take stee's surveygreenspun.com : LUSENET : Squishy : One Thread |
Do you want to answer Stee's survey? All of the questions are below. You can cut and paste, or you can just number and answer.1.Would you rather look gorgeous and be retarded, or look retarded and be a genius?
2.If you could bitchslap one actor/actress, who would it be?
3.If you could bitchslap one musician, who would it be?
4.If you could bitchslap one relative, who would it be?
5.If you had to make-out with one relative, who would it be?
6.You see a spider on your wall, what do you do?
7.Washing your privates in the shower: the lean or the fast hand-o-water transfer?
8.David Blaine or David Copperfield?
9.You need to do laundry desperately, do you wear dirty underwear or no underwear?
10.Julia Roberts: growing more and more beautiful, or more and more odd-looking?
11.Favorite cussword / phrase?
12.Letterman or Leno?
13.Scientologists: quietly creepy or totally wacko?
14.Siegfried or Roy?
15.What do you desire sexually that youre too embarrassed to ever request?
16.Maria Conchita Alonso or Rae Dawn Chong?
17.Gayest cartoon character: Mickey Mouse or Christopher Robin?
18.Youre depressed: do you drink, cover your pain with humor, or take it out on the person closest to you?
19.Favorite Sutherland: Kiefer or Donald?
20.Favorite Corey: Haim, Feldman, or Hart?
21.Mary-Kate or Ashley?
22.Do you spend a lot of time surfing the Net because youre scared of people, or because people are scared of you?
23.What do you sing instead of "pompatus of love" in Steve Millers "The Joker"?
24.Best bets in a "death pool" (pick 3): Andy Dick, Robert Downey Jr., Nell Carter, ex-Pogue Shane McGowan, Ronald Reagan, rock group Hanson, Salman Rushdie, Bob Hope, John Popper, Scott Weiland, Mr. T, golfer John Daly, or that girl from Blossom?
25.Its 4pm, your husband calls from work to say hes bringing his boss over for dinner! What do you prepare?
26.Is a dart board really such a bad wedding gift?
27.Your ass or your elbow?
28.Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman?
29.Will Billy Idol ever make a successful comeback?
30.Lets just say youre walking home drunk very late from a bar in Madison, Wisconsin last week and you see a hundred dollar bill on the ground so you pick it up. A minute later, a very anxious-looking hippie comes by, searching all over the street for something, muttering about "not being able to pay rent". Are you like totally going to hell if you kept the money, planning to spend it at a titty bar in Vegas this weekend?
Have fun.
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
Sure, I'll bite.1. What if I'm neither? 2. bitchslap? interesting word that. I dunno, The Olsen Twins. 3. Alanis Morrisette. Learn to sing, dammit! Oh, and Sugar Ray - learn how to program that freaking drum machine. 4. None of my relatives require a good bitchslap. Consider it diverted to the second choice in #3. 5. Yeeesh! 6. I capture it in a kleenex and release it outside. 7. That sounds more like rinsing, actually. 8. First off, neither. Second, whodaheck is David Blaine? 9. I do the laundry. 10. All of the above. 11. Besides the ubiquitous "Fuck!"? Scmuck, putz, miserable rat bastard, twit, the list goes on and on... 12. Mike Bullard. 13. I haven't the foggiest notion of what they believe. 14. I'll Canadianize that: Wayne or Shuster? Wayne. 15. I'll have to think about that one. Where's my duct tape? 16. Both? 17. Casper. 18. I'm never depressed. 19. Donald. 20. Corey Reay. An actor in my high school who was quite humourous. 21. See #2. 22. How would my surfing the net affect those scared of me? 23. Gangster of love. 24. Ronald Reagan, rock group Hanson, Bob Hope 25. We'd take my wifes boss to McDonalds and order him a happy meal, then leave him in the ballroom. 26. Works for me! 27. I wonder what context this is being asked in? 28. What the fuck is a Wu Tang? 29. Billy Idol is passi?!? 30. What the fuck am I doing in Madison, Wisconsin?
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
Why do I love surveys so much?1. Look retarded and be a genius. Then I could invent something, and use the profit of said invention for surgery to look less retarded.
2. Jennifer Love Hewitt, definitely. Nobody should be allowed to be that damn perky.
3. Shania Twain. Put some clothes on! I thought you were a singer, not a stripper! Most of the men I know probably don't even know she sings, and I don't even like her voice.
