Do you consider cybersex cheating? If so, under what conditions? Is cybersex ever Ok/harmless? Be serious, please.

-- Not important (tahoemoe@yahoo.com), March 30, 2000

Answers

Personally? I do consider it cheating, yes. I base what I consider to be cheating on what I would think would be appropriate in a relationship. It's involving another person, you are trying to turn on someone else besides your partner, and seeking someone else to turn you on besides the person you are with. That, to me, is cheating. You are investing time and energy into getting your ya ya's off with the aid of someone else. Now cybersex with your partner, or when you are not in a committed relationship, of course that is harmless and ok, in my opinion.
However, my opinion has nothing to do with what your partner, if you have one, thinks is a boundary. Relationships need commmunication, boundaries have to be laid out, either beforehand, or if one comes up you didn't think of, when the situation occurs.
So yes. In my relationships, cybersex is cheating. I am a very loyal, commited woman in relationships, I don't want my partner to ever see me, or think that I go to someone else to get turned on besides him. That is what a relationship with me means. Again, it's all communication. I make this sort of stuff clear in the beginning, so people know what my comfort zones are, and vice versa. I'm sure there are many who think cybersex while in a relationship can't be considered cheating. Again, best person to ask, is the person you are with. =)

-- Lunesse (lunesse@lunesse.com), March 30, 2000.

"seeking someone else to turn you on besides the person you are with"

That's an interesting definition to describe cheating. So, with that as a given, then going to a strip club would constitute cheating? I am not sure I would stretch the definition that far. I would agree however, that the definition of cheating is one that is set up by the parameters of the two (or 3 or 4... it's a different world we live in afterall) people involved in the relationship.

Without a physical relationship, I think I have to favor cybersex as more of an interactive porn than actually cheating. It is almost like flirting, and most people wouldn't consider flirting as cheating.

Going back to what you said Lunesse, what if it didn't turn you on? What if the other person was really bad at it? Would it still be cheating then? Hmmmmm.. interesting questions

-- Bobby Roberts (sticksandstones@weepingangel.com), March 30, 2000.

Depends on the relationship. I think that the broadest definition of "cheating" I can think of would be something along the lines of "doing something that you wouldn't want your partner to find out about". Obviously, if you've had the Cybersex Talk, and he/she is okay with it, it's not. If they're not, it is. If you know that you partner wouldn't mind you fucking someone else - maybe they even get off when you tell them about it - then I wouldn't call even that "cheating". Then again, if you're up all night playing video games the night before your sweetie visits you, and you have to lie about "working late" so they don't get mad when you're too tired to spend time with them... well, call it what you want. Bottom line is - don't lie about what you're doing. To partner, or to yourself. If you feel that you *have* to do something that you're not sure if your partner would approve of, either make sure they know about it ASAP, or just don't do it.

-- Not Important, Either (someone@somewhere.com), March 31, 2000.

I agree with the last answer.... "Cheating" is not abiding by the rules. Each and every relationhship has rules (either spoken or unspoken). If one or both parities involved go against the rules, they have clearly cheated. However, your rules may not apply to the relationship your friend's may have. It is so important to have out in the open what you expect from each other, otherwise, you may not know what actions may potentially harm what was once a wonderful thing.

-- (thekiker@yahoo.com), April 09, 2000.

Totally. If you are in a monogamous relationship, and you have cybersex with someone outside that relationship, you are telling your cybersex-buddy that you would have real life sex with them given the opportunity. Telling a person other than your partner that you want to sleep with them raises the same issues and emotions as actual adultery.

-- Mystarion (knight@sirius.com), July 10, 2000.

Speaking out of a long time relationship with one partner and a lot of time on the internet, I don't think you should consider cybersex cheating if things at home aren't happy times, In a way it could better a marriage from time to time when things get dull, why do they have to know as long as they are the one's really getting laid right? I can see the point of the monogamous thing I guess but come on it's just a computer.. can words come in between a man and a woman if they are really in love? married or not?

-- Rascal Bojangles (rascal_26@yahoo.com), September 07, 2002.

Ok, here's the definitive answer, throw the rest away. Call me arrogant, you: the reader. Cybersex? Sex with a cyber? I am willing to concede to the idea of a robot having sex (barely, I AM carbon based) but assuming you mean people having sex via some electronic means: ya can't. Sex is flesh on flesh, re-creation (and I'm notjustsaying that because I'm the Pope. You: still reader?), cybersex is called TYPING. Typing is not cheating on your amore. As fantasy (e.g.not reality) goes maybe; same for intent. I apologize: I cannot "be serious" about this; it's ludicrous, up there with "surfing" on the "web". NOW, call me stupid if you want (respectfully, back up your case, I AM closer to God) and I will call you...ummm, you sexy thing....

-- Steven Spencer Hurst (springtimes9@AOL.com), February 07, 2003.