Who would you write a letter to?

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Answers

I can only think of one person I'd consider a hero, and I don't know his name. I was off work sick a few weeks ago and one of the dreadful BBC daytime chat shows featured a man who had done something which I thought was the coolest thing I've heard of forever.

This guy was an ex-Army cook who ran his own pub in Surrey - he was in his mid-fifties, and seemed an ordinary bloke - quietspoken and not particularly exciting to look at. When the bombing in Serbia started and the refugees started heading across the borders, he decided he wanted to go along and see if he could help out by feeding the refugee children. To raise money for the trip he talked to the local butchers, bakers etc and convinced them to donate food for a barbecue. The money raised from the barbecue funded the guy and a couple of his mates to take a small truck and go across the Channel and down across Europe to the refugee camps.

Once he got there he stayed for about eight or nine weeks, cooking meals for refugee children. He had no real cooking facilities - the only thing available was hot water, so the refugees ate a lot of pasta, but this guy and his two mates were ensuring several hundred refugee children a day had a hot meal.

Anyway, he'd come back to England and sold his pub, and was about to head back down again with a few trucks of supplies, bought with the proceeds from the pub sale.

In my mind, this guy kicks the butt of anybody else ever proclaimed hero. He embodies the true spirit of charity - not as a high profile, glitzy bunch of movie stars sparing an evening for a benefit gig, but just one ordinary person doing the absolute utmost to try and ease the suffering of other people.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Yeah... but... um... isn't Ricky Martin a cutie?

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

aaaahhhh! (high horse kicked out from under me)

No, he's not really my type - I prefer Brad Pitt - who was that crazy in the celebrity death match thread, speaking ill of the physical attributes of Brad? Have you not seen 'A River Runs Through It'?

Actually, Brad's much better looking than that dull old refugee helper guy.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

So are shaved chests on men seen as attractive or what? Is shaving off all of my body hair and throwing on a Boy Scout uniform all I need to do?

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Hey. If I have to shave both of my legs and my underarms, pull my hair into pigtails, put on knee socks and a little plaid skirt and a baby t-shirt to get a rise out of men, the least you could do is shave a little.

Try the Boy Scout thing. Women love a man in uniform, you know.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Actually, hairless chests are nice, but the most important component here is the being gorgeous one.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Actually, you might want to wax that chest hair off, and the leg hair while you're at it. Have you ever noticed that most of the guys in pornos don't have leg hair? 'Course, you probably weren't paying attention to THAT.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Hey pamie, I've heard rumors that your man doesn't play for your team.. if ya know what I mean. Its a shame really, but all signs point to it.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

that letter is too funny.....I mean I've been crying!! Not because I don't find RM a total and complete hottie, but that on kdge in dallas...they were talking about how bad his skin is...all pock- marked and stuff. I was like uhhhh....so...and? this is a deterrent? Guess again....this boy is smokin'. I have to say I loved him on GH, when I got the chance to watch it....although I hated the hair then.

I would have to say I would write a letter to John Rzeznick of the goo goo dolls. I love this man. He's got the most beautiful mouth I've ever seen. He wrote "Iris" in like 15 minutes, for crying out loud. I don't care if you hate the song....the lyrics are moving. I want to have his children. I want to stalk him. oooops....I didn't mean that last part....wink wink. But he doesn't have to worry about me as a stalker...I'm too lazy to stalk anyone. =)

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Dear Ricky Martin,

Hi. It's me again. I just thought I'd mention that ever since my first letter to you I've been getting e-mail from people telling me that since you are rumored to be gay that my boyfriend must be gay. Eric is not gay. In fact, once he reads this letter to you, he'll probably freak out a little. Once people start sending him mail about him being gay, he'll freak out more.

All I'm saying is if you are gay, then that explains the whole 13% compatiblity thing. If you are, let me know. I know a whole bunch of guys who would be interested in giving you a call.

YOUR SEXUALITY: Possibly gay.

HIS SEXUALITY: Not gay.

Just another comparison. Keep shaking that butt.

Love, pamie

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Me + Ricky Martin = 65%, which is a trifle worrying if he is gay.

However, Me + Tristan = 77%. On reflection, it was pretty irresponsible of me to go ahead and marry him without doing this first, so I'm very lucky it's worked out so well.

