And did you have to tell any lies to get him?

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Answers

I got Brad Pitt without lying (much, at least!)

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Harrison Ford! I've known ever since I was a little girl that he was the man for me, and now I have the proof!!!

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I, too, got Brad Pitt without lying, but I actually don't find him attractive. For some reason, I don't find blonds appealing. But I guess I could overlook his appearance, seeing as how we're meant for each other and all.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I got Danny DeVito, by telling the truth. The horror.

I was too dispirited to go back and try for someone else by lying.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Back off, Lizzie! Danny DeVito is MY celebrity love match. :)

http://www.bitchypoo.com/bitchypoo.com

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

You can have him!

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Will Smith....ugh. Definitely time for some major life changes, I think.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

i got danny devito by telling the truth. i went back and changed a few answers randomly, and i ended up with richard simmons! oh dear.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Obviously there's something deeply flawed with this test, at least, if you're a guy. Must be skewed towards a woman's perspective somehow... why else would it tell me that my ideal match is Howard Stern?

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I got Brad Pitt too...

I'm thinking he's probably interchangeable with Matt Damon though, which works out fine for both Matt and me.

:) all hot now,
stasi

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I got Howard Stern too. Unfortunately I don't think there's anything wrong with the TEST.

Anyone recommend a good therapist?

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I told the truth and got Brad Pitt. I'm wondering where this "clean cut" crap came from, as I consider Mr. Pitt as having cornered the market on "unwashed crazy guy".

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Brad Pitt.

And honestly he does nothing for me.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I got Harrison Ford without lying. I'll take him.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I got Ben Affleck. I would have preferred Alec Baldwin, but that's o.k. I am pretty satisfied with the choice of Benny - that's what he likes me to call him now.

I sent this test to my friends who also do nothing at work, I wished Edward James Olmos on her.

Nancey

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I got Ben Affleck. He was thrilled when I called to tell him, especiall the part where I mentioned I could snap Gwynnie in half just by thinking about it.

Of course, the news will be tough to break to my family, who are adamant about the evil of dating and marrying actors. Oh, and my husband might be a bit choked up.

Oh well. You can't argue with the results of an online questionaire, can you?

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Ben... uh, Affleck. Ben who? Wasn't he having it off with Gwyneth Paltrow for a while? Oh, well. It could have been worse. Richard Simmons maybe. Or Howard Stern. That's who everyone else on my literary mailing list seemed to get.

Then I did the girl test, and got Jennifer Lopez. Dang. I was hoping for Jennifer Tilley. I know, I know, that voice... but I thought she was really hot in Bound.

Nope, not a lie in the bunch.

Then I took the IQ test. I wish I had lied on that; I've been depressed ever since. I just keep telling myself, "But my talents are VERBAL, not mathematical." Yeah, right. Bah humbug. They all look like weird little boxes to me; what kinda order they talking 'bout here?

Never mind. St. Bernards don't need to be smart.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

OUU LA LA - Ricky Martin [Which is all fine and dandy but I'm a sucker for blond and God help me if he can ballroom dance.]

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Will Smith. Should I admit this? Will Smith. Jeez, you know, I take this "celebrity love match" quiz at great risk to my male ego and I get paired with about the only guy in entertainment blander than me.

If I go take the "gay threesome" test I'll probably get Bob Newhart and Fred MacMurray. Whee hahaha. "Orgy mania" outcome? Jack Webb, Abe Vigoda ("Fish" from Barney Miller), Drew Carey and Richard Nixon. We could sit around in a room with our hair clenched then go nuts by wrapping a feather boa around Drew and spanking Jack. Then retire, spent, to the sauna. For a Lite beer.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

My ego is now totally in ruins. I found the "men's" celebrity love match test. I told the truth. And got? Shania Twain.

Great. She and Will can maybe bust out and do needlepoint while I'm partying with Dag Hammerskjold and Aristotle Onasis after getting my "Ethnic Fantasy" test results.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I got Danny DeVito.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I, too, got Harrison Ford; however, I didn't have some of the answers Beth picked when she said she lied. I think it hinged on the liking guys in flannel shirts and boots, and him being a carpenter for a previous job...

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Don't feel too bad, Tom. I got Shania as well.

But then I went back and changed a few things (didn't lie! Just picked alternates!) and now I have Salma Hayek. I don't know how much of an improvement that is. I'll have to think before deciding which to call.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Will Smith. eh.

