Match Number 1

Blackburn in the Worthless Cup, 11 Nov 1998 SJP. A crap game. Shearer missed a pen during normal time. Mrs Softie had pneumonia but came anyway and couldn't understand why we had to stay for extra time and penalties even though we all knew we were going to lose. Pearce attempted to upset Filan by making hand-shandy getures at him after scoring during the shoot out.

Points Given 2 Barton 2 Pearce 2 Batty 1 (booked) Georgiades (1 booked) Dabizas 1 (booked) Hughes 2 Glass 2 Speed 1 (sub) Shearer 4 (goal) Dalglish 2 Hamann 2

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Ath B'worth	3-2	Pil Con
Bar Samba	1-2	Steph Sup
Brdo Utd	2-0	TFNASS
Bor C'bch	2-3	ITKHWB
BD Utd	4-3	T Goons
HTIN?	1-4	Toon Trag
Mac Mar	2-0	W'end OB
Min Acad	3-0	W'stck Co

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bax Bas	1-2	PPP
Bla Rac	0-3	PLU
Ceptic	0-2	Q Mech
Che Chop	3-4	Real Z
Dud Boys	1-0	Spayne
Dunc's D's	1-0	G'gate
How Har	1-2	TSW
JHP	1-3	Y Yobs

I shall leave you to provide your own comments this time; suffice to say that the ref at the Broon Bowl today was a complete Homer - anyone could see that The Stellar Warriors were offside for BOTH their goals. We wuz robbed...mutter, grumble, whinge, moan, complain, can't even win in fantasy football even if I run the bloody competition myself etc.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Answers

And in case you thought the excitement ended there, tomorrow's fixtures are as follows:

Fixtures: Match 2

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Steph Sup	Vs	Ath B'worth
TFNASS	Vs	Bar Samba
ITKHWB	Vs	Brdo Utd
T Goons	Vs	Bor C'bch
Toon Trag	Vs	BD Utd
W'end OB	Vs	HTIN?
W'stck Co	Vs	Mac Mar
Pil Con	Vs	Min Acad

BBS Notionless League Division 1

PLU	Vs	Bax Bas
Q Mech	Vs	Bla Rac
Real Z	Vs	Ceptic
Spayne	Vs	Che Chop
G'gate	Vs	Dud Boys
TSW	Vs	Dunc's D's
Y Yobs	Vs	How Har
PPP	Vs	JHP

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Hmm? Bad loser eh Softie?! (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Oh crap! It looks like a long season ahead for the Blaydon Racers. A 3-0 home defeat and the crowd at the Parc de Pints shouting for my head.

It's a blip. The chairman has given me his full backing.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

And a tough game in the offing tonight Geordie, away to the Quantum Mechanicals who left the Stadium of Silence last night with all 3 points.

I'll post the table tonight just to annoy everyone :-)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Geordie, you're right to worry - my lads (wherever they are) are in top form: Two recent signings: Planck - he's a constant threat. Heisenberg - pops up anywhere So be afraid, be very afraid

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

True,

I assume that your team mascot is Schrodinger's cat. If you open that box you keep him in you may (or may not) find that he is dead.

The Blaydon Racers are unbeaten so far this season away from home!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Classic game at Trophyless Park, by the looks, with The Brewery Droopers taking a long time to get going, huffing and puffing around to no avail for much of the game. But they hit a rich vein of form for a ten minute purple patch of pulsating football during the second half, scoring four times. The fans went away happy and entertained, but muttering already that they won't win anything unless they stiffen up the defence, which will be sorely tested at that crumbling edifice, the Parthenon, against 4:1 away winners, Toon Tragedy.
Reports that the enthusiastic but inconsistent performance is down to the abundance of alcohol provided by the sponsors during training are completely false. Probably.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Geordie
Any mention of cats is deeply resented. This looks like a grudge match


-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Match Number 2

Chelsea, SJP 16 April 1997. We beat the Cockneys 3-1 care of two goals from Big Al and another from Tino.

Points Hislop 4 (2 + 2 Goal Dif) Watson 2 Elliott 2 Beresford 2 Peacock 2 Batty 2 Lee 2 Asprilla 4 (goal) Gillespie 1 (sub) Ginola 1 (sub for sub) Ferdinand 2 Clark 1 (sub) Shearer 6 (2 goals) Barton 2 Just imagine if we could replace someone of Tino's abilitywith Dizzy and him by Ginola now!