4. My sister in law. Oooh, she burns my ass up.
5. My brother in law. Woohoo! What a hottie!
6. Scream for someone to take it outside. If no one is there to rescue me, then it must die. I hate it, but really I have no other choice but to kill, kill, kill, before it kills me.
7. Both, the lean and transfer. I dream to have a removeable shower massager thingy one day. I hear it's a girl's best friend.
8. David Blaine! I love him! Although sometimes I worry that he's really the Devil, trying to get us all interested in his neat little tricks and levitation and stuff, then WAMMO! World Domination.
9. No underwear. Dirty underwear in the a.m. means double dirty in the p.m. And what if I was in an accident? My mother would die of shame.
10. Sometimes she's beautiful, sometimes she looks just like a fish. I like her though. A monkey peed down her neck once and she didn't get mad. She just laughed her cute laugh, and I knew she had to be pretty cool.
11. Holy Shit!
12. Letterman
13. I know no Scientologists. They all seem to be celebrities, and I try not to run with that crowd.
14. The cats.
15. Well, it involves popsicles...
16. I honestly have no opinion on either woman, so I can't possibly choose.
17. Mickey Mouse. I loved Christopher Robin.
18. Cover my pain with humor.
19. Keifer, I suppose, bnut probably just because he is closer to my age.
20. Hart. What's not to love about a guy who wears sunglasses at night? It's such a brave thing to do - think of the risk involved!
21. UG! NEITHER!
22. Not scared of people, but definitely interested in them.
23. I'm a Pop-A-Tart of love!
24. Gotta go with the sure thing - Bob Hope. Robert Downey Jr. gets an honorable mention though.
25. I prepare my husband for a week of no sex! Kidding - I'd just throw on some spaghetti. Always pleases in a pinch. Martha Stewart would probably have me shot, but I don't have time to go pick vegetables out of my non-existant garden, so fuck off Martha!
26. Hooray for dart boards!
27. Depends what you want to use it for.
28. Uh, that guy who made an ass of himself at the Mtv awards?
29. Billy Idol is not aging well enough to make a comeback, but more power to him if he does!
30. I would be SO tempted to keep the money, but if the only other option was to blow it at a titty bar, I'd probably just give it back to the hippie. If I want to see titties, I can flash myself in the mirror for free.
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
Oh, cool, I can answer this here, and then next time I'm too tired to do a journal entry, I'll just swipe this and post it again.1. Look gorgeous and be retarded. Just once. I was such a dumb looking kid that people thought I was retarded, so I'd like to see how it would have been the other way around.
2. Brooke Shields. Oh, wait, I forgot John Lithgow. And then there's Calista Flockhart. Damn, I only get one?
3. Juliana Hatfield. Longstanding secret desire.
4. Oh, probably my sister, but I could really do that (if I didn't mind getting my ass whupped) so it isn't much of a fantasy.
5. One of my adopted cousins. There are several, but not one straight male, so I'd either be making out with a straight female or a gay male. Either way, that's less icky than kissing your brother.
6. Uh, I guess I say, "Hey, look, there's a spider on the wall. And there's another one. And look, there are four more over there." We have a lot of spiders.
7. The lean. The hand thing never even occurred to me.
8. I don't know who the first one is, but I'll pick him because I hate David Copperfield and I don't want whatsername to kick my ass.
9. Dirty underwear.
10. She's always been odd looking and she just gets odder.
11. Motherfucker. A word for all occasions.
12. Neither. I'm in bed by then.
13. Totally wacko.
14. I'm with Ms. E -- I'll take my chances with the tigers.
15. If I'm too embarrassed to request it in bed, you think I'm going to mention it here?
16. Rae Dawn married Ponyboy, so I'll go with her.
17. Christopher R., for sure.
18. Number two, with occasional forays into one and three.
19. Kiefer. "Suck my fat one, you cheap dimestore hood." Oh, wait, he didn't say that. Still, I pick him.
20. Hart. My new sunglasses are so cool I've been wearing them inside, at night, and singing that song.
21. I don't think they're actually twins; I think one is a hologram. So I have no answer to this question, since I don't know which one is the real one.
22. Both.
23. I had no idea those were the words. I don't know what I sing there.
24. Is a "death pool" where you guess who'll die first? Oh, that's easy. Shane McGowan, Ronald Reagan, and Andy Dick. Bob Hope will never die, but Shane is going to die of cirhossis or throat cancer any minute now, Reagan may already be dead for all we know, and Andy Dick is clearly due to hang himself at any time.
