Yep, I'm addicted to these silly quizzes, and emode.com has a new one: Your Loony Past Life. Now you can find out what animal you were in your past life.

I was a monkey. And not just any monkey: You will be pleased to know that in your former life you were a tiny monkey named Oompa. Your adorably sweet demeanor coupled with your sharp intellect gave you a direct ticket to work with a street performer named Juan. Juan worshipped you and treated you like his own child. He bought you a gold satin jumpsuit with royal blue ruffles, a matching top hat for your head, and an identical one to carry. He would play your favorite disco tunes on his boom-box and you would dance around, flirt with the crowd, while collecting spare change and picking pockets. Everybody loved you. And you loved everybody. You and Juan took your gig around the country, and were extremely successful in almost every city you toured. You were one happy little monkey.

Will someone pass me my top hat, please? And if you're really nice, I'll let you touch my monkey.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Answers

Okay, I'll bite--a fish that is. I'm a PENGUIN?!?!? I admit I can watch them at the aquarium for an absurd amount of time, but I do NOT understand how my answers added up to this. LOONEY past life is right.

Penguin Your answers indicate that in a past life you were an Emperor Penguin of distinguished character and notable charm. Adored by men and women alike, you looked especially dashing in your top hat and tails. Quite the visionary, you brought popular theater to the ice-skating rink. "Ibsen on Ice" and "The Saturday Night Fever Ice Capades" were two of your better-known works. The shows were a big hit with your friends and neighbors. Your fame would have spread far if not for the fact that you looked exactly like every other penguin on the ice cap. In a brash attempt to assert your individuality, you threw away your penguin suit, purchased a racy, powder-blue number with frilly cuffs, and set sail for the mainland. You spent the rest of your days in Tierra del Fuego where your ice-skating rendition of "Hamlet" met with great praise and commercial success.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

How did they know?

Hermit Crab You will be pleased to know that in your former life you were a hermit crab named Marisol. Although you were quite a hit in your community, this is the limited information we've found. You were raised an only child in a small coastal community. You were quite a beautiful crab, but you had always been a little awkward around your peers. After failing your public speaking course three years in a row, and setting the record for the highest "Introvert" score in the history of the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory, the town doctors diagnosed you as having a social anxiety disorder. Due to your fear of open spaces and social situations, you decided to keep your business indoors, away from the public eye. During your time alone, you realized your unmatched sculpting talent, and dedicated all of your time and energy to your art. Today there is a gallery in your honor that is rated "#1 Gallery" by all top crab critics.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

A Leopard named Lola no less...

Not much is certain in life, but we know this much is true. In your last life you were a leopard named Lola. You were a showgirl. With yellow feathers in your hair, and a dress cut down to there. You would meringue. And do the Cha-Cha. And one night at the Copacabana, (the hottest spot north of Havana), you fell in love with Tony, the bartender. Tony fought with Rico over you (he wore a diamond), but Tony won. The two of you grew old and happy and joyfully danced your lives away at the club.

... and I did not make that up. Those are my actual results.

I am also a Leo, the lion, and was born in the year of the Tiger. And I have three cats.

I guess I'm a creature of habit, and I will eat you for lunch...

Scratching at The Road Trip

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Hey, Michael, we were apparently the very same animal in a past life -- I was also a leopard named Lola, yellow feathers, at the Copa, Copacabana, etc. etc. Wacky.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Hamster: In your previous life, you were a hamster named Vladimir Rodentovich. Born on the plains of Siberia, you spent your early years weathering harsh winters, drinking vodka and attending committee meetings. Ever determined and headstrong, you often got your way. But it was also true that no one knew how to let loose and have a good time more than you. In Chubby Bunny contests, you were reigning champ. And, you always emerged victorious from the Bolshevik's annual Dance-a-Thon where your signature step, the funky chicken, was a huge crowd pleaser. Quite the health fanatic, you developed and patented a set of tread wheel exercise videos that quickly became all the rage in Siberia.
 
Woo hooo! I'm rodentia... pass the vodka.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Ah well, why do these quizzes tell me what I already know what I was, and sometimes still am. I was a monkey amid all the other monkey clones, but, did we all have to be named oompa ? Where all the Pah Pah's ?

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Ah well, why do these quizzes tell me what I already know I was, and sometimes still am. I was a monkey amid all the other monkey clones, but, did we all have to be named oompa ? Where all the Pah Pah's ?

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I was an ant?

I didn't like that answer so I went back and changed the questions that I was between answers.....and I am still an ant.

I still don't like thinking I was an ant.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

A dog. At least I was a cute dog.

