Do you have a hard time saying no to people? Do you find it hard to say no to yourself?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Answers

I am so totally intimidated into saying yes, especially to a sales clerk. I would have a birdhouse right now. Yesterday, I went to the mall with my friend Kurt because he had to buy a sportcoat and didn't want a sales person to help him because if anyone helped him, he would feel obligated to buy the coat. Like I would be any help here. We ended up being set upon by an insistent oriental woman named Tie, who got mad at us when we asked if the coats would go on sale soon. "Sale! Everyone want sale! I have to call 100 people!" So we bought a $200 sport coat. And a tie. From Tie.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Like when I go two weeks or so barely doing a lick of work at my job and every day I tell myself "I will not spend all afternoon reading journals and posting in forums" and every afternoon I spend all of my time reading journals and posting in forums.

Yeah, I have no willpower.

It's wierd because there are certain things I just don't LIKE to do that most people do like to do, so people assume I have enormous willpower and discipline. Like I have never done any drugs. Just never really wanted to. I'm not much of a drinker. I don't smoke. Etc. I'm sure if I started smoking and liked it, I would never be able to quit, because I have no willpower.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Not too long ago, my husband sat me down and told me very sweetly but seriously that I needed to curb my spending habits because I've been overdoing it big time lately. I took it all to heart and resolved to be a better budgeter.

The very next day, I was sitting in the Student Center (I work at a university) reading a book, and this charming little surfer boy comes up to me and says, "Are you friendly? You look friendly."

Totally taken off guard, and accustomed to people asking directions on the campus, I say, "Yes, why?" Well, he launches into how he's on some project to sell a zillion magazine subscriptions for some charitable cause and he's so close to winning this grand prize, and don't I need a magazine? Blah blah, he was a whirlwind of charm and spoke freakishly fast. So I have a subscription to Spin now. Actually, my husband does, I bought it as a "gift" to make up for the fact that I blew $28.

Yeah, he didn't buy that either.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

I can't say no to Chocolate. Oh sure, people say "Chocolate is bad for you," or "Chocolate can lead to weight-gain," but I know better -- see, Chocolate cannot be used for evil. It is a simple truth. Chocolate -- and its wrongly maligned sidekick, Peanut Butter -- gets a bad rap. So I say "yes" to Chocolate.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

I had a Sunday subscription to our local paper. About four months ago, a fellow called from the paper to say that "as a special thank- you" to their "loyal subscribers," they were offering free Thursday through Monday papers at the same cost as the Sunday subscription alone. I politely told the guy that we weren't interested.

"You're not interested? It's free."

"I'm not interested. We barely have time to read the Sunday paper as it is, and we certainly wouldn't have time to read the rest of the papers."

"But it's not costing you anything! How can you turn down something that is completely free?"

"I don't want it, I tell you. The papers would go directly into the recycling bin without our ever reading them, and there's no sense in killing all those trees for no reason."

"But if you recycle the papers, then you're not killing any trees," he argues (obviously unclear on the concept of recycling).

"No. Look, I'm telling you I don't want the extra newspapers."

"But it doesn't cost anything! It's a great deal! I just need to confirm your address and we'll start sending them out to you. If you decide you don't want them anymore, you can always call and cancel."

"Look, I can tell you right now I don't want them. Please don't send me any extra newspapers. I am begging you not to send me any extra newspapers."

"Oh, all right," he says, still quite skeptically. "Listen, I see you live in TownName."

"Yes."

"Well, could you do me a favor?"

"Um, what?"

I have a friend who lives there and I'm supposed to send him something in the mail, but I don't have his zip code. What's your zip code over there?"

"Um, it's correctzipcode" I respond, also skeptically.

"OK, thanks."

"Yeah. Goodbye. And don't send me any papers!" *click*

So I get off the phone and my boyfriend asks who was on the phone. I tell him and tell him about the annoying conversation I just had. He says, "Yeah, that same guy called yesterday. When he kept insisting after I told him we weren't interested, I hung up on him."

