heights. this was a big deal for me at my job in college. i was supposed to be able to climb out on this ladder up to the catwalk, and i probably could have done so, if the theatre had been designed by some one other than, oh say, a crazy satan worshipper? the ladder was out in open space from the side balcony over the middle of the fricken theatre. if one should happen to fall, one would be dead immediately upon impacting the seats 80 feet below. that's the distance from the bottom of the ladder to the chairs below (the top is a good 15 feet + higher). if you're lucky, you only hit the aisle and break every bone in your body, not snap your neck on the wooden back of a seat and wind up with the imprint "donated in memory of...." on your smushed face.

sorry, overactive imagination.

so i am afraid of heights, it's a common fear...only one i can actually trace the development of. i loved to climb trees as a child. until i started to fall out of them.

so i guess i'm actually afraid of falling out of or off of really high things.

oh, and sharks. man did jaws frighten the crap out of my six year old being babysat little self!

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I'm with you, Dora.

#1 fear is roaches. When I encounter one, I'll yelp and hop around, looking for a way to escape. I can't stand to step on them because of that nasty *crunch* and the fact that half the time they survive the first assault. Unfortunately, my hubby is no help the rare times I implore him for help because they give him the willies too.

#2 is slugs. They didn't use to bother me. As a kid I used to play with them (and any other bugs I could catch). But one day, after we'd moved to Germany, my sister(10yrs) and I (15yrs)were walking along a sidewalk covered with damp autumn leaves. Simultaneously, we stopped and looked down to discover we were SURROUNDED by bright-traffic-cone-orange slugs, each easily 3"-4" long. We shrieked and ran back home. Not only are those things nasty, they're nearly indestructable. We used to run over them with our bikes, and they'd just spring back into shape. Haven't been able to tolerate slugs since then. Yeeeuuuggh!

#3 is weird. I can't sleep with any part of my body extended beyond the perimeter of my bed, because then the Monster Under the Bed might be able to grab me. Yeah, I'm 26 yrs old, and I know what's exactly under my bed (gift wrap, cat toys, and dust bunnies), but since when does an irrational fear have to make sense?

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Monkeys. Aieee!!

It was all I could do to read Stee's finger monkey shit of the last few days. Scay-ry.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Blood. I'm terrified of blood. That is my only fear, my blood, your blood anyone else's blood, it doesn't matter. I had to go to the doctor a year ago for severe chest pain (it was just stress) and after they gave me all of the normal tests, the nurse said to me "so.. it looks like the doctor has you signed up for some BLOOD work" my reply to this was "GASP, GASP... no, no you must be mistaken, no blood work is to be done to me, none at all". She just smiled her ' I'm dealing with another moron' smile and took me to the blood work desk/table. I fainted twice.

What a pain in the ass fear huh? I mean this is something we all have to deal with, and the minute someone gets a papercut it is suddenly all about me and my blood weird fear thingy.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I'm scared of rats! Rats are big and ugly and dirty. The rats in DC aren't even scared of humans anymore! YIKES

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Flying. Definately. Yet I've flown more this year than any other. I wasn't afraid to fly when I was 6 and flew alone, nope. But at 22, suddenly I was terrified. I always think the plane's going to crash and heaven help me if there's turbulence.

Creepy-crawlies. Yet somehow I am less afraid of them than various friends I've had who appoint me spider killer. I'm very handy with a shoe and I don't usually have to get near the offending insect or arachnid, I can nail it from across the room. Our house was built on what was an orange grove, then a deserted lot. After we moved in, they built a juvenile court just behind us. The construction drove bugs from the empty field into our house. One night, sitting on the floor watching TV, I nearly jumped out of my skin when a centipede came crawling my way. As if I don't creep out at those little legs, there had to be 100 of them! Mom and I sprayed that thing for five minutes, until it started crawling in slow motion and died. Ugh.

The dark. Great for a night owl, eh? I just tend to see things in the dark.

Windows without curtains. For some reason, my mom has two with see-through curtains, one with divided curtains (one foot of the window, at eye level of course, is uncovered), and french doors with no curtains at all. It drives me nuts. I always think I see someone standing in the window. One night I did, some creepy guy came right up to the tall windows in our living room and looked in at us. He had the nerve to get pissed because my mom called the police. He said he was just waiting for his friend, who lived across the street. Eeesh.

