The woman who sits next to me at work eats almost all day long and with her mouth open. It sounds like 5 cows grazing over there and it's the most disgusting thing you can imagine.

I don't know how to ask her to close her mouth or graze somewhere else without sounding insulting and rude. Any suggestions?

What kind of things really irriate you to the point where you are ready to scream?

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Answers

You know what really drives me nuts?

when people say "supposably."

or "i could care less" or

"pacific" instead of specific.

I hate when people let their phones ring.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

I hate busy signals. Hate them. They put me in a mad rage. I'm not kidding.

I also hate people who don't pronounce things properly - or misuse "don't" and "doesn't" ex : That don't make sence or that don't work.

Also, I would have to say the people who drive 35mph in a 55 zone drive me nuts. They always do it when you can't possibly pass them so you're stuck behind them.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

The woman in front of me in the express lane (that clearly says CASH ONLY) who whips out her checkbook for a grand total of 2 dollars and nine cents. I wanted to throw three bucks at her and say "keep the change, bitch". The cheap-ass women in front of us in line at the deli yesterday also made me wanna scream. They were trying to negotiate down the prices on chicken wings, like it was "Let's Make A Deal". *grrrr*

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Maggie,

When someone has a habit that irritates you and you can't really get away from the situation, the only options you have left are to either change her behavior or to learn to deal with it. If you decide to say nothing then you should either buy a walkman or channel all of that anger into a productive activity, like going to the gym immediately after work and letting the stress work itself out.

The other way would be to get her to change her ways. The best way to get her to shut up would be to either ask her to stop (which you apparently don't want to do and which would also probably make her resentful) or make her too afraid to make any noises that might attract your attention. Or, you could just counter the annoying eating sounds by downloading and then cheerfully showing her your collection of autopsy photos during one of her snacks. I have an especially effective close-up of a late-stage syphilis victim that I show people when they try to eat food at my desk. If she gets upset you can either play ignorant or tell her that sharing repulsive photos is not much different than sharing repulsive eating noises.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

You know what bothers me? These 'web' sayings. 'LOL' has to be one of the most annoying little things out there.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Rich, I read your post and I was ROTFL.

ha.

No, seriously. I like webisms. Hell, I wrote a whole play about 'em. But they've become such a part of web/e-mail culture that I assume that there are some that I missed.

Like I'll get an e-mail saying, "I think you should do it, really, don't just quut."

And I'll be like, "'Quut...' 'Quit Using Unruly Tempers?' What is that?"

And then someone will respond:

"Sorry, quut=quit. ;-)"

And it took six weeks before I could start reading paragraphs with sideways happy people. IMHO I always thought was people talking about their health care (HMO).

Because i'm a dork, you see.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

what is IMHO? I've never seen that one. sorry Rich, I too like the little thingies. It makes typing go faster or something. I'm very lazy when it comes to doing something for a long time, so if I want to get through it, I usually use those things.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Ohhh, the girl who sits across from me is perfectly annoying. She eats everything with her mouth open. Chips especially drive me nuts. I can't ignore it. So I look up.. guess what she is doing? Picking her NOSE ... and eatting it... yes in front of everyone she eats her boogers. She is blond and blue eyed and has a body that makes men basically drool. So I don't actually mind her faults. It makes ME feel human. Only last week instead of doing work she spent the afternoon putting on fake nails. She bites her nails down to the quick for better picking.... Anyhow I fell on the floor laughing when I saw the fake nails. I thought she would poke her tiny brains out with those things when she goes to pick her nose. They were gone on Tuesday...the boogers won out over fashion!

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Chris,

I've actually thought of finding something that irritates her and doing it until she asks me not to and then responding with "Okay, I'll stop. And by the way, I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop chewing like a disgusting pig near me as well."

But then I'd feel bad. I'm not angry, just annoyed. I don't need to work it out at a gym after work because by then, I don't have to hear her chewing and am no longer irritated.

So, I thought of a thousand ways to talk to her but they all just sounded bad, no matter how nicely I put it. There really is no way to ask someone to not chew with their mouth open without insulting them.

I was also thinking of maybe chewing that way back, to show her what it sounds like, but then again, I'd only annoy myself with that and she probably wouldn't be able to hear me above her own chewing.

That repulsive photo thing sounds pretty good, except then I'd be traumatized by it and then everytime I'd hear her chew, I'd remember that photo and be more disgusted.