Fixtures: Match 2

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Steph Sup	0-2	Ath B'worth
TFNASS	0-1	Bar Samba
ITKHWB	0-3	Brdo Utd
T Goons	0-1	Bor C'bch
Toon Trag	0-1	BD Utd
W'end OB	3-1	HTIN?
W'stck Co	1-3	Mac Mar
Pil Con	2-4	Min Acad

BBS Notionless League Division 1

PLU	4-0	Bax Bas
Q Mech	3-2	Bla Rac
Real Z	1-0	Ceptic
Spayne	1-0	Che Chop
G'gate	2-0	Dud Boys
TSW	0-5	Dunc's D's
Y Yobs	5-1	How Har
PPP	0-3	JHP

All this has the following effect on the tables:

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	Goals F	Goals A	Goal Dif	Points
1	MinesaS&N Academicals	2	0	0	7	2	5	6
2	Beardo United	2	0	0	5	0	5	6
3	MacBeth's Marauders	2	0	0	5	1	4	6
4	Athletico Backworth	2	0	0	5	2	3	6
5	Brewery Droopers United	2	0	0	5	3	2	6
6	Toon Tragedy	1	0	1	4	2	2	3
7	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	1	0	1	3	3	0	3
8	Wallsend Old Boys	1	0	1	3	3	0	3
9	Barton's Samba	1	0	1	2	2	0	3
10	Steph's Superstars	1	0	1	2	3	-1	3
11	The ITK Heaton World Beaters	1	0	1	3	5	-2	3
12	Toon Goons	0	0	2	3	5	-2	0
13	Pilgrim's Converts	0	0	2	4	7	-3	0
14	TFKASS	0	0	2	0	3	-3	0
15	How Toon is Now?	0	0	2	2	7	-5	0
16	Woodstock County	0	0	2	1	6	-5	0

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	Goals F	Goals A	Goal Dif	Points
1	Proper Lard Unathletic	2	0	0	7	0	7	6
2	Yelli's Yobs	2	0	0	8	2	6	6
3	Duncan's Disorderlies	2	0	0	6	0	6	6
4	Quantum Mechanicals	2	0	0	5	2	3	6
5	Real Zaragossy	2	0	0	5	3	2	6
6	Jessie's High Pants	1	0	1	4	3	1	3
7	The Gallowgate	1	0	1	2	1	1	3
8	Spayne	1	0	1	1	1	0	3
9	Dudley Boys	1	0	1	1	2	-1	3
10	Pete's Porkie Pies	1	0	1	2	4	-2	3
11	The Stellar Warriors	1	0	1	2	6	-4	3
12	Chevy's Choppers	0	0	2	3	5	-2	0
13	Ceptic	0	0	2	0	3	-3	0
14	Blaydon Racers	0	0	2	2	6	-4	0
15	Howdon Harriers	0	0	2	2	7	-5	0
16	Baxter Basics	0	0	2	1	6	-5	0

Tomorrow is crunch time for those teams yet to score any points (ahem) and the following fixtures will provide the opportunity.

Fixtures: Match 3

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Ath B'worth	Vs	TFNASS
Bar Samba	Vs	ITKHWB
Brdo Utd	Vs	T Goons
Bor C'bch	Vs	Toon Trag
BD Utd	Vs	W'end OB
HTIN?	Vs	W'stck Co
Mac Mar	Vs	Pil Con
Min Acad	Vs	Steph Sup

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bax Bas	Vs	Q Mech
Bla Rac	Vs	Real Z
Ceptic	Vs	Spayne
Che Chop	Vs	G'gate
Dud Boys	Vs	TSW
Dunc's D's	Vs	Y Yobs
How Har	Vs	PPP
JHP	Vs	PLU

Phew!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Oh no! Total humiliation by Duncan`s Disorderlies - and in front of a home crowd too!!!!!!! I`m going to be in trouble with the bosses now! (:o{

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Huh! Score points indeed. How do the Goons wind up with a return fixture at Beardo Utd so early in the season? It's a conspiracy I tell ya! *grumblegrousemoancheckwatchcontinuemoaning*

Excuse me while I up the dosage on my anti-Taggart pills. I'm not feeling well at the moment.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Watch out Tony Green (jnr). We're expecting a large and intimidating crowd up on T'Moor for the visit of you portly waddlers from Proper Lard Unathletic. As well you know, the team that sets the early season pace rarely sustains it. Especially after I've arranged for several vats of high-grade lard to be left in your changes before the match. Muhahahahahaha ......

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Sad reflection on the crop of local management when the two league leaders are from the opposite end of the earth !! is that sung to tune of "the football league is upside down again" ?? Long may we reign .......

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Ciara, sorry for the confusion, but BD Utd is Brewery Droop United, whilst Brdo Utd is Beardo United. I shall change BD Utd to Brew D Utd to make it more obvious in future.

