Do you have a problem explaining your Internet life to the non-Internet people in your life? Do you find yourself telling stories about people you don't really know to people who have no idea who you are talking about?

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Answers

All the time. I find myself prefacing sentances with things like: "Well, this person whose journal I read..." or, "My friend in Florida..." -- followed usually by, "Journal?" or "I didn't know you had Friends in Florida..." (or for the wittier: "I didn't know you had friends." Ha ha.)

Somehow everything seems to loose it's credability when you say such things. You might as well be talking about your ninth cousin thrice removed. Then at least you wouldn't be suddenly reduced to someone who is reduced to having friends on the internet and living vicariously through online journals. (or so people react.)

So I've found that it's much more productive starting things out with, "I know somebody who..." Then you're safe until they ask you, "Who?"

Oh well.

-- Lara.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

It was very difficult to explain to my mother-in-law when I actually traveled to sleep over at someone's house that I only knew online. She was very, very worried about me.

My friends and relatives just can't accept that a long-term online relationship carries the same weight as a long-term real life relationship. Or any weight at all for that matter, since journals are all made up lies.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

I wouldn't know what to say to my parents. I don't even want them to know I have a page. They just assume that the internet is for porn and people selling golfballs. They have no idea there is this online journal lifestyle. Kind of like being gay, we have a lifestyle!

My friends, for the most part, know about it though. They all think it is pretty cool, but would have no interest in doing it themselves. My old roommate was a bit freaked out when I would have internet friends staying at the house, but after he got to know some of them, he was much better about it.

The first few minutes of meeting someone irl for the first time is really a bit odd though. I can't even think of a way to describe it. It is really hard to say "brb" and just disappear for a few minutes when thay are standing in front of you.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

I met my wife via snailmail after she saw a letter of mine in a Superman letter column. We wrote for six months before we met face to face...and six months after we met face to face, we were married. We've just celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary. And she's GORGEOUS, sort of like a young Susanne Pleshette with a Mississippi accent. So, after that, nothing surprises my family or friends any more.--Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

I used to just not talk about internet friends. But since I've become such good friends with Shelagh, I decided to come out of the closet. Usually when I tell people about Shelagh, they warn me about how crazy internet people are, how this mysterious "Shelagh" is probably an old married guy or a young teenage guy, and lives just down the street and wants to get me to meet "her" and rape me. Funny, when I tell them I've spoken to her on the phone several times, and we exchange cards and gifts all the time, and how I invited her to our wedding nearly 3 years ago, they just change the subject. Now my family and husband are so used to me talking about her, I don't have to say "You remember Shelagh - the girl I met on the internet?" anymore. With my husband and mom, I don't have to say "Oh - on pamie today... remember, that webjournal I always read?" 'cause they just know who pamie is.

I have more trouble explaining how I "know so much" from newsgroups. If I'm talking to someone not family or a good friend, I usually just say "Someone I know has tried that and...", thus leaving out the whole internet part altogether. If it's someone I'm close to, I have no problem saying "Someone on my pregnancy newgroup/alt.fashion/my various mailing lists...". I'm sure they all think I'm nutso.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

It's funny, when I refer to an online journal I'll often refer to "my friend's website." Like, "my friend Beth wrote this funny thing on her website about her dog." Pamie is usually just "this comedian who's website I read." I guess those are the only two I refer to regularly.

I guess I have it a little easier because people are used to me having wierd friendships all over the place because of my zine and stuff. Like going to big punk festivals and meeting folks from all over the world, or going on tour, or the like. For some reason people seem to be more accepting when I phrase something as "one of my readers that I corrospond with" instead of "someone I met online."

I dunno.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

It's getting easier: 1985: Me: I'm going to a party with these people I met through the Arpanet.
Mom: Are you sure, dear? That doesn't sound safe at all. 1997: Me: I'm going to a party with these people I met through the Internet.
Mom: Of course, dear. Have a nice time. And before she understood what an e-mail was, my mother also used to think there was something terribly risqui about exchanging e-mails with a MOTAS.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

I've been meeting people online since 1989, and after the first few years "How do you know he/she's not an axe murderer?!" my family got to the point where they figured if I was going to meet an axe murderer, I would have by then.

If I'm talking about someone with whom I socialize primarily online, I just say, "My friend X." If I'm talking about someone's journal, I say, "X said such and such."

Why bother with specifics, especially since I'm still trying to convince people that though I met my husband online, it wasn't one of those "cyberromances" they keep hearing about on tv. Oy!

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Ah, the great online v. offline debate.