25. A loaded rifle, if he actually thinks I'm going to cook something.
26. Absolutely not.
27. My elbow.
28. Huh?
29. Didn't he already do that once? He'll be playing county fairs by 2005.
30. A titty bar in Vegas would *be* hell. So yeah, I guess so.
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
- Good-looking retard. I do know that it's mean streets if you're retard that looks like a genius, that's all I have to say on that.
- I hate that guy that played Gary on thirtysomething. What was wrong with him that he left Melissa?
- Has anyone else noticed that Billy Joel is Evil? Has anyone else gotten so successful making inferior rip-offs? I just remember noticing how his big hit, We Didn't Start The Fire, was pirating the success of REM's It's The End Of The World As We Know It. He pisses me off.
- As a grown up, who provides for himself, I have no real urge to bitchslap any relatives.
- I was one of those babies that would swat away any affectionate attention. The idea of making out with any of my relatives is homogenously icky.
- Spiders are our bug-eating friends.
- Lather, rinse, repeat.
- Penn and Teller?
- This is true: I have a months worth of underwear. As you can guess, if I need to do laundry desperately, I go out and buy new underwear.
- Everyone looks odder after leaving Lyle Lovett.
- Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
- Letterman.
- Everyone is equally wacko.
- Roy. When in doubt, pick the shorter name.
- A girl.
- If she still has the suit from Running Man, Alonso.
- Mickey. There's no way Christopher Robin is Fucking Goofy.
- Depressed: I post to Pamie's Forum.
- Donald. There's no way Keifer could be in the Dirty Dozen.
- How cruel do you have to be to name your son Corey. Hart.
- Mary-Kate.
- I surf the net for porn.
- What makes you think I'm singing Steve Miller, Space Cowboy?
- Ronald Reagan, Bob Hope, Robert Downey Jr.
- Pasta, with maybe chicken or maybe clam sauce.
- I'm more of a ping pong person than darts.
- The elbow is rather a low maintenance part of the body. No one brings reading material to wait for your elbow to do anything.
- Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman? If only there were just one...
- Oh, doesn't that man have enough of my money?
- How about a compromise: offer to buy him a lap dance.
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
1. Look retarded and be a genius. Unless you're talking REALLY REALLY retarded here. Cuz I'm already "not all that" and I've gotten pretty far in life and am pretty comfy in that knowledge... but if you're talking about like... uhhh REALLY retardedly, disgusting, unkept, smelly and such - smarts aren't going to help. I'd have to go with gorgeous in that case.2. Actor: Keanu Reeves. (Just cuz he didn't know how to act BEFORE The Matrix... and the only reason he LOOKS like he's doing a good job in it is because he plays the "Strong, SILENT type." "Hey Keanu, you really can act if you don't SAY anything!"
Actress? Umm... hrm. Courtney Cox. The stupid bitch broke up with Adam from Counting Crows for the 1-800-CALLATT dork?! What a fuckin' loser!3. I gotta go with Pamie on this one.
4. My Father-in-Law. Not my mother-in-law's husband (That's my STEP-Father-in-Law) but my Father-in-Law. He's just such an ASSHOLE!
5. I have to follow someone's lead on this and go with Brother-in-law. There's no blood relation there - so the EWW factor is gone. He's not THAT hot, but he is kinda cute. (=
6. Pray that it doesn't come down to the desk, then go back to whatever I was doing. I can't kill 'em unless they charge me. (Or are in the tub - I gotta SHOWER, man!)
7. Both. (=
8. Blaine. I don't even know who David Blaine is, but I really can't stand Copperfield. Like Really A LOT, I can't stand him. (=
9. So I go without underwear half the time anyway, I'm gonna have to say go without. Wearing dirty is gross.
10. I always thought she was a cross between the two anyway. Sometimes I see her and she looks absolutely gorgeous, other times she looks very ick.
11. Cussword: "Fuck" Phrase? Umm... "Fuck-o-rama", I guess. I'm stumped.
12.Letterman
13.Scientologists: Both. (=
14.Siegfried or Roy? Neither. Those are the people that do circus stuff, right? I *hate* circuses. And Zoos. And anything that cages an animal. I'm a dork - sue me.
15.If I'm too embarrassed to request it of my husband, don't you think I'd be a LIL' too embarrassed to mention it here. :P
16.Again, I don't know who the Maria chic is, but I really can't stand Rae Dawn Chong, so Ms. Alfonso, you win by default.
17. Mickey.
18.Youre depressed: I just cry a lot.
19.Favorite Sutherland: Donald
20.Favorite Corey: Haim
21.Mary-Kate or Ashley? Kill them both.
22.Prolly a lil' bit of both.