I think the only answer is the headphones thing. Good idea. I think I'll try it. Thanks!

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

ah.. rolling on the floor laughing... It took me a few minutes.

I don't mind some, like IMHO makes sense.. it's just making things short b/c people hate typing the phrase out all the time.

It's a short-cut. But this 'LOL' thing is just ARGH. It's so uninventive.. so blah. Chat rooms and message boards are filled with responses that are just: LOL!!1!!!

How about putting a little more varied emotion into it, like the ol' , or ?

Nah, you're not a dork.. I must be because I'm a geek that hates this web speak. Don't get me started on:

How r u? I h8 that.

It must be the writer in me. People not spelling things correctly, and typing all in shorthand.. ah well. Peace to the peeps.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

imho-- in my humble opinion.

I'm surprised you hadn't heard of that one. it's pretty common in the e-mails of corporate america, where if you have to have an opinion, it'd better be humble.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Oh thank you Mae. Now I don't feel so bad. If I had to work next to someone like that, I'd have to quit. I really would! Picking her nose and eating it? YIKES!! I don't think that I'll mind the chewing so much anymore!

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Got ya! Now I get it. I honestly have never seen it used enough to ask what the hell it meant!

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

When people say "irregardless" and "orientated" - drives me batty. I also hate "supper" instead of "dinner".

http://members.xoom.com/muffet/WrongNumber/

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Muffet, you are obviously not from the Southeast where it is like "Who's on first?" every time you ask someone over for a meal.

"Would you like to come over for dinner?"

"You mean 'supper?'"

"Er...I mean, 'not lunch,'"

"So, you mean supper."

"Whatever. Don't come."

I get irritated by the misuse of punctuation. For instance, I posted a question in this forum and accidentally spelled "pressure's" as "pressures's." (I am an editor, by the way. Humiliating.)

I get very bothered by people who are so totally self-consumed that they begin every opinion-spouting conversation with "Well I'M the kind of person...blah blah blah." Makes me crazy. I want to stop them and say, "Look, we are having a conversation in which I will determine the kind of person you, indeed, are. You do not need to preempt my discovery of your personality." These people are one-man PR firms and will invariably say things like "You don't want to mess with me when I'm angry/ drunk/ in love/ whatever." That is like buying in to your own propaganda.

I'm sure there's more.

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Atrium/2958

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Maggie,

Maybe the solution to your dilema is much simpler than turning the unknowing offender into an emotional cripple. Imagine the following taking place--

Noisy-eater Girl:
Chomp! Slurp! Gulp! Chomp! Chomp! Beeelch!

Maggie:
you ever get the feeling you were trapped in a woman's body?

Noisy-eater Girl:
What?

Maggie:
Hmn? Nothing!

Noisy-eater Girl:
Chomp! Slurp! Gulp! Chomp! Chomp! Beeelch!

Maggie:
i find you a very attractive woman.

Noisy-eater Girl:
GUUULP! I'm sorry, did you say something?

Maggie:
What? No! Not at all!

Noisy-eater Girl:
Chomp! Slurp! Gulp! Chomp! Chomp! Beeelch!

Maggie pulls a spoon from her desk and starts licking it.

Noisy-eater Girl:
What are you doing?

Maggie:
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm licking a spoon, Slut!

Noisy-eater Girl:
...nibble nibble nibble...

But if that doesn't work, or worse, if she likes the attention, try this: Clean out a jar of mayonaise, adn fill it with vanilla pudding.

Everytime she starts eating, take out the jar, start eating from it, and say things like, "A jar of mayonaise a day killed my Daddy, but it ain't gonna kill me!"

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

I can't stand people in malls on the weekend -- you know, the ones that act as if they've never left their house in a million years. They come to a dead stop right in front of you to stare at the ceiling, totally oblivious to the fact that there's a mass of people behind them trying to get to The Gap, they shuffle along slowly swerving back and forth so you can't pass them, and -- my personal favorite -- they step off the escalator and come to a dead stop, causing a domino effect behind them.