No lying, but several semi-random answers.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

uh, first time taking the men's test i was matched with britney spears(oh my g--!). Then, out of the 16 question for men I made a change to two of the answers(I was border line on those two items anyhow),and was hooked up with jennifer anniston(friends..how cool!)

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I got Jennifer Anniston, which I thought was a pretty accurate pick... However, I dont think I would be too likely to be HER selection!

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Well, that's a good thing, 'cause I got Jennifer too (without lying), and that gives me a bigger chance. Nice outcome, I'd say. Of course, I took the test again and lied my ass off. This time around, they stuck me with Pamela Anderson, who I consider very yucky. Which convinced me once and for all of the fact that God doesn't like liars.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Howard Stern. No lies. And given the alternatives, he probably would be the best choice for me.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I got Ricky Martin, too. Then I went back and changed a few answers I just randomly picked and got... Ricky Martin.

Too bad he doesn't know I'm his *real* true love.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Well, thank god somebody pointed out there's a test for guys to take. Shania Twain is a MUCH better option than Howard Stern.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I got Will Smith. Eh, he seems fun, I can live with that.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

It suggested Jennifer Lopez for me. Now, she's very beautiful and all, but really, any test that pairs me the geek scientist with a woman who in real life paired herself with Sean "Talentless Hack Who Carries a Gun in Public Places" Combs has serious problems.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I got Angela Bassett. Okay, but she never appealed to me much. I went back and changed my answer on the question about whether I could handle a woman who didn't go to college from no to yes, and then I got Salma Hayek. That's better.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Dear Lord! I just went back and retook the test, changing several of my answers that could have gone a couple of different ways, and I got Judge Judy! Okay, I am giving up on this test right fucking now before things get any scarier (although I'm not sure how that would be possible).

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Phyllis Diller? What the fuck?

Just kidding. Cameron Diaz. She's one lucky lady, wait till she finds out...

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I got Harrison Ford without even lying.

On the other test, I got Jennifer Aniston. I went back and changed a few answers and STILL got Jennifer Aniston.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Jennifer Anniston. Not bad, but still prefer Sandra Bullock. my kind of hometown girl

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Harrison Ford, and Jennifer Aniston. Urk. How did I get to be so clean-cut? I live with a *biker*, fer chrissakes. But really, Paul Newman is the finest, ever. He even made Redford look a little pale . . . and Tom Cruise ain't fit to carry his water.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Harrison Ford, but I don't want him. I want Robert Redford. What do I have to do to get him? Maybe he isn't one of the options, but I thought I saw his picture flash by. Sigh.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Angela Bassett. I know next to nothing about her, but then she's never heard of me, so I'm at least that far along.

It's weird, though, because I took the "dog" test the other day, and I came out a basset hound. No I am not lying! If I were lying, I would identify myself as anything other than a basset hound. A beagle, anything.

So what sort of weird karma is operating here that the same person has some spiritual connection to that woman and that dog? If someone tells me that she owns a basset hound, I'm going to go hide under the bed.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I took the damn thing 14 times, and got the answer: "Beth@xeney.com" every time.

That's strange...

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

This is SO embarassing, so of course I'm going to share it with plenty of strangers.

I took it, and without lying, got paired with Richard Simmons. Now, it's true that I've gained a couple of pounds... maybe this is God's way of telling me to break out the deal-a-meal cards...

I got Jennifer Anniston without lying, which I suppose is Okee... but man, she's too thin...

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

First I got Will Smith. He's ok, I guess, but not my first choice. So I picked a few alternate answers and came up with Danny DeVito, Ricky Martin and Richard Simmons. No, no, and definitely no. Try a few more alternates here and there and came up with Will Smith. Over and over and over again. Hmmmm. Are they trying to tell me something? Finally I was paired with Harrison Ford. (With no lying, I might add. Just different choices.) I'll keep Harrison. He's sexy as hell.

For the women, I was hooked up with Jennifer Anniston once (no, thanks) and Shania Twain repeatedly. Yeah, Shania's hot, but still, not for me. If I were turned on by women, that is.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I got Pamela Lee and for just 9.95 per month you can see all our pictures."Watch Pamela gorge on Mikey's big----!"Wow I knew this computor would make me some money!

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

If I ticked carpenter, flannel shirt & boots and alternative music, how come I ended up with Ricky Martin? Who IS Ricky Martin?

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Well I got Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt...

I'm wondering if they're looking for a threesome...

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I'm not happy..!!

