Do you do things that you think no one else does? Do you sing in the shower? Do you pick your nose and wipe it on the furniture? Do you bite your toenails? Do you dress your pets in baby clothes and have fashion shows? Do you choreograph videos to Madonna songs?

What do you do when no one is looking?

Did you ever get caught?

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Answers

I have no bad habits (really, none, not one, I wouldn't lie about this) but I do want to know if the Taco Bell dog really says 49 cents in Austin, or if that was just a mistake. Because in California, that baby grand is 39 cents. Is this some kind of conspiracy against Texas?

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

I have been known, truth to tell, to drink soft drinks, milk, what- have-you out of the container---jug, bottle, whatever---rather than pour it into a glass, when I'm rushed or lazy or just in a WHATthehey mood. But then, I think spreading a few germs builds the immune system. Or at least that's what I tell myself. I think that's a vice more men than women fall into, or am I sexually stereotyping?

Of course, I only do this when no one's watching, so if word of this gets to Barb---the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of my actions, as they used to say on MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.--Al

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

i bite my toenails, but i do that when people are looking, too. but i pick my nose (i'm sorry, it's true) when i think nobody is looking. that's right, rhinotillexomania is for me. i don't wipe it on the furniture, though. i do the roll and flick. i also dance around like a loon when listening to music until somebody walks in and i pretend i was cleaning my room or something. and sometimes, when i'm alone in the house, i talk to myself in ridiculous voices, shouting nonsensical phrases and such.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

I've lived alone for quite some time, and as a result, I've no doubt developed quite a variety of bad habits without even realizing it. I occasionally catch myself unselfconsciously doing something inappropriate (scratching, adjusting, talking to myself, singing Queen songs in a bad falsetto, etc.) in a somewhat public place and I'll wonder just how many such things I do every day without ever noticing. I suspect that a "Real World"-esque videotape of a day's worth of my activities would mortify me into never leaving my apartment. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, I guess.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Hey Al: I do that too. But my problem is, I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that many people find that inappropriate.

The entire time I was growing up, my entire family did this. We all had our own water jug in the fridge and there was a guest one (WAY in the back on the third shelf down - I think mom usually just gave them tap water with ice) so none of us would think anything of going to the fridge and drinking right out of the jug.

I s'pose that's a lil' different, since there's not actually any sharing of the germs, but I have been known to do it with my Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi, and I prolly HAVE done it with milk, but I couldn't remember the last time.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

I have been known to sneak a bite or two of whatever I am cooking for dinner right from the pot while it is cooking, but only if I'm just cooking for the two of us. If no one is home I will sing at the top of my lungs, but if I'm upstairs I can't hear my husband come home. I know some day he will be treated to a horrible rendition of Oh Mickey, You're so Fine! or something equally embarassing. I did get caught once pulling my undies out of my crack after squatting to look under the sink. When I was 11 my mom caught me practicing kissing on the bathroom mirror. And for some reason I have this fear of farting in front of people, so I do whatever it takes not to. My husband and I have been together a total of 14 years, and I have farted exactly twice in front of him while I was awake. However, if I should happen to fall asleep and he's awake...well, I might let a few slip. But I take no responsibility for those, they don't count unless I am conscious.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Just a couple of weeks ago, I picked up a James Brown CD, and since then I have been singing the following when no one is around:

Get up! (Get on up) Get up! (Get on up) Stay on the scene... (Get on up) Like a sex machine... (Get on up)

Of course, now that I've posted this, I'm guaranteed to never actually have sex again, but things didn't look that promising anyway.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

My husband and I have a game that we play.

It goes something like this.

i'm in the closet. my husband thinks i am in the kitchen. he come out of the shower, dancing. shaking his butt and swinging his *stuff*.

me: Is my baby a stripper?

i'm in the kitchen cooking dinner. my husband is watching tv. a commercial comes on. (i think it's for walmart or something, anyway it has that song "rollin, rollin, rollin, get those puppies rollin, or whatever)my husband thinking i can't see him is singing, swinging an invisible rope above his head and cracking his whip along with the commercial.

me: Is my baby a cowboy?

