So, Coll, what's going on with Leora?

I would have asked sooner but with all this Kymm brouhaha, I kept forgetting.... Sorry.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Answers

Just more of the same old passive aggressive crap. I've got a whole entry written about it that I'll most likely post tonight.

So many people love me and are interested in my wedding and she pulls this shit and I feel like crap for days. I don't want her to get to me like this but it hurts me so much.

She's a big baby, just like Kymm.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Ya'll can give her dirty looks at the wedding, if she even comes.

The thing is, now that I think about it, she's really been this way the whole time I've know her. I was looking at pictures from high school and remembering that she was super jealous and freaky that I was friends with this girl Diane or anyone else.

After the wedding is over I'm taking one big HUGE step back from her. She's going to have her baby and it's just going to have to be different because I can't stand this stuff anymore.

I'm doing a LOT better today. Just venting it made me feel better and I can get on with the happiness part.

We got our invitations yesterday! Too bad they spelled Dave's name as Trilitanos instead of Triglianos. We think we like Trilitanos better! They're sending me new ones, free of charge. They're really pretty though!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

The lastest in the saga, just happened today. She sent me this email....

Colleen, I really need to talk to you about couple of things, but I'd really rather not do it over the phone or by e-mail. So, may be somewhere in you busy life you could set aside some time for "your best friend" it would be highly appreciated. Are you going to be going to Kim's at all for dress fittings or something let me know, because i really do need to talk to you. Just let me know. Leora

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What am I supposed to say? I just know she's going to whine and complain about what bitches Nan and Dawn are being about the wedding and I just don't want to hear it. She's the one being the bitch and I know it.

I'm going to her baby shower on May 12, but then I'm going to my sisters the weekend after that (may 20th). I was going to tell her that I could meet her the 20th, even though I know I'm going to see her on the 12th.

I know I can't avoid talking to her and meeting her about this, but I could use some advice on how to handle her!

Advice, please!!!!

Colleen

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000

Ok, here's the latest...

I waited a long time to respond to her, trying to calm down, and then I sent her this:

Leora, I'm going to be going to my sisters the weekend of May 19th to help my mother get a dress for both weddings. I might be able to meet you on that Friday, but it depends on whether I have to pick up Jenn or not and the timing of things. Otherwise I'm sure I can meet on Sunday on the way back from PA. It's not that my life is too busy for you, it's that my life is too busy for everyone. I have lots of obligations to Dave's sisters and my sisters weddings, as well as regular every day obligations to birthdays and house stuff. In between all that I have the things to do for my own wedding. I don't have a lot of time for socializing with anyone, including Dave. Until the weddings are over my time is very limited, it's not about you. Colleen

----------------------

And from left field, she sent me this:

I am not asking for more then an hour, but even that seems to be to much . So, just forget it, what I needed to say isn't really important anyway. So, I am so sorry for even asking. I know you are busy and i keep telling you that i can help with your wedding. I had no problem asking you to help me. The offer has been out there since the day you told me you were getting married. Just keep that in mind.

-----------------------------

And then I sent her this :

I said I could meet you, no problem. I just don't know if I can do it on Friday. I said I could do it on Sunday without any problem on my way back from PA. When did I say it wasn't important and that I couldn't do it? It seems like no matter what I say to you, or how clear I am, you take it the wrong way. This is exactly what I wrote : I'm going to be going to my sisters the weekend of May 19th to help my mother get a dress for both weddings. I might be able to meet you on that Friday, but it depends on whether I have to pick up Jenn or not and the timing of things. Otherwise I'm sure I can meet on Sunday on the way back from PA.

[ed note : I bolded the last sentence]

You specifically asked when I would be going to Kims when I could meet you too, and that's what I told you. I never said it was too much to ask.

I know that you said you can help with my wedding, and I appreciate that. I seem to be doing most of the things from work during the day or on weeknights. Or I have something I have to do on Saturday and I do some of the stuff on Sunday. There just hasn't been a time when I thought it was fair to ask you to come all the way up here to do things for one day.