Grrrrr.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Not to ruin a pet peeve, Muffet, but "orientate" is a perfectly legitimate transitive verb, meaning "to orient." You can look it up if you don't believe me. :-) For that matter, while I prefer "I couldn't care less" myself, "I could care less" is a defensible idiomatic usage, and hardly the first figure of speech to say the opposite of what it means. Consider "Head over heels in love" (someone turned topsy-turvy would be "heels over head") and "How profound" (used in response to an obvious statement). But, then, *I* get irritated when people use "that" instead of "who" when speaking of people -- as in "The boy that I know," or "The woman that works at the bank," even though that turns out to be legitimate, too. Hmmph.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Hey, let's start a webbism here! That way, if it gets picked up as a mainstream webbism, we can all point to here for the starting point.

My contribution is PIMPL: Peed In My Pants Laughing. I don't think anyone is using that one yet.

How about SMOMNL: Shooting Milk Out My Nose Laughing? I don't think anyone is using that one either.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Maggie... I am used to the booger eatting. It is her other habit - doing no work that really tee's me off ;)

It's PIMP or pimping ... that is funnier to me.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

I live in an area frequented by weekenders. They are irritating. I don't think I'll go downtown until after Labor Day.

I also get irritated when people use "utilize" and "use" interchangably (they really aren't the same...utilize is "to make use of" and use is "to use"). And I hate when people say "liberry" for that place you go to borrow books. Or "ATM machine."

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Muffet - What's wrong with *irregardless*? It -is- a real word, right? It's not a common one, I know, but I don't think it's improper or anything.

Maggie - When you hear the lady eating, look at her and say, *Do you hear that?* She'll say, *What?* And you'll say, *That noise! I keep hearing this noise and it's driving me batty!* And she'll listen for it for a minute, but she won't hear it, and she'll go back to eating. Then, a little while later, repeat the process. It probably won't take long for her to realize that -SHE- is the noise!

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

One more thing:

I can deal with *LOL* and things of that nature. But don't ask me *How R U 2day?* or I'm likely to find someone who can kick you out of the room faster than you can say *I <3 U*.

(I <3 U = I love you.)

-- Anonymous, June 02, 1999

Irregardless - not a word. This guy in my mother's office says dramastically for dramatically. That's just funny.

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Atrium/2958

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

I hate bad grammar. I really hate people who say things like 'it's quite unique' - as if there are degrees of unique. Also, people who say 'should of' instead of 'should have' get my back up. People who pronounce the t in 'often' ... there are lots of things.

People who use big words incorrectly in an attempt to sound intelligent crack me up, though.

I find that webisms like LOL, ROTL, etc show a distinct lack of imagination, and suggest to me that the writer is obviously unable to express themselves any other way. Reading them biases me against the writer every time.

People who ask me to call them back and then spend the following half an hour on the phone really really irritate me, as do people without answerphones. What bloody century is it?

The most annoying thing in the entire world for me are people who make a habit out of being abrasive and disagreeable, presumably because it makes them feel somehow happier about life. Read the diarist thread and you'll see who's getting on my nerves.

What can I say? I'm overtired today, and easily irritated.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

irregardless isn't a word. That's like a double negative inside a word.

I had an argument with a friend over that one once. She was working on her resume. "How do you spell 'irregardless?'" she asked.

"I spell it with a dictionary," I told her. "It's not a word."

This is my favorite response when people find out that a word they use isn't a word: "Yes, it is. 'Irregardless.' Like, 'I'd like to work for you, irregardless of the amount you'll pay me.'"

"You just say 'regardless.'"

"But that means..."

"The same thing, but is a real word."

And OH MY GOD do I hate the "word" GUESSTAMATION.

No, I will not give you a "guesstamation" on how long it's going to take. Oh, I hate that.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Yet another thing which really irritates me is the phrase 'telephone tag', as in 'oh dear, isn't he there? We've been playing telephone tag all day' - as if that's somehow a witty and original thing to come out with.

I'm actually quite an easy-going person, although you'd never think so, looking at the number of things that do my head in. I just keep them bottled up inside and resign myself to an ulcer one day.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

One day? is that when you are supposed to get them?(ulcers) I wish I would have known that before I learned repression at an early age. I thought every 15 year old had ulcers. Everything irritates me---blame perfectionist mom. My wife told me today that I was passive/aggressive. I probably am--that is tragic; such potential..blown. I guess I must learn to channel it into positive productivity.

Manipulating Brobdingnagian phraseology to induce jocularity is...oh golly..it's just plain fun. 8^D (emoticon alert)

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Oh yeah, I don't DO grammar---that takes all the fun out of it. I'm sure that irritates somebody. I just can't remember who.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Here's something else that really irritates me....

