Do you like spending time by yourself? Do you drive yourself crazy?

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Answers

I love being by myself. In fact, at the end of the workday, I like it if Dan (my husband) and I can have dinner together, then either he leaves to go work on his car, or I leave to go shopping. On weekends, we usually spend either Friday or Saturday evening together, then the rest of the weekend is fair game to do stuff individually. We spend the occasional Saturday together, whether it be shopping, visiting with friends, or just hanging out at a park or the zoo. There's no one I'd rather be with than him, but we both cherish our alone time and our friend time.

I love driving places by myself - to me, an ideal day is driving to Minneapolis (back when it was only 3 1/2 hours away - now it's 6 1/2) with only a bin fulla mix tapes, a full tank of gas, a diet Coke, and a fresh pack of cigarettes. Of course, since I'm pregnant I don't buy much diet coke or ANY cigarettes these days, and come to think of it, Dan probably wouldn't let me take a long-distance trip alone... Sometimes when the weather's nice (no fun when it's snowy/icy), I'll just drive around my city, listening to mix tapes. Neither Dan or I question it when the other just goes for a drive.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I really enjoy spending time alone. I don't really get to do it that often. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves to spend time with me, and the most kick ass friends I spend lots of time with too. But I like to go for a drive alone. With a big ass Slurppee and a pack of smokes, I don't even really need the radio. Well I would enjoy the radio, truth of the matter is my radio has been broken for almost a year! So I have goteen used to driving without it. When I get really bored I will sneak and listen to my walkman in the car, but that is like illegal or something stupid so I have to keep it on the down-low. Besides it can be rather embarrassing when I finally look over at the car next to me at a stop light to notice that they are staring and laughing at me and my Mariah Carey Live in Concert impression. My new thing I like to do is really wack! What the hell I will tell you, I like to just have a full on converstation with my self in the car! Oh but that's not all I use an accent!!! Sometime I am brittish or from the deep south, that one is my favorite, cuz that's the one I'm best at. I just drive alone talking up a storm! I don't like answer myself, like I'm a split personality or anything, I just talk like I'm talking to someone and I imagine what their response would be to what I have said. It sounds crazy but it is REALLY very therapeutic. I always feel better after I have a nice long conversation with my self while driving my whooptie and chain smoking. I highly recommend it.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I love my alone time. A few years ago I spent too much time lamenting the fact that I didn't have enough friends or enough people to do things with. I've moved a lot and it takes me time in each new place to make friends. While I love the moving, I really used to hate going to the movies alone. Of course, the last few times I went to the movies, other people pissed me off. For my going away from NY, the woomen in my hotel planned to take me to a movie I didn't want to see and for coffee, which I don't drink. I guess I like being alone partly because I know what I like and sometimes I just want to do that, rather than negotiate. Sometimes I just don't want to be flexible.

Some of my best moments have been alone -- first orgasm, first trip to New York, waiting for the plane to take me to New York permanently (semi-permanently, as it turns out), first trip to Boston, travelling cross country last month. I'm at home alone all day and I love it. I can read, write, design and goof off online. I play video games and write late into the night. I'm in a phase where I'm up until 4 or 5 am. I love that time of night when everyone else is asleep. It feels like the world is all mine. It's the best time for me to write, do projects or work on my sites.

I've never travelled with anyone since I was an adult. Part of me thinks it would be interesting, but part of me doesn't think I could take it. I don't have a lot of "things," phobias or quirks I have to accomodate, but I hear so many people whining when I travel that I'm glad I don't have to travel with them. I can't stand people whining about stupid shit. (This brings me to one of the best things about doing things by yourself -- eavesdropping!)

Once this woman sitting behind me on a plane complained endlessly about her job, her life, having to be flown somewhere for work, etc. She had all the yuppie accessories provided by her job, her parents had a house "in the islands," really the whole Princess bit and she was complainging about something so stupid I don't even remember what it was, but it was lame, lame, lame. Of course, I was en route to my dad's funeral, so I was a bitch without pity.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I've lived alone for about a year now. At times I feel a bit anti- agoraphobic about it, but normally it rocks. I mean, if you like to read a lot, then being alone all the time is very good. And it's so easy to get into a vibe in which pleasing yourself is sooo much easier than dealing with other people, that it's actually possible to resent even friends who try to be social.

The best part is sneaking into movies is a lot easier. :)

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Yes and no.

I like my own company. I am happiest being alone when I am in a relationship and we're both doing our own thing, busily, and alone, but within the same general vicinity. That means yes. I'm happiest being alone when it's a choice. I'm also generally happier and more fun when I have a steady sweetie, because I'm one of those annoying people who feels safer being herself--and I rock! I'm not a bad human being!--when someone loves me, warts and all.