There's more, but this is starting to harsh my mellow.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Really afraid of moths and butterflies. Don't really know why, the best that I can do to explain it is that they have this way of flying around that's kind of jittery and random, and has made me progresively more nervous over the years. But mostly it's a completely irrational fear.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

It doesn't make sense that Pamie tries to fly during the day time. Because if the plane is 30000 feet in the air and suddenly plummets from the sky, you'll be able to look out the window and see the ground rushing up at you. If you fly during the day that is. However if you fly at night, you won't see anything out the window except those beautiful city lights.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Oh man, when I saw The Exorcist, I screamed all the way through it. Guess that's what a Catholic childhood will do to you. When we walked out, my boyfriend (raised Jewish) laughed and said, "The scariest thing about that movie was the admission price!" I couldn't believe it.

Years later, my husband told me that he knew a big, burly Catholic football player in high school who totally freaked during that movie. They used to tease him by imitating Linda Blair, and he'd completely lose it.

I'm telling ya, there's nothing scarier than the fears that can be instilled by a Catholic childhood.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Tornadoes.

Recently, I was doing a production of "Into the Woods" and during performances, the warning sirens went off THREE TIMES (!!!!) and I had to carry on bravely (I was the Baker, for those in the know).

The first time they went off, it was during Jack (in the Beanstalk) singing "Giants in the Sky." The second time, it was while I was singing "No More." I probably would have been amused by the irony if I hadn't been so terrified.

Oh, and I should probably mention: The warning sirens are located exactly 10 feet behind the stage entrance door. Try singing over that when you're scared to death anyway.

Hate bad weather. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I can't sleep with my legs extended, because then my feet are near the bottom of the bed, and something will be able to reach up and grab them.(this is my most irrational, embarrassing fear).

I'm afraid of taking off in planes, but I'm completely relaxed during the landing.

I'm deathly afraid of heights. I was watching Road Rules on MTV, where they were bungee jumping off of that tower in Las Vegas, and I was losing it. Every time the cameraman would show how far down it was, i'd literally jump up from the couch and start pacing and couldn't relax. I eventually had to turn it off. I also freeze up when I get within 5 feet of the edge of a roof of a building.

I'm afraid of the dark. Especially when I'm alone in a house at night.

I'm afraid of swallowing my toothbrush, so i brush with a very tight grip on it.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I've known a few people (my mother included) who were fine about flying way back when, but who have developed a fear of it as they've got older. Maybe we become more aware of our own mortality with age ... or maybe I'm talking rubbish (probably - it's fairly early in the day, and I've been awake since 3.30 am).

I don't mind flying, although it's so boring that I want to kill somebody. But I seldom fly any journey less than the 12 hour trip to South Africa, and at least once a year I make the mammoth journey to NZ - 24 hours in total (two 12 hour legs). That is so sucky that it depresses me to just thing about it, which bodes well for my journey home in a couple of weeks.

I think the only thing that scares me is rejection - you know, Tristan coming home and dumping me to run off with some floosy, that kind of thing.

And being chased. Hate it, always have. I get a big 'I'm about to have a heart attack' feeling if somebody chases me.

And clowns, but so many people are scared of clowns that they should be outlawed alltogether.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

-Roaches. Makes me sick to even type the word. For those of you not located in the southern US, they're different here. They're the size of your foot.

-Lightning. Don't tell me how pretty it is. I don't care.

-Flying, although it has greatly subsided in my adulthood. But I'm always the first person to look around wide-eyed if there's a bump or a whir or anything remotely odd happening.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Spiders. Don't like 'em. They're just too icky for words. Oh, and those God-awful firebrats we have here in southeastern PA, that have about a gajillion legs. I guess large numbers of legs (like more than six, or, preferably, four) scares me.

Oh, and all you people who've mentioned the Monster Under The Bed that grabs your legs if they extend over the edge? That's not irrational or silly at all. All normal people know to keep their limbs away from the MUTB.

Flying doesn't bother me in the least, except that it's physically uncomfortable and annoying. Maybe it used to be glamorous, but now it's like taking Greyhound. At least back in coach (aka "steerage"), where I fly - business and first-class passengers have it better.

I *am* afraid of death by fire, but for some reason I don't worry about that when I fly. Possibly because I'm too busy folding my frame into those close-packed seats and trying not to be stepped on, dropped upon, or whacked by someone moving down the aisle.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Tornadoes. I'm so afraid of tornadoes. When there was the huge storm system in Austin a few years back and the town of Jarrel(sp?) was destroyed, I was in my bathtub with my matress pulled over me. For two hours. My roommate came home and didn't even know I was there for an hour. I'd do it again.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

BEES!!! I hate them. And wasps, and hornets and yellowjackets, and anything else that is yellow and black and stings. I make a terrible ass of myself by running away, even though I know you should NEVER do that. Just the sound of buzzing is enough to freak me out, and picnics are next to impossible. I was having a barbeque with my boyfriend and a friend of mine last summer, and a wasp crawled into my coke. I freaked out and almost stared crying. Same with patios at restaurants.