When people just "stop" infront of you. It's like their brain just shuts down and they are left motionless. But the truth is, they are just inconsiderate to anyone that might be behind them.

For instance, yesterday I'm walking over to an escalator. Two woman are in front of me. They just stop right IN FRONT of the escalator and one woman asks the other "should we go upstairs?" After a second or two, they decided to get on the escalator. What a fine time to not be sure if you want to get on the escalator! I got angry and turned to my brother and said "Yeah, that was a difficult question - go up or not. It's a wonder how these people get dressed in the morning," and they turned around after hearing me. Good!!

And how about people that go through a door and then just stop? Hello?!? Maybe there is someone behind you?

Ugh, I can go on, but then again, I hate people who go on and on long after the point has been made. :-)

(by the way, I agree about those stupid LOL and IMHO things, but I do love my smiley's though)

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

The overuse of the word "ironic" drives me NUTS. Sportscasters, journalists, all these people use it as some kind of catch-all word....because they don't know what it means and their vocabulary is too small to get it right. Often 'contradictory' or 'sad' or even 'obvious' would do as well. It's also some kind of pseudo-intellectual thing 'oo look at me, I'm so sophisticated and making a rilly deep observation, I am aware of irony.'

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Oh I have LOTS of things that irritate me. Living in New York is a festival of annoying things. People wonder why we're so cranky -- and I'd like to know how cheerful THEY'D be if they had to walk through thousands of clueless tourists EVERY DAY just to get to work. They walk in lines of 3 or more blocking the sidewalk, stop RIGHT in front of you as you are walking as fast as humanly possible, and gather their little tour groups in clusters of 10 or 20 right in the middle of the sidewalk for a little chat. Hello?? Some of us need to get to WORK!! And this is right after coming off the subway. People shoving, people who just ran into the station stepping in front of people who've been waiting 15 minutes for a train, people standing right by the doors and blocking everyone from getting in, and men who sit with their legs splayed out -- taking up 2 seats and/or forcing the person next to them to crunch up in a little ball.

I also hate its/it's, their/they're, and your/you're problems. And chewing with your mouth open -- it's amazing that these people never notice that everyone around them is chewing with their mouths CLOSED.

I also hate the fact that everyone talks to my boyfriend first, like I don't even exist. People asking for directions and shit, or handing over the wine list. The other day, someone actually looked at me and asked me for directions first -- and the Boy was *infuriated*, flabbergasted that someone had basically just ignored him. He said "So this is what it's like being a second-class citizen. This sucks!" Damn right it does.

Phew.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

i feel sorry for the people who also have noisy eaters. i just got rid of the loudest slurper in the world and the new guy is almost as bad. He's only better because i warned him from the beginning that it bothers me, so i get to yell at him every time he does it. But it doesn't make him stop.

Chew with your mouth closed, people!!!!

My recent pet peeve is the use of "there's" as a catch all. People who think they have perfectly good grammar regularly say things like "there's two of them". Um, hello? Let's write out that phrase "there is two of them". Is that really what you want to say? No, you want to say "there are two" or "there're two". Conjugate your verbs correctly, people!

Ooh, it felt good to get that out.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

What really irritates me is people who are constantly complaining. Complain, complain, complain, it is all they do all day every day. It's like they have no life of their own so they tell you how you have to live yours, right down to your use of perfectly acceptable English idioms! There is nothing more irritating. They are all around me, everywhere. I wish they would just stop already so I can get a little peace.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Do you know what positively sticks a croquet handle up my martini? When some dreadful old woman crosses the street after leaving the supermarket, and I swear I just cannot brake in time!

Invariably, they are always leaving with a can of cling peaches in heavy syrup, that, invariably, always leaves a ding in the

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Bentley!

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

(One of these days, I'm going to leave a post with no typos, and it'll actually be funny!)

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Ohhh yes... nothing worse than people stopping in front of you around escalators. I catch the train a lot so a lot of my complaints stem from there, such as people who have obviously just finished their cig just before they get on the train and take the seat next to you....just gotta love that smell. Another example of this is when a train hasn't arrived on schedule....5 more minutes tick by.....10......20. There are no announcements as to what's going on or anything to even indicate that they know there's a problem, and you can't run up the escalator to ask them 'cause in doing so you may miss the train.

