Did the test tell you that you were doomed? Did you already know that? Or were you totally unable to take the test because no one loves you and you're going to die alone?

Let it out, honey. We're here for you today.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Answers

The test told me that I don't play games, that I am not very rational and I don't plan things ahead, I follow my heart, I tend to be insecure in my relationships, and that in love I am completely concerned with my partner and put his needs before my needs.

Um, true, true, true, and true.

Sigh. I am not rational, I do follow my heart and it gets me in to trouble, you know? Even if I see things that don't promise a good future or outcome in a relationship, I tend to force myself to be blind to these things. Because I guess deep down I want to believe in true love. Amazing love. Magic love. I do not play games. When I am committed to someone, I am so totally true to that person it is almost sad. And the part about putting my partners need before mine, well that is totally me too. And I usually end up feeling hurt. Because it's like, I gave up everything for you and you are totally unwilling to even compromise for me.

And the sad thing is, I think I pick people who are not capable of fulfilling or being the match to my needs. I just don't know.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

It told me I'm more like most men are when it comes to "romance" than like most women. And I choose to see that as a positive thing. :)

It also said the the friendship aspect of relationship is very important to me, and that's very true.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Passion: 6
Fun: 3
Friendly: 9
Practical: 4
Manic: 5
Selfless 6.

Hmmmmmmmm. Do I fall in love with friends all the time? Check! Am I a crazy-mad-passionate-doofus? Check!

Do I take love waaaaaay too seriously? Probably.

Am I practical and level-headed when it comes to romance? Nooooooooo.

Do I have a matyr complex? Yeah, just a titch y'know.

Does this get me into heaps of trouble? Oh yeah baby.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Yes, no one loves me and I am going to die alone. Having just been widowed in Nov. of 98, I really had not thought much about new relationships. And then, last fall, I received a new alumni directory from my college, and noticed that my Freshman year love had kids, but no wife listed. Hmmmm. I knew from reading alumni news over the years that he is a college professor and has had many Fulbright grants and sabbaticals, etc. to teach in Africa and the Middle East. I remember him as exceptionally bright and he always came up with interesting things for us to do. He also is an outdoors kind of guy. So, forty years after I dropped him, I looked him up on the web page at his university, got his email address and wrote him! I felt very brave doing this and was proud of myself. Then I spent two weeks indulging in the most fantastic, delicious daydreams! On the Friday before Thanksgiving he wrote back. It began "You can forget all your fears regarding the possibility of me not wanting to hear from you! Your letter was a wonderful, unexpected surprise" ... I think it was about this point that I let out a shriek worthy of any 7th grader which brought my coworkers running. Ah, the excitement and anticipation! He went on to tell me about the demise of his first marriage and his feelings about that and THEN told me how he and a more "mature" student of his had hit it off and that she and he had been married JUST THIS PAST JUNE! AAAARRRRRRGH! And he is happier than shit...well he didn't put it that way. To pour salt in the wounds, although I'm sure he didn't mean it to, they honeymooned in Thailand, Turkey, Egypt and South America, they are remodeling a very old house (something I would love) and he still has the antique Model T truck (newly restored) which I so fondly remember driving around in. Oh, and his mom and dad, are 94 and 96 so he has longevity in his genes which is important to me too. Sigh. So, I surely came crashing down off that little pink daydream cloud I had been floating on. It took me two or three weeks before I could write a nice letter with my congratulations and tell him how happy I was for him. And, by gum, I still am unable to daydream or fantasize! Is this a sad enough Valentine's Day tale for you?

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

I didn't do the test, because I don't have a partner. Here's why:

I met her 15 years ago, when she was 18 and I was 20. She was something of a dropout and she already had a daughter at that point, and I took them both in. We got married. Two years and a lot of hysterics later, a boy was born. So at 22, I found myself to be both a father and a stepfather. Anyway, she claimed she 'couldn't get along' with her newly born and that she felt 'uncomfortable' with being a mother in general.

So she left me to take care of the kids and moved in with a guy over twice her age. She became a hooker in the process and I requested a divorce, which was finalized a year later. (I know, very Jerry Springer-esque, but that is exactly the way it happened, honest.) It was a nasty, nasty divorce, but in the end the judge did decide that she was just too unreliable to be trusted with the children ever again. I got the kids, and for the past fifteen years I've been taking care of them, together with my invaluable parents. They've grown up to become two very fiesty yet levelheaded teenagers. We hardly ever heard from my ex again. Like I said, she claimed that she couldn't get along with her kids anyway.

It'll be a cold day in hell before I enter into a relationship again.....

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Said I was irrational. However, since all those questions were about genetic fitness, I don't think it was a fair test. (No reproduction here, baby. Heard in family gatherings: "Well, babies always come along when you least expect it." Me: "Not if you make SURE.")

Other than that: physically passionate, does not play games, and does not do puppy love (any more). Sorry... not doomed.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2000

I think it's very sad (and pretty odd) for someone to swear off relationships forever just because they had one that didn't work out when they were very young.

Life goes on, people grow up (one would hope), and when they do grow up, they can (one would hope) learn how to enter into relationships based on something more solid than lust or infatuation with someone they barely know.

Swearing off relationships forever seems like a rather drastic reaction to one unhappy partnership with the *wrong* person.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2000