Shivers. every time.

I also have a silly fear of hights. I have a hard time looking off balconies, and when I was a kid, I hated gymnastics because of the balance beam, and I never learned how to climb the rope.

Want to hear something funny? I've never been stung, and I've never fallen from a huge distance. The idea is enough to give me nightmares.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I'm afraid of my basement after dark even though it's carpeted and furnished and all. My house could have been built on a graveyard and now all the spirits come out at night and hang out in my basement. Well...what if? I'm also afraid of hanging any limbs over the side of the bed, earwigs, June bugs, and of one day looking out of my window and seeing a face staring back at me. These seem to be normal fears, eh?

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Let's see, where to begin:

1) Needles. Deathly afraid of needles. I'm an embarassment in the doctor's office. Forget the idea of me ever getting a tattoo.

2) Rubber bands being aimed at me. I have no clue. It also disturbs me when people point fingers at me, for some reason - not in a "that's rude" kind of way, but rather in a "you're freaking me out" kind of way.

3) Junebugs. I HATE junebugs. They just make so much noise. When I'm trying to get in the house at night and they're divebombing the screen door, it usually takes me at least 10 minutes to gather up the courage to make the mad dash.

4) Insects that sting. This could almost go back to the needle thing. If it can pierce my skin, we've got problems. Bleh.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Clowns.

Why the rest of the world is not terrified as well is beyond me.

A couple of years ago I had the misfortune to ride in the "Clown Cab", a NY taxi driven by a man dressed as a clown. This guy drives around looking for fares just like any other cabbie in NY, however he does so in full clown regalia, accessorized with a bullhorn.

Unfortunately I was with a group of people, it was raining and we were in the middle of nowhere, so it was the clown cab or a soggy 15 block walk to the subway. I should have walked.

Among the many delights I experienced on that ride, my favorite was the bullhorn. Each time we were stopped in traffic the clown cabbie would roll down his window to harrass pedestrian's. It was horrible.

When we reached our destination, my friends thought it would be really funny to invite the clown cabbie in for a drink. It was at this point that I locked myself in the bathroom and refused to come out until he was gone.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I'm kinda suprised this one hasn't come up yet...

I am *severely* snake-o-phobic. I can't bear to be near them, they creep me out so badly. I had snakepit nightmares as a child, even though I've never been bitten by one.

Second - large bugs. Small ones don't really bother me much - I can step on 'em. The big ones though... like tarantulas. (shudder)

Third - I just cannot look in the mirror when the house is dark. I think 'Poltergeist' programmed that one into me.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

spiders. eek. i can't bear them - well, i'm ok with some of them actually, but there seems to be a size to fatness to hairiness co- efficient that just freaks me out completely. it's all down to an australian childhood - the place is crawling with spiders, some of which are poisonous, though the ones that i hate most (huntsmen - anyone who reads xeney will know what i'm talking about) are actually harmless (though one of them bit my grandfather on the finger once and drew blood - eesh).

aside from that, i have a few bedtime related paranoias: to me, the monster under the bed is nothing compared to the closet monster - and i know i'm not alone, as i went to boarding school and we were all very anal about having cupboards tightly closed at night. i don't like being able to see any reflective surfaces (especially mirrors) from bed, or when it's dark - i think this stems from a fear of subconsciously provoking bloody mary, and was reinforced by 'candyman' (scariest, scariest, scariest film i've ever seen). when i was younger i couldn't sleep without curtains very tightly drawn, particularly if there was a moon, but i've got better recently. and if i'm sleeping with someone else, i always want to be the one nearest the wall/furthest from the door. this caused problems when my boyfriend broke his right collarbone, as he always turns to face me in his sleep, and the door was on the left. i got used to it after a while, but it creeped me at first.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Trey's Big Fear: Heights Hate em, I don't know why. I've never fallen from any great distance, and never seen it happen to anyone. My best friend has since about the time I was 13 tried to rid me of this fear by making me climb things like trees and buildings... at gun point, he's a bit freaky himself. Anyway, one time a couple years ago we went to Paris and of course, you can't go to Paris without going up the Eiffle Tower. So up we go, the whole time up the elevator sounds like it's going to shatter into a million pieces. We finally get to the top and out on the observation deck, and there's me plastering myself against the inside wall, trying to merge my molecules with the steel to get as far from the edge as possible. Well, my best friends all "Come on over to the edge, it's a beautiful view, you'll never see Paris like this again" So, I inch my way over to the edge telling myself that the building's been there for decades and it's not going to collapse. I get to the edge and look out, and it really is beautiful. And then my friend says "Stick your head over the edge and look straight down, it's cool." So of course, I do that too. The view is pretty cool that direction too. Well then I get my head stuck in the little fence thing they have to keep people from jumping or falling off. My ears don't retract and they keep barring me from coming back. And of course the irrational fear thing takes control of my thoughts. And for what felt like the next 3 hours, but was actually more like 3 minutes I was kicking and cussin out my friend. After some twisting and turning we did get my head out and everyone was happy. So the moral of this story is: Smoking can ruin your health