Anyway, don't not what you lot are all complaining about, I finally got to fulfil a dream of being taken on by a mother/daughter combination, and it's not what I had in mind at all :-( [Softie's contribution for 'smuttiest remark of the day' - currently held by ITK:-)]

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

>>>>Anyway, don't know what you lot are all complaining about

Softie, have you had any complaints yet from the Pools Promoters Panel? 32 matches and no draws. Dividend forecast - unclear.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!! How can we throw away a 2 goal lead away to that bunch of weird scientists! The boys played well though I thought the pitch was a bit uneven and the ball was too bouncy.
At least the chairman re-itterated his full backing for my position as manager.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Jonno, simply can't explain it - we've just had 2 matches with lots of fringe player involvement. I confidently predict plenty of draws during the season (gulp).

How's it going so far, folks, captured the imagination? Any changes you'd like to see? I shall be reposting the Fixture list, with the scores filled in for completed games, at the end of each week. I shall do the 6 rounds of the cup at the end of each set of 6 fixtures.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

>>>>>Softie's contribution for 'smuttiest remark of the day' - currently held by ITK:-)<<<<<

Moi ?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

>> Any changes you'd like to see?
Well yeah there is actually...... if I email you a virtual brown envelope could you possibly move the Racers up the table a bit!

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Well, we seem to have settled in to our happy position of mid table nonentities yet again. Fans seem happy though as we are attack minded, with lots of flair and a media friendly manager. Cosidering redevelopment of our Wancap Stadium to bring in more corporate boxes... now where's the best place to put them? Never mind the bondholders!

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

No goals for, no points, third bottom of the Prem.....
The Roof is coming off at Bovril Park
That'll help the fans get behind the team.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Match 3 coming up and its already a three pointer against HTIN. Come on County!! Still wait til game 8 when we start to climb. 7 game start? nee problem:-))

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Playing away from home, the Droopers were surprisingly solid. But the prize for keeping the sheets clean (sorry, I mean a clean sheet) was just one shot on goal. But the solitary effort trickled over the line and the away crowd erupted..well they clapped politely anyway whilst muttering something under their breath.
Do I get the smut prize? The cabinet at Trophyless Park is a bit bare, so we going for all competitions this season. We've even entered the Inter-Totty..............I'll get my Mac.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

you entering the Auto Windy Cup as well then? Isn't that only open to us Notionless teams?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

As you say Geordie, the Auto Windy is for the plucky triers of the Notionless. Not for us big boys. That's if we stay up.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Hmm,

Two matches in and I think I hate this new system already!

Game 1 - only 6 of the 16 teams scored more than the Converts - 0 points.

Game 2 - only 4 teams score more than our magnificent 18 player points - 0 points.

It feels like a NUFC season already! We were soooooo unlucky.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Loony

I'm unworried by your threats. We travel well and have been moderating our intake to include virgin olive oil (a likely tale) and muesli (deep fried,obviously). We are so confident we are dinking our Broon Ale warm.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Match Number 3

10 January 1998, Sheffield Wednesday away, we got beat 2-1 courtesy of a Di Canio strike in the first minute and another from Newsome. Toon's reply scored by Tomasson!

Points Hislop 1 (2-1GD) Barton 2 Ketsbaia 1 (sub) Beresford 1 (booked) Peacock 2 Lee 2 Barnes 2 Tomasson 4 (goal! No, really) Gillespie 2 Watson 1 (booked) Hamilton 2 Rush 1 (sub) Hughes 2 Hmmmm! Don't you miss those Kenny lineups?

Fixtures: Match 3

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Ath B'worth	2-1	TFNASS
Bar Samba	2-0	ITKHWB
Brdo Utd	1-0	T Goons
Bor C'bch	1-0	Toon Trag
Brwry Drp Utd	1-1	W'end OB
HTIN?	0-3	W'stck Co
Mac Mar	3-1	Pil Con
Min Acad	1-2	Steph Sup

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bax Bas	0-1	Q Mech
Bla Rac	2-0	Real Z
Ceptic	0-1	Spayne
Che Chop	4-0	G'gate
Dud Boys	0-2	TSW
Dunc's D's	3-2	Y Yobs
How Har	3-0	PPP
JHP	1-2	PLU

