Okay, yesterday I was totally okay, completely strong and not in the least inclined to get in touch with Ken. Now, a day later, I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that it is not a good idea to try to get in touch with him again, but pretty sure that I'm going to be lame and break down and do it at some point.

It's just that I really want to see him tomorrow. I hope he goes to David's birthday party because if I could just see him and see that things are cool between us, then I'd be okay. Right now, it's way worse because I have no idea if he's mad at me or upset or just being a typical guy or if nothing is wrong at all and I'm just a wacko.

I just keep thinking that I did something. Like maybe somebody told him that I've been talking about how he's kissed me and told me he loved me. Or maybe he got that forwarded email by mistake. Or maybe he found my journal or someone he knows is on my notify list and figured out it was him that I was talking about. Or he thinks I reacted the wrong way to his "i love you". Or the planets didn't align correctly... Oh, you get the idea.

Anyway, I do have an excuse to get in touch with him. He always needs reminders for plans so I could call and say I'm calling to remind him about David's party tomorrow and then ask him to call me because I need his address (which I actually do because I'm supposed to send him some stories). And then I can see if he calls. Plus, I'd feel better because then I'd know he got his reminder and will be less likely to forget to show up at D.'s party.

Buuuuuuut, what bothers me about this option is that I feel like I'm *wasting* the phone call. Like, what if I call and remind him and he is mad and he blows me off again and doesn't show up to the party and doesn't call. If that happens, I'd have to call or email him *again* and then it would seem all desperate. If I don't call and he doesn't show up, then I could call him sometime next week (and just ask him for the address and if anything was wrong) and it wouldn't seem like I was constantly bothering him.

But, dammit, I want to call! Mostly because I just want him to show up tomorrow. God, I hate this.

Actually, I do have one other option -- Jennifer, you suggested this a long time ago and Hilary just suggested it again today. I could send a group email reminder and just include K. on the list. So I could send a reminder about the party to Hilary, Kevin, this other friend of ours, and K. and then it wouldn't look like I was trying to get in touch with him personally but that way, I'd still be able to make sure that he got his reminder *and* keep my phone call in reserve if I need to use it in case he doesn't show up.

Because we all know if he doesn't show up tomorrow, I'm going to be on the phone on Friday saying, "Gee, sorry we missed you. Are you mad at me?"

So what do you think? Phone call today or group email and phone call in reserve?

I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you guys love me even though I am completely nuts.

PS -- I found a *really nice* pen for only 90 bucks. That's better than 150, right?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Answers

I'd do the group email thing and then save the call in case he doesn't show.

The thing is, from what you say about him he's kind of absent minded and he could be meaning to get in touch with you and just spacing out.

I'd hold out and give it time....I know that's hard!

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Do. Not. Call. Do. Not. Call. Do. Not. Call.

(was three times enough? :-)

I hate to say it, Liz, but if basically everyone in the class knows you were talking about this...it was truly only a matter of time before someone told him. Maybe that's what happened. There are a THOUSAND maybes. And if that's what happened, maybe it brought it all a little too close to home for him. Maybe it was nice and safe when it was just in his control but now you've figured it out. Who knows. Either way: Do. Not. Call. If he shows up, he shows up. I'd vote for the group email.

And 90 is not that much better than 150. Spend that money on YOU, girl. You're the one who deserves it. 90 bucks buys a lot of MAC.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

um, *he* emailed me.

Nothing was wrong. I'm a dork. I make such a fucking drama out of everything -- how do you girls put up with me?

Well, actually something seems like it's up but I don't know how much it has to do with me.

He said, "Sorry, but I've been offline for a while. Had a lot to deal with."

Whatever that means. I *know* he wasn't offline b/c he read all three of my notes and wrote to David's Melissa this past weekend. But I suppose the real reason lies with whatever he had to deal with.

I'm still annoyed with him though. He should have gotten in touch -- there's no excuse for blowing me off even if he had stuff to deal with. (Well, unless it was pretty major stuff -- which then it would be more than excusable.) I mean, if we're as close as he says we are, then he should have been in touch.

So he's not off the hook.

Although, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved and feeling better.

He's going to try to make it tomorrow. At least to the bar. He asked me to call with the info, so I'll call tonight.

And, Mel, you are absolutely right -- I need to keep my mouth shut. You know, I don't even like how I feel when I get all dramatic about things and yet, I keep doing it. It's tough, but I need to put a lid on it. But whenever something happens I just want to talk, talk, talk. Any suggestions on how I can control my huge mouth and my tendency to share everything with anyone?

And now, here's the new question...

Do you think I should take the bait and ask what he had to deal with?

His comment about having a lot to deal with struck me as a cue for me to ask if everything was okay. I usually don't write something like that unless I'm trying to get the other person to ask me what's up.

He wrote to Hilary today too -- J., you'll be glad to know that he didn't respond to any of her flirting -- I saw the reply -- and he didn't mention anything about stuff he had to deal with.

So I'm thinking I'll call tonight and send an email back asking if everything's okay. Or maybe I'll just wait for tomorrow.

Or maybe, and I know this is what all of you think I should do, and what I know I should do myself, I'll just turn around and walk away. Sound good?

Whatever I do, I promise I'm going to try to keep my head about me. He's not getting off that easy and well, I think that maybe it's about time for that talk.

PS -- What about 60 bucks? Is that better?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000