Hey folks.. here is an email I received... your thoughts?

I'd be interested in lurking in on a thread about ministries where the previous minister has retired and decided to stay in / near the church and what effects this has had on other ministries. not that it's happening to me or anything . due to the sensitive nature of this i'd not like to be the guy that starts the dialogue. we've been in a church for 2 years that the previous guy retired from & went to preach at a nearby church but left his wife in charge of his old ministry to watch over the new boy. and she aint budging it's her church and she didnt retire (her exact words). needless to say while the church has expanded nearly making her obsolete, she has made the new preacher & his family less than welcome. we have experienced the old preacher returning to a congregation once before and found it a very pleasant experience, but not so here. i'm sure this is not an isolated thing i alone am experiencing. please help in any way. grateful in advance.

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2000

Answers

Boy this is a hard one, but it is one that has done in many a "new man" It takes a special person to stay after his ministry is finished. Oh it doesn't take a special person to stay, but it takes a very special person to allow the "new man" to do his job without looking over his shoulder. From my experience, he ought to leave.

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2000

Where are the elders in all this? Seems they should be calling the ex- preacher's wife in and explaning the way things should and must be to her.

Darrell H Combs

-- Anonymous, April 06, 2000

Boy Darrell,

You sure hit that one right on the nose. The Elders need to tend to this devisive situation just as they should any other situation that should enter the church.

I understand the delicateness of this situation, but - a preacher and his wife should know better than to act like this! They need Titus chapter 3 explained to them in a "major-league" way. Do it in love, but do it soon.

-- Anonymous, April 06, 2000

How about another possibility? -- one that IF it worked might save the church from division and strife (which can happen in cases like this).

I'm going to make some assumptions. If any of them are not true, that might affect the validity of my suggestions somewhat, but maybe not too much unless they are ALL false. I'm assuming that the old minister is somewhat older than you are, that he was there for some considerable length of time (tho' it wouldn't take much for him to have been there longer than you have at this point), that he and the church parted on relatively good terms, and that he wants what is best for the church (as he sees it).

Go talk to the old minister personally. Go to HIM, or possibly to the two of them together, but NOT to her alone.

Be careful about your attitude and your approach. Do NOT go to tell him off about his wife's behaviour. Go with the assumption that he knows a lot more about the church and the people in it than you do, and that he wants what is best for them (even if his ideas and your ideas about what is best may differ). Tell him that you want to learn from his experience. Ask him the strengths and weaknesses of the church. Ask him what he feels the needs of the church are and how best to meet those needs. If there's anything you don't agree with him on, don't contradict him, but get more information. Maybe there is relevant information that you don't know yet.

Share your vision for the church with him -- especially in any areas where it coincides with his. For any that are different, try to avoid being either defensive or confrontative. You may need to keep some things to yourself. For others, you may be able to find ways to explain your vision in terms of what he sees as the main needs.

AVOID criticising his wife (even if he himself brings it up) -- though you might tactfully say that when she does [certain specific things] it makes it difficult for you, because ....

I know these suggestions won't work in every case, but if they don't, you can always fall back on other tactics (such as the elders calling him and his wife up and confronting them about her behaviour). If my suggestions do work, you will have saved yourself and the church a lot of grief.

-- Anonymous, April 06, 2000

Our pastor recently retired, and stayed in the congregation. He retired once before at age 65, and in that case was asked not to stay with his prior church because he had been the pastor for about 22 years, and the elders were concerned that if he stayed it would not allow the new pastor to shepherd the congregation properly He is a humble servant of God, and this hurt him greatly. After all that time his friendships and church family were all in that congregation.

We were in need of a pastor when he retired at 65, and he joined with our church for about 5 years. After his second retirement we made it very clear he would always be welcome to stay. He continues to preach about once a month, which helps with our pastors other committments and gives him an opportunity be hear the word from another perspective. Recently the former pastor was elected as one of our elders, and has taken that role very willingly.

This works because the former pastor is perhaps more aware and concerned about the problems than anyone else; and tries very hard to be as supportive of the pastor as possible. I have never heard a word of public criticism of the pastor from him. As an elder, he is required to provide his input and occasionally criticism at meetings of the council; but that is still done with great care and humility. The current and former pastor have different strengths, and they respect each other as fellow laborers for Christ.

As Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, and noted that those who seek to be first shall be last, Christian leadership should be recognized as a servant responsibility. Authority is matched with responsibility, so that when the responsibility passes to another so does the authority to carry out that responsibility.

In the above case under discussion, it seems the former pastor (and his wife) can not let go of that authority. The elders need to be firm, clear, and (if necessary) initiate discipline; in my opinion as a non-CoC elder.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2000