I remember my roomie freaking out once because I accidentally paged someone to our number who I met online, without really thinking it through. It wasn't someone I knew well and he didn't go psycho and keep calling, either. I was a naive AOL newbie and really wasn't that particular at the time. I wouldn't think of going to meet someone I've only chatted with a bit.

Ironically, the roomie went out with him and got drunk, while I stayed home for reasons I no longer remember. She often brought home guys she met while drunk out of her mind, so I never understood why she thought my senses were any more dull while I sat soberly at the computer.

I seem to have very distinct online v. offline friends. That is, until a year or two ago, none of my friends even had email, let alone bothered with the web. Even still, they mostly use email to send me junk mail, rather than communicate, so I find this medium doesn't always work as well as I'd hoped to keep in touch with people I already know.

The upside is I've found some rather intelligent, funny people with whom I have more than the interent in common. Some of my friends were as thrilled as I when I got to meet Pamie, others don't ever look at my site and so don't know who she is and why she makes me laugh so much. Oh well. I have one or two friends I tell almost everything to in general and those seem to be the same ones who I also let know which friends are online and which are not. My mom would probably think it's all about sex and axe-murderers and think it's ridiculous.

Then again, it's not at all unusual for me to meet people words first. I've written to pen pals since I was 8. I'm also used to people thinking it's weird the way I've met certain friends. At 15, I started hanging out with rock bands who I met by writing a fan letter (later I met other bands through the first one and corresponded with them, too). We got to know each other via letters and phone calls for 6 months before we finally met. People at school who had treated me like shit suddenly wanted to be my buddy. Others thought I must be sleeping with the entire band -- why else would they want to hang out with me? Even one of my favorite teachers once remarked to me that I couldn't complain that people were saying I was a slut, since I was hanging out with rock bands.

People in rock bands, just like people online, are individuals. Some fit the stereotype, but the vast majority are regular folks, just trying to make their way in this world. If I find someone who appreciates and accepts the unique person I am and we enjoy common interests, I just can't pass that up, no matter how I stumbled upon them.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

How fun that you got to meet those guys. Next time though, you should coordinate with Beth - have her locked away in a secure area so that, in case the bar DOES burn down, those of us who read journals will have something left to live for.

(The gov't does this when the President addresses both houses of Congress and all the big cheeses have to be present. In case Congress gets bombed or whatever, they have the National Secretary for Agriculture or somebody hidden away someplace to be sure we have someone to assume the presidency in the event of such a disaster.)

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my mother's opinion of the online world went way way up when I started printing out Squishy for her (specifically the ones about Cal). She instantly became a huge Pamie fan and now feels that that if there are animal lovers out there, the Internet must be an OK place. If I start giving her animal stuff by Kim Rollins and Beth and everyone else, she'll probably want her own forum.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Yeah, you rockstar slut! We know how you are. Another "Sweet, Sweet Connie in the making :)

Isn't it strange how you have this set of friends that know absolutely nothing about the internet, but the net is so much a part of your life. I can't quite figure how they function. Imagine what you would do with all that spare time. Oh yeah.. sleep.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

You know, I have this weird history of online and offline...

Right, I started playing on the net in 1991ish, when I was 16, and I made a lot of friends there. I even dumped a boyfriend so I could spend more time online, as odd as that seems to me now.

Later, and actually earlier, I had a pretty active life _offline_. I dated, I partied, I went out every weekend during the few years I didn't have internet access (I am from hicksville, and this was the early nineties when internet connection wasn't so universal; now my little brother can get online from the same town).

So, it's not like I _couldn't_ have an offline life, really. I, er, just kind of forgot that sometimes. Online life is easy, it's effortless to make friends, it's effortless to be impressive to at least someone, somewhere. It's easier to trust people online, in some ways, than it is to trust them face to face.

Ultimately, I met my husband online. We got to know each other real well in real-space before we got married, but the initial contact, and even the initial falling in love, was done online. Fortunately, we were physically attracted to each other as well as mentally. He's adorable. :)

We have an active life that doesn't involve the internet: a very close knit group of friends, the theatre, I'm in school, he works fulltime, we go out a lot.

Yet, I still have some of my closest friends online, dating in some cases from the days when I was 16 and online, and I maintain those relationships pretty carefully by spending a serious amount of time online each day and sometimes at night. My journal is, in fact, another attempt to keep friendships going, as I rarely find time for serious 'this is how I'm doing' discussions anymore.

How do I explain this stuff to people? Oh, it depends. I wish I wasn't embarrassed to tell people about these things, but I occasionally am. I always want to qualify what I say: "Oh, I met my husband online, but honestly I've dated more people I met offline than online I'm not a big loser that nobody liked!"

