Maybe I didn't really see wrinkles, but I'm concerned about this whole crossing-my-legs thing and the tiny blue lines I think I might possibly see on the inside of my legs.

My friend who turned thirty recently cackled that I'm just about to begin losing control of my body.

But, shit, I never thought I had control? Where's my control? I want the control before I lose it! Dammit!

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Answers

Right, guys. That's what I thought. It's just me.

Damn.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

I can't stop using the really bad facial products that are a sure fire "get rid of your (ahem) blemish by the morning" tactic.

Even though I *know* I should be using some teeny tiny packaged "Quality women's skin care" sold in the mall or by my pink clad coworker.

I know my face is hating it. It'll be mad ugly when my skin finally drops it's tolerance and screams "NONONONO - you WILL spend as much money on me as you do Shiner Bock or I will *shrivel and ASH*"

And I hate how my body fits in that impossible to find space somewhere between clothes made for 12 year old brittney spears wannabe's and martha-friggin-stewart.

Grr.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

I began to notice that gravity is beginning to have its way with my boobs. DAMMIT!! I later found out that the more i run the worse it's going to be. SO I can have cheesecake thighs and perky boobs or strong long legs and droopy boobs. hmmmmmm.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

I don't want to talk about this. Earlier this week, one of the women in my office (who's in her late forties, like everyone else around here) informed me that I wasn't "looking as young" as I used to. I'm 30; I don't want to hear that shit. I was the baby until this new little 25 year old princess showed up.

And the context is just so fucking depressing. I was ragging on Ally McBeal, and how old Calista Flockhart looked and how annoying it was to have someone who looks that haggard playing a character who is supposed to be my age. And that elicited the response about me not looking as young as I used to, as if I look as old as Calista Flockhart!

That's just so very depressing that I don't want to talk about it anymore.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

I haven't gotten carded for cigarettes in a loooong time. I used to get carded every single time, no matter what store I went to. I try to tell myself that it's because the stores aren't being as strict, but we all know it's really because smoking and time are making me look old.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Spider veins.

My legs.

Crap.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Spider veins + wrinkles + the occasional grey hair + crappy teenage skin = a little bit of Jackie Collins action. Come on, you know you want it.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Control over my body? HAH!

I laugh at the wimps kicking and punching behind Billy when they scream and grimace, because I get through the workout just fine, thank you. I did 270 sit-ups yesterday. I do push-ups, and not those girlie knees-on-the-ground kind, either. I'm in better shape than I've been in in years.

And, because I'm 40, I have droopy boobs, incipient wrinkles and an ever-increaing number of gray hairs. Plus zits. Getting rid of the last few pounds is harder than ever. I've got a few of the little blue lines on my legs. I feel like a hag when I go out and the guys are leaning over and around me to talk to my pretty, 20-something friends.

Some things I can control (like being in shape), some I can't. That's life.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I started geeking out over my aging face and bod this year. Probably has something to do with that turning 30 and getting divorced business.

I started doing face exercises (they help, who'd have thunk it) and taking rigorous care of my skin. Sunscreen and the whole works. I actually bought "dark circle diminisher" because I'd like to not have dark circles for some period of time before I become permanently old.

I'm starting to see those blue lines on my legs too and feeling varicose vein panic. They still go away when I exercise regularly.

I tried to get obsessed with Billy Blanks, but he creeps me out. So I bought some weights and a step and went back to my old favorite workout program.

But, barring some major unpredictable medical advances, I'm still going to get old. There is no controlling it.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

You know what really sucks? Guys never worry about this stuff until they're well into their 40's.

I look good for my age (36), but every morning I wake up and wonder whether everything fell apart during the night.

