I know another time I ate shoe polish. I also ate diaper rash ointment. I'd try anything. I think that's why I'm such a picky eater now.

Did you ever eat anything you regretted?

(I'm sure I'm just setting this up to be a whole different discussion, but we'll see what happens...)

-- Anonymous, July 01, 1999

Answers

I once went down on a girl I had met only an hour before and was met with such a strong and malordorous, stinking, fetid, putrid, rank, fusty scent that I immediately regretted it.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 1999

pennies, roaches, straight pins, "Comet" cleaner, once i had to be rushed to the hospital because i ate 14 baby aspirin

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

When I was 8 years old, I got this bag of balloons. My sister and brother and I would love to blow them up, put them together into different shapes and animals and draw faces on them.

I think I went a little too far.

I made this balloon animal that I thought was so cute. I named him "Buzz Buzz" He was blue and had a long nose and even some freckles on his cheeks. I loved Buzz Buzz.

He became my best friend for 2 weeks. Having just moved to a new neighborhood, I had no real friends yet, so Buzz Buzz helped me adjust. I'd take him everywhere with me. I'd talk to him, I'd hold him (not too tightly) and I remember even feeding him. I was eating chocolate chip ice cream while watching tv so I put a piece of chocolate by his mouth and left it there for him to eat as his leisure.

For some reason, I started sucking on his nose. Now, now, don't go getting all those weird thoughts into you head, I was 8 YEARS OLD, remember? I think I was just making up for not being able to suck my thumb anymore.

Anyway, my mother used to tell me to stop doing that or I'd pop him. I refused to believe her. Buzz Buzz was the best friend in the world, he'd never leave me!

One day, I was in my bedroom and I remember my brother was sitting on the windowsill. I started sucking on Buzz Buzz's nose and *pop*. I stood there totally stunned for several minutes. I couldn't believe that I had killed my best friend.

Surprisingly, I didn't cry. My brother turned to me and asked me "aren't you going to cry?" I said "No, I guess it was just his time to go." Then I noticed tears forming in Andy's eyes.

"Are you crying?" I asked him. "No! I'm not crying!! *sniff*" my brother replied. Then he just started bawling and I bawled too. We cried and talked about all the "good times" I had with Buzz Buzz. We said a prayer for him and I asked God if he could take care of Buzz Buzz until I could join him in heaven one day.

I still think about that sometimes. But if you ask my brother about it, to this day, he'll tell you that he didn't actually cry. :)

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

Okay, so I didn't EAT it, but one time I wanted to see if I'd REALLY sneeze if I took a big sniff of black pepper. I don't recall if I sneezed, but I did burn the shit out of my sinuses for a few days!

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

My family just loves to tell "Kathy" stories -- I suppose because I'm the youngest and therefore they're the freshest in memory -- so I can't believe I'm actually resurrecting one of my own volition.

But regardless --

My sisters love to tell the story about when I was a toddler, in the kitchen with my mom, and when she turned around I had a big black Texas-sized cockroach in my smiling mouth.

Gross.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

I've never really had anything wierd in my mouth that I can recall, but I do remember 2 stories that my mother told me about when she was in college:

Her teacher said just as she was getting to school one morning, she noticed that she'd dribbled some toothpaste on her shirt and wiped it off with her finger, putting her finger in her mouth. Come to find out, it wasn't toothpaste, it was bird poop.

Another story was this. A guy in my mom's class said one night he was having a really bad nightmare. He dreamt that there were bugs crawling all over him - in his ears, running in and out of his mouth, and he was frozen in the nightmare in sheer fright - basically your typical 'bug attack' nightmare. (We've all had these dreams one time or another, right?) Anyway, when he woke up the next morning, there were 2 roach legs and a roach wing on his pillow next to his face, and what looked like an unidentified "chewed up" part in his mouth.

How sick is that?

Oh, and I remember a time where my dad wouldn't let me eat anything (because I hadn't finished my food when I should have eaten in the first place). I was so mad and determined to get back at him that I took a chair from the dining room. I placed it up against the counter and climbed up onto the counter when no one was looking and took a paper towel off it's roll. I broke it up into little pieces and started to eat it. Yeah, boy. I was chowin' down now, son. Wooooowee! I was really showin' my dad. Ain' no stoppin me now. See? I can get food whenever I want. I don't need him. I'm my own person now. I'm 5 years old, gosh darn it, and I don't give a care.

Wait, this is paper. A paper towel. This is disgusting!

I was such a wierd kid.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

I don't think I've ever eaten anything on accident, or if I have, I've blocked it from my memory. I do remember eating some dry cat food when I was pretty young, figuring that if it was good enough for cats, it was good enough for me, too. And I tried eating some plain nutmeg once, just because I wondered what it tasted like. The answer, if anyone is interested, is horrible.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

When I was a toddler, I used to habitually eat our family cat's food (yes, it was wet food). Eventually, my parents had to start feeding the cat in the bathroom and putting one of those little gate things on the door so the cat could get in and I couldn't.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

Hey Everyone! The Christine who made the pepper snorting post is Christine of Ordinary Ups + Downs and today she turns 30! (She has more cats than Pamie.)

