Did you pick up any important life lessons this week?

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

Answers

Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Mother Teresa, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

1. When my fiance says he is awake, it does not mean that he is.

2. I am the smartest person at my community college.

3. Do not eat an entire holiday-sized cannister of 3-flavored popcorn in less than a month if you are not trying to gain weight.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

Just because all the weathermen say we are going to get a snowstorm, and all the schools announce their closings THE NIGHT BEFORE THE SNOW IS EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, doesn't actually mean I get to go home early from work today. Where the heck is the snow? I thought Texas was supposed to be blanketed in the stuff, but Pamie didn't even get any. That's just wrong! I have learned that weathermen are liars, and that this must be sweeps week for meteorologists.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

the house won't burn down if we use the heater in the bathroom and don't own a fire extinguisher.

i hope.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

Being a native Floridian, I am supposed to think that a morning temperature of 34 degrees is in the category of "Oh my god, we're all gonna die!!" weather.
But, being entirely Baltic in descent, (Swedish and Estonian, technically) I learned that genetics do beat environment.
I was that annoying person dashing around saying "Hey, isn't this great?" to everyone who was shivering in all the warm clothing they owned.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

Pamie, as you pointed out, I learned that you are a goddess. I learned that Get Real actually sucks even more than you say it does. I learned that I still can't do Tae-Bo, but at least I have fun yelling at the TV. I learned that I really need to be sure to read the links at the bottom of your entries or I might miss something really important.

I learned that if I beg my readers to remind me to pay my bills, only one of them will do so, and she'll send the e-mail while I'm at work, meaning that I will forget it by the time I go home.

I also learned that it really doesn't matter how many carrot sticks you eat; if someone brings oatmeal cookies to work, you're doomed, man.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

The allergies i thought were causing my eyes to turn into these devil- red orbs were actually only part of the problem. I wear hard contacts, and haven't used the enzymatic cleaner for like a year.

I finally do it as a last resort, and now I'm walking around with some of the whitest, clear eyeballs in Austin.

Lesson learned: do the $&*@ing enzymatic cleaner once a week.

Oh and give a woman a hug if she starts crying. Doesn't matter if the argument was her fault or if she's totally being unfair. Hug her anyway. You'll thank yourself later.

O.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

i learned to never assume i have my wallet in the pocket of my coat before i leave the house, because i may, in fact, be wearing a different coat.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned that ending a relationship when you don't really want to, but have to, is like trying to quit smoking. Freakin hard.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned (just now, mind you) that if you are making 25 copies of a software doc that is 58 pages long, be very VERY sure that the copier is set to "sort". Otherwise you'll be forced to attempt collating by hand in order to salvage all the trees...and then you'll realize that the copier has its own definition of "25 copies" and will make 30 of some pages and 21 of others...AND THEN you'll be so pissed off that you'll say "fuck the trees" and start the whole damn project over...making really, really sure that it's all set up right this time.

I also learned that 1,450 pages of plain bond make a really satisfying SHWOOSHTHUNK when you chuck it in the recycling container.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

Things I've Leanred:

If I really want to do well at the Speech and debate tournament, I should really practice.

Don't assume that because I need the car, my twin sister won't.

If someone gets pissed at me and I have no idea why (or its an illogical reason anyway), I shouldn't worry about it, in a few days they'll be my best bud again.

Don't assume that I'll have 2nd period history to write up a lab for 3rd period chemistry. There might be an AVFAB assembly I forgot about. If there is, I bring the chem to do anyway to avoid the wrath of said twin sister, now lab partner (damnit).

My friends don't keep secrets from each other. So if I cry in front of one of them, I shouldn't surprised when all 4 of them know by the end of the day.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned that when you grow up in the desert in California, you probably don't know how to walk on snow and ice. It doesn't matter that you are an excellent skier, you can't fucking walk. And if you go out at night in your slippers to let the dog out and there is ice on the ground, there is a 90% chance that you are going to fall and hurt your back.

I also learned that if you fall and hurt your back you are going to cry like a baby.

Oh and it will only happen when ten of your neighbors are standing outside to see you fall right on your ass and cry like a baby

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned that if you are going to drink 180 ounces of water, make sure you're not going to work that evening. Doubly make sure that you don't work in a grocery store, the night before a huge 14 inch snowstorm that devours all of the state of Oklahoma.

I have never had to say "I will not let my bladder control me" more than I did on Wednesday.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned not to go into art supply stores when trying to save money. If you do, you're bound to spend almost $100 on paintbrushes and iridescant white paint.

And a box to keep it all in, of course.