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Yeah, I have some of the standards. I am terrified of spiders, even the little ones. My fear of flying started last year on a horrible flight and has only gotten worse. I flew last month, and upon take-off the cabin filled up with a very strong burning rubber odor. I was paralyzed, couldn't breathe or blink, couldn't even release my white-knuckle grip off the armrest to ring the little bell so I could ask a flight attendant what the hell the smell was. I just sat there for 10 minutes, (the smell went away in 5 minutes, but I need time to recover) with tears streaming down my cheeks, staring at the ceiling because I didn't want to make eye-contact with anyone. Making eye-contact would make me obligated to help them off the plane when we crashed, if somehow we didn't all die in the blazing inferno, of course.

Here's my weirdest fear, and I have yet to find anyone else who can relate: I am scared of search lights. When I see them swirling around in the sky, I get a feeling of dread in my stomach. I always have - as a kid I could see them from my bedroom window as I laid in bed. There was a car dealership a couple of miles away, and they used search lights all the time. I would lay there and cry because they scared me so badly. For a while it was because I didn't know what they were used for, just that they were called search lights, so I assumed they meant something bad had happened, or that they were looking for a criminal who had escaped in our area. Now I know they don't signify doom, but they still creep me the hell out.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Revolving doors. When I was a kid, I saw this guy get his foot stuck in one at a department store and he just screamed and screamed...

Walking into my house and seeing someone sitting in the dark waiting for me. Gives me the screaming heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

Wasps. Oh how I hate them. Will bat at them like a lunatic and then run for cover, even on the street.

THE ALL SEEING CLOSET MONSTER - like all the others, the closet doors must be firmly closed at night. (Actually, even during the day.)

There are more. Many more.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I am kinda embarrased to admit this but my biggest fear at the moment is vomiting. I have never met anyone else with this fear but surely there is someone else out there. I fear food because it might be bad and give me food poisoning thus making me vomit. I won't eat meat because of worry of food poisoning. I also don't like salads at restaurants for the same reason. I always think about where the food has been before it got to my mouth and how many unclean hands it passed through during that time. I don't like to handle money because of germs that may lead to something as horrible as stomach flu. I don't like to fly because I am afraid that I will get motion sickness which makes me get motion sickness then I get claustrophobic cause I can't get off the plane while it is flying. And I don't want to have to puke in one of those weird little bags. Just looking at the barf bag makes me want to vomit. I wash my hands incessantly because I don't want germs that cause vomitting to be on my hands. The up side of this fear, which resurfaced about a year and a half ago after laying dormant since I was 8 (I am now 27), is that I have lost about 20 pounds.

I also fear anything ghost scary, like anything from Poltergeist or the B-E-L-L Witch which I shouldn't have even spelled out on here because it made me say her name in my head which is a big no no.

I fear someone coming into my house at night and wanting to murder my family (husband and son and me and three dogs) and I have to try to get everyone out of the house without anyone getting killed. That one usually crops up late at night if I am laying in the bed and everyone else is asleep. Especially in summer since people in northern Idaho don't think that it gets hot enough to justify air conditioning in their homes and I have to sleep with the windows open in the summer, cause it really does get horribly hot in the summer. All it would take is a sharp knife (the worst murder weapon of choice) to cut right through the screen and he would be in my house. Serial murderers are creepy.

I used to fear tornadoes. Living my whole life in Tennesse except a brief four years as a tot in Oklahoma made me deathly afraid of storms because I feared a tornado in connection with them. We never lived in a house with a basement so I didn't know where I would hide from one. I moved to Northern Idaho about a year ago and now that fear is gone. I can actually listen to a storm and not freak out. There are no tornados here. I have a basement now of course since I don't need it. But the fear is gone anyway.

Ok, I just read back over this and you must all think that I am a big freak. Really, I hide all of these irrational fears well and usually only reveal them to my husband so I am not a total dork.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Snakes, ducks, and high bridges.

