Sometimes when my cramps get real bad, and I find myself curled up in a ball on the filthy floor of my bathroom, and I can hear someone screaming in the distance and I eventually realize it's me and I'm yelling "Casey! Casey! Caseeeey!!!" over and over and over and the pounding in my head beats a counterpoint to the pounding of the neighbors or the police or EMS on my apartment door. When I finally manage to answer the knocking, my mouth is flecked with spittle and blood and sometimes there are feces on my trousers if I even have them on at all. But one thing they always seem to comment on is how many pictures of Casey I have up on the walls that I have cut out and torn out of magazines and newspapers and the weird mannequin that I taped a picture of Casey's face to its face and all the photocopies tacked to the walls and everything. When I think that I could live anywhere in the world and be whoever I wanted to be, I know that living in Boston is probably the best place for me. Sometimes it gets a little humid, and I'm allergic to mosquitos so I'm always very careful when I go out to avoid them. One time I curled my fingers into a fist and even kept it clenched while I slept but I had to use rubber bands to make sure I didn't accidentally open it while I slept despite my resolve. I kept it tight for eight days and when I opened it the laminated tiny picture of Casey was still fresh but the corners were too sharp and had worn and lacerated the skin of my hand but it was WORTH IT! To prove to myself and now others that I HAVE THE RESOLVE! When I watch Race The Sun sometimes I get so excited that it feels like the top of my head comes off and I fly out above myself and watch the movie unencumbered by eyes or ears and I am just one with the movie and Casey and I can smell the desert sands and the road trains and the diesel fumes. Go, electric car, go! Go for Casey! FOR CASEY! CASEY!!! And then because my VCR is old sometimes it kind of eats the tape and the picture stops moving and there are lines of static across the picture and one time it stopped on Casey with a really strange, unflattering expression on his face, and one eye was half closed and he looked like he was about to sneeze or throw up or something and I didn't like it. I tried to cut the VCR cord with a pair of scissors and I got a bad shock and my whole arm went numb for like two days. CASEY!!

-- Steve Rubecki (handburning@hotmail.com), February 25, 2000

Answers

thats really funny in a way. i guess. sorta. yeah. huh-huh. I like the part with the feces thing. I bet casey can't wait to meet an adoring, infatuated, obsessed fanatic like you. keep up the good work!

-- naia (csant69494@aol.com), February 26, 2000.

I dont think that its a good thing to be that infatuated with someone whom yiou will probably never meet. He is an awesome actor but if i want to love someone like that then he will live near me and I will be able to see him somewhere besides TV. But its cool that you actually love someone that much. tungjatjeta

-- dona pauell (lizard@gnat.net), February 27, 2000.

Steve, you're awesome. I'd like to buy you a cherry slurpee.

-- Kelly Mason (kelleigh@hotmail.com), March 05, 2000.

You are cool, Steve. But Pina Coladas are better than cherry slurpees- let's buy Casey one too!

-- Elizabeth (superstar2685@hotmail.com), March 05, 2000.

Thats really funny and all...but if I was the real Casey Affleck and all that story was true ( i bet some of it is ) let me tell you I'd go in hidding for a long looong time.. But What the heck thats funny. Can I buy ya a drink?

-- mb (Peaches81275@aol.com), May 30, 2000.

steve asshole, stop trying to leave messages like I did on this page, butt fucker!

-- Frank Williamson (williamsonfrank@hotmail.com), November 09, 2000.

"it's the return of the, oh, wait, no way. he didn't just say what i think he did, did he?" --a word from slim

-- Susi-Q (Pensivefix@aol.com), November 13, 2000.