Thetis The Clockworks

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned that if there is something wrong with the copy machine before you get to it, but someone walks by why you're trying to jiggle the toner cartridge, it will automatically be assumed that, "You broke the copier!"

I learned that just because on two previous occasions you faxed requests to Network Solutions to make changes to your contact info, it won't necessarily happen.

I learned that Shortstop burgers on an already upset stomach are a BAD IDEA.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned this week that if I only work half-time and my SO works full-time that we will make $400 a month too much to be considered ass-poor any more.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned not to scream F*** ME!! in traffic, because your cell phone might still be on and you just might still be leaving a voice mail for the office manager at work.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

Oh, no, Leigh Anne! You didn't really, did you?!

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned that, even if you call ahead to make sure that Kinko's passport machine is working, the guy on the phone won't check and it'll be broken down when you walk 9 blocks on your lunchour to get there. Ditto calling the post office to make sure they take passports at 10am - you'll get there and wait 20 minutes holding your little paper number only to be told (very rudely) that this isn't the office and the office doesn't open until 11am and it doesn't matter what your form says or the person on the phone told you, you're wasting their time and there's no point in arguring M'AM!

I've also learned not to write journal entries while online or rushed, although pissing people off - even inadvertently - gets you lots of feedback and inspires you to do a better job.

Oh, and I learned not to expect too much from my ex-boyfriend on my birthday or I'll find out that my suspicions were true and I am the only person he treats so badly (although he'll only admit that on my birthday, it being my birthday and all). But, hey, he says it'll get better the minute I manage to fall in love with someone new. Yippee.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned that 20 inches of snow gets REALLY old REALLY fast. Especially when it doesn't melt. At all.

I learned that our almost two weeks worth of snow days gets paid back with my spring break, and that is just not cool.

I learned that it really isn't that healthy to not leave the neighborhood for a week and a half. Through this, I learned that I am pretty prone to psychotic cabin fever. Through that, I learned it is a much better idea to carry my drumsticks around and beat on things randomly than to rip off the side of the house with my bare hands and use it to plow the snow far, far away from my home. Though the missing snow would almost be worth the missing side of the house.

You want my snow, Texas? TAKE IT! Pleeeeease!

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

I learned that I sweat like a pig during job interviews. Which i'm sure the interviewers find an enormously attractive quality in an applicant.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

To stop believing people in work when they promise my pay rise will be sorted tomorrow. Gah!

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

This week I learned:

1. Just because I didn't hear from Douglas for almost a week didn't mean he had found someone else. He was in Atlanta for training (or so he says) 2. I might be single and still figuring myself out, but all in all, I have a pretty good life. I envy not the life of my sister or my friend who has one good kid, one bad kid, and a lot of stress. 3. My friend Pam's 4 year old, Owen, is now asking everyone to call him Private Ryan. He's seen parts of the film (not the first part -- Pam wouldn't let him watch it). Owen asked his pre school teachers and all his preschool friends to call him "Private Ryan." The other night he turned to Pam and said, "I'm Private Ryan. I've been in a war y'know." 4. Owen rocks!

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

This week I learned...

That if you wait until january to get a flu shot, you are pretty much fucked.

The flu is an interesting and fun weight loss plan.

Headaches are special when there is no Advil in the house.

Eating when you can not taste anything gives one a chance to imagine fun flavors... ex. "Mmmm, this dry piece of toast tastes like prime rib!"

Keeping imagination to yourself is always a good idea, especially when husbands are near and you have a fever.

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2000

This week I've learned:

1. That I will NEVER EVER see _Cradle will Rock_ no matter how many times in one week I make the effort.

2. I should start charging my cell phone, because I always need it desperately when I have about 30 seconds of battery power left.

3. What all the fuss about Kevin Spacey and _American Beauty_ was about, damn good flick... Luckily I've been under a rock, so I totally didn't know how the movie was going to end.

4. That ms. e of ellipses fame is a really cool person, and she'll sometimes respond to your forum posts, and from a reader's standpoint that was way neat.

5. That a friend of mine is going through a really rough time and just had to move back home, wishing her hugs and warm fuzzies.

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2000

My lesson for this week: that when it comes to funerals, some people seem to have a peculiar need to be seen to be more in mourning than everyone else.

Tonight We Sleep In Separate Ditcheswherein the above cryptic comment is explained, sort of.

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2000

if you're a reg poster/chatter/whatever in a posting board/newsgroup/chat/whatever (you get the point), don't ever try contacting that guy that is telling you he likes you. eventually you'll get stuck with some really annoying guy, that IS telling you the truth, but the truth is just dull/horrible/idiotic/whatever.

grrrrr!!!