(explanation re: the first post of the thread - my computer wouldn't show me Pamie's spiel for the day! So I had no idea what I was talking about).

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Wait... you were being serious? I'd been certain that the whole point of the letter was that that stupid song is being overplayed like anything, and that this was yet another example of hype-driven single-minded celebrity-dominated playlists run amok.

Hmmm. Well. Never mind, then...

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

It hurts Eric's feelings when you call him gay.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Color you all jealous, but I got a 97% with Ricky Martin on the love calculator. I think I need to go take a cold shower now...

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

PFFFTTSNARKHIC!!!

That was the sound of my spring water spurting simultanously out of my nose and mouth as read pamie's entry today.

I got a lousy 46% compatibility with Ricky Martin (although I am tending to lean towards the whole "he plays for the other team" theory), however, I DID get a 98% compatability with my husband, so you know, that Love Calculator's gotta be good for something...

Oh, and pamie? YOU ROCK!

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

hey where the HECK is this Love Calculator thingy?!

I'd write a letter to Pierce Brosnan, as I have been in love with him since Remington Steele and I know we are meant to be together! Ditch them kids and that gorgeous wifey and run away with MEEEEEE (and bring that nifty James Bond car, too, yeah, that's it....)

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

The love calculator is linked in the entry itself, but you can also see it here.

Have fun!

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Hey Eric, you forgot the "not that there's anything wrong with it."

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

My hero is Lance Arthur, and we'll just leave it at that. *grin*

Me and Lance got 69%!!!

"Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Lance Arthur and ******* ***** has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other."

Thanks Dr. Love! ...Gr.

On another note: Brittany Spears is a rotten little slut. *grin*

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

I just wanted to let Eric know that everyone of his friends will support him in this new life choice. Especially me, buddy. You used to kiss the girls and make them cry, now it'll be boys. That's O.K. Congratulations my fine rainbowed friend. By the way, I scored a 74% with Ricky. This contribution doesn't make me a homophobe (S?) does it?

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Ricky and Alexis = 47%

John and Alexis = 92%

he IS the man for me.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Of COURSE there's nothing wrong with Ricky Martin being gay. If he were, he'd be a heck of a lot closer to falling in love with ME! If he's straight, I'm going to have to do the whole "it doesn't mean anything if you're drunk, and nobody sees you doing it, and you're just 'curious' anyway" thing, and that's really tiresome.

I mean, I still have to pull that one with Tom Cruise. That Nicole is one tall chick, and it's hard getting him past her.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Did anyone happen to catch Entertainment Tonight last night? What the hell am I saying?

Anywhoo, on ET last night they had a segment dedicated to Ricky's sexual preference. All women here can breathe a sigh of relief as he is straight as an arrow.

He (Ricky) said something to the effect of (paraphrased quote) "I am an entertainer. My job is to create fantasies wherever they may go." (end paraphrased quote).

However, also in the segment (women can now get angry) he has had an on again/ off again relationship with a newscaster in is hometown. She is a hottie!!!!! Right now they are off again (silver lining?), but he says that their "relationship is not over".

Just helpin' keep hope alive!

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Oooh ... according to the Love Calculator, Mike Modano and I are a rocking 93%. Time to write a letter and tell this boy!

Although Ricky Martin is the next on the hottie list. After Ewan Macgregor. *yum*

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Oh, Jackie! How dare you call me "that crazy"!? And I tried to be so nice to you... :( :)

(Yeah, so I used smiley/frownies. So sue me.)

Me & Ricky Martin: 15% or 39%, depending on if I use my maiden or married name

Me & Hubby: 97%.

Think I'll keep him.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

i wrote a fan letter to billy corgan once. that was pretty funny. ninth grade is funny. hahahah.

the love calculator says me an' billy have a 15%. good. my boyfriend and i, on the other hand, have a nice 77%.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

I got a 0% on the Love Calculator with my husband. I didn't know the damn thing went down to 0!

I was too depressed to try Ricky Martin after that.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Damn. Jeremy and I only got a 39% on the love calculator, although that was better than me and Ricky -- 13%. Of course, I'm not really clear on who Ricky is, so that would probably have an effect.

Jeremy and Ricky got a 26%, by the way.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Ricky Martin and I scored a whopping 88%! However, my boyfriend only scored 64% with me. Should I be worried?

