might be easier to meet people online, but I think only if you get to meet them in real life soon after you meet them online. If you are in a relationship with someone online for an extended period of time, you are going to build up some idealized vision of what they are really like, which he or she will not be able to live up to when you finally meet each other. If you walk around staring at the ground, well, that's you. It's part of your personality.

-dan

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

If I would have been asked this a year or so ago, I would have said that it's a huge waste of time and effort.. but now, I'm thinking on a totally different level. I met my boyfriend online, and I'm so madly in love with him it's not even funny.. it's hard at times, but as soon as I get out of school, it will be smooth sailing from there on out.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

Wow, you are all rockstars in here. What a great turnout for the question. I think everyone has their own experiences and some are good and some are bad. I have to agree with Brigitte, who posted way up above somewhere, that it's really really great, right Brigitte!

:)

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

I was expecting a lot more negativity. I'm impressed.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

here's some negativity !

sure, you're seeing past the person's appearence yadda yadda. you're also seeing exactly what they want you to see. you don't get to see them interact in REAL situations.

i'm all for meeting someone online, hanging out with them, and then decided that you guys are going to hook up. that seems a bit more natural than /dating.

(irc joke !!!!!!!)

and i know this from experience, guys.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

oh, and i may become a hypocrite in a few days. if things don't work out with the boy i am into now, i will have exhausted not only all of my prospects in ORLANDO, but all of my prospects in the whole state of florida, as well.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

They can be fun, they can be real, they can be wonderful. They can mess with your mind, they can be made up, they can be dangerous.

Online, you pick and choose what you want to say, what you want to present. Sure you could be honest, but you could also be someone else.

It works, sometimes. And sometimes it doesn't.

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2000