(Can you tell I'm not a GREAT decision maker!)
23.I didn'st sing anything.
24. Andy Dick, Robert Downey Jr, and Scott Weiland.
25.Its 4pm, your husband calls from work to say hes bringing his boss over for dinner! What do you prepare? The kitchen for him to cook. He *knows* I don't cook. Or I'd order out.
26.No.
27.My elbow. I don't know why, it just seems safer that way.
28.Refer to the Mary Kate/Ashley question. (= 29.Sadly, no.
30. So how bad WERE the titties, Stee? (=
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
Didn't mean to imply by my answer to 17 that homosexuals are insane. Especially in a forum entertaining the idea of inter-species lust between anthropomorphic cartoon animals.
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
Okay, well, I was like, okay, there's my entry for the day...And then I realised that it was in the forum.
I feel stupid.
http://www.angelfire.com/oh2/confused
Click on today's entry. Ta da! Hey, I win for the shortest answer....
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
- retarded looking and a genius, my gut says. of course, my face is currently engaged in beating up my gut, so maybe the other.
- jennifer love hewitt. she just pisses me off.
- hanson. no, the backstreet boys. no, wait, 98 degrees. no, it's got to be n sync. i can't make up my mind! all of them!
- i dunno. maybe my mom's brother's annoying 16 year old.
- no comment.
- call my boyfriend. who'd take it outside and let it go. if he's unavailable, i squoosh it. flat.
- what?
- blaine.
- none at all, or my boyfriend's boxers.
- weird. weird cheekbones.
- fuck. lots of uses!
- leno
- scientologists are totally wacko and the one i knew in high school was a bitch, to boot.
- both, silly!
- um. i plead the fifth.
- maria conchita alonso
- mickey mouse
- drink and pick on my boyfriend
- kiefer
- feldman
- kill both those scary scary little girls
- because i'm scared of people
- um. i don't generally sing that song.
- downey jr, reagan, and bob hope
- chinese take out
- yes. it is.
- my boyfriend votes that he likes my ass better
- all of them.
- hell, no. idol has no comeback ability whatsoever.
- you're going to hell. but what the fuck were you doing in madison in the first place?
-- Anonymous, September 21, 1999
1. Look retarded and be a genius. If it worked for Einstein, it'll work for me. Besides because I would describe him more as "eccentric" due to the greatness of his brain!2. Sarah Michelle Gellar - What's up with her on SNL being cast as a LITTLE LEAGUE PARENT in one of the skits (very unfunny one too)?? She looks like a little kid left out of the game and forced to sit on the bleachers. And the fake smiles on the Maybelleine commercials. ewww.
3. Mariah Carey -- sure she has a great voice, but does she need to be any bitchier? Diva, I think not.
4. Hah... My sister - She moved back to ND from Cali to move in with a bf. She has to pay $200 more for rent with him and she's taken a big pay cut from what she could have been making out there. Plus, this guy has been known to get violent. I hope she gets out of there soon. (And yes, I've told her my opinions)
5. Mmmm... Second cousin. The only boy cousin of my generation and he's a hottie. Yummm.
6. I've got a 21 month old son who gets bites occassionally - Where's the shoe?
7. Combo of both
8. Never David Copperfield, so Blaine it is.
9. Stop in at Victoria's Secret that morning! I'm known to have tons of undies, so in reality I'll never run out. But none if I ever did!
10. For some reason I'm a fan of hers, so oddly beautiful more and more over the years.
11. Hmmm... for fear of repeatition by the aforementioned toddler, I don't think I've truly swore in awhile. I'm sure I'll hear the most foul of the foul words *g* when he learns how to say "truck" in toddler-ese.
12. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
13. What can I say when Tom and Nicole had to have a sex/marriage counselor brought into the set of "Eyes Wide Shut" to show them just what they needed to do for the movie.
14. I'm with Ms E. and XeneyBeth here - I'll take my chances with the tigers.
15. Even my hubby doesn't know!
16. Who?
17. Mickey for sure. Christopher Robin is the best!
18. Cover the pain with humor. Weak humor at that. Too often I'm too busy to even act depressed though.
19. Donald in MASH gave me the creeps, so it would have to be Keifer.
20. I'm a little young for Hart, but had the biggest crush on Haim as a 11-12 year old gal. Lots of pages of BOP added to the decor of my room. Not an age I'd like to relive as New Kids on the Block were famous then too...
21. Never. They're the twins from the Shining I swear only 100x more scary.
22. I'm not that easily scared by folks and I KNOW I'm not scary, so neither I guess. I surf the web because I have no other life at the moment.