Happy Birthday, Ma'am. (Boyscouts in Kitchener, keep your eyes out for Christine in case she needs help getting back home.)

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

I didn't eat it - I drank it; motor oil. My dad was outside working on our lawn mower when I was 2 and I was taking drinks out of his coffee cup as I walked by - I didn't know he threw out the coffee and put oil in there, so I grabbed for a drink on my way by. I guess it was pretty bad. My mom says I had gas so badly they were afraid to let anyone smoke in the house or turn on the stove. I was ok, just had to drink lots of oj!

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

I have been told that as a kid a frequented the cat bowl. I was often found with a mouthful of cat food. It's ironic that I don't particularly care for Cats.

Apryl Cheree

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

I don't remember putting anything in my mouth, except maybe dog bones. However, a couple of years ago, my youngest daughter, who was about two and a half at the time, was found snacking in the cat litter box. This is a common thing for dogs to do, but I suspect that the nutritional value of cat litter is next to nil for children.

Luckily, while I was standing there is shock, my friend had the common sense to call Poison Control. Good thing, too, cause cat litter absorbs liquid, and if there were any problems after a couple of hours, I would have to take her to the hospital.

She's here. She's fine, and fortunately, her penchant for cat litter has dissipated.

Oh yeah, and once, my mother's best friend caught her granddaughter eating army worms.

When I heard that, I couldn't eat for a week.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

I licked a bee off a strawberry popsicle when I was a little kid, and since it was a homemade chunky strawberry popsicle, I thought the bee was a piece of fruit and crunched it right up. Even after it was dead, it still stung my tongue. It was like crunch oh no what is this in my mouth crunch owwwwww! Mommeeeeeeeee!

-- Anonymous, July 02, 1999

I stuck a pearl up my nose.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1999

err... this isn't to do with eating. but i once blew my nose on my sister's forehead.
we were fighting (we were maybe... i think 7 and 4) and she was yelling at me so i told her i'd blow my nose on her if she didn't stop. i was standing about two or three feet away, and this little 4 year old was screaming at me with her curly blonde hair sticking out everywhere... (she was such a cutie) so i blew my nose.
she saw it coming and started screaming, like, howling at the top of her lungs. she didn't try to move or anything she just stood there screaming for a second before it smacked her on the head.
i am not proud of this, and i've never blown my nose on anyone else, but it was so hilarious when she just screamed.
i'm just a big dork.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1999

My mom can't remember which of us did this, so I swear it was my brother, and he swears it was me. So let's just call the child in question Toddler X.

Mom was going about the business of running our household. Toddler X toddled up to her and asked for some gum. Being a toddler, Toddler X was too young for gum. Mom naturally said, "No," and went about her business.

Later, Toddler X was in the back yard, and when Mom went to check on him/her, Toddler X had something in his/her mouth.

"What have you got in your mouth?" Mom asked Toddler X.

"Gum."

Knowing full well that Toddler X did not receive any gum from her, Mom stuck her hand under the child's mouth, requesting to receive in her palm (as only a mother can tolerate) whatever spittified goo was in Toddler X's mouth.

Toddler X proceded to deposit a mouthful of pillbugs into my mother's palm.

(Pillbugs, for those of you not from East Texas, are also known as Roly-Polies, or sometimes Doodlebugs.)

I know it was my brother. I never would've eaten pillbugs. I'm a vegetarian!

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1999

Oh god, I just remembered something else, after reading Chicken Grrl's story. I think I was four or five, and my mom and I were living in this apartment complex. I had recently developed a taste for gum, and there wasn't enough gum in the world for me to eat. One time, I was pestering my mom to get some gum, without much luck, so I went outside. And that was when I noticed the years and years worth of already-been-chewed gum that had been dropped and ground into the carpeted hallway. So I just started prying it up, and chewing it. Blech... I didn't get sick from it, but I didn't get around to eating all of it, either, because some neighborhood kids found me and stopped me.

Of course, these were the same neighborhood kids who would band together and eat food from dumpsters.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1999

I think the "Gatherer" part of our hunter and gatherer past was a little too strong in me as a child, because I ate a lot of unidentified weeds and garden plants. I remember I particularly liked the taste of ivy.