The weirdest thing, to me, is that I don't really talk about my friends online with my friends offline, or vice-versa. They are, like, two completely different social circles with many of the same interests, but very little interaction. I make very close friends, so it's not like I'm worried that I'll get ridiculed, but I just feel really weird when I say 'Oh, I was talking to so-and-so online the other day and we...' These people, online and off, are very important pieces of my life, and it seems weird not to share them with each other. I'm always pretty geeked when one of my online friends comes to visit so I can say 'Look, friend, meet friend!'

Oh, and I basically log onto chat-type things online. They're games, but I never play 'em anymore, so they're just convenient to keep in touch with my friends.

I have a web page, where you can see more about my life and pictures of my husband and various others.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Absolutely. My poor boyfriend who never goes online has to put up with my stories about people he has no idea about all the time. He seems to put up with it but I think he's secretly thinking "if I don't say anything then maybe she'll eventually stop tellingme this stuff.... I'll just nod my head". Except with Pamie - I printed out the wooden-hand entry and now I think I've converted him. I made him another Pamie groupie.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

My friends and family thought I was insane until I dragged them into it. Now all of them are addicted to chat, and have friends all over the world. It makes it a lot easier now to refer to people.

My husband is still leary though. I've never met anyone from online without him being right there to protect me.

Suzyramble~The Mutterings of A Fool

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

No one I know knows that I read journals, or that I have one (except a friend of mine formerly from Illinois who is probably, in fact, the very same "Christina from New Mexico" who recently sent Rob a Bendo). One of my friends in San Diego does know about the Gus, and we'd actually discuss what the Gus was up to and speculate about hunting him up when I came to visit San Diego. I also had a friend who knew the Gus in real life at Oberlin, and somehow that fact came out in conversation...

Sometimes, I'll be talking to people and say "I read that blah blah blah", and they're like "where did you read that?" and I suddenly realize with dismay that I'm in fact talking about something I picked up in someone's journal.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Well... well... well... there comes along a discussion question that gets discussed so often with my girlfriends. Girlfriends just don't understand.

Currently I am going out with a girl that stopped the presses on my website. I even posted an excuse, that hanging out with her was more cool than updating my website. My online peeps understood immediately. My girlfriend did not. People online understand being offline. People offline do not understand being online.

But, I tried to explain it. The termage was convoluted, seemingly pointless.

"You must understand that the people I know online are important as the people I know offline are," I said. "It is important to me as an individual with a voice that I continue to write and publish online. It is the only art I claim. I am no musician. I do not work in images. But I have created myself how I see fit online for others who have done the same. To fashion myself an interesting read is my goal. So baby, I love you and everything, but I got to keep it real for my people."

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

My mother called me about a week ago, and this is what she said:

"Your FATHER is having company tomorrow night. Yes, they are just HIS company. They're some people he met IN A CHAT ROOM. I don't know them. I don't ever get on the computer. These people spend ALL DAY on the computer, they have no lives, no outside interests, just THE COMPUTER. They are just coming through town and want to have a free place to stay at our house. Well, last time I cooked breakfast, but I'm NOT this time, I have THINGS to do."

How do I tell her *I* spend all day on the computer? lol

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

I'd like to start this with the fact I live in Israel. Michael, Jason, Charlene, Jessica, Victoria and all the other common english names do NOT sound normal here.

Another thing is, that me and my friend named our crushs Michael & Jason to avoid embarrassments. I have two online friends who duck at the SAME chatroom and are named Michael and Jason.

So one day, I had this conversation with my friend: "yesterday when I went to my regular chatroom, Jason was trying to annoy Daniel, so he started mocking him. Mike started getting pissed off at Donald, who was trying to avoid Liz. a bit later Sharleen ICQ- ed me asking me something, but Anthony was talking to me at the same time, and I was so not concentrated that I accidently told Courtney what I was planning to say to Anthony, and told Anthony what I wanted to tell Sharleen, and Sharleen didn't actually get her answer."

blah blah, my friend cuts me in the middle, "OKAY.. whatever May..."

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

Have any of you had problems defining the term "journal" to anyone who's never read one online before?

It doesn't seem to matter what I tell them, my friends seem to instantly have visions of their 14 year old selves with their "Dear Diary.... school still sux. I wish I could meet Danny from Kids on the Block....". Plus they think that also means I'm a huge snooper, content on spying on people lives. Does anyone else get this reaction?