23. I've heard of the Steve Miller Band, but don't know the song. Loser that I am.
24. Mr. T, Andy Dick, and Hansen... No reason.
25. He'd never do such a thing. I've never even met his boss!
26. Nah not at all. I love darts though I suck at it.
27. Elbow I guess.
28. Uh... beats me.
29. Never I think. But my opinion doesn't count for much.
30. Yep.. either way it's hell if you do or don't go to Vegas.
-- Anonymous, September 22, 1999
1.Would you rather look gorgeous and be retarded, or look retarded and be a genius?Well, I'd be happy if I were retarded and good looking. But if I were a genius and retarded, I could probably afford some surgery.
2.If you could bitchslap one actor/actress, who would it be?
Line up the cast from any soap opera, daytime or night time.
3.If you could bitchslap one musician, who would it be?
Lately, it would be Kid Rock. Eddie Van Halen would be a close second after the Dave comeback fiasco of 1997.
4.If you could bitchslap one relative, who would it be?
Could it be a friend of the family? Huh? Please?
5.If you had to make-out with one relative, who would it be?
Could it be a friend of the family? Huh? Please?
6.You see a spider on your wall, what do you do?
Take notice and return to watching reruns of the Simpsons.
7.Washing your privates in the shower: the lean or the fast hand-o-water transfer?
I don't get this question, either. Who comes up with this shit?
8.David Blaine or David Copperfield?
Michael Milken.
9.You need to do laundry desperately, do you wear dirty underwear or no underwear?
No underwear. Or something of my wife's. Maybe something high cut, to show a little leg.
10.Julia Roberts: growing more and more beautiful, or more and more odd-looking?
Freak.
11.Favorite cussword / phrase?
Cussword: Fuck. Phrase: Son of a mother fucking bitch ass stupid whore. (usually uttered after hammer meets finger)
12.Letterman or Leno?
Letterman
13.Scientologists: quietly creepy or totally wacko?
Totally creepy.
14.Siegfried or Roy?
The cats on the day they rebel and eat them.
15.What do you desire sexually that youre too embarrassed to ever request?
Hmmm... I think I've got the bases covered here.
16.Maria Conchita Alonso or Rae Dawn Chong?
I must be getting old. Who?
17.Gayest cartoon character: Mickey Mouse or Christopher Robin?
Bullwinkle.
18.Youre depressed: do you drink, cover your pain with humor, or take it out on the person closest to you?
Beer and sarcasm.
19.Favorite Sutherland: Kiefer or Donald?
Kiefer.
20.Favorite Corey: Haim, Feldman, or Hart?
I'm going with Glover, too.
21.Mary-Kate or Ashley?
With Sigfield and Roy when the cats eat them.
22.Do you spend a lot of time surfing the Net because youre scared of people, or because people are scared of you?
Because I'm all that and a bag of chips.
23.What do you sing instead of "pompatus of love" in Steve Millers "The Joker"?
Pompay.
24.Best bets in a "death pool" (pick 3): Andy Dick, Robert Downey Jr., Nell Carter, ex-Pogue Shane McGowan, Ronald Reagan, rock group Hanson, Salman Rushdie, Bob Hope, John Popper, Scott Weiland, Mr. T, golfer John Daly, or that girl from Blossom?
Hope, Dick, Weiland.
Reagan would make it, but with the secrecy surrounding him, he could have kicked already and they're still walking hims mumified remains around.
25.Its 4pm, your husband calls from work to say hes bringing his boss over for dinner! What do you prepare?
I'm the husband.
26.Is a dart board really such a bad wedding gift?
Of course not. It came with two sets of 21 weights, right?
27.Your ass or your elbow?
My ass.
28.Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman?
Doesn't it only come in Orange flavor?
29.Will Billy Idol ever make a successful comeback?
Hasn't he?
30.Lets just say youre walking home drunk very late from a bar in Madison, Wisconsin last week and you see a hundred dollar bill on the ground so you pick it up. A minute later, a very anxious-looking hippie comes by, searching all over the street for something, muttering about "not being able to pay rent". Are you like totally going to hell if you kept the money, planning to spend it at a titty bar in Vegas this weekend?
I want my $100 back, bucko.
-- Anonymous, September 22, 1999
1.Would you rather look gorgeous and be retarded, or look retarded and be a genius?Growing up, I experienced the inverse looks-to-brains ratio which meant that while I did very well academically, I was awkward, gangly and quite unattractive. I'd like to be gorgeous for just one day.