I've always hated snakes--I guess I have just had that one drilled into me and I also ran over one with a lawn mower when I was 11 or 12. I hadn't even noticed the snake and then the lawn mower started making this crazy chunking sound and snake bits were thrown all over the yard. Pretty gross. Also had an ex-boyfriend with a boa constrictor named "Goliath". He thought my aversion to snakes was silly, so his big idea for correcting it was to throw Goliath at me when I wasn't looking. Imagine looking up from a magazine to see a boa flying at you.

Needless to say, he was not my boyfriend after that.

I'm not afraid of heights, I'm just afraid of very high bridges. I got stuck on the 10/12 split in Baton Rouge--a bridge that is pretty big with a good sized arch--and you could feel the bridge swaying in the wind, moving with all of the traffic. It completely creeped me out. I've been skydiving and that was great so I know it can't be heights that bug me. Just bridges that move. Yeesh.

When I lived on the lake we had quite a few ducks that hung around the inlet that came by our driveway. Despite my warnings, my roommate fed them. From then on, the ducks would wait by the front door and ATTACK whichever unlucky person needed to go outside. If you were not bringing bread, the ducks seemed to think, then you needed to die. They were very vicious and I had three fly at my head. I also got attacked by ducks at the pond once. I've never had a good relationship with ducks. I hate them.

So there you go. Snakes, ducks, and high bridges.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Earthquakes. And I've never lived in a place that has them. I would have moved to the West Coast years ago if I weren't scared of the Big One. A woman who was living in San Jose during the Santa Cruz earthquake told me that she was inside her house trying to get out and she couldn't because the doorframe was moving back and forth. Shudder. Do the West Coasters have any more scary quake stories, just to make sure I never move anywhere near you?

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Word, Diana. I can't bring myself to even go to California I'm so terrified of earthquakes. I've survived four tornadoes and a giant hurricane, but there is NO way I would survive an earthquake. I would simply die of a heart attack. It's the goddamn earth, it's not supposed to MOVE.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Luke said he wasn't afraid of but two things: A dead person and a broke person.

George Orwell said fear of the sack keeps modern, Western man in line.

I don't covet their carrot and I'm not afraid of their stick.

I was looking for a job when I found this one.

I'm not afraid of success so much as of what I might do to become successful. Namely, sell out.

This late in the day, that's not a rational fear.

At my job, people keep their mouth shut, to stay out of trouble. They sing the company fight song, with enthusiasm and sincerity, like waving the little red Quotations From the Chairman in the company cafeteria. So the Ideological Rectitude Officer can see them.

Many writers don't write what they know about the writing game, because to air dirty linen is taboo. If they work in a university, they don't speak out about the university.

Once Bukowski was published, it didn't make any sense to make him less Bukowskian.

I hew to the line, and let the chips fall where they will. The Cow Chip of Doom.

Bugle is from buculum, the diminutive of Bos, the genus of cow.

I crack the Cow Whip of Doom.

The trumpet shall sound! A Florida cracker will make do. Get by on grits and grunts, grillades and grits in Louisiana.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

1. walking around the house in the dark, turning on the light, and there's an alien waiting to take me to his "home." i know. it's really dumb.

2. 1/2 smooshed bugs/insects. a poor clear/pink gecko got stepped on his belly (i think the dog did it), and when i saw the thing, its head and tail were wiggling, and the middle wasn't. had to wake up hubby and make him dispose of the thing.

3. deformities. i know they can't be helped, but i can really get freaked when people aren't "physically normal."

4. my dad. in a i'll-never-measure-up kind of fear.

5. that i'll end up in shoal creek, again. the reason i don't want to be at my sister's wedding. the family does not understand clinical depression. they're not WILLING to understand how fucked up it can make you. that's way i've been shitting myself this last week, and finally had the nerve to say "no." (see my other post) but, now the guilt is creeping in, but i don't want to back out, but my hubby thinks i'll do irreperable damage to my relationships, and all i can think about is all of this is not helping me sleep, or eat, or all the things that led to the mental hospital.

*phew* sorry about that. we're (hubby and i) are supposed to "talk" about this whole event in the next hour or so. i'm scared.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Spiders! Especially big ones (it's one of the main reasons I will probably never move to the South) - the little house ones I can handle - although they always make me feel creepy-crawly for an hour after I see one. My Dad says I can spot a spider anywhere in the room in the first 30 seconds I'm there.

Drowning - it's not so big of a fear that it keeps me out of the deep end, but when I was little it did. I flunked beginning swimming, and it wasn't until my best friend was going off the high dive that I gave into my fear because I was missing out on all the fun. If I'm waterskiing in a lake or something, I can't think about all that water beneath me or I freak.