No one ever caught me, and I never got sick. By the way, I still basically do this, but now I justify the habit as "wild foods gathering" and own books on the subject. Hmmm.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 1999

One time I ate an entire tube of toothpaste in High school so that I would win a buck so that I could eat lunch. Of course, I was so sick for the rest of the day that food repulsed me. The best laid plans of mice and men.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 1999

I e-mailed my mom the story about the pillbugs. She reminded me of something else I ate that I'd forgotten. Here's what she wrote:

"You might add that your vegetarianism expressed itself very early, when you gravitated toward the chinaberries up by the Schawes' [our neigbors] apartment before you could even walk. I caught you more than once with cheek pouches full of chinaberries in their yard. That's how I learned that all the stories I'd heard about how poisonous they are must have been old wives' tales. Didn't even give you the runs. Love, Mom"

Apparently my parents panicked and rushed me to the doctor's office or something the first time they caught me at this. My mom evidently was babbling something like "OH MY GOD! SHE'S GOING TO DIE!! CHINABERRIES ARE POISONOUS, AREN'T THEY??" To which the doctor replied, "Apparently not!"

I also remembered that in the first grade I ate rocks (gravel, I guess) from the playground at school. I have no idea how I discovered this, but they were really crunchy, not very rock-like, and easy to chew up. Why I would want to actually eat them, just because I COULD, is anyone's guess!

-- Anonymous, July 06, 1999

We knew pillbugs as Potato Bugs. So you see, it's OK for a vegetarian to eat them.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 1999

I don't remember any of this, but my mother tells me...

She came into my bedroom one morning, I'm still in nappies, about 12 months or so, and she said as she came in, I lifted up my head and smiled at her, and my smile was Brown. She gagged cleaning up that little escapade.

Fast forward several months, I'm outside, and I look up and smile as she walks towards me. She notices I look like I've put vaseline on my teeth, as they're glistening in the sun. Then she notices the little bits of shell on my teeth, and realises it's not vaseline but the slime trails from the snails I'd been eating.

I eat damn near anything now, and there's probably a good reason for that.

A.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 1999

I ate the nose off my childhood stuffed panda bear, Harold. I remember doing it, too. I was lying in bed (forced napping) and it just looked so tasty.....

-- Anonymous, July 12, 1999

Pamie, that "chocolate" story was REALLY gross! I'm gagging. I guess now we know the REAL reason you liked "Austin Powers 2"!

I'm told that when I was young my grandmother would serve me liver and say it was steak, and I fell for it. They also say I'd go around the house eating whole onions like they were apples. I hate onions now. Sorry, that's the best story I can come up with.

These forum questions are great. They bring back such great memories. I'm thinking, the next time I go on a date and can't think of anything to say, I'll ask a Pamie forum question, or relate an answer....I should write these down! :)

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2000

I can't recall eating bizarre non-food items, but I remember that when I was young, my dad and I would eat peanut butter-jelly-mustard sandwiches. Ugh.

My sister, on the other hand, used to snack on Milk Bones with her friend. Once, our babysitter got her to eat the 'cakes' we made in the sandbox. And once when she was a baby, she discovered the joys of pop-up kleenex. What wasn't on the floor was stuffed into her mouth. She looked like a little baby tissue dispenser. We've got photographic evidence of that.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2000

Used to eat dog food when I was really little. I guess that's not so novel. What about my brother, though? He was maybe 2 or 3 (and of course I don't remember this, but I've heard the stories and seen the pictures -- because of course there are pictures, so keep that in mind whenever you're doing something that will embarrass you 20 years later) wait, I lost myself. Oh yeah, so he would sidle up to the fireplace all sly and sneaky, pull the fire curtain away from the opening, reach in, snag a handful of ASHES and munch away. My mom caught him the first time because, well, his smile gave it away. The funny thing is she says he'd just keep doing it over and over no matter how many times she'd stop him.

What a freak! (My brother, that is...although my mother has some quirks of her own, like for instance her fondness for Milkbones -- and I'm not making this up! One for the dog, one for her. Still. Today. Can't write that one off to being young and clueless...nooooo, she knows darn well what she's eatin'!! EW!)

-- Anonymous, January 18, 2000

when my little sis was about 4, she volunteered to take a stick of butter to the neighbor's house, as they ran out. the neighbor called about 20 minutes later, as the butter never arrived. we found my sis on the front porch licking the plate, no butter in sight. ugh.

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2000

ok I never akshully responded before, I just sat back and read all the hilarious posts...well I have this thing, that when I was little I used to eat paste...the Elmers (tm?) kind that smells like wintergreen, I guess my logic was that if it smelled like wintergreen, it must TASTE like it too, no? So I did I was remembering this a while ago, and wondered if it really DID taste minty, cuz I didn't remember, so I ate some and...well it was nontoxic, but I mean, it's paste so now everyone knows...and Its my reputation everytime I go out to lunch, it's "too bad there's no paste on the menu" remind me to never eat it again please?

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2000

I ate part of a dog biscuit (Liva Snap brand) on a dare from my brother. It was almost completely tasteless.

For a better story, go read about Divine and the dog shit (from Cookie Mueller's book Walking Through Clear Water in a Pool Painted Black).

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000