2.If you could bitchslap one actor/actress, who would it be?
Just one? I'll pick Jennifer Love Hewitt because she has annoyed me most recently
3.If you could bitchslap one musician, who would it be?
Brittney Spears. No question about it.
4.If you could bitchslap one relative, who would it be?
I think I'm the one that everyone wants to bitchslap, so I'd have to just defend myself.
5.If you had to make-out with one relative, who would it be?
Hmm . . . Probably my cousin Ian. He's a real cutie.
6.You see a spider on your wall, what do you do?
Pick it up and throw it outside.
7.Washing your privates in the shower: the lean or the fast hand-o- water transfer?
The hand-o-water transfer.
8.David Blaine or David Copperfield?
How 'bout David Hyde Pierce?
9.You need to do laundry desperately, do you wear dirty underwear or no underwear?
Sans panties, I must admit. Although I have been known to purchase underwear solely for the purpose of avoiding doing laundry.
10.Julia Roberts: growing more and more beautiful, or more and more odd-looking?
Odd looking, but it gives me hope that odd looking people can get dates. :)
11.Favorite cussword / phrase?
I use dammit a lot, but I really like motherfucker.
12.Letterman or Leno?
Neither. I am in bed by then.
13.Scientologists: quietly creepy or totally wacko?
Totally wacko.
14.Siegfried or Roy?
eeeeeeeeewwww.
15.What do you desire sexually that youre too embarrassed to ever request?
I usually pretty straightforward when it comes to sex, but I just got this new four poster bed that I've been wanting a certain someone to tie me up to, but I've been too hesitant to ask yet.
16.Maria Conchita Alonso or Rae Dawn Chong?
I may need a pop-culture refresher course. I have no idea.
17.Gayest cartoon character: Mickey Mouse or Christopher Robin?
Mickey Mouse.
18.Youre depressed: do you drink, cover your pain with humor, or take it out on the person closest to you?
Cover the pain with humor. If that doesn't work, I collapse in a sobbing pile on the floor for a while and then try to get on with my life.
19.Favorite Sutherland: Kiefer or Donald?
Keifer.
20.Favorite Corey: Haim, Feldman, or Hart?
Feldman.
21.Mary-Kate or Ashley?
They both annoying.
22.Do you spend a lot of time surfing the Net because youre scared of people, or because people are scared of you?
I spend a lot of time surfing the web because I am woefully underemployed and use about 2% of my brain function at work. Surfing the web helps me pass the time. It also makes me look like I'm being productive. heh.
23.What do you sing instead of "pompatus of love" in Steve Millers "The Joker"?
I think I sing something like "blah blerky blah"
24.Best bets in a "death pool" (pick 3): Andy Dick, Robert Downey Jr., Nell Carter, ex-Pogue Shane McGowan, Ronald Reagan, rock group Hanson, Salman Rushdie, Bob Hope, John Popper, Scott Weiland, Mr. T, golfer John Daly, or that girl from Blossom?
Robert Downey Jr., Ronald Regan and Mr. T. Seeing those names together is a little surreal.
25.Its 4pm, your husband calls from work to say hes bringing his boss over for dinner! What do you prepare?
Well, depending on my mood I would either tell him to fuck off, or make a roast chicken with stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy. I like to cook, especially if I think other people will enjoy it (cooking for myself is boring and I usually end up grabbing a can of soup or something to heat-n-eat) but only when I'm not feeling especially lazy.
26.Is a dart board really such a bad wedding gift?
Actually, if I had gotten a dart board as a wedding gift, I would have definitely fought for it in the divorce. Especially if it was electronic.
27.Your ass or your elbow?
My navel.
28.Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman?
Vivian Wu.
29.Will Billy Idol ever make a successful comeback?
Well, I just saw the Tom Tom Club perform, and they only had one really popular song. If they can do it, I'm sure Billy can. He had to have had at least 3 really popular songs.
30.Lets just say youre walking home drunk very late from a bar in Madison, Wisconsin last week and you see a hundred dollar bill on the ground so you pick it up. A minute later, a very anxious-looking hippie comes by, searching all over the street for something, muttering about "not being able to pay rent". Are you like totally going to hell if you kept the money, planning to spend it at a titty bar in Vegas this weekend?
I'm keeping the money, treating myself to a massage or a day spa or something decadent like that (forget Vegas) and going to hell.