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

hmm...I read all the answers here and honestly, yes, I do have problems discussing online people and sites with my grandparents! everyone else understands but I still have arguments with them over this stuff. grandma thinks everyone I talk to online isn't real...that they're just words on a screen and it's all a game that you can leave when you want to. I found that explanation odd as hell.

she also seems to badmouth my best friends online. she doesn't get that they are real people who I write letters to through snail mail and get postcards from and they are all nice. she says, "aaah I don't trust these people. just stay away from them. they're all weird and you need to go out and make real friends." oooh it peeves me sooo much.

my grandpa doesn't have a problem directly with me talking to people online. he doesn't want me meeting them though. I met one in march and I heard him tell grandma something about never doing it again..blablabla. I probably will too.

I think the people online know me better than some offline and I wouldn't take any of my friendships back if I could. not a one. my best friend in real life stabbed me in the back soo I really doubt offline people are any less sinister than people online. we're all real and we all have lives and problems.

I'm rambling. anyway, when I discuss online journals I usually just comment "pamie..of pamie.com..the comic..well, she..blabla" mom actually likes hearing my stories of online journal people. she laughs and says, "which one was this again?" [I read 30+ journals]. even the guest [who comes over here sometimes] asked if pamie was there when he went to see the comedy troupe at the velveeta room or something. anyway, that was sorta interesting. they don't find it odd at all that I read online journals and have one of my own. mom respects my wishes not to read my journal though..hehe.

I do understand how some wouldn't get it though and sometimes I just give up with them.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

I explain to most people that I bother with, that online life is no different than a pen pal or when people used to write G.I.'s overseas during the World Wars. That weeds out 90% of the questions. Then I explain further how e-mail is a handy tool for keeping in touch with people. An analogy of the telephone vs. the computer (sell them on the free long distance communication points) usually works.

After that, I give up.

I try not to share any stories related to the Net when I'm around my family or friends unless they've had a lot of background on the person (s) I'm talking about.

Does anybody else feel like we are still the pioneers of the Internet, trying to work out the issues of Net Life for the rest of society? I imagine in 10, 20 years, all of the questions related to this topic may be normal and accepted as commonplace.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

I remember hearing an interview with Steve Case after that horrible "you've got mail" movie came out where he said the real victory wasn't in the AOL branding throughout the movie, but in a movie portraying meeting people online as a perfectly normal thing.

He said, "no one in a movie picks up a phone and says 'this is so crazy, I am talking to you through wires.' We need to make internet usage as normal as phone usage."

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

most of my family and friends think i'm odd for posting my life online... but, it's the only way i've been able to keep a diary. writing them always fizzled out. i think i like the idea that someone is reading what i'm writing... even if i don't know who. before, in paper diaries, i was always thinking "god, that's good writing - i wish somebody could see it" :)

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

My family still thinks I'm nutty for this "online computer thing" that I've done for so long. I've tried the it's-no-different-from-a-penpal thing but that doesn't seem to cut it with them. I guess you can't lie in a "real" letter like you can online. Because, you see, my family is convinced that the Internet is full of creeps and perverts. Never mind the fact that I've met several people in real life who I first met online and every single one of them has been totally normal. Never mind that I've travelled overseas (THREE TIMES) with a friend I met online. Never mind that I've met people who live in places I've only imagined. Never mind that I've learned things and been friends with people that I never ever would have met any other way. Never mind that my friend in Texas, who I met online many years ago, is pretty much like the other half of me - and without the Internet I never would have known she even existed! The Internet is full of creeps and sickos and perverts.


Maybe it is. Maybe I've just been insanely lucky. Maybe the next person I meet from online will hack me into tiny little pieces.


But I really don't think so.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

I like people, well good people anyway, and I think that reading online journals has introduced me to some good people. I have not, on the other hand, met a lot of good people recently in meatspace. A part of my job for a long while was reading files on people (extra bad people) so when I left I missed reading about other peoples lives. The online journals have filled that space with funny, intelegent, interesting and emotionally real peopole. The friends that I have all know I like to read online journals and I only bring them up if something I read has some bearing on the current conversation. By now my GF knows who Pamie and Kymm are anyway. I work odd hours, and am by myself when I work and have lots of time to myself during the day when my meatspace friends are at work so I like to find people online to chat with, ICQ though rather than chat rooms. I have never met in person anyone , even those who live in the same city as me, who I know online. Of those I comunicate with regularly I really only would like to meet maybe three or four of them anyway. I found it odd though that some people who I introduced to the Nick Bantock books, "Griffin & Sabine" and who though that the corrospondences were soooo cool, don't think that email is anything like getting a snail mail letter. BTW I am an artist and would love to corrospond in a creative manner as in the Bantock books.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000