What do you think Taylor needs? Have you been in this situation? What did you end up doing?

Does anyone speak kitty?

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

Answers

Oh yeah, I've been in this same situation three times. We always had two cats, usually by accident -- cats would just sort of find us and adopt us. When one died, the other was sad and lonely, of course, and grieved. After my first cat died and the other cat (Deacon) had been grieving for a while, we adopted the neighbor's cat -- he was moving and couldn't keep her. She wasn't the same as the first cat, her personality was very different, and she and Deacon had a few spats and didn't like each other too much at first. But they got over it very quickly. When Deacon died a few years later, we got a kitten after what seemed to be a reasonable time -- all of us, Ying included 9hey, I didn't name her...) needed to grieve. But we figured this time that a second cat would help. Ying and Felix had their battles, but they became the best of friends. Ying died a few years ago, she got cancer. My mom never got a second cat -- she has a very old cocker spaniel, and the dog and Felix are best friends. My brother and his wife live in the same apartment building, right next door, and their two cats visit Felix and play with him. A new cat doesn't replace the one that died, but it does help to have a new friend to get to know. Felix misses Ying still, I think. But he likes having other animals to play with. It sounds like Taylor would like a new friend too -- they'd fight at first, of course, but once they got past the territorial thing, they'd be fine. And it's not like he'd forget Lillith.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

I went through the same sort of situation with my cat, Hairball. I found him when he was a small hairball of a kitten, then got a pair of kittens a couple of years later to keep him company. He liked/hated them. One of them became roadkill about a year and a half later, then the other (the one Hairball tolerated) got killed a year later. Hairball went from being very reclusive to vocal and affectionate, kinda like Taylor is doing. Hairball seems to like his single cat status now and becomes a vicious prick anytime he smells another cat on me. I'd wait a while before you get another cat - Taylor won't be too happy with some new cat in *his* house initially, and might not ever accept it. Question: Are you and Eric ready for another cat?

Good Luck!!

BTW - I still hear my guys mew every once in a while too.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

I had to put a cat to sleep about three years ago; she had an abnormally shaped bladder, and two years of medication and surgery didn't make her better. The day I put her down, my Vet told me that even though it was the last thing on my mind, my surviving cat was going to have a hard time losing his companion and I should really think about adopting another cat. He told me to watch Silas for signs of depression. Sure enough, Silas got depressed, he alternated between lethargy and neediness. It took me a couple of months of looking before I found a kitten I wanted to adopt. Silas was pretty pissed off (territorial) at first, but he wasn't depressed anymore. Hep loved Silas from the beginning, but it took Silas about two months to completely stop hissing at Hep.

It's been three years and Silas adores Hep, his new companion. I'm really glad I got another cat. For me and for Silas.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

I personally think that a new kitty would be perfect for Taylor. I mean, yeah, it's going to take some getting used to on Taylor's part, but out of all the stories I've heard and experiences I've had, cats get used to each other pretty well.

Okay, so cats have personalities beyond belief, but I honestly don't believe that any cat really has the feeling of being replaced. I think that's more of an emotion expressed by us as siblings - I don't really think cats can rationalize the replacement factor. If anything, it'll be someone new to pounce on after he gets used to the smell of the other cat.

Yeah, the new kitty won't be and could never take the place of Lillith. But it's a new addition to the family, someone new to play with for yourself and for Taylor, and Taylor would probably be too preoccupied with the new kitty to mew lonely cries at you for quite some time.

Now, the downside - even if the new kitty didn't work out - that there's been a lot of time that's passed since you've gotten him/her - and there's no chance in hell that Taylor's going to accept him - there's no way to work it out, there's nothing more you can do - there is always someone or some family that would be more than happy to take in a kitty given to a good home.

I doubt this would happen though. I've gone through this myself with my dad's two cats. Sure, it took some getting used to, and they still fight twice a year or so because one got in the other's way, (this is over a 10 year period), but they would be crushed if they didn't have each other. Everybody needs somebody - Taylor, too. He is definitely no exception to the rule.

No kitty can replace Lillith, but a new friend just might keep him from being so incredibly lonely. You never know until you try.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

If you never adopted another kitty, Taylor would eventually adjust to his only-cat status. But if you do get another one, you'll be giving a home to an animal that really needs one, and Taylor would adapt. He's used to having a companion, so I think he's a good candidate for a new buddy.

Be prepared for several weeks of hissing and hostility -- they always seem to do that. It doesn't mean they won't become friends, but it can be rough to live with in the meantime. A cat around one year old is young enough to be adaptable and less threatening to Taylor, but old enough not to be so much work for you! A kitten can about kill you, as adorable as they are. Also, cats past the kitten stage are much harder to find homes for, so you'd be doing a young adult a real favor by giving it a good home.