-- Anonymous, September 22, 1999
1. Um...I'll stick with average all round. 2. The woman from The Nanny. Shut the hell up already! 3. Oh, all of the boy-band ilk. Every last one of 'em. And Brittney Spears. 4. Ummm...my dad. 5. EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! 6. Isn't that what boyfriends are for? I though spider-disposing was in the job description. 7. Oh, both. 8. I hate TV magicians. Hate them blindly and irrationally. I don't know why. 9. I always have a spare pair! 10. She's just weird-looking. Pamie's right, she's a big ol' scary skull-head. 11. "Oh, for fuck's sake." 12. Letterman! Leno's chin frightens me. 13. Seriously creepy. 14. I'd rather have the tiger. 15. Toe-nibbling! After I've washed them, of course. 16. Who? 17. Mickey. I have always been sure that Minnie is actually just Mickey in drag. 18. Yup. 19. Keifer. The Lost Boys and all, you know. 20. When I was 13 I loooooooooved Corey Hart. Posters all over my walls, the whole thing. Now I just wonder how he could sing while doing that weird lip-curl. 21. Can I knock their nasty little heads together? 22. A little from column A, a little from column B... 23. That song gives me a rash. I know everyone else loves it, but it makes my teeth ache. 24. Scott Weiland, Ronald Reagan, Robert Downey Jr. 25. Ha! I tell him he'd better pick up some takeout on the way home! 26. I'm getting married next month! A dartboard would be lovely! 27. My elbow. 28. ODB makes me giggle. 29. Nah. Give him an A for effort though, he tried awfully hard. 30. Give it back. You can't get to Vegas on $100, anyway.
-- Anonymous, September 22, 1999
1.Would you rather look gorgeous and be retarded, or look retarded and be a genius? What do you mean would you rather..I am gorgeous and retarded. Why? Im gorgeous because my wife tells me I am and what you lot think is irrelevant. Retarded, because I believe my wife.!!2.If you could bitchslap one actor/actress, who would it be? Actor: Kevin Costner, nobody should make films that are 3 hrs and then some longunless its the Seven Samurai Actress: Gwyneth Paltrow
3.If you could bitchslap one musician, who would it be? Kenny G. He is so Freeeeeeeeeckin crap it is untrue.!!
4.If you could bitchslap one relative, who would it be? My eldest sister, she needs more than a slap, really good kickin' with eighteen hole docks would probably suffice.
5.If you had to make-out with one relative, who would it be? Dont know enough of my relatives to know, but it would probably have to be the good looking one, it would be a relationship just a shag, and if it gonna be a shag then she ought to be gorgeous at least.
6.You see a spider on your wall, what do you do? Run away, spiders are living proof there is no God!! What kind of sick individual would create a creature with that many eyes and legs. Bloody unnatural.
7.Washing your privates in the shower: the lean or the fast hand-o- water transfer? Not entirely sure what this, but if Im hazarding my guess in the right direction it would probably be the fast hand-o-water.
8.David Blaine or David Copperfield? Copperfield, he did/does after all date that supermodel.!!!!
9.You need to do laundry desperately, do you wear dirty underwear or no underwear? Definitely no underwear..commando style (where in gods name does that come from) is derigure!!
10.Julia Roberts: growing more and more beautiful, or more and more odd-looking? Never was good looking in the first place, what kind of good looking actress gets someone better looking to be her arse stand in???
11.Favorite cussword / phrase? Word: Im not entirely sure Americans appreciate this word, especially the ladies, but we British use it all the time. Quite casually actually. C**T!! Phrase: Why dont you suck my purple headed womb spoon you scrofulitic whore!! (scream @ men or women). The alternative is any phrase that uses the words , fuck, c**t, scrofula and whore.
12.Letterman or Leno? Letterman, who wants to look @ a chin the size of Africa!!
13.Scientologists: quietly creepy or totally wacko? Totally Wacko, and having movie stars as your biggest supporters only increases the wackiness exponentially. Who do they think they are????
14.Siegfried or Roy? Who, what, when, where, and more importantly, WHY!!!
15.What do you desire sexually that youre too embarrassed to ever request? Ladies, ever wanted your armpits licked??? I can understand Pammies needs, I love to lick to pit type places. Imagine trying to ask a girl if you can, but asking if she uses deodorant because if she does you cant. Not very easy!!!
16.Maria Conchita Alonso or Rae Dawn Chong? Who, what, when, where, and more importantly, WHY!!!
17.Gayest cartoon character: Mickey Mouse or Christopher Robin? Christoper Robin, although again Ill have to agree with Pammie on Sylvester. Daffy comes in a pretty close second though.