I also have this weird irrational fear of falling down and busting out my teeth. I think about it a lot when I'm walking. It's never happened so I have no idea where it came from. Odd.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I am deathly afraid of revolving doors. When I was little, I was squashed in one of those subway ones where you can't go around more than once, because they have those prong thingys... So yeah, I can't go through revolving doors with out psyching myself up and hyperventilating.

Interestingly, I managed to instill a fear of flying babies into my best friend. She came to visit me in Italy, and I told her how sometimes the gypsy women would throw their babies at people (because who wouldn't catch a baby?) and then rob them. I also told her about the pickpockets on the subways and buses in Rome especially, and how the gypsy children would get on them at rush hour and steal your stuff. So, about eight hours later, she said, "You know, I have been thinking, I could just elbow that flying baby away, right?" Nothing had been mentioned for hours, she had just been thinking about it and obsessing over it for days. So she has this fear of flying babies now.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Oh, yeah. Earwigs. I am petrified of earwigs, especially if they were to crawl into my ear, as their name suggests. Yeeeesh. I have the willies just thinking about it... Stepping on something gross with bare feet is another one, which stems from when I was about 10 and I stepped on a slug with bare feet. Doesn't stop me from running around with no shoes on from may until october, though...

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

biggest fear : being institutionalized for any reason. i don't care if my head is bleeding, tape a sock to it and let's go. any kind of hospital, asylum, state school- they are all scarey. i actually pass out when i visit people in the hospital, which makes it worse because then every one thinks i need medical attention. i have never had to be in a hospital, and i never wil.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Merida,

The revolving door one isn't that weird. I used to go to the big 24/7 neither rain nor sleet nor snow post office on 34th street in NY and all they have is revolving doors. Sometimes only the center one is open, which brings up my fear of falling down stairs. When I think of it, that explains why I hated being at the top of the really steep hills in San Francisco. I could just see myself tripping (I'm clumsy) and rolling down, right into traffic.

Anyway, one time I was at that post office and this woman called her kids to come in, as they were dawdling. The little boy said "no no no," but the sister ran right up the last few steps and into the revolving door very quickly. At the last minute, the little boy changed his mind, caught up with her and tried to squeeze into the door. I was filling out a form or something just inside and saw his neck bent to one side and hit the wall when the door hit it. It makes my neck hurt just thinking about it. From then on, I really had to be sure my fingers (and head) were very clear of the door and that no one ahead or behind me in a revolving door was trying to go too fast.

Besides the ones I mentioined before, I don't like bees or wasps or snakes. I think somewhere I read that you don't know if you're allergic until you're stung and then you only have a few minutes to get to the hospital or you'll die. I don't remember this exactly, because I read it as a kid and just can't get it out of my mind.

Once my then-boyfriend and I were on a field trip for our botany class and I saw a snake. He got excited and went off to find it, while I stayed up on a really big rock. No way I was walking in tall grass when there were snakes about. He thought I just imagined it, but another woman in our class found a snake as we were all leaving.

I also don't like mirrors in the dark, I always see a ghost or killer lurking in it. Thanks for reminding me. Ewwwww.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

I'm afraid of what's gonna happen in school in Sunday.

I'm generally usually terrified from one silly thing-- coming back to school after an extended away time and/or after something bad happend in the day before I left school.

I am so annoyed.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Erica, some insect allergies do work like that, but not always. I found out I was allergic to bees when I got stung at a high school football game. I just passed out cold, but my throat didn't swell shut and my blood pressure didn't spike out of control. Nothing critical, just extreme dizziness. I don't know for sure, but it seems to me an allergist could test you to determine your sensitivity to insects, just like they can food and other irritants.

I'd forgotten this story until now, but there was this girl in my Psychology class who shared her biggest phobia, and I couldn't stop laughing about it. She was paranoid that every trash bag she saw on the side of the road had an abandoned baby in it. And if the bag was blowing around in the wind, she was convinced she would run over this "baby." It was a big problem for her, and the rest of the class just laughed at her. (This was high school, I don't mean to sound insensitive.) But for a long time, I would drive around, eyeing all trash bags suspiciously.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Ok, I have a few besides monkeys. (I can't believe I'm the only one with the monkey fear. C'mon, y'all.)

When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark - really it was more a fear of someone being in my house when I didn't know it. I didn't want to bother my parents by telling them this (uh...ridiculous, much?) so, I conquered it on my own, in my own way.

Imagine, if you will, moi as a six-year-old kid strolling nonchalantly (acting!) into the bathroom carrying on a conversation with the killer who, I know, is hiding in the bathtub.

"Hello...I know you're in the tub..." Because, I didn't want the killer to think he was pulling a fast one on me, you know?