So, the following Monday, the paper shows up in our lawn. "Just a fluke," I think to myself. "The paperman got mixed up and delivered to the wrong house today." Thursday morning another paper shows up. And Friday. And Saturday. And Sunday and Monday.

At this point I'm mad, so I look up the circulation number for the newspaper company and give them a call. "Look, I got this really annoying phone call last week from a guy who kept trying to force me to accept this really great offer to get a newspaper Thursday through Monday, and I repeatedly told him I didn't want it. Now all these papers have started showing up at my apartment. I should have a Sunday-only subscription and I only want a paper on Sunday!"

The hapless operator pulls up my account and says, "Your account shows that you have a Thursday through Monday subscription. I'll be happy to change that to a Sunday-only subscription for you." So she does, and the papers start coming on Sundays only again. Life is good.

A month or so ago, I got a letter in the mail from the newspaper company: "Dear Sunday Subscriber: To thank you for being a valued and loyal customer, we are offering you a special deal. We will now provide you with the Thursday through Monday newspapers at no additional cost. You will benefit from the many weekly features in our daily papers, including blah...blah...blah. You do not need to take any action to receive this special offer. Your daily newspaper deliveries will begin automatically in just a few weeks. If for any reason you should wish not to receive this fabulous offer, please contact us at the customer service number included below."

So, needless to say, I am now getting a Thursday through Monday subscription. *Sigh.*

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

I can't say no when someone asks me for help, ever. Unless I'm out of the country.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Just today, I bought 3 pairs of socks at the Gap instead of the one I wanted, because the girl at the counter was like,"You know these are three for $15?"...Well, what did you expect? Am I supposed to just look stupid? Cause it would be STUPID to not buy the extra pairs of socks. At least that was the salesgirl's subtext. I have no power over subtext like that. Who knows what else this girl who I will never meet again would've thought about me?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

I would SO have that birdhouse, Pamie. Lord knows, I couldn't actually refuse a perfect stranger because, you know, then I might disappoint them and we can't have that.

This can be a very dangerous and sad way to live. Especially if you have badass friends who are always doing something insane and dragging you along because you can't say no to them. A fine example of this would be my friend Stephanie, Lifelong Queen of the Badasses, who said one night, when she was 13 and I was 12: "Everybody's gone! Let's take the car and go riding on the Crest." That would be the crest of a MOUNTAIN, people. With a 13 year old at the wheel. Did reason prevail and compel me to say "no," even though I was about to vomit from fear? Of course not. How am I still alive?

For the past 6 weeks this guy has been calling me trying to get me to go out with him for one measly dinner. I don't want to go but, I can't just say no to him! That would be MEAN! So, I have been putting him off over and over. He should get a medal for consistency but, now I REALLY don't want to go out with him because, not only do I want to go out with someone else but, WHY would I have dinner with a phone stalker?

Just say NO to freaks like me.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

True story, this. It was one of those Saturdays around five p.m. when everyone is busy or at work and you're left alone puttering around the house. I got a call from someone wanting me to answer a survey about soda, and for some idiotic reason, I said yes.
Oy.
Insane Telemarketer Lady: So tell me, which is your preferred soft drink: Coca-Cola, Pepsi-Cola, Sprite,(She goes on for maybe five minutes, but I won't kill everyone by repeating the list.)
Julie: Um. Coke.
ITL: Is that your preferred soft drink, or the only one you purchase?
J: No, that's all I drink.
ITL: I'm sure you have tried some of these other products, such as (begins list again.)
J: Yeah, but I only do it for the caffeine.
ITL: Which of these diet soft drinks do you prefer? (gives list again.)
(Note words like "soft drink", "product", "purchase", etc. This woman's mind was maufactured by a corporation.)
This goes on for twenty minutes, and I get sick of it. I tell her I should probably get going, but she somehow manages to keep me. I get a call from someone else, and put the ITL on hold for twenty minutes. She's still there. I decide to try a different concept.
J: (yelling over shoulder, pretending to talk to someone in the room) Yeah... it what? Fuck, yeah, get the towels! I'll be right there! (to ITL) I have to go.
ITL: Which of the following soft drinks do you...
J: No, look, I can't talk to you anymore. I have a problem here, I have to get off the phone.
ITL: I can wait.
J: No, you can't. (phony excuse) My toilet is overflowing, lady! I have to go. ITL: Can I speak to another member of your household?
J: NO, I HAVE TO GO.
ITL: Well, can I call you back at a later date? What's convenient for you?
*click*

