Match Number 10

4 December 1999, Aston Villa away, we win our first away game of the season 1-0. A fabulous display with Dumas and Helder rock solid at the back, snuffing out everything before it had a chance to develop. Seemingly endless Toon pressure and magnificent away support was eventually rewarded by a superb cross from the right courtesy of the Georgian Loon and the inevitable contact with Big Dunc at the far post. Complete bedlam. Ferguson immediately chased Shearer half the width of the pitch to plant a huge wet smacker on him for the third time in as many games to the evident horror of England's Number 1. The bonhomie didn't end there, however, the glory of a powerful away performance raised the testosterone levels in yours truly to such and extent that Mrs Softie is currently carrying little Bobby :-)

Points Harper 4 Helder 1 (booked) Dumas 5 (Joker) Dabizas 1 (booked) Solano 2 Barton 1 (sub) Lee 2 Speed 1 (booked) Pistone 2 Ketsbaia 2 Hughes 1 (sub) Maric 2 Shearer 2 Ferguson 5 (sub but double for goal for scoring from bench) Dabizas and Speed join Watson and Batty from being 1 booking away from suspension.

Results: Match 10

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Ath B'worth	3-2	Bor C'bch
Brdo Utd	0-4	Bar Samba
Brwry Drp Utd	0-1	Min Acad
Mac Mar	0-1	HTIN?
Pil Con	0-3	ITKHWB
TFNASS	1-5	Steph Sup
T Goons	2-1	W'stck Co
W'end OB	0-1	Toon Trag

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bax Bas	4-2	Che Chop
Ceptic	2-0	Bla Rac
Dud Boys	4-1	JHP
How Har	3-0	Dunc's D's
PPP	2-3	Real Z
Q Mech	0-0	PLU
Spayne	3-0	Y Yobs
TSW	3-0	G'gate

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Brewery Droopers United	7	1	2	22	13	9	22
2	Athletico Backworth	7	1	2	26	18	8	22
3	MinesaS&N Academicals	7	0	3	22	10	12	21
4	Steph's Superstars	6	1	3	21	13	8	19
5	MacBeth's Marauders	6	1	3	21	15	6	19
6	Toon Tragedy	6	0	4	19	8	11	18
7	Barton's Samba	6	0	4	15	12	3	18
8	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	5	0	5	14	14	0	15
9	Beardo United	5	0	5	17	19	-2	15
10	How Toon is Now?	5	0	5	13	20	-7	15
11	Pilgrim's Converts	4	1	5	14	21	-7	13
12	Wallsend Old Boys	3	2	5	11	15	-4	11
13	The ITK Heaton World Beaters	3	0	7	14	21	-7	9
14	Toon Goons	3	0	7	14	22	-8	9
15	Woodstock County	2	0	8	13	21	-8	6
16	TFKASS	1	1	8	7	21	-14	4

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	G/F	G/A	G/Dif	Points
1	Proper Lard Unathletic	8	1	1	25	5	20	25
2	Duncan's Disorderlies	7	0	3	20	7	13	21
3	Quantum Mechanicals	6	1	3	14	8	6	19
4	Yelli's Yobs	6	0	4	24	18	6	18
5	Real Zaragossy	6	0	4	21	20	1	18
6	Howdon Harriers	5	1	4	17	11	6	16
7	The Stellar Warriors	5	1	4	16	15	1	16
8	Jessie's High Pants	5	0	5	17	21	-4	15
9	Pete's Porkie Pies	5	0	5	11	15	-4	15
10	Spayne	4	0	6	9	13	-4	12
11	Dudley Boys	4	0	6	10	23	-13	12
12	The Gallowgate	3	2	5	6	16	-10	11
13	Ceptic	3	1	6	13	15	-2	10
14	Baxter Basics	3	1	6	16	22	-6	10
15	Blaydon Racers	3	0	7	11	18	-7	9
16	Chevy's Choppers	2	2	6	17	20	-3	8

Fixtures: Match 11

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Bar Samba	Vs	Mac Mar
Bor C'bch	Vs	Brwry Drp Utd
HTIN?	Vs	Brdo Utd
Min Acad	Vs	Ath B'worth
Steph Sup	Vs	W'end OB
T Goons	Vs	ITKHWB
Toon Trag	Vs	TFNASS
W'stck Co	Vs	Pil Con

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bla Rac	Vs	How Har
Che Chop	Vs	Dud Boys
Dunc's D's	Vs	Ceptic
G'gate	Vs	Q Mech
JHP	Vs	Bax Bas
PLU	Vs	TSW
Real Z	Vs	Spayne
Y Yobs	Vs	PPP

So, a third of the season gone, and every game from the same 2 seasons. We will soon be into a period of return fixtures (aka grudge matches) so we can expect the childishness quotient to rise correspondingly :-)

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2000

Answers

I don't see why I should have to play a return fixture against you stinky rotters from the Howdon Harriers if I don't want to. I've taken my ball back, it's sat next to me here at home, and mummy's made some simply super cheesy scones and jelly for tea.

Childishness ?? Ha !! Spoilt Bastard won't have a thing on me if I don't start winning some more games soon .....

PS. Papa says I really should apologise for throwing doggy doo through your change room windows at the Broon Bowl the other day after your flukey win. But Pater's not here right now, so Yah Boo Sucks to you !

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2000

Oh bugger - I'm propping up the whole of the league.

I've just had a brilliant idea, I'll break the cub record transfer fee and sign a big useless whiney ginger taffy - that'll save us from the drop.

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2000

Down with the Choppers, we're going down with the Choppers....

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Hmmmm. Looks like Howdon Harriers are having a purple patch. The fixtures seem to be working out well for them.

The league organisers seem to be making it easy for them. (whinge)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Bould off

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

friggin tags!! That was supposed to read FIXtures.... ah well

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

I think my current situation is all down to the administrators inability to get my team spelt right.... TFNASS on the fixture list indeed...It's a disgrace.
Can we have some games where my players are involved please (whoever they may be).
Egil, pass the wellies.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

League Commissioner 'Fixed it for me' Claim

The BBS Corinthian League was rocked to its foundations by further startling allegations earlier today, writes E.I Addio, our man behind the wall after having the dodgy pie on Saturday.

First it was revealed that Commissioner "Soft" Bladder holds a major shareholding in Notionless also-rans Ceptic, a team he has consistently slagged off at length in the past. Second, a major S.E. Asia bookie claimed that Bladder had placed large bets against Ceptic winning even a single point this season - a plan already blown out of the water by the performance of some of Ceptic's opponents, who themselves may face match-fixing investigations as a result.

And now, we have uncovered proof that Bladder has rigged nothing less than the entire league schedule for his own ends. Our undercover reporter has returned hot-foot from Newcastle's Civic Centre where - while the whole schedule was placed on hold today - Bladder married partner and fellow shareholder Nicola.

"Well, he certainly fixed it for me", quipped a beaming Nic. Allegedly.

Meanwhile, Real Zaragossy Chairman Bill Baldicoot is to appeal against the expected 15 point deduction tomorrow. However, the club has today denied rumours that Carlisle goalkeeping legend Jimmy Glass will sign for Real's last game of the season.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000