So Pamie has given us all car questions today, but I think her entry is really about ambition. Whether we have it, what to do with it, what we're hoping to gain by it.

It's depressing to hear Pamie say she's not sure she's working hard enough at the right things. She has so much going on that I envy her. It seems to me that it must be awesome to get to be in a City Hunter anime AND perform in an improv comedy troupe AND write plays AND be working on a one-woman show. And have a web site this cool. I'd like to have an on-line journal, but I worry that I won't be doing anything interesting enough to write about. If she's not driven enough, then I must be one step away from a molded Jell-O.

Does anyone else feel like they don't have enough motivation in their lives? I used to be very driven in school, when there were still grades and teacher responses to tell me whether or not I was working hard enough. Now that my goals are less clear, it's harder. I'm not sorry that I'm less of a stress case than I was in school - that's a good thing. But sometimes I worry that I don't have enough ambition in my life. I worry that I'll just sit here in this crappy job doing the things I like to do outside of work and that, as a result, I won't succeed at either the things I like to do or a "real" career.

I just wondered what other college grads might think of this conundrum.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Answers

It's not that I'm worried if I'm motivated enough, but rather if I'm over-committed. It is great doing all of those things, but I often have friends tell me that if I really wanted to be happy I should pick something and go with it. See it all the way out. When I divide myself between so many projects, something has to suffer. In my case I think it's my job. It is always the last thing on my priorities. That's why I was looking for a new one. I want a new challenge.

As long as I'm challenged I'm happy. That's where my ambition lies. I stop caring when I've figured it out or I'm burned out. I have to be doing new things, challenging things, and then I don't really mind having so many things to do.

And I don't mind having all these things to do. I'm just a paranoid person, so I wonder if those people that tell me I should choose are right. I don't want to, but what if they're right?

But whatever, right? If I'm happy, I'm happy, right? So I should stop my bitching.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

I guess what I want is a bit of Pamie's drive. It's like she said, she over commits herself, but loves it. I have the career I was after so I'm happy in that respect, but nothing much outside that. I think I definately had more motivation when i was younger and as a result a lot more happening in my life. Now that I have a 'career', the lack of something else makes me feel bored and takes away from what I have achieved... if that makes sense. So I guess I'm saying like you Lindsay, I need more ambition so to take on things and steer away from the rut I am falling into.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

I don't do particularly captivating things, and I have a journal... sort of. That's going to be the slogan for the promotional campaign for it, by the way. I don't think that you really HAVE to have a lot of interesting things going on to be able to write an interesting journal, as long as you can write well. I get along all right. At least, I think I do.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Yes Andrew, you do get along fine. Your creative venting is fabulous. I guess I'm posting this in the most inappropriate place, as usual. Oh well, so shoot me.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

What I meant to say was that I have both problems: too much going on AND no ambition. I do have a lame job, but that doesn't take up too much of my time. Between the chorus I sing in, my a cappella group, keeping up with all of my friends and working on my own songwriting and singing, I'm actually pretty busy. It's just that I don't really feel like I'm getting anywhere, and I'm pretty sure the blame for that falls squarely on my shoulders.

For example, I'm very involved in the a cappella group - I'm the business manager now - and I put a lot of time into organizing rehearsals and following through on the plans we make, but I don't make the effort to network and try to get us gigs, so we're very well-rehearsed but don't actually perform very often. Same with me; I write songs and rehearse them, but I never quite get up the nerve or the motivation to try to get gigs for myself.

This is kind of a depressing thread. I guess they have therapy for this kind of thing; sorry.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Aw, shucks. :)

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

*sigh* i already emailed pamie on this one but here goes : i'm a writer. and yet, how often do i write? i work at my web design job - that i fell into, completely by accident and sheer luck. and when i took it, i was like ok, this is just until you save some money, it gives you great healthcare, and it's not overly demanding so you can write in your spare time. yeah. right. a-ha. haha. ha. it's been two years, i've written one story - that i never did get published and i still haven't written a cover letter to sell it to another magazine. i had all these ideas about what i wanted to be, or how i wanted to be living. and it wasn't living at home to save money in suburbia with my mother and 12 year old brother with a crappy car and a job that has already lost my attention. and what the HELL is holding me back from doing what i want? the health care is a big one - money isn't really an issue; i've been poor before and it's not great but it's not horrible either... whatever i end up doing (and i've determined that i need to make a change) i do NOT want to get to the end of my life and realize i haven't done anything i wanted to do! (and i have a big list) i don't want my lame excuse to be : oh, i didn't get around to it. that seems to be popping out of my mouth an awful lot lately - and it SUCKS. i wonder - there are so many people who are so DRIVEN. 25 year olds holding down fabulous jobs - that they got through drive and perseverance. (and i'm sure knowing the right people can't hurt) but they're doing what they love - ALL day! 24/7! And well, why can't I? there is NO reason! at all! none! i just have to get off of my ass! it's sad to believe that everyone thinks it's ok to hate your job. the thing you do 8 hours a day. that's just wrong. so. i've made a plan, and i'm going for it. so. there. :) jk

-- Anonymous, June 07, 1999