And my biggest irritation ?? People who come up to you and say "smile!...it's not that bad". I hate this for several reasons...1. it's usually when I'm in the middle of concentrating, 2. maybe it is that bad, and 3. well I wasn't in a bad mood before, but now that I know I look like a miserable bitch I feel muuuch better..... (truthfully though, my mum's probably my biggest irritation, but I won't go there).

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

To Those Of You Who Corrected Me About *Irregardless*:

I had no idea. I feel like a big giant retard now. English and language and spelling and grammar have always been my strong suit.

But I didn't know *irregardless* was not really a word. And I never even *thought* about it being a double-negative until y'all mentioned it!

Thank you for helping me not embarrass myself in the future.

~Lauren

P.S. My boss's wife says, *pacific* instead of *specific*, *recement* instead of *resubmit*, and *Son-YOO-Care* instead of *Sonicare* (one of the toothbrushes we promote). And there are these surveys that the schools here give out to parents once a year, called SART Surveys. She always calls them *Start* Surveys. And she says *Dinver* instead of *Denver*.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

THINGS THAT IRRITATE ME: by Maggie

1. When my dad refuses to answer the phone when it's sitting right next to him.

2. When I come home and the light is on in my room.

3. When people call me and have nothing to say.

4. When people interject my name into a sentence, i.e. "The point of this conversation, Maggie, is to..." Arrgh. That pisses me off most of all.

5. The History Channel.

6. This stupid girl named Lindsey Lucas who is so incredibly cutesy and sweet that I can literally feel the cavities forming when I hear her stupid, helium-induced, fake voice and see her enormous ears, horse teeth, weird double chin, and her enlarged freckled forehead.

7. Okay. I pretty much dislike all cutesy people in general.

8. Petty females.

9. My dad waking me up at 5 in the morning to ask me stupid questions.

I ran out of stuff.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

I just thought of another thing that irritates the bejesus out of me.

My boss and his wife both say *Oh* before everything.

Ring! Ring! (me calling Sandy)

Sandy: *Hello?* Me: *Hi, Sandy...* Sandy: *Oh, hi, Lauren.* Me: *I forgot to remind you that we need toilet paper.* Sandy: *Oh, we do? Already?*

(And then she asks me why we use so much toilet paper. I thought about telling her I have chronic diarrhea, but she might think I'm serious.)

Me: *Doctor, what do you want me to do with this chart?* Stan: *Oh, uh... Well... Uh... Do I need... Uh... Oh... Well, just put it on my desk.* Me: *Alright, but can you get this done by tomorrow morning?* Stan: *Oh... Uh... Well, uh... Yeah... Uh... What do I need to do again?*

And don't ever ask my boss to explain anything to you. You will leave that conversation thinking you understood it better than you did before you asked.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 1999

Maggie - I totally agree about people who ring up to say NOTHING. The phone rings and it's like;

me: hello? friend: hi. me: hey!... how are ya? friend: ok.

(5 second pause)

me: so....what'cha up to then ? friend: not much.

(10 second pause)

me: hmm.....well i was thinking about going out with a few people to that new cafe that just opened, just to check it out, wanna come along ??

(10 second pause)

friend: nah.

AAURRRRGH!!!! It is soooo annoying. why did they bother to call in the first place ????

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

I can not stand people who do not understand sarcasm. It drives me crazy to have a sarcastic comment fly way over the head of the person it was intended to hit. All the effort wasted bugs me.

Then of course come the idiot drivers. You know the ones. You wonder, often, how they survive, and pray fervently that they never survive to breed more idiot drivers.

And last but certainly not least are the people who do not enunciate clearly. The type of conversation that goes like:

me: hello them: mumble mumble me: what? them: mumble mumble

and so on and so forth.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Thought of another one. My grandmother calls the cemetery the "symmetry." I have corrected her a hundred times: "Nana, it's 'cemetery'". "That's what I said. Symmetry." I have given up trying.

She also calls Indianapolis "Innanaplis" and Cincinnatti "Cincinnatta." WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??!?

I love my grandma, don't get me wrong -- she's just a little irritating at times.

Another thing I hate is when my two best friends decide to chum up and get all bitchy with me, tag-team style. Like yesterday -- we were sitting in class and just found out that our graduation practice is today. We've known about graduation for 2 years and they tell us three days before when the practice is? So I said, "Well, I can't go. I have a job interview at 5:15."