But I'm miserable if I'm alone because I have to be, because either I am recovering from a break-up or because plans have fallen through. That means no. I am prone to self-doubt and depression and if I'm alone because I've been deprived of human contact, I tend to turn my disappointment inwards and find fault with myself. BAD HABIT. Worse, since I know I do it and it's nearly impossible to cut it out. I usually stave off this kind of anti-alone-ness with sleep or a hot bath.

There's a difference between alone and lonely, in other words. Alone is great! I can entertain myself for WEEKS ON END and not get bored.

Lonely is the pits. I hate lonely. Lonely sucks.

I also know that I don't adapt to changes in plans that well, because I feel disappointment so keenly. I usually try not to plan anything until the last minute or try not to get too jazsed in advance in case my plans don't pan out, but I get disappointed anyway when things don't come together as hoped. Sucks. Makes me seem "cool" at first, but then I just seem...lackluster. Not that anyone's ever said so, I just suspect that's how it comes across. Feh.

Alone is great for creative work, though--I am far more faithful about writing and other creative work when I'm not blissfully happy. Hmm.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I love being alone. I've lived by myself for several years now, and it's great! Oh, don't get me wrong - having someone to spend time with is nice too. But when I'm alone I can do whatever I want. I read, sew, cook. I talk to myself. I dance in my living room. I stay up til all hours of the night.

Traveling alone, however, isn't quite so fun. I do a lot of travel for work, so the flying isn't an issue. But eating out by yourself night after night gets old. Most restaurants don't have bright enough lighting to read by, and if I don't have anything to do during dinner, I'll end up staring at other people and then they end up thinking I'm weird (so what else is new).

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I love to spend time by myself and with four kids (who are kind of grown up but two still live at home) and a husband who works all kinds of hours and shifts.......time alone has always been difficult to come by. By myself I can quilt, I can scrapbook, I can do crosswords.....read the paper.....surf the net......read a book..all at once........listen to the birds sing.......watch the rabbits play in the grass.......maybe putz at doing the housework......e-mail my family and friends.......pull the weeds.......swim in my pool.......go for a walk......ride my bike anywhere.......I love to be by myself, sometimes it's hard to be with other people and since I work retail being with people is an everyday fact of life and it makes it rather crowded. So yes, I like.....love......to spend time by myself and no, I do not drive myself nuts.....of course, some say I already am but that's another story!!

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Both of the folks work. I don't. Consequently I'm at home a lot and by myself for the daylight hours (except when Mum returns for her lunch hour). And even when the folks are home I inhabit the back half of the house and they stick to the front, and occasionally we meet up. So I wind up being on my own for almost all of the day on most days. I'm sure it can't possibly be healthy for me, but that's how it is and I'm not complaining. I can be sociable depending upon the event and the company but by and large I'm an unsocial bugger.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I'm pretty good by myself. I can happily spend a few days alone, but long periods of time get me down a bit. During our first year of marriage Tristan was away for a total of 12 weeks - 9 weeks of that was 3 three-week trips - and that sucked. The first week would be pretty cool, and the last week would be great (because I was looking forward to him getting back), but the middle week sucks the big kumara.

However, he works in travel, so there's not much I can do about it. I deal with it better than him, anyway - he reckons there is nothing as sucky as travelling to cool and exciting cities by yourself - you have to sightsee alone, and have dinner alone every single night. And then watch TV and go to sleep at 9 pm.

The one thing that gets me down is not having any really good female friends in London (they're all in NZ), which cuts down the girlie hanging-out I could be doing while he's away.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Man, I go nuts if I don't get enough time to myself. As I end up interacting with a lot of people in work during the week I prefer to spend my evenings at home. So much so I get cranky if I have to go somewhere. Unless I'm going through one of my social butterfly phases in which case I'll go out every night.

I seem to get all peopled out very quickly.

I never get lonely - bored sometimes, cranky yes. Lonely no. And on the days where I feel like company there's a load of people I can call to go do something with. Best of both worlds really.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I grew up on a farm with two older sisters, so I learned to entertain myself out of sheer boredom. I am pretty good at finding things to do by myself if need be, but I like being around people.

I'm like some people on this forum - like to have space alone to reflect upon things, life. But it's nice to come out of that and mingle again.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I like to be alone. I am an only child, and have never had a lot of friends, so I've always entertained myself. I love to read, and can really retreat from the world that way. I've missed buses, planes, etc. while reading -- oops.