You will be pleased to know that in your former life you were a Beagle named Scooter from Allamakee, Iowa. You were the cutest puppy on the entire farm. In fact, you were so adored that you were chosen to be the mascot for the Allamakee High's Junior Varsity Basketball Team. You absolutely loved the attention, the cheers, the cool purple and yellow jersey, and most of all - the pizza parties after the game. However, you became disenchanted with your fate when your sister gave birth to Niko, the newest recruit for the JV team's mascot position. As Niko became increasingly more coddled, the team began to neglect your needs. They would no longer chant your name while they held you over the basket to slam dunk the ball. They stopped making T-shirts with your face on top of the "Antonio's Chinese Food" logo. And worst of all, they fired you when you bit the point guard's mother on the thigh. However, after much moping and grieving, you decided that you must be happy for little Niko. So, with new found contentment, you were able to support Niko and the JV team -- not from the court, but from your new spot in the bleachers.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I was an Iguana. I had a twin brother. I always did believe that I had a twin out there somehwere. . .

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

A dog. With the whole "Beagle named Scooter" patter given verbatim.

Odd; I'd always considered myself more of a wild-boar type. And my wife and daughters agree with me.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I was a turtle. It's quite odd that I should have been a turtle considering I used to have a turtle (a nine-month old red-eared snapper named Arthur) and he died a strange death. A sort of SIDS in his big turtle bowl. I just came home one Christmas Eve and there was Arthur, floating on the water with all his little legs and head sticking out, unmoving. Never figured out what killed him. (yes, i fed him)

Two months later, my parents brought me a small turtle carved out of tiger's eye....my mother handed it to me and said, "Maybe you won't kill this one." While laughing at that statement, I dropped the turtle and broke it. (it's glued back together now but it looks kind of sad).

Also bought a turtle keychain (when will I learn?!?) and after I had it for probably about a year I noticed that at some point, the poor little guy had lost its head. Still carry around that little decapitated guy on my keys.

Getting the Turtle response on the quiz kind of creeped me out. I sure wouldn't want to be MY turtle.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Apparently, I was also a Lola the Leopard. Which reminded me of the version my small cousin used to sing at age 2 1/2: 'her name was wowa, she was a sogur...at the coco, cocobanana'

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Another Oompa - sounds great. But imagine all the pick pocketing going on with all of us Oompas!

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I too, am the ineffably sweet monkey.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Why not a yearly contest between us Oompa's and the Pahpah's to see how many coconuts can be picked in an hours time ? Name of the game? The Coconut Bowl.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Count me in as another Oompa. Charles Darwin would find this seeming preponderance of Oompas interesting, I'm sure. As for me, I'm more worried about who I might also be in this life, never mind past ones

Tonight We Sleep In Separate Ditches

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Penguin. Cute. Actually, I recently spent about a half hour at the Montreal Biodome staring at the penguins. They were pretty cute, actually -- silly and improbable-looking creatures. Real goonybirds. Hmmmm....

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Oh dear I too am "A Leopard named Lola". This cannot be right! No-one is less a cat person than I am, and a leopard of all the felines the most pointless pointy headed one.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I am not sure I like this... considering I hate cold weather, but I was indeed once a famous dancing Penguin... Hamlet on ice?

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I too was apparently Beagle named Scooter from Allamakee...
Sort of disappointing, really, since I am much a cat-person than a dog-one, but hey, you don't CHOOSE your former lives, right?
At least i'm pretty sure I once was a middle-ages Princess in a huge castle {this one died without ever meeting the Charming Prince, though, what should this tell me about my karma?}

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

Lola the Leopard, that's me. Usually these quizzes give me answers I cringe at, but I guess I can live with leopard. Of course, it's a Barry Manilow rip-off leopard. Well, maybe not...

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

And I, also, am Oompa. The monkeys rule!

Actually, you know what would be cool? A list of journallers sorted by what they were in a former life, according to this quiz. I bet we monkeys all share a certain number of traits & qualities.

Monkkey! Monkey! Monkey! I want to know if BobofettDana is a Monkey.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

Yea to all of us Oompas!

And as the first Oompa, I'd like to declare myself Empress of the Oompas.

*duck* Ok, stop flinging that crap at me.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

I, like Michael, was a hamster named Vladimir. Now I know why I like them! Hooray, and Salut!

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2000

Still carry around that little decapitated guy on my keys...Getting the Turtle response on the quiz kind of creeped me out. I sure wouldn't want to be MY turtle.

Good golly, has anyone ever seen granola & milk come out of someone's nose? It's not pleasant, I would rather have peed my pants, but that was truly funny!

Lola the Leopard here.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2000

Iguana here. Personally I'd prefer it was something with fur, but he was a spunky lil fella so I guess I'll live. I believe he got rich somewhere along the way, which I approve of...too bad the money of past lives doesn't transfer down the next life....

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2001