My parents' cats were sisters, and had always been together. When one disappeared, they adopted a new kitten. As far as the kitten was concerned the older cat was Mommy. As far as the older cat was concerned, the kitten was the anti-christ. The kitten got swatted around a lot when she tried to sleep with the older cat, but it never seemed to bother her and now they're good friends. They wrestle and wash each other and try to catch bugs together.

If it were me, I'd get another kitty. It won't be Lilith, but it will have its own charming quirks and you'll end up loving it in its own right. And Taylor will have someone to smack around.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

Yes yes yes; get another puddy tat!

When our Katie passed, Sam was a big mopey tub 'o black fur. A few weeks later we bought Abby. After the initial 72 hours of obligatory "I don't want that thing on my turf!" grandstanding, we came home to find them curled up together. They've been friends since.

Your new kitty will never replace Lilith, none will. What a new kitty will do is open a new spot in your heart you never knew existed until that moment. In time, you'll love it as much as Lilith, but in its own way.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

Pamie,

I really think it's worth trying. You may have to be a little patient at first. I have had Lucy for 5 years now, and she is completely bitchy to strange cats. When I found another kitty that I just had to adopt, Lucy was not very receptive at first, would not eat and spent 90% of her time hiding on top of the kitchen cabinets. She was not in a grieving state as Taylor is, but he might be territorial anyway, it's hard to tell until you try. If he doesn't react positively to your choice of cats at first, give him a little time. After a week of Miserable Lucy, I was about ready to take Maggie back, even though my heart would have broken. Then one day I came home from work and found Lucy chasing her, tail up in a happy way, gleam in her eye. It was all fine after that, but for days I agonized over how Lucy was stressing and felt guilty for bringing the stress into her life. Now I'm so glad I did it, because she is never bored or lonely anymore.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

I have never had any problem introducing a new kitten to an adult cat (or another kitten). I've done that ... let's see ... four times, and every time, the adult cat has settled down almost immediately and learned to love the kitten (this worked even with older kittens, in the 6-7 month range). On the other hand, I've never had any SUCCESS introducing a new adult cat. I'm zero for four in that regard.

I think Taylor would do fine with a new kitten, but he might have trouble with an adult cat.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

Oh, yeah: the other advantage to getting a new kitten (rather than an adult) is that they're so cute and funny that you don't spend a lot of time thinking, "This cat is totally different from Lillith." You might do that with an adult cat, you know? With kittens, you don't have time, because as soon as you sit down to think about something -- anything -- she's climbing the drapes or eating the toilet paper, and you have to get up and deal with it.

I think raising a kitten is easier when you have an adult cat, anyway. Sally pretty much ignored us because she was always following Benny around and harassing him. When she wanted to be cuddled, she went to Rudy. They litter trained her and showed her the ropes. She still likes them better than she likes us.

Neutered male cats make great mommies, in my experience.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

I think I'm with Beth on this one... when we brought Jake's cat home, after he moved in with me, things were (still are) rough. Her and Jezz NEVER had gotten used to each other. They STILL (1 year and a h alf later) hiss and spit and attack each other... but the kitten that we just adopted is fitting in much better. Jezz has batted at him a coupla times, but not too much. She mostly runs from him.

And it IS fun raising a new kitten. I was really worried about having to box train Sebs, but after throwing him in the box a coupla times (placing him, I didn't LITERALLY throw him!) He's gotten the hang of it.... pretty much anyway... sometimes, he just makes it TO the bathroom but not the box... but hey, cleaning up poopfrom linoleum is better than cleaning it off carpet (especially since we're getting ready to move!)

I canprollyonly speak for myself, but I think kittens are worth the "trouble".

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

If it were me, I would try getting another kitty. I am used to a multi-cat household. I would get an older kitten, like between 6 months to a year. The little babies drive me crazy with their curtain climbing and high-pitched mewing.

I have never had to integrate a new kitty with a current cat, but my mother has done so successfully several times. My cats are a year apart in age and have been together for 11 years.

A new kitten will give you something to focus on besides how much you miss Lillith, and you will love the new one in its own right. I recommend talking to your vet or reading a book on how to introduce them to each other, because I don't think you are supposed to just throw them in a room together and say, "Ya'll play nice now, ya hear." Good luck in your decision.

-- Anonymous, September 22, 1999

I have seven cats. Cats are very community oriented creatures. Mine have formed their own little commune with their own hierarchy and governing system. My point? Cats fare better with other cats. It's a cat thing.

-- Anonymous, September 26, 1999