I just love to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to justify it. Travelling is great alone, because I can stop or keep going, on my own schedule. I play the radio or a tape, and sing at the top of my voice, something I would not inflict on another person. :-)

On the other hand, I do have to get out and be with other people sometimes. I read somewhere that insane people have one common denominator: they live entirely inside their own heads, and their imagination becomes reality to them. (I'm paraphrasing wildly here.) I know that if I spend too much time alone, I get weird. My ex used to get *really* paranoid when he spent too much time alone.

I don't want to be the crazy old lady with lots of cats and dogs, you know?

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I enjoy spending time by myself, and I'm quite good at it. I guess it comes from being an only child, and growing up I had to entertain myself a lot: playing with my Barbies, or stuffed animals, or my Dinosaur set (yes, Dinosaurs were popular way back then, too!), I could have a terrific time making up my own stories and acting them out. The problem would come when some other kid would want to join in and screw up my whole scenario. Of course there were times when I would seek out someone to play with, but generally, I didn't need anyone else. My idea of a good time is sitting in a nice restaurant, having a lovely dinner and reading a good book. I know a lot of people think it's odd that I spend so much time alone, but, really, it doesn't mean I'm a lonely person, or that I'm anti-social, or painfully shy, I just enjoy my own company. However, there are some situations where being alone isn't as much fun as it would be if you were with someone, such as going to a movie, or going shopping, or going to a wine festival, like I'm going to have to do on Saturday. If I decide to go, that is. Me, my beach chair, a notebook and pen, and a book. It's not like I haven't done it before - I've been going to this wine festival since 1995, and have only once gone with someone else - but I'm sure I must look like a freak sitting there by myself at such a social event. Whatever.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Damn, what's with all you loners? I love people. I love to be around people. I have never lived in an apartment or a house by myself and I don't ever want to. If my husband dies before me I'm moving in with my friends, I swear.

When we started living together I had to learn how to be alone. Even when we moved out of the studio apartment we would have to negotiate. "I'm going to go into the study and play my video game. Can you wait thirty minutes before you come and talk to me?" When I'm actually alone I manage just fine, I'm not the Psycho Woman this makes me sound like, but if there are other people around and I like them I have a terrible time leaving them alone. *I* want to talk. Why wouldn't they want to?

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

yes, i like time alone - like many others on this forum, i think it stems from being a semi-only child: i was always very good at amusing myself when i was small, by reading or writing or imagining. my best friend when i was young was also an only child though, and reacted completely differently - always wanted other kids around her. i would happily play with other kids for half an hour or so, then sneak away to read a book.

i generally come across as a pretty social person - i have a hard time turning down an evening out, and i genuinely enjoy being around people much of the time - but after a while i start to go a bit crazy if i don't have alone time; i get weird going on holiday with friends, for example, because there's nowhere i can retreat to. i never need time away from my boyfriend, though, which is because deep down we're both quite solitary by nature (though you wouldn't guess from meeting us face to face), and so we're happy just being together while doing our own things.

i almost always travel alone, too, which a lot of people find weird but i find wonderfully enjoyable. i've made friends while travelling that i probably wouldn't have made had i ben surrounded by my posse; i never have to consult anyone, and always have complete control over what i do and when. i love it.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Being the incredible smart, talented, and attractive guy I am, I almost always had a girlfriend. So, there really wasn't much alone time for me through high school and college. That all ended when I finished college. I am not sure if it was the smart, talented, and attractive part that ended, but I didn't have a girlfriend for over 2 years. It sucked at first, but after a time you really do get used to being alone. Now, I have been dating this girl for about 8 months, and I am moving in with her as we speak. The space issue is a bit of concern for me now, because where do I run to when I need that time away? It is hard to say "I need some time to myself" without it sounding like "I need some time away from you".

I think most of us can live with either situation, it is just the transition from one to the other that is so diffucult.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

i grew up in a big family were doors and privacy were unheard of- outsiders from the family find our lack of modesty odd. now i live with 1 dog and 1 cat, and can spend the day in the bathroom without interruption. i take up a whole queen sized bed when i sleep. i love my friends and family, they are great, but only as long as i know i get to go home alone.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

I don't really have a problem being alone...I would just prefer being around people. My first 2 years in high school, I was a bit of a nerd. Then, for some reason, in my junior year I was a part of the "in" crowd, and I learned how to deal with people better. When I went to college, I completely reinvented myself into the outgoing girl that I am today. I don't really get too much time to be alone. I am always on the run, with work or friends, and whatever alone time I do get is usually spent sleeping. If I am alone, I won't go crazy, and I am not uncomfortable being alone, but all told, I would rather be hanging out with a friend or two.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

I don't know who said it, but the phrase 'Loneliness is the inability to be alone' has always struck a chord in me. I love being alone, if only because it gives me the chance to play air guitar while playing an old Ramones album at full blast.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000