Animate.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

NO (hehe) I do not have a problem saying that. I even get a bit pissed off and just walk away.. Yay.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

i find myself avoiding really small boutiques or mom-n-pop (what's left of them, anyways) stores... i feel that if i'm there, and they're so *small* i have to buy something. so, i don't go. or, i go and look at my watch the whole time, like i'm about to miss a meeting, so i can dash when the counter person approaches.

i remember my dad telling a story... when the energy crisis was at a peak in the '70s, there were gas companies call the public to get them to switch over... they'd ask questions with totally obvious answers.

gas co: have you noticed the increase rise in gas and electric prices?

my dad: no.

gas co: uh, um. are you sure?

my dad: yeah, hell, it's getting cheaper where i live.

gas co: uh, um. *click*

the moral- give telemarketers the answers that AREN'T on the script.

oh- and never date people who love duct tape more than life itself.

i know this is all over the charts, but super-big thanks for the job-hunting support. i'm so excited!

i love you guys, -i

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

uh...just a quick FYI:

uh...oriental people...they like to be called asian since oriental kind of refers to rugs and furniture and other inanimate stuff.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

I'm sitting at home, minding my own business, when the doorbell rings. Open the door to see short, perky sales lady with a bag full of stuff. She says she's not trying to sell anything, she just wants to tell me about this wonderful new product. Turns out it's an environmentally safe cleaner (spray bottle stuff) that's so safe (squirt, squirt) you can drink it. I manage not to burst out with something like, "It's a window cleaner! It's a dessert topping!"

Eventually she winds down to the point where she asks me how many magazine subscriptions I'd like to sign up for. Apparently, she's not selling the cleaner, she's giving it away in exchange for me signing up for magazines. I tell her, none, because you're not selling anything today. Hurt, she is. Forgetful, I point out to her, as she had said, at the very beginning of the conversation, that she wasn't going to be trying to sell me anything.

She went off in a huff.

I used to live in the East Bay; we had a full-week subscription to the Chronicle. On Sundays, the Chronicle and the Examiner do a joint Sunday paper, the Chraminer. I got a sales call from someone at the Examiner who offered me free weekday Examiners if I bought a subscription to the Sunday Chraminer. I pointed out I was already paying for that paper, so he could just go ahead and start sending the papers the rest of the week, free of charge, thank you very much. He said no, you have to pay us for the Sunday paper, not those pikers at the Chronicle, then they'd send the rest of the papers.

So, I said, you want me to pay for a second copy of a paper I'm already getting, so that I can get free papers I don't want all week long?

He realized the flaw in their reasoning at that point and hung up on me.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Used to be I couldn't say no to potato chips. Or Fritos. Or Cheetos. Or any of those wonderful, crunchy, fatty, salty goodies. Then I gave them up for Lent and found I could say no without too much trouble.

I guess all it took was the fear of *going to Hell* to give me willpower.;)

Colin, there's actually a paper called the "Chraminer?" My God.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Oh please tell me it's not really called the Chraminer. Because if it is, I am going to have to get some sort of long-distance subscription to it just so I can have it.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

I used to have a really hard time hanging up on telemarketers. I mean, it's just impolite to hang up in the middle of someone's sentence, even if they ARE making an unsolicited phone call to your house, right? They'd always be like, "But wait, have you heard about blah?" And I'd go, "Look, I'm seriously not interested." Then they'd go, "But wait, blah!" And I'd go, "No, I mean it, I don't want any." This could go on for ten minutes.

Now, I pick up the phone and hear the telltale *click* that indicates a mass-marketing call, and before they're able to say anything, I say, "I'm sorry but we don't accept telemarketing calls at this house" and hang up the phone before they can do anything but make choking gurgling sounds.