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2000

That you *can* pass on a yeast infection to your husband.

And he doesn't much appreciate it at all, the big baby.

http://www.bitchypoo.com/bitchypoo.html

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2000

Just because the furnace breaks at work and it is -6 degrees outside, it doesn't mean that they will send you home.

If it is still broken the second day, they still won't send you home.

Even though your mom is nuts and she makes up her own versions of everything, she will still pay your way to dinner and your little brother's basketball game.

When you offer to babysit your neighbor's kitty, you must take it into consideration that he will break valuable ornaments, turn over flower pots, and pee on all of your dirty laundry.

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2000

I have learned:

That if you need to make a copy at work in a hurry that every machine on your floor will be out of service.

Nobody in my office will ever fix a paper jam in a copier, and will just say the damn thing is out of service.

That the building were I work believes that the ideal way to heat the place is by running both the heat and the air AT THE SAME TIME! You freeze in some areas and bake in the others....I mean come on now!

If people in Bham, Alabama hear that snow is in the forecast that not a jug of milk or loaf of bread can be found at any store!

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2000

I learned Just this weekend that:

Just because you starve yourself all day in preparation for a trip to Florida in three weeks where you have to wear a bikini that is by now 3 sizes too small for you- does not mean that you will eat lightly for the rest of the day- NO! instead you will go to Godawful Chili's restaurant and have a chocolate shake, french fries, and a Fajita in a pita, come home and have a huge headache from all your "diet" food.

I also learned that just because you work until 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday night and all you want to do is come home, get in pajamas and sleep in your cozy bed doesn't mean that the cat in his excitement upon seeing you won't jump up on said cozy bed and pee his brains out.

you learn something new every damn day.

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2000

I've learnt not to go on a long train trip on the same carriage as the bunch of young kids coming back from an amusement park. It doesn't matter how good your seat position is, you just don't do it.

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2000

I have learned all of Atlanta shuts down when there's icy weather.

I have learned that life does go on in the town when the Super Bowl is happening.

I have learned that the mall in Atlanta is an entirely different animal from the mall in New York.

I have learned that the things I can't afford to buy in New York are the same things that I can't afford in Atlanta, so I don't know why I even bother going to the mall in the first place.

:)e

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2000

I learned that if I reach out, someone is there to help me. I learned that I can trust. I learned that I am loved more than I ever knew.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I learned that when you quit smoking, it's like before you were at this fun party with lots of people and things to divert your attention. Now, you're shut in a room and there's only a clone of yourself with whom to talk. I feel like I'm having to spend way too much time with myself.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

It's not exactly an important life lesson, but on Animal Planet this week I saw a turtle get an enema. I did not know that one could give a turtle an enema. The turtle did not seem to appreciate it.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I learned that just because you stayed awake until 1:30 waiting up for your wife who was out with her girlfriends doesn't mean you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn with the Last Born.

I have confirmation that snowplow drivers do have a sense of humor, that there is absolutely nothing you can do to keep them from blockading the end of your freshly shoveled driveway, and that if you shovel out right after they plow the first time, they will find out and come back and block you in again.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Someone out of the blue GAVE me a computer, with a 7 gig harddrive, 56k modem, 17 inch monitor, both Win98 (with all the later plug-ings) and on another part of the partitioned hard drive Linux/Red Hat. I guess I learned that there are some really generous people in the world. We gave Brian, my only son who can talk, the old one.

Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I learned that the way to really impress the guys is to bake your husband a birthday cake in the shape of a pair of breasts.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Pamela: It turns out I *wasn't* still on the voicemail, but I spent several minutes hyperventilating that maybe I was. The hitch is that I work at a very Christian university....

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2000

that the chemical brothers are _the_ best live electronic act bar none. They have their shit in tact (or ; their science is too tight ,yo) and have the ability to blow away a crowd that isnt entirely dance/electronic centered. that dave grohl is really a nice guy even if he has just been busted for drink driving........ caffeine is the real enemy , not tobacco.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

that starting and keeping up with an online journal is a lot more difficult than I imagined.

Bob (who will resist the urge to advertise...for now)

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

i learned that OMAR G. is a very wise being. i noticed that you were smart, but the "hugging crying women" proved you are wiser than most. so many men think if they hug a woman on the verge that she will explode (actually an understadable fear, face girls, we are all a lil' insane). but a hug when in need can only help the situation, even if you never speak again. all i ask is that Omar G. spread his knowledge.

i also learned that no matter how much i love someone and how much i try to get excited, valentine's day don't mean shit.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2000