I hate that I'm so shallow about my looks, but the truth is, we live in a society that values superficial attributes above anything else, and I am not strong enough to resist falling into that trap.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I'm sorry? Come again? We don't have to worry, until...Hi, we haven't met, I'm the most aging-paranoid person you'll ever meet. Ever. Men don't have to worry about women caring about our age until our 40's, but simple mortality issues are just as important to us. I have so many facial products. So many. They help, but most importantly, they allow me to not hate when I'm Beth's age. For not taking care of myself when I was young. I don't know why I said that. It's just a joke. Calista Flockhart looks really old.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Gray hair. At 21. No, I'm not kidding. One grandmother went gray in her 70s; one went gray at 18. Who do you think I took after? Luckily, at 30 now, the gray hasn't progressed as rapidly as I feared it might. I color, and that actually gives me a little body as a bonus. Plus, my roots seem to indicate that the gray is coming in as a nice thick stripe at my temple, just like my grandmother used to have, which will be really cool (in about 50 years) when I have pretty gray hair with a nice shiny silver stripe like she had. But just this week I started to notice a few little lines under my eyes that don't seem to be going away. I'm headed back to the cosmetics counter at lunch today for a miracle in a jar!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Ok Jeff, if the issue is simply mortality you're right - we've all got to worry about that at some point. But when you're talking about things like wrinkles and sagging skin, men tend to weather the storm alot better than women do. Yes, I know, most women won't go bald (at least not until they're too old to give a shit about what they look like), but there is so much more emphasis placed on the youthfulness of women in our society that the pressure to maintain the illusion of youth can be extreme. You don't hear about alot of men having a mid-life crisis in their 20's or 30's, but ask any woman who is approaching 30 and she will most likely express some level of concern that her days of youthful beauty are numbered.

Having said THAT, my 30's have been the best time in my life, and I wouldn't go back to my 20's if you paid me - but that doesn't mean I don't have days when I wish I looked like I did when I was 25.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Sarah,

Maybe the reason you don't hear about men having a midlife crisi in their 20s and 30s isn't because it doesn't happen, but because there aren't thirty different men's magazines out there talking about it in every issue.

And lets not forget that men aren't supposed to have emotions and feel pain or insecurity. We're not supposed to talk about anything but cars and sports. We go through a lot of the same shit you do, we just get ostracized (by both men and women) if we admit it. So we bottle it up.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I didn't know anyone had mid-twenties freak-outs until me and my friends started to drop like flies. It sucks to lose elasticity. No matter who you are. I can't wait to be thirty. I just hate having to watch my twenties leave.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Well then, I stand corrected.

I certainly didn't mean to belittle what are obviously very real fears about aging on the part of men, but rather to point out that society tends to objectify women in a much more overt way, and that puts us at a disadvantage to men.

I understand that men have insecurities, but the fact remains that as women, we are bombarded with messages from the media that tell us that we must maintain our looks at any cost. Women's magazines, advertising, movies - they all send this message. Men just don't have to deal with the same level of societal pressure.

And if you don't agree with this I have two words for you: Jack Nicholson. Jack may be riddled with insecurity over his thinning hair, wrinkles and paunchy waistline, but then he looks over at Lara Flynn Boyle and thinks "Damn I'm good. I've got a hot actress girlfriend half my age and I'm doing all right. The ladies still love Jack."

I'm sorry, but it is very rare to see a situation like that one reversed.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I enjoy partying, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. I'm afraid that this, more than any other factor will contribute to the depreciation of my physique. Is one relieved of the incessant to desire the binge drink on a weekly basis at age 30?

My friend Peg, who is my ex-lover/fairy godmother (sure, i'll take the Creepy Guy Award for today) once told me that your life gets a lot easier when you turn 30. She said you lose a lot of the highs but concurrently, a lot of the lows. I hate to say it because it sounds like such a chicken-shit way to live, but ever since she told me that I've been kind of "weathering" my 20s. Trying to stay away from any major fuck-ups, trying to keep the debt to a reasonable number, etc.

I hope it does get easier. But insecurity may not be privy to age. Do you lose the insecurity as you get older or do you just find better ways to hide it?

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Lisa, I can sympathize on the grey hair thing! I've had grey hair since my early 20's too. About 3 years ago when it was getting to the point where I could see those damn hairs every time I looked (okay, so I was paranoid), I decided that I was too young to go grey.

Hooray for the miracles of modern chemistry. I wash that grey right outta my hair every 3 months or so. Phew!