This did not settle well with Christine and Liz.

"What do you mean, you can't go?!"
"You have to go!"
"You can't graduate if you don't go to practice!"
"You have to know when and where to walk down the stairs!"
"Are you not going to graduate now?"
"YOU HAVE TO GO!!!!!!!"

Okay, I've been to like 4 graduations already. How difficult is it to walk down a flight of stairs in a white robe and sit down in a chair? How hard is it to go up there and take your diploma from the principal and then sit down? You may have to work hard to get to graduation, but they're sure as hell going to make it easy on you when you do.

That is all.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

My husband eats with his mouth open, and one of these days you *will* see me on "America's Most Wanted" To cope, I practice astral projection during dinner.

I had a manager who constantly said - "spec-a-late" instead of "speculate"

My co-worker sits in front of her computer and makes these noises like she's having an orgasm. Then she does that thing where you make a fist and look like you're pulling down a window shade. (Oh you know what I mean) Formatting spreadsheets isn't *that* exciting.

I hate Americans who spell thing the way the British do. It's color folks, not colour! This is a big thing here at work. I guess they figure that if they pretend they're British, they'll get promoted. I hate working for the British. They treat us like insolent colonists.

Whew! I feel much better now.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Apparently irregardless is now an official ignorant inclusion in the newest Websters. I could rant for hours, and I have elsewhere, so I'll spare ya'll this unpleasantness. Suffice it to say that I'm beginning to think that Websters SUCKS ASS. What a pitiful image of our current societal IQ. I guess I better quit before my hypocrisy does me in. Oooops too late.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Being half English, I can't resist that one, Tree. Why do Americans misspell colour, flavour and favourite? You've obviously speaking English, so why change the spellings? I recently saw a stand-up comedian completely trash an American over that, and also over 'a-loom-in-um' as opposed to 'al-oo-min-ium'. As he said 'we created the bloody language, we should know'.

I wonder if French Canadians deliberately spell words wrong from all the other French speakers in the world.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

First of all, I have to share that noisy eaters irritate me too! My Mother, I lover her dearly, has the MOST annoying habits as she eats. She makes sucky noises, slurpy noises, little grunts and UGH it grates at my nerves. Sometimes I have to literally walk away from the table and into another room to hold back from screaming or slapping the fork out of her mouth. It kills me.

Okay, a lot of things irritate me but I keep my mouth shut and deal with them because, well, we all do something that's annoying to someone else. But being that the Summer's basically upon us, here's what really bothers me:

- People who stop dead in their tracks on the boardwalk. You're walking packed like sardines on the boardwalk and you're right up some couples ass and instead of moving or beelining to the side they just STOP! and you kind of screech in your sneakers to stop in time without bumping them or sort of jump to the side, or hey, sometimes I just go ahead and bump them *hee hee*. What's worse is when they have strollers. I love children, but people with strollers think they own the boardwalk! IMHO (heheh couldn't resist, sorry) people with small children shouldn't be ON the boardwalk at midnight anyway, no?

-Then there's the people who are walking towards you and just refuse to go around you and think that since you're shorter it means you should go around THEM, even when the flow of the "traffic" is heading your way. I've caused many arguments, and a fistfight or two, over this. I am respectful and do move out of the way for most people but when it's obvious there's an arrogant person who is just too lazy to move around me, I stand my ground and make sure to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. Go aheah! Plow through me, I dare you *grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!* (good thing the boyfriend's there next to me though for extra protection)

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

I'm agreeing with Tree, here. I don't like it when American people spell things like British people do! I mean, is the word "colour" even in the dictionary? (other examples: program spelled like "programme" and theater spelled like "theatre") And you know they do it just to look "sophisticated". It's not like they don't know it's wrong! Anyway, besides that, grammar errors don't bug me that much. (oh yeah...except use of the word "yonder"....I'm from Texas, too, and I hear a LOT of that word.) Things that do bug me are people who try to top what you say...like you say, "I'm having a bad day." and they say, "Oh, my day has been SO much worse that yours!" Also, I have a friend who's like, supermodel-pretty and she's always saying things like she's fat and ugly. (This also bugs a few other friends besides me...the girl is around 5'8" & weighs 90 pounds, I swear! It makes me feel like a cow being around her when she says this stuff!) *sigh* Well I think I've complained enough for today! Don't get the wrong impression, I'm not usually so bitchy, but when you ask that kind of question, you should expect some mean answers!