And then, I would RIP the shower curtain back to reveal the empty tub, satisfied that this little routine had somehow protected me.

Another one that worked for me: whenever I had to go to the very dark downstairs at night, I would sing, in full voice, "Amazing Grace." (I still do this whenever I have to go alone into a dark place - I at least sing it in my head.)

Quit laughing! It obviously worked - I survived!

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

allison,

i used to do exactly the same talking-to-the-killer-in-the-bathtub thing when i was younger - i guess i thought that being hacked to death wouldn't be so bad as long as the killer didn't make me look stupid by taking me by surprise.

i think it was actually based on the "i'm so not psychic" premise - if i saw it coming, it was bound not to happen.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Fears huh?

1. Guilt 2. Nuclear war 3. Losing my mind

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Exactly, Jessica, it's all about appearances. Don't want the killer to think we didn't KNOW he was there to kill us.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

The dark. The under-the-bed-monster. The-hiding-behind-the-shower-curtain monster. Watching water go down a drain. Clowns. Walking Sticks (the bugs, not canes.)

Jeez, I look at my list and think, "What am I? Six??"

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Being tickled.

My two brothers (one older, one younger) found out how ticklish I was at a very early age, and one of their favorite games was, "Sit on Patrick and tickle him until he throws up."

If I even think you're going to tickle me, I'll swat you away, knock you down, whatever it takes.

Makes sex interesting.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

I'm with Patrick on this one! If anyone even gets close to tickling me, I completely freak out.

Every guy I've ever dated knows that when I shriek "armpit!" he has exactly one second to get his hand out of the danger zone. One particularly sadistic ex of mine used to enjoy making me whimper and cower by holding my arm above my head and STARING at my armpit.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Jennifer, you just made me get all squicky because you wrote about lifting up an arm and having someone stare at an armpit.

We need help.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Pamela, etc.

I too am afraid of the monster under the bed. If I am getting into bed and the lights are out, I will jump from three feet just to avoid having to stand too close to the bed.

I also have the shower monster fear. When I am staying alone at night, I will go to every bathroom and rip back the shower curtain.

And I hate hate hate to be tickled. I don't know if it is a fear, but it really pisses me off.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

I'm scared of roaches, too. Spiders. Ants. Flies. Bees. Wasps. Mosquitos. Snakes. Lizards. If it falls under the category either of insect (or any other sort of bug that's not a ladybug or a pill bug), reptile, or creepy-crawlie, I'm scared of it. I'm scared of flying. I'm scared of people who stare at me. It scares me when people stare - I even get the creeps when my boyfriend just sits and looks at me. I'm usually scared of dogs until they demonstrate that they are not going to treat me as supper. I'm scared of horseback riding. I think that's it. I think that's _enough_.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2000

Patrick and Jennifer: My grandmother used to play this "tickling game" called Creepy Mousey. She'd start at your hand and walk her fingers up to your neck and tickle like crazy. My husband loves the Creepy Mousey game, because all he has to do is shriek the words and make the hand movements, and I'm in the fetal position screaming.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2000

This sounds so vulgar and immature... but I swear to God it freaks me out.

I get frightened when I use public toilets. Not because of the germy thing or whatever (although that is frightening to think about), but because I am scared a snake or a flushed pet alligator or something will come out and bite my ass or whatever while I am in my most intimate position.

This sounds like a joke, but I swear to God, I think about it everytime I use a public toilet. I've had this fear since childhood. Snakes, crawling through public piping--- emerging--- attacking--- my ass.

It's scary. It frightens me.

Please, no mocking. I am completely serious.

I feel like I'm writing Seventeen magazine and should end with the question, "Is this normal?"

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2000

leigh anne - the 'creepy mousey' game reminded me of this thing that my boyfriend does to me. it started when he broke his collarbone and would want to put his arm over me at night - he couldn't lift his right arm, so would use the other arm to *fling* his right arm onto me, then walk his hand over my body until he got into a comfortable position. the first time he did this it really squicked me; i kept quiet about it while his collarbone was still broken because his intentions were quite sweet, really. but i (mistakenly) let him know when he recovered how much it creeped me out, and so now he does 'crawly hand' on me all the time just to torment me. bastard.

ginny (or anyone) - what's the bell witch?

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2000

Most irrational fear: Volcanoes. I don't live near a volcano, and they can't exactly sneak up on a person, but they frighten me nonetheless. I was about six when I first saw pictures of the preserved victims of Pompeii. Guess it made an impression. Sweet Jesus--all those people frozen for eternity with looks of pain and fear on their faces!