I always have to call him on things I catch. Because he gives me sooooo much shit when I am caught doing something.

I have a horrible habit of putting my hand down my pants. Not for any type of action or anything. Just a habit. LIKE A FREAKING GUY. My husband always catches me. I can't believe I just told you all that.

Is my baby Al Bundy?

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Well, let's see.

Once in a while I'll sing along with the stereo. I'll walk around with just shorts on. Oh yeah, and sometimes I'll be watching some movie and get a little emotional. Hey, men can cry, too.

Despite all that, I guess my roomie wouldn't freak out if she walked in on me.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Am I the only person who masturbates?

And yes, I have been caught.

By my mother.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

I am hearing impaired, which means that I get caught all the time, because I cannot hear anyone sneaking up on me, which sucks.

I have this habit of taking a glass out of the kitchen cupboard to get some water, drinking of the glass, then putting it back in the cupboard, unwashed. I only do it with water, and I assume it is something stuck in my brain from living alone so long...since back then, no one else would be drinking out of my every day glassware.

Sometimes I just have a craving for chocolate that only a tub of Duncan Hines frosting can cure. I hide the tubs in the way back bottom shelf of the fridge, but Brian always catches me. We will be sitting watching a movie, and he will lean over and say "Honey, will you make me some cupcakes?" I will ask why, all innocent like, and he will bust me and say "you know, to go with that tub of german chocolate icing you bought yesterday."

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

i sing my ass off in the car. its like i hear a song i like and i can not for the life of me control myself. the problem is .. i THINK no one can see me and that they are paying attention to the road.. but i am oh so very wrong. lessee... once i was belting my guts out to Les Miserables.... and it was Heart Full Of Love and for kicks i love singing Eponines parts.. so iam jamming to "these are words he'll never say.. No to me, Not to me , not for me..." and man, i was soooo feelin it.. and then when i was stopped at the light as i said my final "not to me".. this woman in the next car applaudes. i must have turned a brilliant shade of red. i rolled my window up and looked straight forward praying for the light to turn green. it did and i sped off. i wanted to die. sabrina who still sings in the car, just with the window rolled up

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Sabrina,

I do that too. I spent over a grand on my stereo in my car, so I can not resist at times. I usually get embarrassed but I just try to remind myself that LA/Burbank is a big place and I'll probably never see the giggling girls again in my lifetime. :o)

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

When nobody's around I cradle my cat in my arms and swing him around singing to him.....it's a stress relaxer...until he's decided he's had enough and jumps up over my shoulder clawing me to pieces =^..^=

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

baby, oh baby, do i sing in the car!!! oh hell yeah! that new jeniffer lopez song, girly step back, cuz my ass be bustin out!! oh horrible singing in the car story, i think i beat sabrina. me and my best friend went on vacation together and we brought along the late great wilson philips, well, there was a really bad accident and we had to take a different route and everyone was backed wwwaaayyyy up. well, needless to say, i dont think anyone's every heard that rendision of "hold on" since well... never. long notes, loud, and horrible falsettos. but ahh.. it was soo fun. i also do most things others talk about, i pick food out of the fridge, take a bite, and put it back. drink out of cartons, not so much anymore, but if i lived by myself, it would be out of control. pick my nose, and i do something no one else mentioned, i make up songs, really stupid songs, and pretend im a pop star with a number one hit.

ohh no, i said too much. well, i told you guys, but cuz youre trustworthy, i know it, anyway, if you tell anyone, ill be forced to tickle you to death.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Yes, I sing in the car, too. I've just gotten to the point where I don't care if other people laugh because I know they've done the same damn thing. Besides, if you do it with attitude, they can't help but admire you just a little. Yes, I talk to myself. It's like I'm always writing little scenes in my head and I have to test out the dialogue. Most of the time this is just sort of under my breath, but I can get carried away and I know my roommates think it's a little weird when they hear "Aha, professor!" from the kitchen. Sometimes I'll just talk to the dog in a foreign accent to see if it will throw her off. The worst is when I'm in a store and comment on all the items I pick up-- "Ahh, quilted." Probably the weirdest or at least the most uncomfortable if walked in upon (besides what Big Joe suggested) is that if I am sure I am alone, I'll walk around the house naked. The only time I lived by myself was for a few months in college, so I like to relish the time I have alone; and there is nothing that says "This house is mine" like eating breakfast in the buff. It also freaks out door to door salespeople.