Other than that I suppose I'm pretty happy. Noone ever guesses my real age. Heh.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

as long as people continue to act surprised at my age i will be happy. i don't care if they are just being nice, i am not even old enough to care about my age (i am the same age as our pamie). so some times i don't get carded in a bar, i live like and act a teenager, i am not mature enough for my age, yippie!

but i do have the knees of a grandma. luckily those mid-length skirts are so in fashion.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Not to carry on a tennis match, but Jack Nicholson is VERY VERY wealthy. Money is a great qualifier. If he were the janitor in a doctor's office, I doubt Lara Flynn Boyle would give him the time of day. If I ever have as much money as Jack, I won't care what I look like either.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Money is a great qualifier for men. There are plenty of rich, lonely old women out there.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Two days ago while looking in the mirror I realized I would be turning 35 this year. 35! It wasn't that long ago that 35 was the beginning of middle age for women. I'm fortunate in that I know I look considerably younger than 34, but the tell-tale signs of aging have attached themselves to my body. I have a few grey hairs conveniently covered by color. There are som lines on my (huge) forehead and some right around my eyes. The spider veins are popping up too. Let's not even talk about the saggy boobs. What I hate more than anything though is the skin on the back of my hands beginning to look just a bit crepe-y. Not creepy. Crepe-y. Like an old woman's. Add in a couple of age spots and I am one hot mama.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

After finding out that a whole bunch of relatively reserved women I knew were ready to give it up for Sean Connery and Patrick Stewart, I stopped worrying so much about the "after 40, it's patch, patch, patch" business. Plus, I started going gray at 18.

Then again, my right shoulder started hurting a few weeks ago when I was lifting weights, and I've never DONE anything to that shoulder. I could understand if the shoulder that had surgery on it hurt, or the places where I've been hurt, but that sucker should still be good! It's not fair that body parts can just go bad on you after 40 years of faithful service!

Then again, I'm doing karate and weight training at 40 years of age, and I'm in the best shape of my life, so it kind of balances out, I guess. I'll let you know how things are going 20 years from now.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

No, my body is NOT aging faster than I'm allowing it to, and it's driving me crazy, and my wife crazier.

You see, she has a thing for older men. I'd be much more worried if she was helping out at an Old Folks' Home than as the towel mistress for the hunks at Baywatch. She LOVES silver hair especially. I'm forty-six. The only silver in my hair is in the sides of my beard, which is why I grew it. My father didn't get any gray hair until he was in his late fifties. My brother, two years older than me, no beard, even more baby-faced, still gets CARDED.

I do work out a little bit---maintenance, not wanting to become a baloon-muscle freak...but Barb would prefer it if I looked OLDER. And I don't.

Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I'm now 32. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I swear, when the light hits my face just right, I look like Manuel Noriega.

When the hell did THAT happen?

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

Age, shmage. I don't know why we, as a society, are so hung up on something we cannot possibly do anything about.

The fact is, I started really worrying about four years ago that I could no longer have any fun and that I had to change my attitudes because I was too old to still behave like I was 21. This bizarre notion was reinforced because I was doing a show with a group of people who deemed it "uncomfortable" to have someone "so much older" (29!) going out with them and decided to keep all cast get-togethers a secret from "the old guy."

I'm 34 now, I'm going bald, and I've discovered that the hair on my chest is turning grey. And you know what I say: "So what?" I can't stop aging, and I can't control genetics.

My point is: Don't worry about controlling your aging, just learn to ignore it. It doesn't have to be the end of the world.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000

Ay, papi, I'm on the brink of thinking about aging. I think that, looking at my parents and grandparents, genetics are on my side. My grandma still has great legs, aside from her varicose veins, or as she puts it 'guinea worms' (Ha! Grandma, you're funny!). Then again, I'm greying early, and the cottage cheese is nestling in much quicker than it used to; so after admiring my post-mud mask skin and feeling up my still perky boobs, I've decided I wanna get nudie shots. And I'm gonna take advantage of air-brushing. Cause though hindsight is 20/20, I'd like my memories of my youth to be, ahem, digitally enhanced.

Control? I last had control when I was 15. It can't get worse! No!