Interestingly, the volume of telemarketer calls to our house has really dropped off since I started doing this.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

I used to have a really hard time saying no to people, but evil telemarketers (and one horrible night in Pioneer Square, where I became the Nicotine Fairy for the throngs of people around me) have cured me.

I love messing with telemarketers. See, the phone here is listed in my grandmother's name, so when telemarketers call they always ask to speak to Mrs. Dugan (and they ALWAYS mispronounce it, it's "doo-gan", not "duggan" or any other variation, thanks so much). The instant they stumble over that last name and start mispronouncing it, I burst into tears and haltingly explain that Mrs. Dugan is, in fact, dead.

Really, Mrs. Dugan is sitting on the couch with a fist stuffed in her mouth, trying not to laugh out loud, while the telemarketer stumbles over him/herself in an effort to get off that call as quickly as possible, without doing their little pitch. (It helps if you keep wailing during the phone call.)

They don't usually call back, either.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

In terms of telemarketing calls, my mother can't say no, but my father can. I'm a strange mix of the two.

But anyways, the point of my posting is this wonderful little button we have on our phone, called "Easy Hang-Up". If you ever get caught in a telemarketing shpiel, all you have to do is press the button, and an angry man's voice comes over the phone, saying:

"I'm sorry, this number does not accept that type of call. Please remove this number from your lists.

I get a small twang of pleasure every time I press that button. I just feel so eeeeeviiilll when I do. Bahaha!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Since our last name seems to be an Italian riddle to anyone who doesn't know us, when we get calls where the last name is botched, it's a sure sign that it's a junk call. I used to simply hand these off to my mother, but she got so pissed at having to get up that finally she began barking at me to handle them myself. One day I was babysitting my younger brother and sister alone and they embroiled themselves in a passive but very verbal squabble. As I made attempts to referee, a telemarketer called. Listening to the din of screaming kids in the living room and his monotone voice yakking in my ear made me snap. I finally just screamed into the phone "THE KIDS ARE FIGHTING! I HAVE TO GO, DAMNIT!" and slammed it down.

I feel bad for telemarketers sometimes. I try to be nice, because it's their job, you know, and a sucky one at that. Then I remember that they're Satan Spawn and usually hang up when they don't take note that I'm "not interested."

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2000

i like saying "no", and i like to prove to druken asses what a bitch i can be with creative ways of saying "NO". but with friends in need "no" is not always the best thing to say.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2000

Not in the slightest. I also try and find fun ways of saying no.

Yesterday I had the nice man from BT on the phone, trying to sell me their latest international telephone rates. I had great fun letting him drone on for ten minutes while I watched My Fair Lady and drank a cup of tea. I then asked him what their current rate to call New Zealand was (since that's pretty much the only place I ever call) and he proudly told me it was 37.5 pence a minute. So I proudly told him that the company I now use for international calls charges me 6 pence a minute, and invited him to think of a reason why I'd want to use his service instead.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2000

My dad loves to mess with telemarketers. I think they have him on some special "call this guy when you're really bored" list.

Example: someone called selling life insurance. My dad asked about having my mom insured, and the person said yes, absolutely, and gave him a quote based on her age and good health.

"That's amazing," my dad said. "I didn't know you could buy life insurance for someone who'd been sentenced to the gas chamber. Maybe some good can come out of this whole execution thing after all."

Or my favorite:

A representative from J.C. Penney called my folks to offer them some kind of credit deal on furniture or something. My dad said, "Really? Penneys would give me credit, just like that? That's a mighty forgiving company. I've only been out of prison for two months, and I haven't even finished paying them back for the stuff I stole!"

He always tells telemarketers who call for my mom that she's in prison, which is where I got the idea of telling people collecting signatures that I'm not a registered voter because I'm a convicted felon.

-- Anonymous, April 26, 2000

Oh, telemarketers are fun to creativley say no to.... I never get mad at the, as they ARE just trying to make money to pay the bills, , so once they get through their required list of questions, i like to have a little fun with them. I ask them what they're wearing... if they love me.... what their #is....=)

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000