i have a friend who has been falsely accused of domestic violence,he did not commit the crime,but is being held on with no bail for 60 days,until the trial,this was a real life fatal attraction,and the woman refuses to let him go,we have gathered tapes from his answering machine of her saying such things as"im never gonna let u go","iom the onlt one who loves you","we tried playing this game your way,and it didnt work,so now we are gonna play it my way",what i want to know is,is there any kind of men suppoert group for something like this,im located in mass,i have been all over the internet looking,adn keep comiong up with women support,or battered men,but nothing on falsely accused batterers.DOes the justice system only work when it comes to a woman?Is it true that all a woman has to do is pick up a phone,and a innocent man can be sent away for something he didnt do?If anyone knows of anything or anyone i can call prefabaly in Mass,that would be a great help,Thank You

-- Anonymous, July 28, 1999

Answers

Yes there is

I'm reposting this because the original was screwed up. My suggestion is to contact battered men's groups or ask on the safe-support list. Information for both is available from http://www.dgp.utoronto.ca/~jade/safe/

-- Anonymous, August 03, 1999

I wish I had an answer for you. I am currently working on starting a group for men in my state of Minnesota. I hate to say it but you are all your friend has so start something there like I am doing here. Make as many people aware as possible. A friend of mine was in desperate need of a lawyer, so we through a party asked for donations and held a raffle, just us guys. It never turned into a women bashing event because alot more men than you think are serious about children, and wives and loving there families. Good luck

-- Anonymous, August 08, 1999

My brother is in a terrible situation in Colorado. His wife went to counseling because she is an extremely controlling person. She was then sent to a DV center in town who told her she really didn't have enough on her husband to claim domestic abuse. So, they "coached" her. Because of this my brother was arrested. My sister-in-law recanted her story to the judge and said she only did it because she was mad. She also said she was encouraged to embellish her story in order to get "help". My brother was not convicted, but the arrest stands on his record. He is really angry that something like this has happened and there doesn't seem to be anything he can do about it. The DV group in his small town is not certified and has no training. He has never abused his wife. On the contrary, he has been abused emotionally and physically. That is why she went to counseling to begin with. My brother is depleted emotionally and financially. He also is looking for advise and support. What a crazy world. Good luck!

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2000

I am currently in a situation wherein I am being held on $50,000 bail for DV here in California on false acusations made by my wife after she battered me on several occasions and backed our Toyota van over me on one of the occasions. The police did nothing in the van incident except place ME into custody, only to release me at the scene about an hour later. In her most recent charge, she kicked me causing a bruise to her leg, then called, the cops "edited" out the attack by her on me, and took me into custody on felony charges even though our daughter witnessed the entire incident and told the same story I had. I have decided that this is an outrageous situation, and that far too many men are being injured by this type of conduct, and too many families are being destroyed. Therefore I have launched a website to deal with this type of miscarrage of justice, as well as any others which may be discovered. I would appreciate any information regarding resources that you may have found, and encourage you to visit the site as it develops for support as well as links to the legislators who can (and will be made to) change the situation. Visit us at http://lawstoday.com the site is still i n launch mode, but with the help of people like you, it can become a valuable tool in the fight against this injustice.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2001

It is scary to read all this. My son is in an abusive marriage. His wife has had him arrested twice claiming he hit her and pulled her hair. She has the full services of the battered women's program - a a free lawyer and 24 hour access. No one who knows them believes her stories. Her mother (she does not speak to her mother, has assaulted her and has filed false charges of assault against her mother, and also accused her mother of attempting to kidnap her son - I actually witnessed this so called kidnapping attempt - it was nothing of the sort). Her mother apologized for the fact that my son had met her daughter and was in such an awful situation. I was hoping that these battered women's programs would check out these women. If they checked her out they would find that she has an arrest record for assault, drug dealing, bad checks, credit card fraud, social services fraud and who knows what else. She always manages to get out of it, although her mother says she is sanctioned by social services until 2003. Meanwhile, I've spent $3,000 so far on legal fees for my son. I know that she hits him, but worse is the verbal abuse. I have never heard her say anything nice to him or about him. She treats him like dirt. For some bizarre reason he keeps going back to her. The only thing I can figure out is that he thinks it is better for the children - she has a son by a previous relationship and they have a son together. She is very nasty to the father of her son and does everything she possibly can to prevent him from seeing the boy. During the short period they were separated she refused to give the baby to my son for court ordered visitation. One day she refused him she called the battered women's program and told them a story that my son refused to wait while she dressed the baby and stormed down the stairs - this didn't happen at all - I was in the hallway and heard her refuse to give him the baby - she had a dozen different reasons and nothing he could do would persuade her to give him the baby. This web site is refreshing.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2001