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000

I found my first gray hair the other day. I'm 26. It was more a shiny, metallic silver. The whole thing. And I dye my hair, so I don't know how this is possible. Very, very upsetting.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Leigh Anne, I know how you feel, but don't panic. A "friend" (I use the term loosely) noticed and pointed out my first gray hair during my freshman year of college. I was 18. I panicked. And I pulled it out. I expected any day after that to wake up to a head full of sprouting gray hairs. After that, I found, on average, about one gray hair a year, for the next ten years. I removed each one, wondering about the impending day when I might be removing hair by the fistful, or be forced to just give it up and resign myself to silver hair. At about 28, I started noticing gray hairs appearing at a rate of about 2-3 a year. This Saturday I just turned 30, and I don't think I have any gray hairs at the moment, so I'm doing pretty well for now. My mom went gray in her early 30's, but of course, she had three kids by that point, whereas I have none yet. In any case, my mom had the most gorgeous silver hair you ever did see. People used to stop her and ask where she had her hair "tinted" and be disappointed when she told them it was natural. I remember telling her that if my hair ever turned gray, I would never complain as long as it turned the same beautiful shade hers did. So far I'm still enjoying my chestnut mane, but I guess I'm also sort of waiting in wary anticipation for the day when I have to make good on my promise and accept my silver locks gracefully. In any case, if you made it to 26 before you saw your first gray hair, I'd say you're doing great!

I'll tell you what doesn't help: having your (several years younger) boyfriend announce just days before you turn 30 that you really should start wearing lotion on your face regularly, and it's time you started taking care of your face as you got older. I probably should have just punched him, but instead I rushed out and stocked up on Oil of Olay with Sunscreen and Alpha Hydroxy. I'll be sure to get him a bottle when he turns 30, though! *heh heh heh*

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I'm upset by the fact that I'm developing fine lines around my mouth and eyes - what some would consider obvious signs of aging - but still manage to have teenager-style "there was nothing there five minutes ago, I swear, and now I have Mount Kiluaea on my face! aiee!" zits. I ask you.

Grr.

OLOPD

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Did anybody else see that wretched Conde Nast "Skin" supplement that went out with Vanity Fair & some of their other magazines last month? It was one cruel piece of work. The article about your 40s (which happens to be the one that applies to me) was absolutely SADISTIC. "You'll get jowls like LBJ's, unless you're really thin in the face, and then you'll get turkey neck. And your lips are getting thinner even as you read this. But it really doesn't matter because soon you'll be in your 50s and that's when the skin starts to actually melt off your face like in that Indiana Jones movie." Then it described all the plastic surgery it would take to restore the whole mess, with a subtext of "We can do stuff like that because we're all cool and live in NYC and work for Conde Nast, but your health insurance will never pay for it so just keep buying your sad little retinol cream at Drug Emporium or whatever nyah nyah nyah."

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Sandra, Thanks for the reassuring words. I called my mother and did the whole "When do people in our family start graying?!" bit. Turns out it's early. I had no idea. Just as I was resigned to being Grandma Leigh Anne in a few more years, however, I made an even more important discovery. Which is that I'm insane, because what I thought was a silver hair in my head was actually the reflection of my sunglasses rim in the rearview mirror! What a relief! No wonder it was so metallic looking! I feel like a big old idiot, but I'm glad to have delayed the real thing a little longer.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

I have these horrible little lines around the outside of my eyes.

I was showing my mom and she informed me that everyone gets crow's feet.

excuse me? Not ME!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

I'm 34. My knees ache sometimes, I can't stay up all night partying for entire weekends anymore and my teeth are starting to crack and they hurt when I eat chocolate. I am appalled at what 4 pregnancies have done to my lower stomach. My doctor told me how to combat 'boob- sag'. I wear a bra at all times, even sleep in one. When I take it off they still stand up like they did when I was 16. For real.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

I started going grey at age 18. I've been colouring my hair for 8 years but now, like my mother's hair, my hair is no longer absorbing colour. My hairdresser says I have to go natural. Barf. I'm 26 and 60% of my head is white. My husband reassuringly tells me that it will just look like a funky-cool retro frost job but I think I will look like a tired old hag. Yuck. And I can't use liquid eyeliner anymore because I'm getting tiny wrinkles on my lids that causes it to feather. Wah.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000