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	Goals F	Goals A	Goal Dif	Points
1	MacBeth's Marauders	3	0	0	8	2	6	9
2	Beardo United	3	0	0	6	0	6	9
3	Athletico Backworth	3	0	0	7	3	4	9
4	Brewery Droopers United	2	1	0	6	4	2	7
5	MinesaS&N Academicals	2	0	1	8	4	4	6
6	Barton's Samba	2	0	1	4	2	2	6
7	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	2	0	1	4	3	1	6
8	Steph's Superstars	2	0	1	4	4	0	6
9	Wallsend Old Boys	1	1	1	4	4	0	4
10	Toon Tragedy	1	0	2	4	3	1	3
11	Woodstock County	1	0	2	4	6	-2	3
12	The ITK Heaton World Beaters	1	0	2	3	7	-4	3
13	Toon Goons	0	0	3	3	6	-3	0
14	TFKASS	0	0	3	1	5	-4	0
15	Pilgrim's Converts	0	0	3	5	10	-5	0
16	How Toon is Now?	0	0	3	2	10	-8	0

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	Goals F	Goals A	Goal Dif	Points
1	Proper Lard Unathletic	3	0	0	9	1	8	9
2	Duncan's Disorderlies	3	0	0	9	2	7	9
3	Quantum Mechanicals	3	0	0	6	2	4	9
4	Yelli's Yobs	2	0	1	10	5	5	6
5	Spayne	2	0	1	2	1	1	6
6	Real Zaragossy	2	0	1	5	5	0	6
7	The Stellar Warriors	2	0	1	4	6	-2	6
8	Chevy's Choppers	1	0	2	7	5	2	3
9	Jessie's High Pants	1	0	2	5	5	0	3
10	Howdon Harriers	1	0	2	5	7	-2	3
11	Blaydon Racers	1	0	2	4	6	-2	3
12	The Gallowgate	1	0	2	2	5	-3	3
13	Dudley Boys	1	0	2	1	4	-3	3
14	Pete's Porkie Pies	1	0	2	2	7	-5	3
15	Ceptic	0	0	3	0	4	-4	0
16	Baxter Basics	0	0	3	1	7	-6	0

And tomorrow's fixtures are:

Fixtures: Match 4

BBS Premier Corinthian League

ITKHWB	Vs	Ath B'worth
T Goons	Vs	Bar Samba
Toon Trag	Vs	Brdo Utd
W'end OB	Vs	Bor C'bch
W'stck Co	Vs	Brwry Drp Utd
Pil Con	Vs	HTIN?
Steph Sup	Vs	Mac Mar
TFNASS	Vs	Min Acad

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Real Z	Vs	Bax Bas
Spayne	Vs	Bla Rac
G'gate	Vs	Ceptic
TSW	Vs	Che Chop
Y Yobs	Vs	Dud Boys
PPP	Vs	Dunc's D's
PLU	Vs	How Har
Q Mech	Vs	JHP

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

4-0, 4 Bloody nil, God I was on a high yesterday and then come crashing back to reality today. A week is a long time in football!

By the way softie, this is a wonderful competition, it's the best I've seen....ever....more points please.....wonderful....

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Weh-hey! Up to 7th.........`Movin` on up, movin` on up...`

It`s even got me singing this morning!!!!!(:o)

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Finally the Broon Bowl is becoming a fortress, We certainly showed Pete's Porkie Pies and shut up the boo-boys. Goals for have done us wonders in a close table. No looking back for the Howdon Harriers, we're going to go for an automatic promotion spot; to Hell with the playoffs.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

At last! The baying hordes at the Parc de Pints were treated to a splendid performance by the Racers. A home win against a team called Real ???? is always easy.... isn't it? My skipper didn't stick through his own net though :-))
So a tough start but I notice that the 2 teams we lost to are on 100% records (as were Real Z before last night). I've every confidence that we will push up the table for promotion or a play-off slot once we start playing the other riff-raff in thi division. Howay!!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Hmmm ... played Real last match and now Spayne away!

Tonight we're off to sunny Spayne, A viva the Racers....

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Corinthian League's popularity grows! My new 16 team format has already been latched onto by FIFA. I'm writing to my solicitor...where did I put Dougal's e-mail address again?
---------------------
Rumour Of The Day "Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal will be invited to join a new European Super League which it is hoped will be endorsed by UEFA," claims The Express. Apparently, Spanish TV company Telefonica plans to run a 16-team pay-per-view league in tandem with domestic leagues, signalling the end of the European Cup, and meaning that the Premiership would have to be reduced to a mere 16 teams (though Southampton will still save themselves on the final day).

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

To Kegsy - cheers mate, I got the BEST SCORE OF THE DAY and my first 3 points - the Choppers' season starts now!!!!!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

I know it's late, and dated, but we'd still like to shout

"WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE, SAY WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE"

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Hoi Chevy, less of that or I'll delete your email account :-))))

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000