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

So, is American spelling right and the spelling of all other English-speaking countries wrong? Or is it that Amercians have bastardised the language in an attempt to be different for some reason? Doesn't that seem a little odd to you?

The most annoying thing in the entire world is having stupid bloody computer programmes which insist on American spelling, necessitating the need to edit every single thing typed. American spelling isn't seen as too fantastic everywhere else.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

I work with someone "in recovery" who acts like Stuart Smalley. While it's wonderful that this person is no longer doing whatever it was that was harmful, I don't want to share in the moment.

I get particularly irritated when a passing comment like "I hate this part of the job" while doing a dull-but-necessary task starts up a lecture of "maybe you should view this as an opportunity to learn patience and tolerance" or "sometimes when we are annoyed, it's usually revealing something within us that we may want to address."

Following that advice, I've searched my psyche and found that this irritation is actually masking a deeper need to kick this person very hard in the shins. Maybe the ankles, too.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Whoa, there Jackie. Language evolves. Your own Queen's English is a far cry from that of the Anglo-Saxons. As long as it still gets the concept across, U.S. English cannot be right or wrong because of the lack of superfluous vowels.

And don't call it American English -- Canadians are American, and quite a few of them spell as you do. That's my pet peeve for the day - - America encompasses two continents, but far too many people use it just to refer to the United States. I'm a proud U.S. citizen, but I feel our neighbors are slighted when the term "American" is used in a way that excludes them.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

It is commonly referred to as 'American English'. What would you prefer - 'United States of America English'?

To avoid confusion, I refer to Americans and Canadians, and Mexican, Chileans, etc etc etc.

Yes, language does evolve through useage, but the classical version isn't wrong as a result. So if somebody in New York spells colour 'colour' and not 'color' they're not wrong.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Oh, MORE things that irritate me: Passive-aggressive behavior. A seemingly mild but through long association really annoying example from my mom --she always says "Do you want to clear the dishes?" "Do you want to walk the dog?" when what she means is "please wash the dishes" "please walk the dog". I know cuz when I say "no i don't want to" she says "well please do it anyway." which is the OPPOSITE of caring if I want to or not. I know it's just because only moms can get your goat so easily, but my goat is SO gotten. Amazing how she can instantly reduce 25-year-old me to a sullen teen.

Another one, already mentioned, is the ignorance of the rule which in England they post in little signs on subway escalators: Stand on the Right, Pass/walk on the Left. Why is this so hard for people to undertand?

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Aarrrrhhhh! Those people that stand on the left and don't budge when you're trying to walk up the escalator because you're horrendously late for work are the last word in irritation.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

A relative of mine not only chews with an open mouth, but somehow I can hear every aspect of the digestive process. I can hear the food go down the neck, settle in the stomach, and then the process ends with a noise that is somewhere between "mmmm" and a groan. It's all pretty damn sick.
The abbreviation that bothers me the most is BTW ... does it really take That long to type "by the way" how much time is really saved by not typing those 5 extra letters?
The other thing I can't stand is when you bring something up at work and someone in management says something like,"That's a good point/idea. We should make an action item to discuss that further."
Who the hell created action items? Action Items are code words for "we will never bring this up again."Why do we have to make a plan to discuss it later? We're both there!!! We can discuss it now, couldn't we? Maybe it's just me.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

I could be wrong here, but I think they were saying it was irritating for Americans to use the British way of spelling because it takes on a pretentious tone.

I myself say for leisure: lez-zure. that comes from the teacher i had when I learned the word. but it never fails to make someone go "Oh, lezzzzzurrrre." Because it sounds like I'm trying to be someone I'm not.

This is particularly noticable in people around here with strong southern accents who then pop out with something like "shhh-edule" instead of schedule.

We don't learn "colour" and "programme" in school. They had to decide to start spelling it that way. That's all. Not that one is right or wrong, but we have a tendency as Americans to think that speaking in a British fashion is more correct or more proper (notice how people start faking a British accent the second they start doing Shakespeare, even though Shakespearean actors probably had more of an American accent than a British). It sounds like better English.

That's what gets irritating. When people think speaking with an affected accent makes them better.