Luckily I proved my innocence and was not found guilty,but I spent $10,000 in atty. fees and lost a $50,000 a year job,and still have on my record that I was charged with the offense.Good luck.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

I'm yet another man falsely accused of domestic violence. The first thing we learn is that the justice system, its hands legally tied since the O.J. episode, cannot drop Domestic Violence charges even though the "victim" later recants. If marks can be found on the victim, the case is vigorously prosecuted. My girlfriend became pregnant and moved in with me and my other children far too quickly and when I asked her to leave the accusations began. She has , so far, cost me about $20,000.00 in legal fees (bail and layers), twice had me arrested and worse. When the first allegation was due to go to trial (with a regretful girlfriend who was willing to testify on my behalf), my lawyer told me that he would have to show her to be an alcoholic and mentally unstable (both true). The judge would certainly then put the child in the supervision of child services and we would be subject to continual prying. To avoid that, and keep peace at home ,I accepted a $300.00 fine and a year of "anger management" classes. Big mistake. The court automatically issued a Protective Order for her against me and put me on statutory probation for three years. The judge said he would review the case after the year was over with a view to clear my record. Armed now with this protective order she began a new round of abuse, refused to pay any household expenses, and accused me of abuse until I finally began legal proceedings to remove her and a paternity suit to guard my custody of the child. At that point she made another series of allegations on which basis she sought, and got, a restraining order and refuses to let me even see the child. The Police actually dropped their charges but she is still trying to send me to jail on the basis of violating her protective order. So far I have been to court on about ten occasions and have yet to tell my side. A determined and hatefilled woman can find support in many places and men seem to have few resources. It is true that a phone call and a visible bruise that she says you caused will put you in jail. But finally I think that I'll have some form of justice, if I can just wait it out. But I'm fortunate in that I have a good income and no criminal record (and that she's finally gone), but the pressure put on defendants to settle is huge because it saves the system time and expense. I have also noted, as we all have, the general perception that the batterer is always male. When I called up a domestic violence hotline they assumed I was gay when I told them I was being abused by my domestic partner and referred me to paid therapy. I have been put on to non-emergency services by the 911 while she, calling simultaneously, is dispatched a car. The cure is going to be slow. Men must learn to complain. It is only self-protection, not lack of manhood, to call the police when a woman hits you. If she leaves marks take pictures. Domestic disputes are caused almost equally by both sexes, but 98% of the 911 callers are women. Women are perceived as automatically the victim because the statistics support that view. When men are willing to say they are being abused by their partners, and those partners are willing to seek help, there'll be real change. Until then, learn to complain. Use the legal system as best you can. Good Luck!

-- Anonymous, August 25, 2002

it is now oct.31,2002 I found your site searching for help for a friend. There is not much out there. I sent you a newsletter about him. Have you found anymore help? it has been awhile since you posted. Thanks deby

-- Anonymous, November 01, 2002

It is time for all Americians to stand up and vioce their opinion to their congressmen of the state they reside.

SInce the passage of the Violence against womens Act, there are billions of dollars(our own tax money) filtered into a judicial system to prosecute domestic violence. The Center piece of this legislation is support for women shelters, which are the havens for radical feminist thinking and poilcy.

Common Trends between Shelters:

All marriage is inherently abusive Women must break away from the partiarchy most consentual sex between couples is RAPE Women must break through the glass ceiling WOmen are victims and men abusive batterers...(no exceptions)

This trend is backed by such legislatures as:

Hiliary Clinton, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Patty Murry,

THerse people represent the radical democratic party line and DO NOT represent mainstream women who love their families. THere focus is for Gay, Lesbian and transgender propagation.

THe billions of dollars that goes to domestic violence feeds a constant set of innaccuate information to create issues that DO NOT exist.

WHY? It keeps the funding coming in. Lie about domestic violence and the funding increases. Create issues into domestic violence and destroy families , it make their cause for funding better.

THere are NO checks and balances for the public to see if our money is being used effectively or if it is addressing a problem at all.

Most funding goes to toward promoting false statistics that are created by their special interest groups.

Example: 50 percent of women entering emergency rooms are ther because of domestic violence. Challange: Go out and vist local hospitals, interview the emergency room addmitence nurse. Ask how many confirmed or suspected victims come through their doors.

Example:70 percent of pregnant women are battered and domestic violence is the cause of most birth defects.

Just think about all the pregnant women you know. Can you believe that 7 of 10 are beaten and battered?