Fear that seems irrational, but I am convinced is justified: One particular clown named Uncle Buster. I swear this guy is a Gacy wannabe. He used to come in a breadstore I worked at for a while, makeup all smudged, costume all dirty and askew, belly hanging out. I know he could see the terror in my eyes, but he would never leave until he made me a balloon animal. One time he came in when I was working alone and I had to hide in the back until he finally left. I wanted to call 911. "He gave me a balloon animal! I'm tellin' ya--he marked me for death!"

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2000

If I'm not careful, I spend my life in fear of things. Some of my current biggies:

1. Heights. That includes flying, elevators, bridges, cliffs, amusement park rides... anything where my feet are not on terra firma. Thanks to my dumb dad for taking me on a Ferris Wheel and rocking it back and forth when I was 6 and laughing as I shrieked in terror.

2. The supernatural. That includes anything that can manifest in a closet, mirror, window, behind or under something in the dark. Poltergeist was the last horror movie I saw, and it was only recently that I got over my ritual of closing the closet door before I went to bed. If I'm home alone at night trying to sleep, I'm convinced there are dead souls wandering my living room. Don't ask me why this is such a threat... the only ghost I ever saw was the most peaceful and beautiful experience....

3. Something happening while I'm asleep, and waking up to situations that include: an intruder in the room/house (too many news stories about women who wake up to find a rapist/burgler standing over them), fire (an exploding water heater in the basement... a neighbor leaving a candle lit...), an earthquake (no matter that we don't live in CA anymore), a plane crashing into our building-

My minor fears include goats (thank you, stupid friend, who handed me her box of popcorn in the kiddie petting zoo), public toilet germs (yes, that's me flushing the toilet with my foot), needles (yes, I'm 29 and still cry when I have to get a shot... and last time, I passed out). Stairs make me uneasy.

I used to be deathly afraid of rats. My high school science class thought it was funny, and on occassion, my path out of class was blocked by folks who decided now was a good time to take the rats out at play with them. The day that the teacher put the rats in their little excersize ball to run around the room during class was sheer torture. Then my brother decided to raise rats. The family thought it was funny to wake me up by sending Scruffles or Large Marge running across my bedroom floor. Then my brother gave me two rats for Christmas, "so you have to take care of them and then you won't be scared of them any more." Those creatures sat in their stinky cage on my dresser for several days... until I noticed they looked kinda hungry, and poked some lettuce at them.... And within a couple days, I was holding and petting them with no problem.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2000

I'm afraid of:

-dogs. that was my first fear. when I was little [around 3] I was standing in the driveway while mom went to get the mail and these huuuuge dogs came running across the street. I was parylZed...I couldn't move and the dogs knocked me over and licked my face. I cried and cried and thought they were going to eat me. ever since, I can't even step foot outside if I hear barking.

-restaurants. erm, it's mostly the fear of throwing up in a restaurant that freaks me out. I don't want everyone staring at me in alarm. since I have allergies and most foods make me feel icky about 10 minutes after eating, this makes it worse. I haven't eaten out since 1998...I still can't and won't...hah. I tried last may and could barely eat a piece of bread.

-I agree with patrick [etc] about tickling. it's horrid, horrid stuff. I still have dreams that dad is tickling my neck and I can't breath and I feel like I'm choking and he won't stop. it's horrible. he doesn't tickle my neck anymore, but I still have the occasional dream where I wake up crying.

-serial killers. yes, if I hear that a serial killer is on the loose in my area, I will freak that he will find my house out first and hop through my window and kill me. this fear was more dormant summer of last year because of the railway killer in houston. each time I heard the trains coming in and a noise outside the window I'd whimper in my bed and be very still. even once I heard a cat screaching outside my window and thought he was out there killing the cat first!! ick.

-going outside. I have social phobia. directed from depression. I won't get into that one though.

there are many others but these are the top ones. I sound like a freak..hah.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

Spiders. I'm SO scared of spiders. Even the tiny baby ones just freak me out, I can't stand them. I'll shriek until I lose my voice and then I'll frantically go to the kitchen and get a paper towel and try to kill the spider without getting too close to it so that it can't get onto me. But I just become helpless when I spot one, I totally freak out. Heights. I am really scared of heights, which is weird since I've flied so much all my life and haven't been scared of that (I've even been to the top of the Empire State Building!), but heights really scare me, even just the top bunk of a bunk bed. I would never, EVER get near a ledge and if I went to the top of a building, I would just stand in the center so there wouldn't be a chance of me losing my balance and falling over and plunging to my death. I'm surprised this hasn't been mentioned much, but I'm also scared of death. I'm just scared of what happens and I'm scared that I'll just go off to oblivion and be alone for the rest of.....well, not my life, but eternity, I guess.

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2000