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

I am the grand master at singing in my car. LeeAnn Womack's I'll Think of a Reason Later happens to be my current favorite sing-a-long. I'm always afraid people are watching me, but who cares? I'm having a good time, dammit. Another thing I'll do is when I hear a really significant song, I pretend like it's the soundtrack to some movie and picture how it would go in my mind.

Once when I was like 11 or 12, I was rolling around in my bed after I had just woken up. I was hugging my pillow and rocking back and forth, really just being stupid. My dad came in my room and started yelling at me. He made me get up and come out to the living room and demanded to know what I was doing. I was completely confused. "I was just being stupid," I told him. That wasn't a good enough answer. He wouldn't let me eat breakfast until I finally made up some story about re-enacting a dream I had the night before about hugging someone.

Years later I realized he probably thought I was trying to hump the pillow or something equally disgusting that my 11- or 12-year-old mind hadn't even heard of yet.

Get your mind out of the gutter, Dad.

Umm.. what else do I do? When I write and no one's around, I'll whisper things back to myself to see if they sound right. When I put makeup on, I smile at the mirror. I used to practice raising one eyebrow every day until I got it right. I check for cavities... I can't think of anymore.

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

Okay, okay, *I* just didn't mention the singing in the car thing because I just ASSumed that EVERYONE did that. My favorites lately have been the new Chris Cornell song: "Can't Change Me"

"She can do anything at all/have anything she PLEASES/The power to change what she THINKS is WRONG/So waht could she want with me?"

And the not-so-new one by Splender (yes, that is the correct spelling) : "Yeah, Whatever."

"WE DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS, LET'S PRETEND TO BE ENEMIES"

Volume ALL the way up, and me pretty much SCREAMING at the top of my lungs at that point. I'm a TOTAL sucker for songs that make me think of myself or that mirror a situation that I'm going through in my life.

I guess the funny thing about the Cornell song was the other day at work it came on the radio, and I yelled "WHOOWHOO!" Really loud, then got up and turned it up REALLY loud and shut my door so I wouldn't be disturbing other people, and a coupla seconds later my friend Bryan poked his head in: "Uhhh what ARE you doing in here? Or do I not want to know?"

I guess that might have been a lil' stupid. At least I WHOOWHOO'ed while I still had the door open. (=

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

I didn't even know we weren't supposed to sing in the car. Should I be embarrassed about singing and dancing in the car? It's not like anyone can hear how off-key I am; that would be embarrassing.

I talk back to the commercials, too.

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

1. Adjust. Just a quick shift to make it more comfortable. To hell with those tightie whiteies. I only wear em if I'm playing a sport.

2. No underwear, except with basketball shorts. No underwear is a habit I picked up from spending lots and lots of time out in the back woods. If you fall into a creek or get rained on, the last item of clothing to dry is usually your underwear, and wet undies are uncomfortable and chafey to wear.

Kevin

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

Let's see....when I was 12, got caught smooching a picture of John Wetton (former bassman for Asia-a hottie, in my opion, if you care to know......remember "Heat of the Moment"?) by my step-dad. Embarrassing.

-- Anonymous, November 22, 1999

Lisa E,

Hey Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey! *clap clap clap* Hey Mickey! *clap clap clap*

I will only practise my singing when I'm all alone, because I inevitably sing stupid songs and I want to spare my family and friends the shock and terror. I also have Total Lyric Recall, which is why I know not only the chorus but all of the verses to Hey Mickey. So if you set up a candid camera in my living room on an average Tuesday afternoon, you'd be in for several spectacular studio performances.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000