I loved the Love Calculator thing so much that I amused myself endlessly with it. I got some hilarious results.

It might help if I add at this point that I assigned our pets first and last names (Based upon the family of ownership. I'm not one of those people who generally believes giving a pet more than one name) to make the results as accurate as possible.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Pamie,

I have no idea how the love calculator works, so I entered the following data with the following results:

"pamie ribon" "johnny depp" -- 88%

"pamie ribon" "eric peterson" -- 27%

"pamie ribon" "emo philips" -- 99%

If anyone else gets different results from the same data, please let me know.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 1999

Hmm. I don't like this Love Calculator thing. I can't score a 100% with anyone. While trying to get SOMETHING to score high, I went to the mass calculator and typed in anything I could think of:

Rachael Osborn & creamed corn : 88% Rachael Osborn & the children of the corn : 0% Rachael Osborn & corn on the cob : 46% Rachael Osborn & Ty Cobb : 28% Rachael Osborn & a railroad tie : 85% Rachael Osborn & a railroad conductor : 51% Rachael Osborn & a band conductor : 63% Rachael Osborn & a rubber band : 99% Rachael Osborn & a stapler : 22% Rachael Osborn & other misc office supplies : 0% Rachael Osborn & The guy who works at office depot : 85%

As you can see, I have a thing for rubber bands.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

When I used my full name and Jeremy's full name (middle names, too) we scored a 98%. Obviously that was much more accurate.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

With Ricky, I have some 97% chance if I hyphenate my name. Oddly enough, I only have a 73% chance with -myself-.

"Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Elizabeth Badurina and Elizabeth Badurina has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other."

Since I talk to myself ALL THE TIME, this shouldn't be a problem.

*ahem*

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

"rachael osborn's peanut butter" "bob dole's peanut butter"--94%

[Sorry. Esoteric SNL joke.]

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

Yes!....I knew that you spent that long weekend in Monacco at the world music awards with Ricky....I just knew it...

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

Ricky and I got 92%.

Sorry, Pamie.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

The Love Calculator shows me why I can't win:

"mike leung" "natasha richardson" -- 69%
"mike leung" "mira sorvino" -- 66%
"mike leung" "liz phair" -- 46%
"mike leung" "eric peterson" -- 86%

I think I'll go look for a bus to jump in front of now.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

OK, that love calc thingy is too scary. As did Elizabeth, I tried it with myself and myself. (What was it Oscar Wilde said about self- love being the beginning of a long relationship?)

My first name being Elizabeth, I tried it using "Liz" and "Elizabeth," plus both my married and maiden names, and got results ranging rom 14 to 92 percent! Weird... What the hell does that thing base its results on anyway?

-- Anonymous, July 18, 1999

I do recommend manipulating the love calculator to help your results. I put "Pamela Ribon" and "Johnny Depp" to get those bad ass results. But I put a "pamie" and "Ricky Martin" or "Eric Peterson." Because there was one time where Eric and I had a 13% rating, and I just figured, "Well, he never calls me 'Pamela'..."

But I never knew that I had such a thing for Emo Phillips...

-- Anonymous, July 18, 1999

Well, after changing my name to 'Andrew' (because evidently no one will love someone named Andy) here are my results: Ricky-44%, my girlfriend-42%, Jewel-67%, Cameron Diaz-88%, Eric-27%, Chuy (using his full name)-85% (sorry Cathy), and then there is the true love 4 way. It seems that Gwyneth Paltrow, Pamie (using Pamela) and our friend Jon will just have to share me as we all have a 98% compatable love. It's good to feel needed.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 1999

Well I'm only 44% compatible with Ricky, but 88% with Johnny Depp. As far as my dream hombre, Harry Connick Jr, we're 75% compatible. Not bad. May check for some more people, but right now I don't think I can remember more than 3 at a time to report back :P

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Oh the shame, and the horror! I am compatible with nothing BUT old men! Ricky Martin, Leonardio Di Caprio who needs them? When you can score a 96% with David Letterman, 81% with Jack Lemmon, 94% with Walter Cronkite, and 73% with Art Linkletter of "Kids Say The Darndest Things" fame.

I hope this doesn't make me develop a grandpa complex.

-- Anonymous, April 27, 2000