This feminist mantra has some how adapted into OUR LAWS and the principals of such nonsence have become the defacto standard of fact.

These systems and agancies are NOT held accountable for their action while the Constutional rights of Americians are ust trampled on.

THIS is state sponcered terrorism designed to destroy families and financially extort the Americian people.

Domestic violence can occur, but DOES NOT occur at the frequency reported by the advocates.

The advocate community has RE DEFINED violence to mean anything that a women feels , at any given time is violence.

There is no relavence to actual physical altercation.

OJ Simpson cases are far and few between and if it does occur it is advertised in all the media.

In NJ 1999 78,000 reports were written up on prevention of DV act forms....only 1850 cases included actual violence. Thats less then 2 percent.

Why? Funding is based on the number of reports written up.

Police are mandated to fill out reports for every claim and in most NJ townships , police recieve funding from the womens groups to promote pro arrest policy and promote false statistics of domestic violence. Assignment: ask a local police officer candidly and privately(off the record) He or she will tell you how bogus the domestic violence laws really are. Ask how many violent cases have been reported....Ask how many " fear for my safty claims" have been issued. Fear for my safty claim is the code word given by feminist womens centers that get women an instint restraining order....man looses his house, children, all assets,and eventually driven from the family unit.

WOmens shelters are doing the educational classes for judges and police and all court personal. Feminist mantra is what is taught. False , unproven, bias statistics are taught. Somehow laws have been passed to teach this stuff with no verification that their teaching are true. Repeated often enough non facts become the truth!

Our judges are being forced to implement policy that is in most cases against their better judgement. Blaintly against Constutional Law.

Lawyers enjoy the restraining order because it creates a devastating case that by its very nature give them control over the couples assets. Unethical lawyers now become a full business partner with that couples net worth. Bottom Line it creates Big billing!

Phycholigist: work in conjunction with lawyers to further complicate the issues, thereby creating billing for themselves. Phycholigist are court appointed and work for the courts at the couples expence.

All the support people that support the courts also benifit from the continued business. judges included.

Nonsence or serious case all create business for our judiciary system. It really doesn't matter to them

All people MUST write their representives and demand accountability for the money spent by our government to address this NON problem.

Join support groups throughout the country that support family court reform for the fair and equal treatment of all parties with the focus on the needs of the children.

Womens shelters must be exposed for the hiddeious lies they create for profit. Most women when they see what these shelter actually do will be appauled.

Victims of both sexes do exist and funding must focus on helping the truely abused and not a politicallically correctganda.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2003

My wife and I are happily married college educated professionals and we're in a situation in Santa Clara county California. The DV incident (misdemeanor) occured 16 months ago. She's refused to testify against me in trail of her own free will and has her own attorney as the DA has been stalking her for months! She was held in contempt and given 2 days in Jail. The next offenses will get her 5 days, 15, 30, etc... We're both supporting elderly parents and money is going fast! Is there any help available for us in Palo Alto or San Jose California? Our attorney's seem to just be in this for the $$$ and the case just keeps being continued every 3 months. Is there no end?

HELP!

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2003

Since your wife made a DV complaint it is the responsibility of the local prosecuter to take the case through to trial. He more then likely knows the incedent may be real or not. If an altercation has occured and documented by your wife and or the police there is no way to get around this.

Many men are comvicted for a "feeling" of fear. It happens all the time. If there was an altercation, you are in trouble.

Read the domestic violence statues in your state and pray the Judge is not some radical feminist orientated person who does not value marriage.

You will be procecuted and tried for DV. Women cannot drop charges in DV cases. Even if the incedent was reported out of anger at the time. The laws toady, in all states adapted this policy to protect themselves from law suit in the future.

If there was an altercation you will be found guilty of DV. You will hve to seperate from you wife and be forced to divorce. It will happen, there is no way around this.

Many unsuspecting women get caught up in this trap when they are encouraged to report DV incedent. If your state has a permenant DV statue like NJ does. The DV is permanent and for life and can never go away. If you dis obey the restraining order once issued by the court and it will happen, you will then be arrested by the state. This harrassment will never stop. You are better off just leaving your wife and starting over somewhere else.

YOur situation is why there is a 70 percent divorce rate in most states. It is essentially a forced divorce situation designed for profit and reward of the lawyers and all the folks surrounding the divorce industry.

They are looking at your wife not willing to testify as you pressuring her not too, that is abuse under the Duluth Model (power and control Wheel) look it up!!

THis iswhere they are coming from....Its a CYA mantality for the procecuters office.

Good luck

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2003