I'm working on the next incarnation of my one-person show. Since the last one was culminated in squishy entries, I'd like to know which ones stand out in your head as ones you'd like told live.

Thanks, guys.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Answers

It may be too early to qualify -- but today's entry about the Play Pal dolls not only wigged me out, it almost had me in tears it was so funny.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

forehead!

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Don't date actors. Hands down.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Today's story about "stinky ass" on the airplane was a trip. It made me laugh out loud. I really loved that way the narration changed with whatever music you were listening to. Funny stuff.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Oh yes - the Playpal Dolls has GOT to go in there. You will have to have a picture to use as reference. Your entire audience will writhe in their seats.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

again i need to agree with the squishy readers. i was laughing so loud my roomates barged in to see what was so damn funny.
Caitlyn

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

The tiny wooden hand! The tiny wooden hand. All I have to do now is see a hand-shaped backscratcher and I die laughing!

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

me too! I still have visions of tiny woollen hand gloves.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

I'd have to agree with the votes for Tiny Wooden Hand and today's Stinky-Ass plane chick entry. There was also one you wrote a long time ago about the Super Bowl which cracked me up: "XXXIII Rules for XXXIII". I've found rule 11 to be extremely effective in a number of different situations, especially with taxi drivers who try to take me on a long and very indirect route to my destination. (Me:"Turn left here" Taxi Driver:"Nono - faster if we go down this way." Me:"Oh, that's BULLSHIT!")

katie

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

I've been thinking about this, quite seriously, and I know I would pay cash money to see you do the Valentine's Day poems live. Especially the one about the dog. But definitely, definitely the tiny wooden hand.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

The valentines day poems rule!

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

two weekends ago at the velveeta room, the "funniest woman in austin" did a letter to food. i didn't know if she was stealing your shit, but i was ready to kick some serious ass on your behalf, pamie.

love the letters. (did you see scott and stacey's act? too funny. friends of mine, and they were so REAL it was scary.)

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Irene,

Martha (the funniest person in Austin) hadn't read squishy until well after she had been doing that piece. I hadn't heard it before the contest, but I had heard others talking about it. So basically we were both writing letters without knowing the other one was doing so. I also believe my friend Matt Bearden did a bit where he wrote letters to like light bulbs and stuff, thanking them for working.

And oddly enough, I was there that evening in the Velveeta Room. Did you see me? Wait, I was only there the Friday night. So if you went on Saturday, then I wasn't there. I didn't know you were friends with Scott and Stacey.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

And could you please bring Cal and Taylor along? Please?

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

yes! tiny wooden hand!! a fellow squishy reader and I met in a completely unrelated IRC channel and both cited that as our favorite. Also what about Menstrual Girl?

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

i'm with kaela and i'd also like to add the entry where cal farts on eric =)

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Right-brain/left-brain insomnia made me weep with hysterical laughter. More than once....

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Within the entry about Jill, I especially liked the banter between you and Eric regarding the Buena Vista Social Club. Any kind of dialogue like that where one of you shuts the other down is pretty classic.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

well, at least i know what to include in my next play or my first screenplay. i'm not really sure how to do this kind of dialogue in a one-person show format.

because, as charming as he is, if i actually had taylor onstage, i don't think that he'd actually do any of his monologues. he's shy like that.

that and forty minutes of me talking back and forth might get a bit confusing.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

pamie- i think i was there on a friday night... two weeks' ago... i remember it was really raining hard-core out that night. 6th street was a mass of wet bodies running around.

i mainly know scott and stacy from their pseudo-bands they play in... they played at our last halloween party- i forgot the name of the "band," but they were all dressed as japanese tourists. (another band member was a ninja.)

i looked for you, but... well, it's so damn dark in there, and what would i say?

dear pamie, i'm a squishy fan and i'll be 25 on the 25th (this thursday). i think you're cool. you are pretty, too. and, funny. i like your cats.

love- -irene

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

I personally enjoy the ones when you talk to cigarettes, especially the one to be read in the style of James Gandolfini - I had to clean coffee off my 'puter screen after the spittakes from reading that one.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Being Eric Malkovich... that cracked me up.... Tiny Wooden Hand. I've actually used some of those superbowl rules this year, they worked great... The insomnia one... The one with Ricky Martin.

windy

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Ok, ok, ok. Cal farts on Eric. Yes. This is a must.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

beat boxing.......no more no less. Altho' some people may not get the joke and could mistake you for a long lost cousin of wesley willis (sp?....you know the big guy who sings about all things fucked up => mcdonalds and the like)

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

conversations with Billy Blanks (tm)

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

"stinky-ass" wins, hands down.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

OK, have you all just blocked out the entire beatboxing episode? Pamie, you've gotta include your beatboxing expertise in your next show. I played that sound file over and over and OVER and can be reduced to a wad of laughter just thinking about it.

Another one would have to be the first posting you put up about your eye cyst. You know, the initial visit to the optometrist's office. Insane.

You guys think I'm wrong? Go re-read them. See for yourselves:

Beatboxing< p> She's So Sexy!

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

Have I mentioned recently that I am the queen of HTML? You're all jealous.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

Don't Date Actors!!!! This is my favorite. It is a must!!!!

--Karen

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

I'm gonna have to go with the Valentine's Day poems (both years), Don't Date Actors, any childhood story because those are always great, and any of the letters. Oh, maybe the eye goo stories. They're hot! Rrowr!

I'd add Being Eric Malkovich to that, but maybe that'd be hard to do as a one-woman show, y'know?

no extra day

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I've got to go with the Tiny Wooden Hand and the Beatboxing. And, what about the sex lecture from your Dad? Or have you used that already? Okay, fine. Tiny Wooden Hand it is. Or maybe just rip your way down the Billboard chart like you did yesterday. That had me rolling because I totally agreed with everything you said!

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Absolutely to all of the above. And maybe this one's just me, but I have a fondness for the one where you complain about student loans nd the acting class where you had to BE a stick, but not let anyone KNOW you were a stick.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Dude Beat-Boxing... I died... and the tiny wooden hand. And if you could do cat voices... I would personally show up with all of my friends that i have gotten addicted to squishy.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000