I got Will Smith, who annoys me to distraction (please don't let him make another record..!!) and then I got Britney Spears (ditto)

I had no idea I was this annoying.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Heh. Well on the one I got la Britney Spears. (ew) (ew) (ew) And on the other, I got, in order, Will Smith, Fabio and Harrison Ford.

A lot of their questions are exceedingly impossible to answer -- especially when what you would pick isn't on there at all, and nothing else is remotely close.

But it's awfully fun to laugh out loud at the results and then share them with my honey bunny, who laughed really hard too.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Well, I got Will Smith. And I like him, but I don't know about ever dating him. Then, I decided to take the 'guy' version, and I got Jennifer Lopez, whom I really don't like that much. I changed a few answers on the second test, and got Jennifer Aniston. *shrug*

I'm jealous of my husband- he got Salma Hayek. Wait, now I'm scared. How the heck can I compete with that?!

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

i just took the "men's" test and got lauryn hill. sweet.

i still wish i could have finagled harrison ford out of the women's test, though. sigh.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Shoot me. Shoot me, please. Someone, anyone?

Martha Stewart.

Nevermind. *She* would shoot me, the moment she came near my house.

**shudder**

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

For the one for the girls, I got Brad Pitt and Harrison Ford. Truthfully, I don't find either of them attractive. They're too traditionally handsome, it just doesn't do it for me. No, no, no. With Brad Pitt, they're talking about being caring, with my answers, it just doesn't go! With Harrison, talking about outdoors. I like being outside, but not hiking and stuff like that. ughhhh.

I took the for the the guys and got, breath, Brandi Chastain. No, no, noooo. I think she's a good role model and all, but if I was a guy, I would want the pornoest (is that a word?) girl in the world. And they were talking about wierd stuff that I'm not into. I gave answers that would lead me to a porn star. Come on people.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

I was honest and got Jennifer Aniston. Then I cheated a little bit, using "second" answers and got Salma Hayek. Hmmm . . . honesty was definitely the best policy.

-- Anonymous, January 26, 2000

I got Will Smith for my man and Jennifer Anniston for my girl...and of course I was honest ; )

Actually Will smith is kind of the guy i would go for, funny, energetic, fit etc.... I don't know what everyone see's in Harrison Ford - too old!

-- Anonymous, January 26, 2000

Martha Stewart.

K. just burst out laughing when she read it over my shoulder. "I think I'm a reasonable facsimile," She said. "I think I'm prettier, though. And not as weird."

K. adores Martha. She'd work at her magazine in a second.

My friends would find this even funnier. I'm the guy who spent his prime bachelor years (after my first serious break-up; while I was living alone and making serious money for the first time in my life) re-decorating his apartment and working on his cooking skills. I can hang pictures and make desserts with feta cheese.

So I can say it's not such a shock, and I was being completely honest.

Now, if a bit of lying would have produced Salma Hayek...

-- Anonymous, January 26, 2000

I took it two ways: who'd I want to screw, and who'd I want to marry.

I got Will Smith and Harrison Ford. Scrumptious!

-- Anonymous, January 26, 2000

Well, Harrison Ford and Jennifer Aniston. And I didn't lie. But now I know what my perfect threesome would be....

-- Anonymous, January 27, 2000

jennifer aniston i can deal with, but howard stern made me a little nervous. until i realized that two close male friends on campus are just like him, and i'd be perfectly happy to date either of them.

-- Anonymous, January 27, 2000

Solely to help Beth's forum outpace the Catholics' forum (which is not nearly as scary as the general Christian one a couple of notches up), I took the tests so I could contribute an answer.

Harrison Ford. That's fine. Han Solo, whatsisnose from Witness, even bearded in the Fugitive. That's just dandy.

And Martha Stewart. I am appalled. As Kymm recently said, it comes as a surprise to no one that the woman owns a riding crop--even though she doesn't ride horses.

But I wonder if I was describing myself instead of my perfect female love match. I suppose since I'm so highly desirable and practically perfect in every way, I probably am my own perfect female love match.

-- Anonymous, January 27, 2000

My lesbian celebrity partner would be Jennifer Lopez.

I don't really know how to feel about that.

I don't see how she fits in to any of my answers except for the chicken burrito.

-- Anonymous, January 27, 2000

Mike Tyson? I don't think so.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

Well, I got Harrison, which suits me fine, I guess, 'cause I'm not a Brad-Pitt-Matt-Damon kind of girl anyway. I like my men with some age and some meat on them.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2000