Colleen

-------------------------- Still being in left field, she sent me this:

I know you never said it was too much to ask. But, really it's not that important, so like I said, just forget it. I will see you sooner or later, right?I'm sorry, it wasn't right of me to ask you the way I did. That's the weekend of our anniversary anyway, I think we are going away. Rob got the programming job and he doesn't start until June 1st and May 5th is his last day at Riggs. That's like 3 weeks and the new job he only gets paid like once a month. And we just bought a new car. He's going to drive me crazy for three weeks. Call me when you get a chance.

-----------------------------------

I still haven't answered her. I'm obviously pretty pissed that she's jumping all over me, not matter what I say. I spent a long time picking the words to use for the email where I said when i could meet her, and yet she still found some way to make it seem like I was giving her a hard time. I don't appreciate her 'victim' attitude and I especially don't like her passive aggressive 'forget about it' attitude.

And this just a week after her whole 'you only gave me one choice of the weekend I could come up' crap.

I'm totally frustrated. I mean, read my emails, can you see anything I wrote that would give her cause to think these things? Nan didn't think so, and I don't think so, but I have no idea where she gets this stuff.

-- Anonymous, April 26, 2000

God, Colleen, I SOOOOOO want to beat her up for you!

It is TERRIBLE that she is being so selfish and mean. She is acting like she doesn't want to be in the wedding at all. I wish you could drop her but I understand that it's kind of late to get into all that.

I'm so sorry you're sad and that we aren't there for you to vent to! This should be a happy, exciting time, and it is incredibly unfair that you have to put up with so much bullshit from people who are supposed to care about you.

We love you so much, sweetie, and will be thinking extra-good thoughts for you over the next few days.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Hi, Coll.

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry that she is being such a fucking bitch about this. I wish she could see how much you value her and how miserable she is making you.

I don't know if I am the best person to be giving you advice on this, though. My first impulse is for you to write her back and say, "Leora, If you are that unhappy with being in my wedding, then I will understand if you do not want to be in it. As it is, you are making me and everyone else miserable and I do not need this. I would have thought that if you were truly my friend, you would want to do anything you could to make my wedding as joyous as possible. Instead, you seem to go out of your way to make problems. You are not being a good friend to me and therefore, I do not want you in my wedding anymore."

Of course, that wouldn't be the best course of action if you ever want to talk to her again. ;)

And I wouldn't recommend my second choice either, which is to let me kick her ass. ;)

But, Coll, honestly, she is like a poison. She's slowly taking all of your excitment of what should be a joyous, wonderful day that is all about you and Dave and she's turning it into this huge issue that's all about her. She's sucking your enjoyment and your happiness out of your wedding. And if she's doing that, she isn't a good friend. And maybe you really don't need her. I know it's a hard decision to make, but I hate to see you unhappy. And I hate her for what she's doing to you.

This is your day and your wedding. She should be happy to do whatever will make you the happiest -- If she can't do that, she's wrong.

Coll, even though I am not the best advice giver on this subject, I am here for you. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Love you....

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000

Coll,

It sounds like she's pulling a Patrick..... ;)

She figured she could push you around and when you came back at her with the attitude that you weren't wrong and that you weren't going to give into her every little whim, she realized that she's not going to win and now she's trying to backpeddle and make it seem like it wasn't important.

I'm very glad that you were firm and stood your ground with her. Don't let her make you feel like the bad guy -- which is exactly what she's trying to do by insinuating that you don't have time to see her. Plus, I bet she wasn't planning on you suggesting that weekend. She was trying to guilt you into taking other time and catering to her and you ended up picking the weekend that she couldn't make it because of her anniversary. Which makes it very obvious that you are trying to make time for her but she's being obstinate and selfish.

The tell-tale thing here is that as soon as you defended yourself and used what you had actually *written* to her as proof, she backed down and got all chatty -- talking about her husband's job and how crazy things will be, etc. She's trying to act like nothing is wrong because she knows she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

If I were you, I'd just casually say, "Look, if you need to talk to me, why don't you name a few dates that you are free and we can talk about getting together when it's good for both of us." See what she does.

Good luck, Coll. Don't let it get to you, okay? It's not worth making yourself crazy over this passive-aggressive shit.

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2000