Oh, and I had a teacher that used to say "chimley" instead of chimney, "Quit" instead of quite, "cue-berr" instead of "cuba" and "pertater" instead of potato. She was a sixth grade teacher. She had no business teaching us spelling and pronunciation.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

People who say "nu-cu-lar" instead of "nu-clee-ar" are number one on my list of irritating proununciations!

And to jump on the "irregardless" bandwagon: "Inflammable" means something is *easy* to catch on fire, not fire-proof! I'd insist that "flammable" isn't a word at all, except that it's been in use for over 100 years, according to Webster, so it's become a word via popular use... ::sigh::

But... For everyone out there who's in a terrible hurry all the time going to work and at the mall... Okay, I've been irritated by slow-pokes before as well, but what do you suggest people do who want to stroll along and enjoy the sights? Stay to the right of the sidewalk or walkway? Would that be enough? Because I have also become conscious of having annoyed people when I'm not in a hurry and they are - and one person strolling through the mall window-shopping doesn't really seem to be much of an impediment...

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

What about "warsh rag" instead of "washcloth"?

I have commited a foul, I must confess (and no, it isn't using Brittney Spears lyrics in a normal sentence, even though that is bad in itself) -- I do spell rumor "rumour" and gray "grey". Oops.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Bureaucrats. Today I was on the phone with someone at the state's division of employment about recent figures. This person was so snippy to me I felt like I was somehow inconveniencing her...I even offered to speak with someone else because she made me so uncomfortable.

Later I recalled what J.J. said to the person at the unemployment office on Good Times..."I hope everybody everywhere gets a job soon, so you have to stand in a line like this one to talk to someone like you."

-- Anonymous, June 04, 1999

Main Entry: ir7re7gard7less
Pronunciation: "ir-i-'gdrd-l&s
Function: adverb
Etymology: probably blend of irrespective and regardless
Date: circa 1912
nonstandard : REGARDLESS
usage Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that "there is no such word." There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance.
Use regardless instead.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 1999

Hmm, I just thought of another one. Why do people push their strollers out into traffic without looking first? I wince everytime I see it.

Also, why don't people buckle their damn kids in? I've got myself into a couple of yelling matches with people whose kids are jumping all over the car. They look at you like *you* were raised by wolves when you say something. Aarrgghh...

-- Anonymous, June 07, 1999

Oops. My husband majored in French and Italian and reliably informs me that French speakers in Canada, France, Belgium, Switzerland, French Polynesia and West Africa all speak completely different types of French, have different meanings for the same words, and pronounce everything differently.

Yes, I'd like a glass of milk with my slice of humble pie, please.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 1999

Irregardless, even from educated people is evil. Since no one has mentioned Marketingtalk, how about matrix instead of just saying list,or all of their other English massacres. Problems with escalators, always. I'm over fifty and I can keep walking. Perhaps it's some sort of mall induced shopping brain drain.

-- Anonymous, June 09, 1999

ATM machine, PIN number, what's the other one? "Irregardless" is not a real word, for whoever asked. I can no longer read "it's" as a misspelling of "its". The sentence doesn't make sense. Also, "who's" for "whose" I think may be even more obscene. But what I really hate is people who can't learn the difference between "affect" and "effect". Picture "...and it's affects." How can anybody READ a sentence like that, much less write it?

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

All right, perhaps this is an example proving that a small amount of knowledge can be a dangerous thing (after all, I've only had the one university-level Socio-linguistics class, and I'm sure that hardly measures up to the level of scholarship represented here), but here's something that occasionally irritates me:

People who cannot recognize the distinction between actual mispronunciations of words and a *regional dialect*. (You know... how sometimes people from different areas of the country/state have "funny accents"? Yeah. That's a regional dialect.)

-- Anonymous, December 08, 1999

When I got on the subway this morning I had to squeeze past the large and vapid women who was standing right in the doorway, refusing to move. Then as I started to sit down, another woman darted from the other end of the car, pushed past me, and flopped into the seat, nearly making me sit on her lap (I should've, in hindsight). Then when I did get a seat, the guy next to me was doing the sitting-with-the-legs-spread-as-far-as-possible thing, so his thigh was pretty much in my lap. AND he had his headphones on so loud the entire train could hear what he was listening to, clear as day.

There, everything that drives me nuts, all in one morning commute! Grrr...

-- Anonymous, December 10, 1999

I hate it when people use doble nagatives, like if they said, "I don't want no lunch". That really annoys me!

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2000

*LOL* I meant double, sorry

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2000