18.Youre depressed: do you drink, cover your pain with humor, or take it out on the person closest to you? Depressed, youre in the greatest country in the world (tongue in cheek right now), how could you possibly be depressed?? Besides getting drunk is a pleasure, humor is a way of making us able and capable beings feel good about those less able than us. Were all kids @ heart and we all know what little bastards kids are.!!!
19.Favorite Sutherland: Kiefer or Donald? Big Don, the guy is a freakin hero. Just watch any of his films, hes almost as good as Sean.
20.Favorite Corey: Haim, Feldman, or Hart? Remind me who these people are, are any of the famous enough for guys to know?? Or are they just cute kids for the girls to look @.
21.Mary-Kate or Ashley? Both, @ the same time???? (OH behave)
22.Do you spend a lot of time surfing the Net because youre scared of people, or because people are scared of you? I spend a lot of time surfing the net because Im a poor misguided fool, devoid of friends and friendship..puuurrrrleeeeaaasssseee somebody love me..other than my wife!!!!!!
23.What do you sing instead of "pompatus of love" in Steve Millers "The Joker"?
24.Best bets in a "death pool" (pick 3): Andy Dick, Robert Downey Jr., Nell Carter, ex-Pogue Shane McGowan, Ronald Reagan, rock group Hanson, Salman Rushdie, Bob Hope, John Popper, Scott Weiland, Mr. T, golfer John Daly, or that girl from Blossom? Salman Rushdie. Guaranteed to pop his clogs pretty soon, although top marks to him for writing one book which managed to piss off the entire Arabic world. The guy must have balls the size of asteroids.
25.Its 4pm, your husband calls from work to say hes bringing his boss over for dinner! What do you prepare? Cant I have a wife instead, husbands are shitty. Personally Id cook some fancy dinner, perhaps blackened catfish with palm hearts, on a bed of spinach. Then when the boss left Id put his nuts in a blender.
26.Is a dart board really such a bad wedding gift? Dart board bad gift, no way. It can be used in so many versatile ways. Use it for darts, a handy side table if you place it on a pile of books, could even be a giant paper towel. Use it to predict lottery #. And women think that men have no imagination.
27.Your ass or your elbow? To do what with???
28.Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman? Connor McCleod
29.Will Billy Idol ever make a successful comeback? Did Billy ever fade away!!!!!!!
30.Lets just say youre walking home drunk very late from a bar in Madison, Wisconsin last week and you see a hundred dollar bill on the ground so you pick it up. A minute later, a very anxious-looking hippie comes by, searching all over the street for something, muttering about "not being able to pay rent". Are you like totally going to hell if you kept the money, planning to spend it at a titty bar in Vegas this weekend? Hell no, damned tree hugging hippies should have greenbacks anyways. Just think of the mindless slaughter of those trees, just so he can pay the rent on his teepee, which hes probably squatting anyhow. He was probably just saying that so that you wouldnt think that hed just lost the $100 that he was gonna use to buy his weed with. DAMN TREE HUGGING HIPPIES.
-- Anonymous, September 22, 1999
1. Look retarded, be a genius. 2. Actor: Steven Segall Actress: toss up between Julia Roberts and Michelle Pfeiffer 3. Wagner 4. Uncle Junior 5. Ewww. Stee didn't answer it, why should I? 6. If it's in a web, I let it be. If its crawling along, I goosh it. 7. Both. One can't be too careful about the privates. 8. Magic Man, David Blaine. 9. dirty, then none. 10. Odd. 11. Son-of-a-BITCH! 12. Letterman. 13. Scientologists: quietly creepy or totally wacko? Both. 14. Siegfried or Roy? What's the difference? 15. Balinese face job. 16. Maria Conchita Alonso or Rae Dawn Chong? Maria. 17. Gayest cartoon character: Mickey Mouse or Christopher Robin? The Mouse. 18. That middle one. 19. Donald (must be a guy thing). 20. Favorite Corey: Haim, Feldman, or Hart? Haim, though Feldman is making some fine T&A flicks lately. 21. Mary-Kate or Ashley? Oh god no. 22. Scared of people. 23. Hippopotamus nub. 24. Nell Carter, Ronald Reagan, Bob Hope 25. Stove top stuffing (instead of potatoes). 26. Is a dart board really such a bad wedding gift? No. 27. Your ass or your elbow? I can't tell the difference sometimes. 28. Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman? ODB. 29. Will Billy Idol ever make a successful comeback? Nope, but that's okay. 30. Yeah, but that's okay.
-- Anonymous, September 22, 1999